"Forgive me if I'm not rushing in without another thought, Sarin. Look at what's happening in-," she gestured towards the screen, swallowing back the dread in her throat. "If we're going in, best we volunteer only if we can handle whatever trauma this bloody machine is going to throw us in and out of. I'm fine with that, yes. My hand is up, but I also want to try and not add too much fuel to this fire. Agreed?"
They'd seen. While a part of Sarin was programmed to believe that this would grow them into stronger supers, there was the part of them that knew this ...was a disaster. "Agreed. I'll go in, then." No apology given to Phoebe for being rude, Sarin was never good with those. "There's nothing for me to face that'll flatten me the way it may some others." Was it the whole truth? Maybe. But Sarin had been experimented on in a way that had been ingrained into them as necessary, nothing to forget, nothing that wouldn't make them uniquely capable of understanding the trauma this would be beget. "There also may be a kill switch in this simulation once we're within it. I'm not too sure on specifics but there may be a way to disable it from within."
( davika hoorne, agender & they/she/any. ) PERSONNEL FILE [ #1110189 ]: SARINPHACHARA NA AYUTTHAYA is registered as a PROFESSOR, age THIRTY FIVE YEARS OLD, responsible for instructing ADVANCED NATURAL STUDIES while actively maintaining expertise in CRYOKENSIS. their professional conduct is noted as AMBITIOUS, OBSTINATE, and MONOMANIACAL, confirming their professionalism and suitability for mentorship. their teaching and supervision of students are continuously evaluated to maintain the institution's standards for discipline, skill, and academic excellence.
𝐀 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐅: 𝐢. cold as ice by foreigner ╱ 𝐢𝐢. dracula teeth by the last shadow puppet ╱ 𝐢𝐢𝐢. striptease by FKA twigs ╱ 𝐢𝐯. good money? by kilo kish ╱ 𝐯. move in silence by phantogram
𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄: AZULA ( AVATAR ), EMMA FROST( MARVEL ), FAITH LEHANE ( BUFFY ), JENNIFER CHECK ( JENNIFER'S BODY ), ELEKTRA NATCHIOS ( MARVEL ), BLAIR WALDORF ( GOSSIP GIRL ), CATE DUNLAP ( GEN V ).
𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘 𝐈𝐍: Genevieve Mushaluk ( Survivor ), Jun Song ( Big Brother ), Sarah Lacina ( Survivor, Game Changers ), Janelle Pierzina ( Big Brother & Traitors ).
Unbeknownst to you, your story starts like this -- a giggling, laughing child who has a few siblings that dote over them. You sleep soundly, your parents love you more than anything in the world, the warmth is potent -- like a crackling bonfire, steady, a source of comfort to those who gather around it. You laugh the way a babbling baby does when entertained, you take your first steps and one day you accidentally freeze your bottle as you're sucking on it in your father's arms. They're delighted, think it's an odd quirk and know that you're only a child -- as long as this ability is nurtured, you're fine. The first of your family in generations, it's good luck. Your siblings try to get their youngest comrade to pull a prank or two, you are a toddler but more importantly -- their party trick. When your parents playfully chide them in a mix of French, English, Dutch and Thai, multiple languages coloring your worlds, there's laughter tenfold. They find you special, not in a way to be used but to be CHERISHED. Your father goes to work, a low level government employee, speaking too honestly to someone he shouldn't about the nature of his special toddler and soon enough -- it all goes away. Maybe, warmth was never your birthright the way ice always has been.
The Ayyutthaya family poaches and picks their children akin to the way a fox does a chicken from it's coup, human hands steal an egg from a hen. Plucked, incubated, primed, hatched into products of greatness. A founding family of Vanguardia, they've poured old & new money alike into the development of supers as they've amassed global power through means that are known to be unethical -- but ancient. The violence that they perpetuate is known and feared, it's no wonder that when you are one of these eggs taken from their home, you are a product of your environment -- ruthless, calculated, single track minded. You don't care though because you don't know any better -- you know the parties, the access, the infamy, the power. It feeds you for a while, you don't know who else you would've ever become and sometimes even thank your parents for giving you the world & then some. It doesn't matter how much you prove that you are the best, the most controlled, the practices, the conditioning, everything you do is to appease them -- they don't care. This does not deter you from trying harder, sharpening any soft edges into serrated corners -- what you will be is their best WEAPON if you cannot be their daughter.
If there is an ache, you destroy it. When there is an ache, you find a new destination to fly to, a new party or social event to throw, a new piece of jewelry to buy. You fill and you fill and you fill though the void that beckons is never satisfied -- neither are you. Every lover you take, every relationship you have is transactional -- a contract for love is not something to aspire to, kinship seems like a waste if even your own parents wouldn't bother to care. Your ambitions are what you strive for, ambition is what you crave more than companionship. You experiment with your own powers and let others do the same, the Vanguardia scientists and ones employed by your parents to up your abilities, to see if you could mutate into having others besides this elemental gift. What else could you do? Who else could you become? Like a lamb for slaughter & experimentation, in these spaces, you ensure you are the blade in others. You devote yourself to both.
Beauty is found in the stars, in the unattainable and the few things that are more glorious, noble and opulent than the legacy you are to inherit then pass on. You galavant after graduating Vanguardia, the perfect image of excellence that your parents are happy to support. You draw people in, identify those with abilities around the world to recruit to Vanguardia spreading the gospel that you've been read and recited your entire life. One day, the world will be ours. One day, we will not be feared but revered, in more power than we can imagine, in more rooms than embrace us as the elite beings we are. Akin to gods, that's what you believe those with abilities are because you've never been taught anything else.
Unbeknownst to you -- you could lose it all if only you knew. A pedigree you are not aware of, parents who still wander the world searching for their lost child. Siblings who remember what it was like to have you in their fold. Perhaps, there's a heart underneath all that ice, beating, alive, warm and caring. You wouldn't know what to do with if it were to unthaw, you wouldn't know how to live your life if it was not the one in front of you now. If you know of love, it is from the few lovers who have actually broken past the diamond like veneer. If you know of love, it is of yourself. If you knew of love, true love, it might shatter your perception entirely therefore shattering the carefully crafted world the Ayatthaya's created with for you. If you knew love, you would know of the rage & wrath that came with toppling a dynasty as the one you primed to become the leader of. You don't know it, not truly. You may NEVER know it and you do not know that this deficit makes all the difference, it's lack the reason the void does not stop growing, beckoning, aching, deep and dark.
For now, you are an excellent professor not because of a bleeding heart but an iron clad razor sharp ambition to teach the next generation to control the power they possess within them. Known by students as rigid, perfectionistic but excellent to be taught by and to fellow staff as relentless, arrogant, often envied for the popularity of your class & the results it garners. You're Vanguardia's event organizer, pouring your heart and soul into the system that raised you. This was not your dream, but did you ever have a dream of your own? Were you ever taught to do so? You may have been, if you were to have another life, if fate had chosen differently.
