cruising hope @cruisinghope - Tumblr Blog

about me + masterlist

23 yr old graduate student. femme lesbian.

big dyke blog. was originally an Emery Walsh (of the Pitt) fic blog.

this is a side blog for w****m****

MDNI, you will get blocked. Same goes for ageless/blank blogs.

master list below!

I need a large batch of fruity cocktail, a gigantic bag of Tart tangerines, my girl, a warm breezy afternoon, and plans to go out to a gay bar

#hoperambles #im so #agitated rn #too many noises that are subtle but not subtle #why is the world Pulsing #I need a hug and also maybe a straight jacket

pr3ttypunisherr

need to moan “you feel so good” over and over while i fuck you into the mattress.

#could be us #need her bad

pr3ttypunisherr

oddly specific propaganda i will fall for.

- book reader femmes who debated on getting a kindle because they love physical copies of books but gave in and got a kindle which is now filled with the filthiest smut.

- butches who learned to cook one dish absolutely perfectly and make it for everyone they love and feel genuinely proud every single time.

- futches who are stuck somewhere between wanting to be someone’s boyfriend and wanting to be someone’s pretty girlfriend.

- femmes who send voice notes instead of texts because “it’s easier,” resulting in a seven minute audio file.

- butches who learn practical skills from random youtube videos and become weirdly good at them.

- futches who can fix a shelf, build IKEA furniture, and then immediately ask someone else to kill a spider for them.

lips-parted-soft-sighs

requesting people read miss major speaks this month

especially if you feel alienated by pride this year or any other. ESPECIALLY if you've noticed how corporations like tumblr can use the iconography of pride while still attacking trans fems and Black folks.

toshio meronek: the police chiefs of san francsisco and new york, for the fiftieth anniversary of stonewall, apologized -- very publicly, in front of a lot of cameras -- for any harm the police had done to TLGB people since then miss major: and that's what kills me. all the people who are going to believe that. it's bull. they're going to keep killing us. that's why i refuse to be a part of pride. it's a mess and i don't have time trying to beg for respect from a society that hurts or hates us. TGIJP [the transgender, gender variant, and intersex justice project] came from that same sort of anger and sadness we were feeling. alex and i were helping the gurls inside understand the abuses that they were going through, because when you're in prison, they indoctrinate you into thinking you're the problem. no, the system is the problem. so we tried to make them, and the public, to stop overlooking the different abuses that happen, the gurls inside who wrote the letters we were receiving, and eventually going inside and talking to the trans women and gender nonconforming people there.

tm: on one of our last new york trips, on the way to the airport, we passed through chelsea, where obama had made stonewall the first "lgbt national monument." the white house planned this very formal dedication ceremony. sent you an invitation, you RSVP'd "no." these memorials and monuments have never been your thing. mm: it goes back to the fact that stonewall, for my gurls, wasn't a monumental moment. especially when it started, it was just another night -- cops come in and raid the place, drag us out of the bar, and you're just hoping it's not your turn to get into the paddy wagon that night. it was just life. and now when i go through that part of town and see what they did to the piers, i just cry. i don't want to be anywhere newar that. it's like when i came to new york and worked for my aunt at the goldwater memorial hospital. she put me in the morgue. she thought, "he's a fag, he can paint." to me, chelsea's like that morgue. and if you pay attention, most monuments are for one person, or one thing that some person did in their life. i wouldn't be here if not for my community, my friends, my comrades. and so to me, the ninety-nine percent of statues that celebrate one person, it's bullshit. regardless of whether they deserve a statue or not, those people didn't get to do anything great without a damn crowd of people they worked with to get there.

mm: there's no gurl who i pay attention to who's out to get me, and it's always been like that for me. the thing is that everything comes at a cost. the drama. your anxiousness, your ego, all that stops you from being the best human being you can be.

tm: i think about your surrogate daughter kim fromm -- she has this hard surface that comes from dealing with cis people, prison, her family in louisiana, even other gurls. she started using a cane after jumping off the second floor of the house of this guy she was seeing, who came for her with a knife after he figured out she was trans. when you first meet her, it seems like there's no softer side of kim. but you got her out to TGI justice events, and she gets really sentimental with you. she'll cry over the phone when she's talking to you. i've realized from spending time with you how one-on-one human connections are crucial to motivating people to change and move.

mm: that ability, to lead and motivate people and help them do better for themselves and their community, that ability is in all of us. and i think the pleasure i get out of it is that i get to see it all happen. people like kim, they might be kind of standoffish at first, but then after a while they just open up like flowers.

mossworth

Guys, queers. Specifically my fellow queers.

