What's This?

Sugar and spice, And everything n i c e, That's what little girls are made of. (So they say) Cheap beer and cigarette smoke And always being b r o k e That's a more apt description of certain folk.

[cryptoauggie-blog]

[cryptoauggie-blog]

evaxreid:

The initial reaction she got from the girl in front of her was the same reaction she usually handed out to people. She’d never admit to it, but she liked it when girls were equally as snarky as her. 

“You haven’t stayed long enough in this town if you don’t know who I am.” Evanessence responded, shaking her head without breaking gaze. “Oh, and yes, it is my business. You’ll find out why soon enough.” Her whole expression spoke of her usual arrogant confidence, unaffected with the girl’s attempt of trying to insult her. 

Though even Eva disliked getting into other people’s business, her new mindset and actions needed to be enforced for the sake of the town.

“Well, surprise princess, I don’t give a rat’s ass who you are, either. Stuff the cryptic bullshit and get on with it or, as I said before, step off.” Whoever this woman was, she seemed to think way too highly of herself, and Auggie just didn’t have the time or the patience to bother with it. So if she had something to say, she needed to say it quickly, so that Auggie could finish up what she was doing and start her shift. 

A fold of her arms over her chest, and she relaxed back in her seat, eyebrow lifting slightly as she waited, finally deciding to just jumpstart the conversation herself. “I work here.” Her hand waved flippantly around the coffee shop before dropping back into her lap. “Mystery solved, you can go now.”

[cryptoauggie-blog]

coffee-wizard-of-oz:

Oz noted it was Auggie, and puffed in an attempt to seem unimpressed. “I don’t know, you do anything worth giving you a promotion? I have yet to see a hint of creativity or initiative coming from you. Other than your wild appreciation of my amazing Wi-Fi, have you groveled or sucked up recently? These are questions you should be asking yourself.” He snorted at her uncanny ability to read his mood, but frowned at the comment about his hair. “There is nothing wrong with my hair, my hair is fine, why would anyone make fun of my hair? Do you do that, when I’m not around?”

“I told you just last week that I liked the shirt you were wearing? Is that not groveling or sucking up enough for you? Do I need to literally get on my knees, because listen, I’m into that kinky shit, but you have to give me a better sign.” A shrug lifted her shoulders, and she reached into her pocket to pull out a cigarette of her own and light it up, smirk tugging at the corners of her lips in amusement as she did her best not to outright laugh at his own little rant about his hair. “I never said anything was wrong with you hair. I’ve often fantasized about running my fingers through it, personally, but I’m just saying that people are mean in this day and age, never know what could happen. And I’m insulted that you would think I would make fun of you behind your back. You should know me well enough that I would do it to your face.” 

[cryptoauggie-blog]

taryn-lively:

Her eyes just stayed fixated on the woman in front of her, not phased by her comments but also not amused by them either. Friendly? If she was wanting that then she should have gotten into a different business as hacking tended to make more enemies. She supposed anyways as not being skilled in that front herself so she was no expert. While the syndicate had made use of the girl they caught trying to extract information from, they were still blackmailing her. If she wanted to play tough Taryn had no qualms about keeping this one in line if needed. “No, mine isn’t. If you want friendly then talk to one of the townies.” She deadpanned, really wishing the girl would keep up the attitude and make her life a little more interesting.

Finally, the other cut to the chase and she got an answer she actually wanted to hear. The rocket science comment was unappreciative as no it wasn’t, but that still didn’t mean everyone could do it. That was the thing about exceptionally smart people - they acted as if everything was common sense. “Lose the attitude. If it takes a few days then it takes a few days, that’s all you need to say.” Leaning back in her seat she softened her gaze, trying an alternative way of dealing with this one. “Just let us know. In the meantime, I’d look into the residents here too unless you already are. Something’s not quite right here and I’d personally like to make this trip a short one.” 

“Short one for you, maybe. I still live here when your ass crawls back out of town.” A shrug lifted her shoulders, and she grabbed the computer to pull it open again, started clacking away at the keys to unlock it. As the screen lit up again, and she started plugging in a few things, her eyes darted up to look at the woman. “I’ve been living in this shithole for a year, if you think I don’t have recon on the locals already, you’re kidding yourself. But if you’re looking for specifics, add it to the list and I’ll see what I can do. S’far as I know, most of the assholes round here are pretty clean, but what do you expect from a backwater dirt hole?” Not that the place where she’d grown up was much better, but at least there she’d had the added benefit of not having to work and pay rent and could just enjoy the ‘charm’ of small town life. 

