Real Life Cuckold

I became a cuckold at 47. This blogg is about how i cope (or don't) with that. Also how my wife moulds our new female led dynamic.

[chastitycouples]

The Starting Rules

Chastity Rules

Basic Rules for beginners. The key is to be very strict and follow every rule.

1. Take control of his orgasms • He must wear a chastity device 24/7. • You should lock his chastity cage and only you should be the “KeyHolder”. You can also use a numeric padlock. • Let him out at your discretion only and only for teasing. • Emphasize that he will never be permitted to have any kind of orgasm OR erection! without your permission. • He must experience ruined orgasms.  This emphasizes your control and stimulates his frustration. • He may only cum when wearing a buttplug and your panties. You may also gag him. • Peg him, make him cum like a real sissy • Milk his prostate • Always restrain his hands(handcuffs or rope) when letting him out of his cage. Many guys will resist after an orgasm or take control when you edge/ruin them.

Everytime you let him cum, you must ruin him. After that you make him eat his cum. You can edge him and forbid him to orgasm. You have to learn him that he may not orgasm. If he does then you have to make him eat his cum. 

Ruined -> Eat it Accidently -> Eat it

Only tease and edge! Edge every day!

2. Chastity devices • Make him buy secure permanent devices like the jailbird, holy trainer or metal cages with urethra plugs. Make sure you get the right size so he cannot escape. You can make many devices escape proof with medical glue. The best option is a PA. It is recommended to glue his foreskin with superglue so he won’t attempt to escape. This does not damage the skin but lays a sticky layer for 1 week. • The best devices can be worn 24/7 and only need cleaning every other day. He can clean it in the shower by putting soap in his cage and apply a full jet of the shower head right in the cage. it will clean his penis thoroughly. No need to take him out • Shaving can perfectly be done while wearing the device. Just move it a bit to reach the hard to reach spots. • If he has to clean his penis manually for a reason. Do it under supervision or tell him that only you may touch his penis. He is not allowed to play by himself. • Draw you name on his dick before putting him in the cage. That way you can check if he cheated or not! For him it is mind boggling not touching a body part for over a month when he used to touch it every hour.

3. Get into his head! • Learn his fantasies and what turns him on. • Tease him with his fantasies whenever possible. • Make him wear your panties all the time. Skirts, stockings, socks everything to make him remember he’s your slut at work or wherever he goes. • Make him sign these rules without letting him read it. He may experience the joy of chastity. • He must promise he will follow the rules strictly. You may threaten to leave him if he doesn’t. He will make up his mind soon enough. • Explain to him that he will only receive prostate orgasm. Sissies should cum like real girls. • Make him shave his WHOLE body! Nothing better then feeling a soft body next to you in bed at night. It will grow back so he has to maintain it.

4. You must keep him sexually aroused as much as possible. • Taunt him.  Dress sexy • Talk sexy and dirty to him. • Tell him you are going to make him do something humiliating. • Fondle him or let him fondle you. • Make him wear a buttplug or prostate massager everytime you go out. • Send him text messages with orders to do something sexual. • Make him give you orgasms frequently. • Edge him • Milk his prostate

5. Make him do something humiliating and learn when he will do anything for you. • Tease him to the edge then command the most humiliating activities.  He will do them. • Make him wear a butt-plug for a time. • Train him to submit to your strapon.   • Make him be naked when you are not. • Always, ALWAYS make him eat his own cum after your ruin his orgasm no matter where it is deposited. Sit on his face after a creampie or feed him off your hand or french kiss him!

6. No matter what you are doing, or where you are, find ways to taunt him. • Fondle him through his pants in public (or in private). • Whisper sexy or humiliating things in his ear. • Make him shop for lingerie or toys for you. • Leave notes with instructions like: “I want to see you caged and plugged with these when I get home”

7. Control your own feelings of guilt.

• He should never be permitted to have any kind of orgasm without your    permission. • If you feel he deserves an orgasm… Ruin it! • Remember, you can ruin several orgasms a day, but he can only have one full one. • Full orgasms should be for very special occasions (no more than 3 or 4 per year).

Extra sissy rules:

• A sissy must wear panties. He does not own any male underwear. Take away his underwear and replace it. • A sissy may wear a bra and pink or brightly colored tights or leggings. Leggings and nylon are mandatory! • A sissy must sleep in lingerie. If he does not have any, he must sleep naked. • When alone, a sissy must dress as a girl. Good sissies wear lipstick while alone. • A sissy always keeps himself free of facial hair, and is otherwise well groomed. He must always be presentable, ready to please.  • Good sissies shave their legs • A sissy must never touch himself sexually without explicit permission from his Master or from his Muse • A sissy must wear as many lovely pink girly things as possible • Sissy must be in panties and a bra minimum at all times. • Sissy must keep shaved clean below the neck at all times. • Slave is not to masturbate with out permission, and when permission is given, it must be done in a slutty humiliating sissy way that reinforces my position.   

Some text to make him horny:

‘I love thinking about your cock in that cage

I’m thinking about you inside me right now, maybe I’ll let you tonight

Fancy a blow job? He replies yes. Shame you’ve got that cage on.

