balconeko

they/them . 22 . agender . transneutral . perisex

[balconeko]

tags:

#nekoreblog -> when i reblog #nekoand -> when i have something to say or add #nekoquestion -> when i ask a question, usually in relation to a point someone makes

transandrophobia definition (link)

non political blog

incomplete list of beliefs. feel free to ask me about them if you feel like im wrong about something or if you just want me to expand on them. please dont be afraid to ask about them, i dont want to be misconstrued

i believe the trans community could be united better

i believe transandrophobia and transmisogyny are real things

i reject gender essentialism and sex essentialism

i believe transfems and trans women are the primary targets of anti trans legislations

i believe other trans people still need to be heard when discussing those issues though

i think a lot of people overestimate the privilege the "other side" has regardless on which side of the gender spectrum theyre on

i believe intersex and people outside the binary gender spectrum should be listened to more in the trans community

i believe i could be wrong about any belief i hold regardless on how certain i am

i believe people should be allowed the information, time, and space to change their minds about things

i reject the idea that people should die or be beaten up for believing the wrong things

i believe its okay to hate people but its bad if youre talking about how much you want them to get hurt

i believe no group is a monolith and generalizing them can be harmful

i believe feminism is for gender equality

i believe men could be discriminated against for being men

[puppythingnoms]

I want everyone to just universally know more nonbinary attraction terms, I need it so bad dawg.

Trixic, toric, enbian, diamoric, I just want enben love to be recognized, PLEASE!!!

At this point, I just feel like it’s my duty to use these terms as much as I can in my own life, I just need to expose as many people as I can to these terms, more people need to know.

Because, let me tell you, I die inside every time people use exclusively yuri or yaoi to describe relationships with a nonbinary person in it, or when people imply that being specifically attracted to a nonbinary person makes you a chaser, like, oh god no

[puppythingnoms]

Oh oh! I just learned a new term!

Cenelian, which describes nonbinary people who are primarily or exclusively attracted to nonbinary people!

I hope I learn even more :3

And happy nonbinary awareness week!

[balconeko]

i hate the term trans radfem (trf) cause what does them being a radfem thats trans have to do with their argument? they could be cis or whatever and still hold those views

i prefer calling them radical transfeminists cause i think its more accurate. they consider themselves transfeminists and i consider them radical. it works on trans and cis people because its not focused on their identity but their beliefs. it also doesnt have that terf connotation which people would find insulting, so you can address them without antagonizing or provoking anyone (you can still do that of course, im just saying its more avoidable with this)

[oceansidegraveyard]

you know i dont think it counts as actual discourse when one side is going "all trans people are oppressed in sometimes unique sometimes overlapping ways and we all can have complicated relationships to gender and privilege and lack thereof" and the other side is making up a bunch of bullshit that was never said in the first place because theyre obsessed with finding the next marginalized group they can prop themselves up on to deal with the crushing reality we live in

"trans men are both men and targets of misogyny."

"so youre misgendering yourself and clinging to your agab."

"no, trans men are most often treated like broken women and are percieved and enforced by society as such."

"see? transandrobros love talking about how much trans women are male socialized with male privilege, so they can be innocent little babies with glass bones and paper skin"

"no, trans women at any stage of transition are also othered and treated as broken, no trans person has access to-"

"so youre misgendering yourself and clinging to your agab against the big scary trans women"

like this is not discourse. this is a carousel. it is a self-sustaining feedback loop for people who wish desperately to feed their own persecution complexes. no matter how many disclaimers or written out essays or olive branches offered. this crowd does not care about transgender liberation, only to use their own oppression as an excuse to take everyone else down with them.

[balconeko]

if you ONLY associate "men" or "masculinity" with negative stuff, then youre not gonna be a good ally to trans masc people. while some transmascs can experience gender euphoria from being associated with the negative parts of masculinity, its not really the best way to give them that. "wow, youre really a man cause <negative male stereotype>" might be funny and stuff, but imagine telling a transfem "wow, youre really a woman cause <negative female stereotype>". while it could give someone gender euphoria but its still a product of bigotry.

if you want to be a better ally to trans men and transmascs, you should probably try to appreciate good qualities of men and masculine people in general.

[stefisgirlnow]

idk, it's up to every man to unlearn and dissociate from negative and toxic parts of masculinity.

Other people can't do that for you.

If you are embodying toxic masculinity and people notice, that's on you for embodying that, not them for noticing.

