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@crzystup1dluv
# crzystup1dluv / 21+ dd:dne / activity by demand / low effort.
INDIE and SEMI-SELECTIVE JACOB PALMER from Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011). Knowledge of source material not needed for interaction but it's a cute movie and you should go watch it !! Set primarily post- movie, canon-diverg. but verse adaptable.
Garf / 31+ / they & them. Primary made this blog for g0slingverse shenanigans, but open to all.
( INFO ) ( RULES ) ( TAG DROP )
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS !!
Whether it's platonic, sexual, or romantic... Jacob needs some variety in dynamics.
Before Hannah, he was your very clichΓ© and typical macho womanizer guy in a suit. He led, he was stereotypically dominant, he was never pushy but there was no mistake what his intentions were. And he was good at it! And this was not who he actually was.
For any real, actual close dynamic, Jacob is going to need someone capable of pushing and pulling with him. He needs someone that is going to jostle him and take him out of his comfort zone and lead sometimes, but he also needs someone that he can support and who isn't overly serious all the time and who he can lead other times. In any sort of relationship, he needs someone who is supportive but also needs support.
And because we're into Sunday:
This does mean he is a hard vers & switch. Frankly speaking, Jacob doesn't even really understand those labels and doesn't use them. He UNDERSTANDS them but it's 'just a sex thing some people have' to him. Like a kink or whatever you just sort of politely nod to. In his eyes, sex is just sex and you just communicate and go with the flow. He's not about to roll up with a Sex RΓ©sumΓ© that pre-lists out all his preferred positions in the bedroom, especially when it can change depending on his mood.
But the real Jacob needs sex to be a little silly, a little awkward. A sort of shared responsibility in a way. He needs to feel wholly safe and supported with a partner and needs to have ample room to be the same towards them. He's in the midst of figuring out who he is and so it is paramount he feels like he has the ability and space to do so with someone in that way. The dude needs someone who will throw him around and boss him around one night and then will let him pamper them the next.
# crzystup1dluv
An indie JACOB PALMER from Crazy, Stupid Love (2011)
SEMI-SELECTIVE. MUTUALS ONLY. Post-film & heavily HC-based. 21+
Terrorized by Garf, 31+
( PINNED ) ( RULES ) temp cred: x
Ahaaahaaa heeeey. Who wants memes?
wait ok one last thing. what if i was evil and made jacob into showtunes but specifically (mainly) the film adaptation ones..................
headed to bed rahhhhhhh
anyway fun trivia fact for the Kens and Barbies out there:
Jacob wears a David Y. horsie ring in the film :333
β umm, is this seat taken ? β - Audrey (just tossing a muse against the wall to see if it sticks, but shes def not trying to hit on him by asking to sit there i promise lol more so its a packed bar whoops)
Jacob had unlearned (was still unlearning) a lot of his macho-man (frankly sexist) bullshit-β but he was not at the point of being chill with a Man-Bag. Not yet. Maybe not ever. But, god. Women and their purses! Didn't want someone snagging a seat next to you? Oops! Sorry! My purse is there! Dang!
But Jacob didn't have a purse. Or a bag. Or anything short of kicking a leg up to occupy the seat and even he had his limits; he'd have sooner gotten up and offered her the whole table. That got you out of a situation but also made you look like a real suave gentlemen... tip for the readers.
He made some half-effort show of scooting his chair a bit to the side to give her room and gave a curt nod to it as he moved his drink. The bar was crowded. More than usual. It'd been relatively calm when he'd gotten there but it had just been progressively busier and busier until a seat became a hot commodity.
His gaze fell distant and he gave a knowing hum and a nod.
β Figured. Bachelorette party.β Living in bars and clubs at least scored you some pretty neat (if not sad) party tricks... like being able to pretty accurately determine why someone was there. Jacob's gaze squinted and his head cocked in that sort of way it did when he was trying to puzzle something out.
β Pre-gaming for one, rather. First stop. Heels still on, sashes on straight. Make-up and hair look relatively pristine. We are not at the sloppy stage of The Bachelorette Rumble yet. β
οΉ€OPEN STARTERοΉ₯
βββhands glide across the keys almost lazily. while Sebastian is grateful he gets paid to play at all, it feels so hollow when heβs explicitly not allowed to play jazz. if they wanted the same handful of songs everyone knows, as some sort of background noise rather than art to experience, why not just buy a set of speakers and call it a day?
βββwhatever. it pays his bills and is still better than most β9 to 5βsβ people work. plus, every day is a day closer to buying his club β heβs nearly there.
βββafter a quick glance at the clock he realizes his shift is up. he gives a quiet sigh as the song finishes, gently closing the fallboard.
Background noise was fine until it became foreground music. It became an issue when your heart hadn't been in it since you'd walked in the door hours ago and so it had left your brain to wander and keep track of that background music until-β had it looped? Had this song already been played? He squinted past his partner for the evening as if he could see anything but the side of the piano and a ghost of a profile of whoever was playing at it.
She was nice. Beautiful. Intricate curls that, were not for his mother and her own cutthroat hair routines of his youth, might have written it off comically as 'women and their shapeshifting abilities'. She was funny and bright and interested and the question about the music perched itself at the tip of his tongue but he was hardly an idiot. You didn't ask people in the bar about the workers or the music or the dΓ©cor or the lighting. That was a rookie mistake. That showed a lack of creativity, a lack of versatility. It made you look desperate and out of your league and-β no, seriously. Hadn't this song played earlier when he was just coming in??
Jacob tried, TRIED to center himself again. To tear his eyes away from the piano off in the distance, to focus on... fuck, what was her name again? Linda. Lenore. L... L....Something.
