“How was I supposed to know to keep my child alive? There should be a message at the beginning: child is useful, do not murder. Otherwise how would I know, this is ridiculous.”
“Alright, now I wanna sound nice, formal, and normal.”
“Taste the titties with every bite.”
“I have strategically placed sea sponges on my body. Sometimes I’ll even use sea urchin if the price is right.”
“Well fuck you, not even exchanging pleasantries?”
“What the fuck does ASL stand for? Asparagus… Sex… Live?”
“Do I like to talk dirty? Is that even a question? That’s like asking a telephone if it likes ears.”
“Look at this guy, running all the way from Lithuania just to give me the business.”
“Bitch, I will sprinkle Scooby Snacks all over your face.”
“Alright, I need to get dancing. If the phantoms see I’m not busting a move, fuck’s gonna get shit.”
“Stop conveying such a wide range of emotions!”
“Are you really off balance after one cocktail? You’re a fucking lightweight. And you call yourself an alcoholic?”
“Good afternoon fellow sober citizen! It’s a very nice day out here.”
“It’s probably all the cocaines she has in her system. She’s got some cocaines there, a lot of cocaines. At least 50,000 cocaines.”
“His head just popped off like a lego, that’s all.”
“It is very hard to control a vehicle after bumping three lines of coke!”
“Toy Story 4: rated R for strong language, sexual themes and ass gore.”
“Let’s find out who’s masturbating upstairs.”
“What if I told you that was my husband, huh? Bet that’d take you for a surprise.”
“Okay then, I’ll go fuck myself. Thank you.”
“If I was ever gonna have sex with with a towel, now would be the ideal time to do so.”
“Your mouth says ‘not bad’ but your eyes say ‘everything’s bad.’ You look extremely sad.”
“This is not my home! My home has porn and stuff.”
“Just talk about ass cheeks or grass or something, that’s what I usually do.”
“I might as well go into my closet and grab a fucking Boppet, try to have a conversation with that.”
"Where are we going? Probably some weird fucking place- ooh, I guessed right.”
“Somebody fuck me. I don’t know what is going on.”
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