[balconeko]

theres billions of men in the world, even if a large portion of them promotes and embodies toxic masculinity, there are also a lot of men who are embodying the good parts of masculinity. its easier to find toxic masculinity in the internet due to the culture created by the patriarchy, but this is why its important to look for the good men, so that people can find good role models for masculinity and manhood

now the problem isnt if you associate manhood and masculinity with negative stuff, that part is understandable. the problem is if you ONLY associate it with negative stuff. because youre not gonna be a good ally to transmasc people. if you cant conceptualize how a man can be good while being a man, then i dont know how you can be a good ally to trans men

[stefisgirlnow]

#notallmen

Why don't the mascs focus on unlearning toxic masculinity instead of going "hey you can't just assume we're at like that" and then being exactly like that

[balconeko]

the problem with "not all men" is its often used as a derailment on the discussion of misogyny. my post isnt about misogyny, its about how people think about men in general, and how that affects transmascs. im not using it to distract from or justify misogyny, im using it to illustrate how peoples perception affects how they treat marginalized groups

Why don't the mascs focus on unlearning toxic masculinity instead of going "hey you can't just assume we're at like that" and then being exactly like that

how is that in any way related? we are talking about different things here. youre talking about how transmascs need to unlearn toxic masculinity. my post is about how ONLY associating manhood and masculinity with negative stuff affects your allyship with trans men

i posted "if you only think of this trait negatively, youre not gonna be a good ally to this minority" and you responded "the toxic parts of the minorities should unlearn that negative trait then" i am talking about how perception of the negative trait affects allyship towards a minority, youre talking about how a minority might inhibit a negative trait. we are talking about separate issues

[stefisgirlnow]

in pointing out how you are pointing to the same thing I am but your perception is very different and externalizes the blame for bad behavior on women around the one behaving badly instead of the one behaving badly

[balconeko]

i wasnt talking about excusing bad behaviour. i was talking about how a persons perception of masculinity affects how you treat transmascs. extrapolate a bit, regardless of how good or bad a transmasc is, if you are unable to see masculinity as anything other than negative, then you wont be a good ally. idk how you keep dragging it back to being the fault of transmascs, im talking about masculinity in general

i never mentioned anything being the fault of women. youre just making assumptions about what i believe and rewrote the post in your mind. in this reblog chain, i only talked about women once because theyre not the focus of this point. and when i did, its just to make a parallel, not to blame them for anything

are you actually interested in adding to or criticizing my point or are you just gonna derail?

[stefisgirlnow]

i just don't believe there are many people who actually see trans men like that, I guess.

What I do see a lot of, is trans women pointing out misogynistic behaviors from our brothers and being met with them being defensive and saying that our criticism only comes from a place of using masculinity.

It does not.

That's deflection.

[balconeko]

again, how is that relevant to my post? are you interested in adding to or criticizing my post or are you just gonna derail?

[balconeko]

if you ONLY associate "men" or "masculinity" with negative stuff, then youre not gonna be a good ally to trans masc people. while some transmascs can experience gender euphoria from being associated with the negative parts of masculinity, its not really the best way to give them that. "wow, youre really a man cause <negative male stereotype>" might be funny and stuff, but imagine telling a transfem "wow, youre really a woman cause <negative female stereotype>". while it could give someone gender euphoria but its still a product of bigotry.

if you want to be a better ally to trans men and transmascs, you should probably try to appreciate good qualities of men and masculine people in general.

[stefisgirlnow]

idk, it's up to every man to unlearn and dissociate from negative and toxic parts of masculinity.

Other people can't do that for you.

If you are embodying toxic masculinity and people notice, that's on you for embodying that, not them for noticing.

[balconeko]

theres billions of men in the world, even if a large portion of them promotes and embodies toxic masculinity, there are also a lot of men who are embodying the good parts of masculinity. its easier to find toxic masculinity in the internet due to the culture created by the patriarchy, but this is why its important to look for the good men, so that people can find good role models for masculinity and manhood

now the problem isnt if you associate manhood and masculinity with negative stuff, that part is understandable. the problem is if you ONLY associate it with negative stuff. because youre not gonna be a good ally to transmasc people. if you cant conceptualize how a man can be good while being a man, then i dont know how you can be a good ally to trans men

[stefisgirlnow]

#notallmen

Why don't the mascs focus on unlearning toxic masculinity instead of going "hey you can't just assume we're at like that" and then being exactly like that

[balconeko]

the problem with "not all men" is its often used as a derailment on the discussion of misogyny. my post isnt about misogyny, its about how people think about men in general, and how that affects transmascs. im not using it to distract from or justify misogyny, im using it to illustrate how peoples perception affects how they treat marginalized groups

