!Gachiakuta spoilers ahead!
Can we talk about how lonely Tamsy actually is? I’m currently writing a WIP with him and I was going over the chapters where we have an insight on his life and… it is so lonely if you actually pay attention to it.
If you look at with details at his room you will realise that it is not just “clean” and “put together”; it is empty and very lonely. He literally has a table with only one chair for it which made me wonder if he just sits there by himself during breakfast/lunch/dinner and eats by himself while everyone else is surrounded by at least their team, because he, himself, doesn’t like being around people and here comes my theory:
Inner/Alter-ego Tamsy is a product of his loneliness. If you think about it Tamsy has no one to talk to, like really talk to, and by his own words: “People has misunderstood me my whole life.” - what if he has just given up on being understood? What if he has just given up on explaining himself as no one ever tried to put the effort off getting to know him, and despite all the schemes he is doing behind everyone’s backs, he has genuinely given up on basic human connections? (I also have this theory that he was taken advantage of one way or another for how he used to be before the person he turns to be now, but this I’ll comment on another time.)
Another thing we know about him is that, as he has said it himself: “The person I’m right now harbours no anger and resentment. I have something stronger than those emotions.”
Which means Tamsy has grown up with a lot of it boiling inside of him (just like Rudo), but to not feel any of these feelings anymore must be to something breaking/twisting inside of him that he reached that state. “Love” (which is said to be stronger feeling than hatred and resentment), as we all know, is the emotion that he justifies his actions with so I don’t want to imagine what has happened to him to twist his mind so badly that his perception of it is so fucked up.
Given the similarities between how Rudo has been feeling his whole life and what Tamsy “used to” feel before, no matter what (or who) the connection is between them, in Tamsy’s mind he is really helping Rudo out, because he knows, in fact from a first hand experience, what Rudo feels like, which makes me believe Tamsy knows about Rudo existence long before he killed Regto, but that is not what the post is about now.
The post is about how I think that most of his personality and behaviour is based on his loneliness that he might be choosing to bury or not acknowledge. Because me, as a person who spends her whole life in her head and having conversations with myself most of the time as I didn’t have anyone who understood me growing up, I think I recognise and see big part of his character in myself, therefore, I believe that Tamsy is very, very lonely…
Of course, I might be wrong, but Tamsy has also said: “I have something stronger than those emotions. Something more right than anything else. Something that will trail after me for eternity.”
This leads me to believe that Tamsy is more than aware that once Rudo finds out what he has done, he will be most likely killed by him, and Tamsy is not very subtle about it if you have paid attention. He has dropped many hints to Rudo about it, but this makes me believe again that Tamsy is subconsciously also doing it because of loneliness, and because of his conversation he has had with Rudo when they were in Canvas Town about death, I believe Tamsy doesn’t want to die in vain.
From personal and not personal experience myself, I’ve noticed that the loneliest people tend to strive for the biggest goals, no matter who impossible or crazy they might be, because after they die they want to leave a trace behind themselves, so they don’t die in vain, as in if during your lifetime you weren’t remarkable enough to be remembered or surrounded by people, at least after you die someone remembers and carry your name for a long time. And you tell me if this isn’t a very sad and lonely life?
Of course as I said, no one must agree even the slightest with me as it is currently 6AM, and instead of going to sleep my mind is overloaded with Tamsy and the concept of his loneliness filled up my mind so I had to share and see if someone else has caught on it or at least sees what I see in his character.
Anyway,
Take care 🫶