Fingers drummed against the keyboard as she waited for the screen to load up, and she let out a soft sigh. “Something isn’t quite right, but can you say exactly what isn’t quite right? Because I sure as hell can’t and I’ve been trying to figure it out. And, for the record, the townies aren’t any nicer or friendlier than you or anyone else. Just better at hiding how shitty they are.” 

[cryptoauggie-blog]

williamalderson:

Will shook his head, a deep laugh rumbling in his chest. “You’re outta your damn mind, walking all the way out here,” He said, opening a metal drawer and pulling out a jumper cable, “but I can respect persistence.” He finished, turning back to her and holding up the cord. “Alright, I don’t wanna hook it up to the tow unless we absolutely have to, we might be able to jump you and get it started again, it’s possible the battery just died and I gotta give it a little juice to get going, but I won’t know til we get there.”

Then Will put his hand over his chest dramatically, feigning something of a swoon, like a cartoon character getting a cupid’s arrow to the heart. “Well, in that case, darlin’, we’d better start buckling in.” He said with a humored tone, waving a hand as he started walking in the direction of the tow truck, silently signalling her to follow. 

“Now, don’t get insulted when I say this, but are you sure your tank wasn’t empty? You’d be surprised how many people forget to fill up their cars, because that’s what the ‘ju-jug’ sound sounds like to me.” He said, voice slightly teasing and amused. “Though, it’s just as possible that you could have a broken line and the gas leaked out or someone just straight siphoned it the hell out.” The latter was surprisingly less surprising then it probably should be, he wouldn’t entirely count it out with all the asshole teenagers in town gettin’ all their shitty old cars that burn through fuel like a fucking jet engine.

“Do you have anywhere to be today? ‘Cause it might take some time depending and I can drop you off once we get the car back here and I give ‘er a quick look.”

“What can I say, I needed the exercise, and now I can officially not do it again for about a month.” A laugh left her as she watched him, eyes lingering a little too long, a little too low. There was something to be said for an attractive older man who could fix a car. Maybe she was sick, and maybe she needed to learn to chill, but damn if she didn’t have some wicked fantasies about those jumper cables. Shaking her head a bit, she tried to focus on the words coming out of his mouth instead of the extremely not safe for work thoughts flitting through her mind. “Yeah, right. Battery. Whatever you say, chief. Last time I tried to change the tire on the thing, I broke something, so I trust you more than me.” 

A smirk, and she shot him a saucy wink, a hand coming up to blow a little kiss before pushing away from the side of the car and following him to where he was walking, having to jog a bit to catch up before falling into step beside him. “You know, you’re a tease. It wouldn’t kill you to actually give it up one of these days. I only bite a little and only in the spots that are fun.” As she walked, she nudged him with her shoulder, offering a bit of a chuckle before shrugging again. 

She feigned insult, a hand coming up to press to her chest dramatically this time, and let out an overdone scoff. “Of course I put gas in it. I think. I’m like 90% sure there’s at least half a tank.” Or, at the very least, she was 50% sure, and that was just as good, right? Besides, she didn’t drive around willy nilly with the damn thing, conserving her gas as much as she possibly could, because work and home were really the only places she absolutely needed to take it.

“Nah, took the day off work. I’d rather just hang around and watch you get all hot and sweaty while you work on it, if it’s all the same.” 

[cryptoauggie-blog]

“You’re new in town.” Evanessence answered in a deadpan expression, standing right in front of the table with an iced latte on hand. As much as possible, she tried to mind her own business. But Eva couldn’t help herself, not when this was another face she hadn’t seen around town before.

Now, it was starting to get suspicious. The sudden influx of new people in Muddy Waters was note-worthy. Something was definitely up, and she was no fool to stay oblivious to it.

Letting her non-coffee bearing hand free fall, she held her stance, looking particularly threatening. “A tourist, are we? Or a visiting fella?”

An eyebrow lifted, Auggie curious about who the hell this girl was, thought she was, waltzing up to her and demanding some answers from her like it was any of her business why Auggie was in town. And besides that, she wasn’t even that new in town, she’d been around for a year. Leaning back in her chair, her arms crossing over her chest as her eyebrow lifted. 