Why don't the mascs focus on unlearning toxic masculinity instead of going "hey you can't just assume we're at like that" and then being exactly like that

how is that in any way related? we are talking about different things here. youre talking about how transmascs need to unlearn toxic masculinity. my post is about how ONLY associating manhood and masculinity with negative stuff affects your allyship with trans men

i posted "if you only think of this trait negatively, youre not gonna be a good ally to this minority" and you responded "the toxic parts of the minorities should unlearn that negative trait then" i am talking about how perception of the negative trait affects allyship towards a minority, youre talking about how a minority might inhibit a negative trait. we are talking about separate issues

[stefisgirlnow]

in pointing out how you are pointing to the same thing I am but your perception is very different and externalizes the blame for bad behavior on women around the one behaving badly instead of the one behaving badly

[balconeko]

i wasnt talking about excusing bad behaviour. i was talking about how a persons perception of masculinity affects how you treat transmascs. extrapolate a bit, regardless of how good or bad a transmasc is, if you are unable to see masculinity as anything other than negative, then you wont be a good ally. idk how you keep dragging it back to being the fault of transmascs, im talking about masculinity in general

i never mentioned anything being the fault of women. youre just making assumptions about what i believe and rewrote the post in your mind. in this reblog chain, i only talked about women once because theyre not the focus of this point. and when i did, its just to make a parallel, not to blame them for anything

are you actually interested in adding to or criticizing my point or are you just gonna derail?

[balconeko]

if you ONLY associate "men" or "masculinity" with negative stuff, then youre not gonna be a good ally to trans masc people. while some transmascs can experience gender euphoria from being associated with the negative parts of masculinity, its not really the best way to give them that. "wow, youre really a man cause <negative male stereotype>" might be funny and stuff, but imagine telling a transfem "wow, youre really a woman cause <negative female stereotype>". while it could give someone gender euphoria but its still a product of bigotry.

if you want to be a better ally to trans men and transmascs, you should probably try to appreciate good qualities of men and masculine people in general.

[stefisgirlnow]

idk, it's up to every man to unlearn and dissociate from negative and toxic parts of masculinity.

Other people can't do that for you.

If you are embodying toxic masculinity and people notice, that's on you for embodying that, not them for noticing.

[balconeko]

theres billions of men in the world, even if a large portion of them promotes and embodies toxic masculinity, there are also a lot of men who are embodying the good parts of masculinity. its easier to find toxic masculinity in the internet due to the culture created by the patriarchy, but this is why its important to look for the good men, so that people can find good role models for masculinity and manhood

now the problem isnt if you associate manhood and masculinity with negative stuff, that part is understandable. the problem is if you ONLY associate it with negative stuff. because youre not gonna be a good ally to transmasc people. if you cant conceptualize how a man can be good while being a man, then i dont know how you can be a good ally to trans men

[stefisgirlnow]

#notallmen

Why don't the mascs focus on unlearning toxic masculinity instead of going "hey you can't just assume we're at like that" and then being exactly like that

[balconeko]

the problem with "not all men" is its often used as a derailment on the discussion of misogyny. my post isnt about misogyny, its about how people think about men in general, and how that affects transmascs. im not using it to distract from or justify misogyny, im using it to illustrate how peoples perception affects how they treat marginalized groups

Why don't the mascs focus on unlearning toxic masculinity instead of going "hey you can't just assume we're at like that" and then being exactly like that

how is that in any way related? we are talking about different things here. youre talking about how transmascs need to unlearn toxic masculinity. my post is about how ONLY associating manhood and masculinity with negative stuff affects your allyship with trans men

i posted "if you only think of this trait negatively, youre not gonna be a good ally to this minority" and you responded "the toxic parts of the minorities should unlearn that negative trait then" i am talking about how perception of the negative trait affects allyship towards a minority, youre talking about how a minority might inhibit a negative trait. we are talking about separate issues

[balconeko]

if you ONLY associate "men" or "masculinity" with negative stuff, then youre not gonna be a good ally to trans masc people. while some transmascs can experience gender euphoria from being associated with the negative parts of masculinity, its not really the best way to give them that. "wow, youre really a man cause <negative male stereotype>" might be funny and stuff, but imagine telling a transfem "wow, youre really a woman cause <negative female stereotype>". while it could give someone gender euphoria but its still a product of bigotry.

if you want to be a better ally to trans men and transmascs, you should probably try to appreciate good qualities of men and masculine people in general.

[stefisgirlnow]

idk, it's up to every man to unlearn and dissociate from negative and toxic parts of masculinity.

Other people can't do that for you.

If you are embodying toxic masculinity and people notice, that's on you for embodying that, not them for noticing.

