crummest

look out for gnomes please

[fursonas]

an erotic poem:

leg so hot

hot hot leg

leg so hot u fry an eg

[crummest]

Shark are not ready for the thousands of blood scented candles I dumped into the Pacific Ocean

[crummest]

Coming back with my pockets full of mud and amphibians after making a withdrawal at the river bank

[crummest]

Fym that door is a jar?

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight]

[alanaisalive]

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

[docd666]

Y'all know what to do Tumblr.

[1988-fiend]

@onbearfeet

[onbearfeet]

COME ON, BEARS!!!!

[yupokaysuremhm]

fuck that ball in particular

[crummest]

Telegraphing so many passes it’s crashing the molasses economy

[crummest]

I got all these fucking eggs, and you know they’re all going in that one basket.

[crummest]

You’re saying you don’t practice Santeria? Next you’re gonna tell me you don’t even got a crystal ball

[the-muppet-joker]

Hey gang for those of you waiting for my return just letting you know that running the muppet joker account has put a very real strain on my real life marriage and I have decided to step away from the blog for the foreseeable future.

I have been talking to her and everone else in my personal life "in character" as the muppet joker so that my blog would be as true to life as possible. I have been wearing Joker makeup around the house, which at first she found funny, but now she can't even look at me. I started compulsively fantasizing about the muppets and it's ruining our sex life. I accidentally called her Kermit in the bedroom and she made me sleep on the couch for a week.

Our son turned one year old this year on July 5th, on the day of Dashcon 2. My wife begged and pleaded with me to stay home and celebrate his birthday, but I was stupid and selfish and had become completely taken over by the muppet joker persona at that point. I went. I returned home to an ultimatum. Its my family, or it's the muppet joker. I chose my family.

Sorry tumblr. I have failed you. I have failed my wife. I have failed my son. I have to go now, to be with them, and to watch my child grow up.

Goodbye, Homosapiens

[crummest]

Your honor, how could I have hit that kid with my car when, I don’t even know how to drive

[crummest]

What if i turn you into a moth.

What if I turn you into a worm first

[jerks-deactivated20200603]

dude what if we 😳 i fucking killed you?

[strange-aeons]

@the-muppet-joker

[the-muppet-joker]

IN YOUR DREAMS YOU TUBER!

[crummest]

Currently giving birth to a rat

[stivkun]

Keep scrolling, there's nothing fishy going on here

[normaltea]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

please stop forgiving my sins I worked so hard on those

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

“your sins have been forgiven my child” bitch do u know how much PLANNING–

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

“your soul will be accepted into the kingdom of–” I DON’T WANNA GO! BITCH PUT ME BACK

[findrahil]

same energy as the “i think it would be very therapeutic if god tried to pick me up and i bit their hands and scuttled away” post

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the sheer Be Gay Do Crimes Energy of these tags:

#my sins were cleared by the pope in 2018 #so I’ve had to sin extra to make up for that

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#Jesus forgave my sins and now the devil is asking about the gap in my resume