Is this what aromanticism is?
Earlier I was on my way to a date thinking maybe I'm aromantic because I wasn't feeling much of anything. After the date while I'm hugging the guy goodbye I start thinking of different dirty things I could do to him. But call him a boyfriend? Not one of them.
Reflecting on past relationships, it was always good friends first and then realizing good friends probably don't fantasize about holding their friend's wrists and pinning them to a wall and kissing them, and probably don't dream about 18+ scenes involving their friends either.
Like there's a few ride-or-die friends I'd get feelings for, but also some I haven't and it's always been platonic, and some casual friends that I can say are pretty attractive and I'd be dtf. I don't feel very asexual is what I'm getting at.
But like... aren't you supposed to feel something between friendship and desire? But I just figured that was from never getting the opportunity. But now that the opportunity presents itself on a silver platter... I don't have it? It just is the same "friend I'd be dtf" feeling. Granted, we could jusf be not a good match, it could just be a case of not the right person to bring out those feelings, but idk.
The dude seems like the romantic type, so I hope he's not gonna be too disappointed if I never stop treating him like one of the bros.
Writing all this out BEFORE reading any other people's experiences about allosexual aromanticism just so I know my reflecting is my own and not possibly influenced by other people's. I've only heard venting from aro-asexual people, which I didn't quite relate to.
I also wonder if the idea of romantic feelings in my head is so tainted by exaggerated pop culture depictions that it's actually entirely made up and there is no real world equalvaent. (One aro-ace dude told me they felt they were aro-ace because they didn't think their feelings matched the over-the-top, looney tunes-esque depictions of attraction they've seen on TV, which like, idk man think most people can say their experiences with an irl thing didn't match how cartoons depicted it, so I don't think that's a great thing to base it off of.)
If you've listened to aro-ace folk's experiences, plently has been said about how deep emotional connections and relationships can be made without any romantic or sexual feelings involved, and I can certainly say I've made a few of those. But I've also felt sexual desire. Yet that other part, the romantic part, idk what part of my experiences can be called romance vs the friendship and general desire for social connection and knowing a person and being known. Maybe I'm spelling out textbook [insert identity here], but like I said, I wanted my own thoughts out before reading getting others and either feeling so alien that I leave and drop the subject entirely or I get the subconscious urge to copy and not have my own words for shit.