[balconeko]

theres billions of men in the world, even if a large portion of them promotes and embodies toxic masculinity, there are also a lot of men who are embodying the good parts of masculinity. its easier to find toxic masculinity in the internet due to the culture created by the patriarchy, but this is why its important to look for the good men, so that people can find good role models for masculinity and manhood

now the problem isnt if you associate manhood and masculinity with negative stuff, that part is understandable. the problem is if you ONLY associate it with negative stuff. because youre not gonna be a good ally to transmasc people. if you cant conceptualize how a man can be good while being a man, then i dont know how you can be a good ally to trans men

[intersexcat-tboy]

If misandry isn't real why do so many people identify as misandrists

[balconeko]

usually id reblog, but i dont want my addition to be seen as derailing so im making another post to expand my thoughts on it

i feel a similar way about the term "tme" in relation to this post. the term doesnt convey "cis people plus some other tiny group include on a technicality", but it focuses on the alleged similarities between cis people and transmascs.

and i can rephrase the rest of the post to amplify my point but you get the gist. ill just point out similarities between them. both labels arent things you "identify" as. what label was assigned to you wasnt chosen, same thing goes with being tma/tme cause how they determine which one you are basically boils down to whether youre transfem or not. in a less bigoted world, the terms could have some uses, but since we live in this world, theyre being used to paint the more marginalized as part of the oppressors. both are often used to exclude people in spaces where exclusion doesnt really make sense.

so. what am i really saying here? well, while the term "amab" does affect me, im not transfem, and i dont have the same experiences most transfems have when they are referred to as such so i cant really speak about that experience. tme is more vague because in some definitions, i fit the bill, and in some definitions, i dont. but from how ive seen it being used here, its being used more to separate trans people into two groups. one is seen as part of the oppressors and the other is the oppressed, and i do not like it. so, while i cant speak about the post itself resonating with me, i do feel the same way about another term, and i figured its probably good to point out the similarities

[balconeko]

if you ONLY associate "men" or "masculinity" with negative stuff, then youre not gonna be a good ally to trans masc people. while some transmascs can experience gender euphoria from being associated with the negative parts of masculinity, its not really the best way to give them that. "wow, youre really a man cause <negative male stereotype>" might be funny and stuff, but imagine telling a transfem "wow, youre really a woman cause <negative female stereotype>". while it could give someone gender euphoria but its still a product of bigotry.

if you want to be a better ally to trans men and transmascs, you should probably try to appreciate good qualities of men and masculine people in general.

[thegingernut]

if you want to be a better ally to trans men and transmascs, you should probably try to appreciate good qualities of men and masculine people in general.

Shit. Um. I'll be honest, I can't think of a positive and universal generalization of men. Or women for that matter. Like I can think of examples of individuals of each having good qualities. But none of those qualities are gender locked or even standard within the gender. My mum is hard working and kind. But so is my Dad. My Dad can be a hothead. But so can my mum. My best friend is cool as fuck. And also gender fluid and his cool as fuck status does not shift with his gender identity. I had bullies of both genders growing up and one was not markedly worse or better than the other. I can think of singers male and female who I listen to regularly.

Damn, I'll never fully wrap my head around this gender shit.

[balconeko]

if youre neutral about gender stuff, thats also fine. my post was mostly referring to people who only ever use the negative aspects of manhood or masculinity against trans men and transmascs. there are people in the comments who are sharing their experiences and it can give good insight on the matter.

i find gender stuff difficult to understand as well sometimes. but when people are celebrating stuff about their gender, i dont think theyre necessarily inherent, exclusive, nor universal. masculinity and femininity can intersect in all sorts of ways. something that makes a transmasc euphoric could also make a transfem euphoric and vice versa. something that makes a transfem euphoric might make another dysphoric. a transmasc might relish in something he sees as masculine even if society at large doesnt see it as masculine at all. its complicated and personal for a lot of people. introspection is great and i love that for you but i dont think youre doing bad on this front

[transandrogyny--turtlebug]

I'm really tired of the trans men vs trans women thing. It's manufactured to split us up. I think a lot of it is growing pains, and people unwilling to let go of preconceived ideas of gendered oppression, but in response there is transmisogyny thrown at trans women which needs to be acknowledged. Everyone is annoying rn actually

[transandrogyny--turtlebug]

Also sometimes trans/feminism gets it fucking wrong. It's not a preordained like gospel sent by the trans angels on transgender day of remembrance. It NEEEEDS to be criticized and constantly. That's my take. Everyone is annoying, stop being transphobic to each other, things need to change. I'm so fucking annoyed

[steviecopeland]

because femininity is always perfectly virtuous and never toxic in any way. because the only thing a masculine person can be is toxic. because the only way to be a Good Person™️ is to be a woman or fem-aligned. because you can't ever be a good person if you express any kind of masculinity EVER because it's impossible for masculinity to be anything other than toxic. are you listening to yourself.