“First of all.” She started, eyeing the girl, all glitter and coffee and bullshit up and down. “I’m not that new in town. I’ve been around long enough.” A shrug, flippant and somewhat annoyed that she was putting up with this when she had actual work to do. “Second of all, I don’t believe who I am or why I’m here is any of your business. Kindly take your basic ass latte and step out of my face now.” 

[cryptoauggie-blog]

quinn-thornton:

Quinn was willing to wait. She smiled, sipping a latte, and checked her messages on her work phone. Somehow, nothing could ever be accomplished if she went for a coffee run. She was beginning to suspect that her coworkers might just be idiots. Maybe Carla was right, and she should just invest in a cattle prod to keep them in line. She’d learned how to read upside down years ago, a result of loving to eavesdrop in all forms, and was trying to decipher the notes, but it was gibberish to her. 

She finally got the other woman’s attention, and gave a little wave. “Hope I’m not interrupting”, which she knew she was. “Just wanted to say hi.” And to know more about the only person in town who seemed to be good with computers.  That was something to look for, considering her online activities.  

Just wanted to say hi? Who the hell was this woman and why the hell was she bothering Auggie for something as stupid as that. Of course, she had no idea that Auggie was in the middle of something rather vital to her continuing to breathe, but that didn’t mean she could just sit her ass down and paint on that sticky, bullshit smile and expect her to want to get into this... whatever the hell it was supposed to be. She had half a mind to pull her laptop back open, shove her headphones back in, and just move on. 

Unfortunately, she didn’t feel exactly comfortable doing so until the woman was gone. So she painted on a sticky smile of her own, though hers was definitely laced with quite a few touches of poison. “Look at that, you’ve said it. I’ll even say it back now. Hi.” A pause, and Auggie lifted an eyebrow. “Is that all?” 

[pawns-king]

“For the last time, does this look like a fucking Starbucks? Do you see an enormous slutty mermaid on everything? Are all the prices ridiculous? Is my espresso shitty and burnt as fuck? No? Shocking! Then no! We don’t have any fucking frappuccinos!” Waving aggressively, Oz was gesturing with a coffee mug for emphasis. “That’s it! I’m going for a smoke break before I murder someone! Don’t bother me unless someone pulls a gun!” Hopping up onto and then over the bar, he shoved the front door open, knocking a cigarette out of a pack while he walked. Biting it between his teeth, he angrily lit it and puffed for a moment. Noticing he wasn’t alone, he turned around. “If you’re a lawyer, I suffer from rage-blackouts and can’t be held accountable for anything I do or say while suffering from one.”

[cryptoauggie-blog]

Auggie was walking down the sidewalk, on her way to her shift at Rise and Grind. It was time to be a coffee slave for the next few hours, and she was less than looking forward to it. Bag slung over her shoulder, apron dangling precariously on top of the bag, just as she was approaching, the door flew open and out walked Oz, and her hands shot up immediately into the air as he spoke to her, a look of mock shock on her face. “Just heading into work, big guy, unless you’ve given me a promotion I don’t know about.” As she slowly dropped her hands, they folded over her chest, and she lifted an eyebrow. “What’s the matter, boss? Someone ask for a frappuccino again? Or make fun of your decorating style? Or your hair?”

[cryptoauggie-blog]

deputysaga:

“You sound busy,” Eli said with an air of understanding. He’d been through having too many things going on in his life at the same time… Or maybe his entire life just consisted of too many things going on at the same time. All the time. On the bright side he didn’t have to worry about taking any classes anymore. “I used to work here, so I just got in the habit of coming in the morning when it’s the least busy. When I can… Just be wary of those impulse candy bars up by the registers.”

His small laugh tapered off and he looked at her in surprise, stammering slightly in his response, “Uh… not to my face?” Eli said, shaking his head. Not that he’d heard anyway, though he did get called a lot of names. Hm. “You can call me Deputy Saga, August. It’s nice to meet you. When did you get into town?”