I work at a library. We do this thing where, every so often, we weed the collection. It hurts to see books go, but it's necessary to make sure there's room in the library for new materials.

I have seen so much support for the library in text, and I've seen folks pass around those beautiful "queer your library" flyers. Keep doing that. That's great. Nothing wrong with that. But you HAVE to turn your words into action. We MUST remember to actually go to our local organizations and libraries and actually, with our own fucking hands, interact with these materials we want to see more of.

My branch is medium-sized for a library, maybe a little small. We don't have as many materials as I'd like, but we have fundamentals. Tell me why, even with all the verbal support I've gotten from my local community for the library as a resource for our LGBT+ community, every single trans biography and a good chunk of our vaguely queer theory books were on the list. This isn't a scheme to take the books off the shelves, it isn't another bigoted American governmental push. The only thing we look at when we weed is how long it's been since the last time the item was checked out.

Three years.

No one in my community interacted in any meaningful way with the few books on trans life and history we physically had on the shelves for three fucking years.

I promise you the materials you want and need are there, but this isn't a horde. This isn't a static safety net. You have to use them. You MUST use them or, in the future, maybe in three years, they *won't* be there anymore.

This isn't a vague post, there's no one person I'm hinting at or calling out. I'm not even talking directly to anyone who's directly in my line of sight. I just want everyone to hear this. Big library, small library, whatever. Doesn't matter. Please, we cannot be losing our shelf visibility like this.

alanfromrochester

I work in a different library and can confirm, it's a decision based on popularity not censorship

we're big enough to have lots of shelf space but still have the problem on a different scale. We do have a back storage room rather than completely getting rid of some things, but having to ask for that might be a barrier for sensitive subject matter and prevent people from casually stumbling across something of interest

paintedpigeon1

Yep. Different library worker here, we weeded adult non-fiction recently bc it's most rarely used and we needed to clear a bookshelf of space, and there were a decent number of queer books on the list. Thankfully not all of them, but some (we had a lot lol). Our criteria is also no borrows in 3yrs. I can't borrow the whole list by myself. I do try to get these books in, and the local authority are happy to buy them, but we need space for new books every so often and we can't keep everything forever! If you want them, you have to use them!

(incidentally, the whole list was 35 pages long, which... please borrow the books you want people)

qbdatabase

I didn't have time to comment the first time I reblogged, but I can add now:

I'm also a librarian and queer books are almost always cut first when we have to weed for space or prioritize new releases over old items because no one reads them

I will say, when I worked at a large downtown location, we had a "browsing card" that we would check out items we found taken off the shelf and left on a table, as an example of a book that had clearly been read, just not checked out by anyone

it's possible queer books do actually get a bit of unfair treatment in this regard because people may be nervous or outright scared to check them out onto an account with their name on it. so they get browsed at a much higher rate, but if a library doesn't have a specific system in place (or need for it) to count browsed items, then it looks like they aren't being used and they get weeded

for other librarians, a browsing card is a great idea if you have enough staff for the extra work / enough items left out to justify it

for patrons, check out queer books even if you don't read them! you're not lying or committing any type of fraud. you're keeping books on the shelf long enough for pride season when people are interested in checking them out again and for people scared to use their own accounts or who don't have library cards

for anyone nervous about using their library card, libraries do not keep search histories of what you check out!! this means even if the government does come back with a warrant, *wet farting noise* too bad! it doesn't exist!

so please check out queer books!

vtothefun

I have to wonder how often they aren't checked out because those in an exploratory period may not feel safe enough for them to go home with them, too. Kids, for example, or folks who have ended up in a het marriage that... Doesn't feel like it's quite right (or may be physically abusive).

mossworth

This is most definitely one of the causes of this. That's why it's so important for folks who *can* to *do*.

It feels like such a small thing, but all movements are made up of small things! We have this mindset that in order to get everything done, everyone must be doing their (or *the*) absolute best at all times. But not everyone can do the same things, to the same degree, with the same amount of productivity or success. Not everyone can; sometimes, they're the ones that need help. Sometimes people just need help.

This post is very much so intended for the people who can. I've seen a lot of replies from folks who say they don't have to (or don't think about) checking out or requesting queer books from the library specifically because they *can* buy them, can pirate them, or already have them in their house or on their computers or phones. But in instances like that, keeping these books in circulation is less for you and more for the people who can't. The folks who come to the library, who don't have access to internet--or even electricity--at home and would never--have never--been able to interact with this "ubiquitous queer community" we have here online who has made so many of these. materials so avaliable to the rest of us.