How are you going to convince me to unlock you tonight honey?

I’m really horny. Come and give me an orgasm, at least one of might as well

a list of tasks with ‘unlock cock’ as the final one lol

Read and learn new stuff: http://chastitycouples.tumblr.com/

[cuckold-in-real-life]

This blog has been odd. I'm not sure it's has been helpful or not. But I think its run it's course. I just moan. Which now that I ponder things that's what I do in life. I hate me. I'm not the man I used to be. I want some of him back.

I jumped in with 2 feet to this submission. Now I am submissive. No doubt. But I took it to an extreme. Thinking that will help me remain submissive to princess. To help deal with her and him. Thinking full on cuckold will make it easier. And it did. But it's unsustainable for both of us. I don't have an answer as to how to proceed. I know I do t want to loose princess but I'm thinking things may be out of my control.

I think I'm going to leave it here. Not going to delete it as it may be interesting to look back on. But I think it evolved into something I didn't plan nor want.

So thanks if you read it. Thanks for the comments.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Sunday, 3rd February 2024, 0630hrs.

No idea what to write today. Feel all I do is moan on here. So I'm just going to stop. Moaning I mean.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Saturday, 2nd March 2024, 0545hrs

Wide awake. Woke up with a hard on. See not impotent lol. So horny. Princess woke up too. I saw a window of opportunity. I pressed my erection against her. Even told her I was horny. She rolled away in indifference.

It's at these times I regret my choices. Regret I'm so submissive. my feelings are somewhat hurt. Had Sir awoke in this predicament I've no doubt princess would have helped relieve his needs. No matter how tired she was she'd have bent over and guided him inside her at a minimum. In fact she used to do that for me. Its at these times I can't help feeling like we have drifted so far apart. It's usually a sign things are coming to an end right? The lack of sexual chemistry. The not wanting to touch the other ? I know it's early and she's just tired.

I just wish I was normal at times like this. Wish I was more like sir I guess. Wish princess still wanted me.

I know, I know. The irony. I've encouraged princess to treat me as a slave. To have absolutely no thought for my wants/needs. To be selfish actually I've wanted cruel. I've written here how I want her to focus her sexual desires on sir and disregard me. I've asked for chastity I've asked to be kept without cumming indefinitely. But can't help feeling dejected and unwanted. My fault not princesses. She is giving me what I asked for. I'm not blaming her or saying she's doing anything wrong. The opposite. She's doing as she pleases.

She's still said nothing of her time with sir. She explained if she feels she has to tell me then it's a chore. Will make her want to hide it. I think she'd prefer that. Just not telling me. Me being unaware when she sees him. So she doesn't have to deal with the cuckold side. Both the build up and the aftermath. She has denied this but it's pretty evident. Everything to do with cuckolding she seems to view as a hassle. As taking away from her enjoyment of sir. I don't think I ask for much in terms of cuckolding. I may be wrong. Princess probably views that really differently. I'm starting to think an open relationship may be better suited. She could see Sir when she wanted without having to deal with the cuckolding. Could just say she had a lovely day then move on. Without me feeling overlooked or a burden. As I've said she has outrightly said she will continue to see Sir no matter what. I think thats to let me know she doesn't have to do the whole cuckold thing. She could just see him in secret. Or mention it after the fact. She could. She knows I'll not leave. But would we last. I'd be unhappy. That would have an effect on the relationship. Maybe if we did our own things we'd enjoy coming back to each other. I don't know I'm rambling. With no direction.

Not sure how I'd be with an open relationship either. I don't want sex with someone else. I want princess. But at least Id have the option. Wouldn't feel like I was just being cheated on. I don't know.

Princess will probably read this. And I've considered deleting the last bit. As I don't think it will be well received. But I've said I'll be honest here. Said I'll not edit my thoughts to sanitise them in case she does read. So those are my thoughts. I think I just wish I could read her mind. See exactly how she would have our relationship. If I knew, no matter how different it was from how I want it I could work with that.

I hate my brain 😂

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Kinda how I'm starting to feel.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Friday, 1st March 2024, 0430.

Laying awake waiting on my alarm to get up and kneel for princess.

I feel a bit deflated today. I'd got through the build-up to Princess meeting, sir. The whole time with that knot in my stomach. Princess told me to 'smile' about it. That she didn't like me 'mardy' about them meeting. Buy that was difficult without any interactions about it. Then she sent a few messages the night before that helped with that.

While they were together, I was horny. Really horny for reasons i cant explain. I was glad they were enjoying each other. I felt like a cuckold, the beta male whose wife chose another man to satify her needs. Like I had finally settled into what I am. It felt right.

I was desperate to see her. To kiss her. To touch her body. Lick her used pussy. And of course hear all about her day.