Officer Eyebrows had no idea, but she didn’t say that, instead just offered a smile, as warm as she could muster, at his understanding tone and words. Between Rise and Grind shifts, her work with the Whitewater Syndicate, her online classes that would hopefully get her into the Masters program, and her own personal side jobs, she was honestly surprised that she ever slept at all, let alone managed to cram a full four hours in a day. “There’s nothing wrong with a little impulse candy in the morning.” Fingers trailed along the shelf in front of her for a moment before she grabbed a little single pouch of pop-tarts, definitely not the best food in the world. 

But quick and cheap.

Her eyes darted up at his stammering and she felt her grin only growing as she tilted her head a bit. “They’re probably just shy. I bet you could get any girl in this backwater town. Or.. guy I suppose, if that’s your preference. No judgment from me.” A pause, as his title rolled over in her mind and she nodded. “Deputy Saga it is. I’ll keep the less... safe for work nicknames to myself.” With a wink, she laughed a bit, shoulders lifting in a shrug. “A while, but if you don’t frequent the Rise and Grind or my living room, seeing me out is a rare spectacle.” 

[cryptoauggie-blog]

linkxarmitage:

Head under the car, what was it with people in this town and not taking care of their vehicles. Every car he’d worked on since arriving in Muddy Waters, was backed up with grease and congested to hell. Suppose if he lived long in this place he’d stop giving a shit about everything as well, including his car. Releasing the pipe to allow the oil to run into the bucket beside his head, Link continued wiping down the parts to find other problem areas.

Hearing the sound of footsteps through the soft lull of music from the stereo all the way over the other side of the garage, he turned his head to see feet moving along the side of the car. And as she spoke, a small smile broke his serious expression. It was a great question after all. Rolling out from under the car, he caught sight of her leaning against the side of the hood.

“People expect because you are related by blood, you should care deeply about what your siblings do. Fools fall in love because they can’t live with themselves and think someone else might be able to, which is terribly mean if you ask me. Who is this guy your sister is marrying and why aren’t you happy about it?”

“Just another shit stain on the underwear that is my life, I suppose.” Auggie grinned as well, simply seeing his grin as he rolled out from under the car. For a moment, she was perfectly content to consider his face, listen to the music playing somewhere in the distance, but a sigh left her, gave up her true feelings on the matter and she lost the grin in favor of eyes rolling. 

“I have no idea, besides ‘he’s a lawyer’ and ‘mom and dad just love him, Aug’. I think she said his name is Deacon? Or maybe he’s a deacon at a church? Likely I should just call him ‘Mr. Talia’ because that’s the life he’s setting himself up for.” But then, that was just the first part of his question. Easy to pinpoint and pick out. The rest of it, the part about why she wasn’t happy, that was a little but harder. It’s not necessarily that she wasn’t happy for her sister outright. Her perfect, do-gooder sister with her specialty in Pediatric Medicine was getting married to some fancy lawyer and she was going to show up to the wedding alone, or with some date that her family definitely wouldn’t care for, and she would start hearing the questions roll in about why she hadn’t settled down yet or asking what she did for a living and why she hadn’t found a better job than shilling coffee beans at 22.

“I just really don’t want to go to the wedding. But she wants me to be a bridesmaid, so it’s not as if I really have a choice.” Another sigh, but she offered a grin instead of her face falling sullen again. “But hey, who cares, right? I just get through the day and no more family obligations until someone dies. Anyway, who’s wrecker is this?” 

[cryptoauggie-blog]

taryn-lively:

“You know, one would think you’d be more excited to see a friendly face in a new town.” Taryn chimed, hand on her hip as she’d been patiently waiting for August to stop what she was doing. She hadn’t appreciated the glare she had originally gotten when the woman looked up the first time and certainly didn’t like the tone she was using now. But she liked to think of herself as reasonable so she gave her an another chance. That and they were in public and she couldn’t just go around threatening violence in a town that already was looking for her to stick her toe out of line.

Pulled the chair across from the woman and the computer slowly back enough to make a loud scraping noise, she took a seat. Folding her arms in front of her neatly on the table she took a good long look at the woman. While she might not have ever been to college, she sure remembered what it was like to encounter brats who seemed to think the world revolved around them. So she liked to remind them that it wasn’t, by taking her own time to do things. “I’d ask how it was going on your front, but I would hope if you’d found anything that you would have already said something by now.”