It was gone. The whole situation. The moment, the interest, all of it. Kaboom. Blown up right in his face. The thing about women... no, the thing about anyone in a joint like this? Attention spans the size of a fly. As soon as they got a whiff that your focus was somewhere else? Bam. They were off to the next prospective partner.
And he had no intention of going home with her. Or anyone. Sure. But, ouch? Was he that off his game or had he just been booted off the entire field? This lifestyle he'd lived and breathed felt awkward and foreign and clumsy. Lenore/Linda had long since politely excused herself and Jacob had remained there stewing. Agitated at...? Himself? Her? His whole situation? The music? That damned music. It was the only thing he could feasibly blame right now so... yeah, this music choice was about to get an earful.
With a resolute exhale, he stood and straightened his blazer and fiddled with his cufflinks. Then he was striding over to the piano, boldly leaning an elbow against the instrument. Never mind the fact the music had faded out and the guy was clearly packing up to dip.
β They pay you in peanuts or what? There a reason your set loops after only... β He twisted his wrist up to look at his watch and paled just a bit. Oh god. Had he really already been there for almost four hours? That went well beyond the acceptable time spent at a club when all you were doing was loitering around. There was no way he could let slip that detail.
β Y'know. Why's it loop? You played that one already. And you were already here when I showed up so there's no telling what else looped. β
RYAN GOSLING in βCrazy, Stupid Loveβ (2011)
THE HOUSE !!
Jacob's super-duper expensive and way-too-big for one person house.
Bedrooms: 5 Full Bathrooms: 5 Half-Bathrooms: 1
Los Angeles location because of course, right?
The fun thing about this place, is it's super real and you can see how ridiculous it is.
I headcanon that this was the house his father had intended to retire early into but died young, thus leaving Jacob the inheritance as well as the house. The dΓ©cor is minimalist and atrociously Default Rich Person because Jacob doesn't know who he is and he's scared to figure that out!!! and that unfortunately extends to not having any real personal touch to his interior dΓ©cor.
βWhat is that you are drinking because it looks really good.β
Be nice. Be nice.
He had to find it. He was finding it. Just give him a second !!
Jacob took a sip from said drink and then simply held it in his hand and observed it as if he hadn't seen this specific drink formula a million times already. He licked at his lips as his thumb swiped away some of the condensation.
Who didn't know what an Old Fashioned was? This guy apparently.
He swallowed down any snide remarks that sat perched there at the tip of his tongue and merely offered a dashing and practiced smile.
β Old Fashioned. Here. Try it. I was about done anyway. β
He set the glass down and scooted it over and then leaned back in his chair, tossed an arm over the back of it and gave an encouraging nod.
Ahaaahaaa heeeey. Who wants memes?
βββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββββΒ Β Β Β Β Β β pure experience. i don't need a magazine to tell me how to live my life. unlike you. β
β Aww, sugar. How long...? β He lets the question hang even as he tilts his head to the side, juts out his lower lip in the same sort of way one might look at a shelter puppy stuck in a cage. He's leaned in at this point, bright eyes all full of pity and empathy. It's an absolute jarring performance; maybe in another life Jacob ended up on some stage somewhere.
The expression fades and he noisily moves his gum from one side of his mouth to the other and gives the man a once-over to put Miranda Priestly herself to shame. β How long have you been illiterate? You could just tell me that, you know. Not even being able to read a magazine. Tough being the kid left behind, right? But, hey! β He snaps his fingers and gestures to Holland with his index finger.
β Who needs to read when you've got such a killer collection of novelty patterned shirts? β
POST FILM JACOB !!
What happens when you get so, so close to something but ultimately fall short? Jacob thought he'd done it. He'd found that something in Hannah. No more wasting away at bars with empty hookups to end the evenings, no more late nights with HSN to keep him company with the hopes that maybe that hand-painted porcelain art plate collection might be the thing that finally makes him happy. And he got close. But not every ending is a movie perfect ending.
Trying and failing is better than not trying at all, right? That's what he keeps reading. That's what Hannah keeps telling him. And he's also trying really hard not to take this personally. Sometimes people don't work out. Sometimes, they're destined for other things-β like how he and Hannah are each other's emergency contacts. How he totally has her in his will (done post-break up, btw!), how they have a strict schedule of hangouts they both abide by. They are best friends. Better than best friends, even.
But even if no one was at fault, even if they just weren't right for each other in that way... he's been left stranded. Too changed to go back to his old persona drenched in toxic masculinity like a real shitty, cheap cologne... but too unsure of himself to be anything else. Putting himself out there? The him Hannah saw? Just out there? God, he shuddered at the thought.
So he's left in this weird in between state where he's trying to fall back on his own tricks and behaviors but his heart isn't in it anymore. He doesn't take anyone home from the bars anymore, he just sort of sits there as if he doesn't know it's going to go the exact same way it's gone every other night.
Talking with Hannah helps. Hannah in general helps. But he's an adult and adults have to know how to fix their own problems. It would help if he KNEW what his problem was. A chronic yearner. Yearning for what? Connection? Romance? Something to drag him out of the stupor that is a life of being wildly attractive and rich? Jacob's got no idea and doesn't even know where to begin in figuring any of that out.
OK OK IM WRITING IM WRITING no more ooc
Lamenting over the fact CSL is still like 15 bucks to own despite being a film from 2011. Dragging my feet to the pirate waters. But wait,,,,, silly me. I'm insane and i've had all his big films downloaded since like 2020 dfjgbdgkdf
