Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt sentence starters
“Can I borrow a cup of flour? Some kids outside want cocaine.”
“Hey, _____. 2090 called, you’re dead and you wasted your time on earth!”
“My friends and I have a penis-shaped icecream cake to get to.”
“Just to put everyone’s mind at ease, I’m gonna do a bunch more heroin.”
“I finally have a bra that fits thanks to that bra salesman in that other van.”
“Excellent. Eat your shame.”
“Be like a drunk girl in a taxi and leave everything behind!”
“You broke my heart when you made me go to the gym and I had a heart attack!”
“I’ve decided to live as a werewolf.”
“I– I got a tattoo that says ‘bean curd.’”
“Today is a good day to die, band nerds.”
“The answer to that has never been yes.”
“I’m pretty and tough, like a diamond… Or beef jerky in a ball gown.”
“Oh, I’m very normal. I’ve had everything normal happen to me.”
“Yeah _____, the monkey was a woman. Women can be anything these days.”
“I envy you! I’ve never been able to meet me.“
“I recalled that you said you like dolphins.Oh, don’t worry, he can breathe. He’s a mammal.”
“But I already did something today!!!”
“You don’t know what you look like? How do you know your self worth?”
“Hey, I love your hat! All the way around and everything!”
“We still don’t know why you’re scared of velcro!”
“I didn’t actually find you, an FBI pig found you.”
“It’s so hilarious what people who have never been kidnapped think is scary.”
“French?! Prostitute?! I’m an American!”
“Delivering Chinese food all day can be depressing. Like when people yell out ‘Food’s here!’ as if they have a family, but I know they are alone.“
“My parents are blimping into town tomorrow.”
“There is no Entourage 2!”
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