“Is yours supposed to be the friendly face? If so, perhaps I’ve had the definition of ‘friendly’ wrong for years.” There was something delicious in smarting off to a woman would could give the order to kill her, but she also treaded carefully, as she had no actual intention to die in the first place. That was what this entire arrangement was supposed to be preventing, after all. She agreed to work for them, to get them whatever it was they wanted information wise, to crack into security and find things, and in exchange, she didn’t end up at the bottom of a lake with bricks tied to her ankles. Good system, she thought.

But then it also meant dealing with people like this. Auggie was not a good person, not by any stretch of any imagination. She would never be a good person, as long as she continued to do the things she did, but even she found them unsavory. Her reluctant employment was just that, reluctant and a way to keep her off the chopping block. The woman’s words cut through her, and she offered, at least, a small shrug in response. “While it’s not rocket science, it takes a few days to get all of the information you’re looking for. I assumed, and correct me if I’m wrong, that you would want everything before I said anything, and not just bits and pieces.” 

[cryptoauggie-blog]

williamalderson:

Will caught sight of Auggie and he gave a laugh. “One guess, huh?” He started, eyes scanning her briefly, taking in what looked like a tired, fed up girl and said, “I’d have to say your car broke down somewhere by the looks of it.” He said easily, voice friendly but with a touch of humor as he stood up, rubbing his palms on the front of his jeans again. “How far did you walk to get here? Darlin’, you know you coulda called me and I would’ve dragged the tow truck to you, right?” He said with another laugh, leaning back against the ugly car he was working on, waving a hand before crossing his arms over his chest.

The people in this town always seemed to have absolute monsters of cars, breaking down left and right, hazard lights, busted engines, doors that don’t quite close all the way, things breaking and dragging underneath for miles. It was, of course, good for business, but he couldn’t help but wonder whether most of ‘em were unlucky or just straight neglectful. He felt himself leaning towards the latter, the reason being that it was rare he found himself making too small of repairs, most locals waiting until it was nearly unfixable to give him a call. Great for his wallet, terrible for his poor back that he could practically feel on the verge of being thrown out.

“Well, it’s too late now, ain’t it? We’ll go get it together.” He smiled with a nod, pushing off the car and turning briefly to gather some tools. “Was it doin’ anything odd before today? Weird sounds, strange smells, hazard light blinking, anything like that?”

“Ah, but see, calling you would have been the simple solution, and I much prefer to do things the hard way. I would say I walked... across town, but I couldn’t offer an exact mileage.” Her eyes scanned him for a moment before they drifted down to the car he was leaning against, something that even she, in her ridiculously low standards as far as vehicles went, wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. She wanted to make a comment on it, but instead simply wrinkled her nose and moved on, a swift shrug of the shoulders all she had to offer for that. 

She had never been a car person. Even when she was learning to drive (being taught by her anal retentive father who was absolutely excellent at making her so nervous that she was surprised that she’d learned at all) she knew that she would never pick up on the little things about cars, and the one she had now, the one that was older than her that she’d bought for three hundred dollars cash, was junk and a half. She was surprised it still ran at all when it was working. It had to be because of Will, and his expertise. 

She should probably get a new car. But really, who had the money for that. 

“Sounds good. And what a brilliant excuse to get all cozy in the tow truck.” She shot him a wink, a little grin, and then a shrug when he questioned her. Thinking back, there was a strange clunking, but then, her car was a loud one, the kind that could be heard from blocks away, and she never thought anything of it. “There was a bit of a ju-jug sound, but as I’ve no idea what it means, I can’t tell you why.” 

[cryptoauggie-blog]

kris-childs:

Kris rolled his eyes. “And as a person who has had stitches more than he probably should have, it’s not that big of a deal. A little bleeding a couple weeks extra heeling and I’ll be fine.” He tossed the paper towels and the spray into the little bin for them before looking at her. “You guys don’t have Email?” He asked. “I mean I have a flip phone and I still know how to use Email.” 

“Perhaps, then, your best interest would lie in not doing that which causes you to get stitches. Though, as this time it was apparently someone else who caused it, I guess that doesn’t work.” A shrug, and Auggie reached up to lightly brush a few strands of hair away from her face. His suggestion made her laugh out loud, and she reached into her pocket to expose a flash drive quickly, tucking it away in her hand again before he had a chance to really look at it. “I have email, I prefer flash drives so I’m not bogging my computer down.” And her ‘notes’ were waiting for her, a rubber ducky that she’d paid really good money for. “You have a flip phone? Are you that scared of our AI overlords?”