[balconeko]

reminder to everyone that the idea of "toxic masculinity implies that masculinity cant be good" is an antifeminist talking point

[milf--adjacent]

"TMA/TME is bioessentalism!" Shouts the man who willingly misgenders himself to gain access to womens' spaces for his own benefit

[milf--adjacent]

People will tell me I'm making shit up like this kind of thing isn't happening in plain view all the time.

Trans Goalkeeper Isaac Ranson Makes History by Joining Minnesota Women’s Soccer Team

Isaac Ranson, a standout goalkeeper at Cal State Fullerton, becomes the club’s first out trans player.

[balconeko]

since when did isaac ranson speak against the terms tma/tme? /genuine question

if its never, can we please not accuse him of being transmisogynistic for doing what he can in order to legally participate in sports?

[milf--adjacent]

Pointing out the bioessentalism of trans men playing on womens' teams while transfeminine athletes are being banned from any and all participation on any team is "transmisandry" apparently.

[balconeko]

in your post, you literally said "shouts the man who..." then proceeds to describe isaac ranson, and even reblogged it clarifying that youre referring to him. so, did he actually say that or are you just comfortable of accusing him of being transmisogynistic for doing what he can in order to legally participate in sports?

Pointing out the bioessentalism of trans men playing on womens' teams while transfeminine athletes are being banned from any and all participation on any team is "transmisandry" apparently.

i didnt even use transmisandry, you seem to enjoy putting words in the mouths of people you dislike and i do not appreciate that

thats not what youre doing, youre framing isaac ranson as some transmisogynist when all he did is do what he can to legally participate in sports

instead of acknowledging that a trans person having to hold out on hrt to play sports is a sign of a horrible legal system, you instead focus on the trans person who has to stop their medication as a sign that hes actually being transmisogynistic, ignoring how he doesnt control the legal system in any way

now, can you answer why you felt comfortable in framing isaac ranson as a transmisogynist?

[milf--adjacent]

"TMA/TME is bioessentalism!" Shouts the man who willingly misgenders himself to gain access to womens' spaces for his own benefit

[milf--adjacent]

People will tell me I'm making shit up like this kind of thing isn't happening in plain view all the time.

Trans Goalkeeper Isaac Ranson Makes History by Joining Minnesota Women’s Soccer Team

Isaac Ranson, a standout goalkeeper at Cal State Fullerton, becomes the club’s first out trans player.

[balconeko]

since when did isaac ranson speak against the terms tma/tme? /genuine question

if its never, can we please not accuse him of being transmisogynistic for doing what he can in order to legally participate in sports?

[notawesternspy]

"Trans men aren't as oppressed as trans women! Look at all these laws targeting trans women but not trans men!"

is as useless of a statement as,

"Lesbians aren't as oppressed as gay men! Look at all these laws targeting gay men but not lesbians!"

I'd be rightfully chastised for saying the latter, but apparently the former is just "transfeminism 101" to some people.

And to be clear, there are STILL places in the world where male homosexuality is punished but female homosexuality isn't. Would you say that queer women are privileged in these places? NO! You would recognise that the methods for oppressing queerness often differs based on the gender one is socially imposed upon birth.

The oppression of transmasculine people is often enacted in ways similar to that of cis women, especially cis queer women. These include tactics such as corrective rape/forced pregnancy and being dismissed as "confused" and "delusional," but also "predatory Evil Women who are going to Corrupt Your Daughters."

Unfortunately, this means a lot of trans men must be considered "not real men" in order to have their experiences validated. Transgender theory and mainstream transfeminism has failed in this regard. Since the idea of "a man being oppressed for being a man" is counterintuitive to decades of feminist thought, it is rejected outright.

Some say, "you're not oppressed for being a man, you're oppressed for being trans" as if those are distinct categories in this context.

If a trans man were not trans, they would be a cisgender woman. People have gotten so far into theory they are forgetting the real people behind these labels.

[meowntown]

i fear all too quickly people have forgotten that in JK Rowling's very first TERF blog post published in 2020, she specifically talks about a "trend" of young girls transitioning to boys and regretting it. and worse, she mentions autistic girls specifically. to TERFs, trans men are the evil groomers who steal away disabled/mentally ill girls that "don't know any better", it's why books like Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters by Abigail Shrier have such an effect. this is the intersection of misogyny (denying those deemed girls their bodily autonomy), ableism (denying disabled people their bodily autonomy) and anti-transmasculinity (viewing a transition into masculinity as "dangerous").