[cry-wank]

"GCSE English is about being scared to read the N-word in of mice and men"

-Thomas 2020

[cry-wank]

Love the lego movie me.

Fucking tip tip tap tap clank clank lego sounds for an hour and a half. Marvelous.

[cry-wank]

Imagine...

OK so,

You wake up. Its a foggy morning. You go down stairs to make some toast. You grab your Warbuton's 50/50 wholemeal bread and put it in the toaster. It begins to cook. The aroma is quite wonderful. After two three minutes it is a beautiful crispy golden brown. You take out a plate and place your marvelous creation onto it. Your stomach starts growing and you look around for the butter. It is not in the usual spot on the table.

Strange.

You continue to look around the kitchen but you didn't leave it on the side or the fridge...

Maybe you put it in the cupboard. You open one cupboard. No. Another. No. A third cupboard. Your hand grows closer and you realise there are noises. Snorting, ravenous, vile, beastial noises emerging from this cupboard. You grasp the handle and open it.

You recoil in disgust. Its me. I am there. I am covered in butter, far much more than you had in your house. I am couched inside your cupboard littered with the wrappers of many stolen butter bars. I try to speak but- horrifically - my teeth possess a thick layer of buttery goodness. They slide away from one another, they cannot connect to produce sound. My lips left unable to touch and cry out for help in the agony I am left in.

You cry... I cry...

The butter has won again.

[cry-wank]

I think we all need to take this into mind.

[cry-wank]

"life isn't always about making sure you're happy, sometimes it's about not puking after eating 36 slices of stale Warburton's 50/50 Whole Meal bread to prove a point"