[wnq-writers]

I am an antisocial, social butterfly. I hate being ignored, but I ignore other people. What is wrong with me?

Lynette Simeone (via wnq-writers)

[cryptoauggie-blog]

deputysaga:

He raised his eyebrows as the woman looked like she was trying to think of a way out of picking up the things she’d knocked down. It seemed like she thought better of it, and did decide to do the right thing. Mostly Eli cared mostly because he was sympathetic. He knew what it was like to work in this place, and it was crappy to say the very least. If she hadn’t come back to do it, he would have done so himself of course. Yet she did come back, and while it was surprising, he was appreciative all the same.

“Better,” he responded to her question, giving her a small smile. “I’m sure the stock boys will appreciate it, thank you.” Eli shifted the shopping basket in his hand from one side to the other heading down the isle, and glancing over at the woman curiously. It wasn’t an every day occurrence to meet someone new in this town. “You know you probably shouldn’t grocery shop when you’re tired. It’s really bad for you.”

A roll of her eyes, subtle, as her head turned to glance at the shelf beside her. She really, really didn’t care if the stock boys would appreciate it, but she also shouldn’t really come off as such a terrible person. “I’m glad I could make their day a little brighter, then.” A smile flashed across her face as she turned to look at him again, teeth chewing down lightly on her lower lip for a moment before she shrugged.

“I probably shouldn’t, you’re absolutely correct. But between working, and classes and attempting in vain to have a social life, I haven’t found the time for basic human necessities.” Not entirely inaccurate, though her attempt at a social life was a bit of a lie. Hands ran along the shelf before she grabbed a couple of bags of chips, definitely not good for her, from it. “August, by the by. In case you were wondering. Or, like, cared. I assume they call you Officer Panty Dropper?” 

[cryptoauggie-blog]

atreus-trower:

Atreus stared back at her as she watched him, wondering if there was something that he was missing. She’d accepted his offering of food but was just sitting there holding it and watching him. He relaxed a little as she finally ate a piece of hers, pleased as he felt like he’d helped somehow. 

“I’ve got an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop.” He shrugged. “You should come by. Let me practice on you.” He looked up with a teasing grin. “Computer science. That sounds fancy as shit.” 

“An apprenticeship, eh? Are you a good artist or are you more of a connect the dots kind? I ask because I’m extremely picky of who puts a needle to my skin, you see. If I’m going to let you use my poor precious skin as your personal practice canvas, I need to know what I’m getting into.” An eyebrow lifted as she pinched off another piece of the cinnamon bun to eat it. Still too sticky, still too sweet. 

A chuckle left her, soft and rather dry, as her head shook a bit. “Fancy, maybe, but not necessarily exciting unless you’re a huge fan of things like zeros and ones, and staring at them all day long.”

[cryptoauggie-blog]

kris-childs:

The male laughed and shook his head. “I pulled them not ripped them out. They’re still there trust me… there’d be much more blood.” When his shirt was completely on he rubbed his chest softly. “Some guys weren’t thrilled with who I am.” He stated simply. He shrugged and took a sip of water. After a second he shook his head. “Why are you meeting someone at the gym unless it was to work out? That’s weird. If it’s a guy I’d tell him to to shove it honestly. Who brings a date to the gym.” He shook his head again before walking over and grabbing the spray bottle and some paper towel quickly wiping off the bag. “I’m Kris by the way. Kris Childs.” 

“I suppose so, yes, but it stands to reason that even pulling can probably be a bad thing. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never had stitches.” A shrug of the shoulders, and she stretched her neck a bit. Her eyes linger for a moment on his chest, curious even as he vaguely explains, what could he possibly mean. Weren’t thrilled with who he was, as if that was suppose to mean something to her, who had no clue who he was, but it was, after all, his own burden and likely none of her business anyway. His question, however, made her chuckle. She wasn’t exactly about to tell him what she was really doing here, but offered a shrug instead. “It’s not a date. I don’t date. At least, not socially. We’re meeting to trade notes for a class, before his workout.” A smooth and simple lie, notes for class being the first thing that popped into her head. “August. And yes, that’s my actual name, before you ask. My friends call me Auggie, or, I suppose they would if I had any friends.”