And... if I can be a little frank. Sometimes the hyperaccessibility of these materials online (through pirating, cheap e-book copies, etc) gives people a false sense of security. It implies that these things are an infinate resource, good for "When I get around to it".

And often, you won't. There's so much to read and so much to do. So much to download and so much to sit down and stare at for hours. That kind of mental scope puts books in people's hands (or phones), but never in their heads.

But the moment your favorite document archival site gets knocked offline for breaching copyright or your go-to mega corporate audiobook distributor decides it doesn't want "those" materials anymore, what's left? What did you download? What information did you internalize? Did you ever get around to it? If you did, great, but what good does that do for the person who didn't? Are you going to be the one to redistribute that information? Are you going to communicate it in the place of the author whose words are no longer publically accesible or, mostly avaliable, but only behind hefty paywalls and financial gatekeeping? How would someone else get a hold of it? How could they, if they wanted?

vtothefun

This is excellent info.

What are some good books to check out for those who can?

mossworth

Gosh... there's so many options. I wouldn't know where to start without knowing who I'm talking to and what they're looking for. What I can recommend is for folks to check out creators like @makingqueerhistory who have spent just a ridiculously beautiful amount of time collecting queer history and book lists! You'll find something in seconds reading their page.

Personal pitch: I liked the books Tar Hollow Trans and Gay Poems for Red States. Both great.

makingqueerhistory

I'm glad I was tagged in this because it means I can cosign (and also add a little nugget of info).

I live in a province that is currently trying to ban queer books from libraries, and as a library patron, this is terrifying. 95% of the books I read are from the library and a lot of them are way out of my budget to buy personally.

Making Queer History would not exist without the school library I skipped class in to write articles. It would not exist without my friends with library cards for their universities sharing them and getting me access to rare texts. I would not be able to read as much as I do without Libby and Hoopla. If I have ever given you a book recommendation, know that I likely got it from the library first.

I cannot overstate the importance of protecting libraries and checking out queer books. And I want to say thank you to everyone above for being as passionate as I am about queer books in libraries.

Love y'all <3

allthefoolmine

@official-library-posts

official-library-posts

official library post

dominants-dominion-v2

Giving head isn't for you. It's for me. Watching you melt in my mouth fixes me a little each time.

anotherprettyfemme

sometimes the longing is so so simple

i don’t want grand gestures or declarations. more than anything..i just want to wake up in the middle of the night and find you there.

the kind of night where the world narrows down to just us.

i want to roll over and press my face against into your shoulder, place a single sleepy kiss against your warm skin..feeling the way your hand settles on my waist, without either of us fully waking up.

nothing but a mess of tangled limbs and a thin sheet. the kind where i can feel every breath, and trace those mindless patterns on your arm in the dark.

soft kisses pressed wherever i can reach. your shoulder, your jaw..the corner of your mouth. watching the way it pulls up lazily in the corner, almost unconsciously when i do. so lovely, my darling.

i want whispered conversations that don’t really go anywhere..sweet nothings and promises. words spoken just to hear your voice when everything else is quiet.

memorizing the shape of you by touch alone.

laying beside you while the room is quiet and dark and think, with an aching disbelief..that you’re real.

i think about it all of the time, the weight of your arm draped over me while my body melts into yours. i’d spend forever there if you’d let me. your voice softened by exhaustion and the feeling of your lips brushing my forehead before sleep takes you.

maybe that’s the cruelest part..how an entire life can fit inside a moment i’ve never had. one that only exists in the corners of my mind.

uncoolfemme

the carnal need for my butch right now is overwhelming

#5am #yearning bad #need to be sleepy in her bed

lqhr

love is stored in a fat femme wearing a sundress this summer season

enbybutchbf

breeding someone while they’re only wearing your hoodie 😩 their legs wrapped around your waist 😩 bunching it up above their tits so you can watch them bounce 😩 their desperate little pleases as they scratch at you and try to grab you 😩 wetwetwetwetwet

femmeblogger

i need head and a piña colada and to sit on the beach for hours next to a butch in swim trunks with a short inseam

#ugh you get it #with! tiny bikini and whimsical cover up that does literally nothing #and big beach sandwhich

lips-parted-soft-sighs

how about?

i start out making you beg me for the privilege of fucking me

and then you give it to me so good that i end up begging you to never stop?

#69th reblog H #ell yeah #but also #basically me and her

cykelops

I have had a lot of evil people say to me that nothing taste as good as skinny feels and every time im like no im pretty sure food tastes really super good actually