All she said was "I had a lovely day"

Now I know people reading this will say that's her perogative. She doesn't need to titillate her slave. And I get that. I even agree with it. The day was hers. I know. It may make me a selfish slave. Still can't help feeling deflated. After being horny all day, feeling like a cuckold it stopped feeling like a cuckold dynamic. I felt again like a husband whose wife had an affair. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone else. And im sure ill get a message or two telling me to accept it and be a 'good cuck'. But it's a huge part of cuckolding isn't it? For many, the cuck watches. Or is close by and can at least hear how much enjoyment his wife is getting. That is not an option for me. And I understand that. But I want or rather need to hear from princess how good he was. How he did things to her that she'd never let her cucky hubby do. How he satified her better than me. I guess, rub my face in it. Both literally and physically.

On that, she did let me go down on her. That was a highlight. Didn't taste or feel any different. It had been hours since Sir had been inside her. But that didn't matter. I love having my face between her legs. She let me suck on the pants she wore. They definately had a 'taste' I imagined it was a mix of both their cum.

She also told me she loved me and was glad to be home. I so hope both of those are true.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Thursday 29th February 2024 1630hrs.

SHES ON HER WAY HOME!!!!

I appreciate and am grateful to Sir. But I want her back now. .

Double edged sword as I have to go out. Roll on 2200hrs.

Can't wait to see my princess.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Thursday 29th February 2024, 1600hrs.

That's it. I've hit a wall. For some reason, the knot in my stomach is there. I miss her so much now. I'm still horny but I just really miss her. I wish she'd message. Anything. Just need to hear from her. I get she isn't thinking about me. I dont expect her to be. Just can't help. I need her. I need some contact.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Thursday 29th February 2024, 1445hrs.

Time seems to be standing still. I miss princess but im still so horny. No idea why this time is different. All I can think about is princess getting fucked hard by Sir. I know ill never see it. But I so wish I could. See his cock sliding in and out of her beautiful pussy. Her on all fours. Me under her. Licking her. Licking sirs shaft moving to his balls. Then his ass. My tongue deep in his ass. Then back to princess. Gently licking her clit. As Sir pounds her faster. Her grabbing my balls. Not in a playful gentle way. But like a stress toy as her orgasm grows. Digging her nails in. Drawing blood. But she's too far gone to care. Sir grabbing a fistful of her hair pulling her head back. He comes inside her. Pulling out as he does. His cum drips onto my face and I hungrily lick it up. He pushes his cock into my mouth and I clean it of both their cum. The he gets off. Princess sits up placing her used pussy over my mouth. I dont need Any instructions I lap up her juices mixed with Sirs cum. When she's clean she points to the door of the hotel room n says "fuck off" I go to gather my clothes. Sir laughes " just leave them and get out" as I head to the door. I see princess straddle Sir. Kiss him passionately as he grabs her ass.

Or something like that lol

Wish it was time to see princess, though. I do miss her so much. But I'll definitely be encouraging this cuckold lifestyle. Princess and sir fee to do anything they please. Him the sole provider of cock to my wife. I think I'm going to keep chastity on. Princess is going to message me to tell me where the key is as I have to go out. But I think I need long-term chastity. I'm too horny to remove it, I think I'd touch myself if I take it off.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Thursday 29th February 2024, 1230hrs

So Princess messaged. Can't remember the last time I was so excited to hear from her. Was a simple message. Then she wss gone. I'm guessing sir nipped out someplace.

I'm so turned on. I dont know how much sge gets what she's doing. Does she know it will make me want to see him more? Is she really this good?

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Thursday, 29th February 2024, 1100hrs.

That's only been 4 hours since Princess left. Feels much longer. House is cleaned. I intend to go out to get stuff for decking at lunchtime. Maybe pick up sone lunch on my own. I'm guessing princess will enjoy some lunch between fucking Sir. Today isn't as bad as last time. Still get pangs of jelousy but not as much as I thought. Weirdly I felt it when I went on Facbook and saw she was live. No idea why. I just got a massive knot in my stomach.

Anyway. I genuinely hope she's having a great time. I wonder how many of sirs loads she has taken already. I bet her pussy is so tasty just now.

I had hopped for a message. I think she shouldn't have mebtioned that. I'll just constantly look for one. Whereas I hadn't expected any.

I'm so horny this time. Wasn't last time, that time was just jelousy. Im still jelouse but so turned on. The thought of her being fucked hard. The thought that Sir is now her go-to for sex. That I only get to lick her. That she couldn't care about my feelings. That she doesn't care if i ever cum again as long as she gets sirs. Ironically I so want to cum. But I doubt princess will allow me to any time soon. I dont deserve to i know, that. In fact I'm starting to think princess's pussy could be off limits to my pee pee just like her mouth is. If i continue to not satify her and Sir does, it would really solidify our roles. If I was never again to experience a pussy or a mouth. What's wrong with me? That the thought of never having sex again turns me on. And feels right. Only sir gets the joys of princess. I get to taste her if im lucky I get to wank into my hand and eat it. Nothing more.

Chastity isn't too bad. Maybe my lack of erections helps there. As I've said, I'm not impotent. I still get hard. When I wear chastity overnight, I wake in pain due to my erections. When princess touches me, I get hard. It's in my head. I'm constantly panicking that I won't perform. I compare myself to Sir. He wouldn't have this issue. Or he wouldn't doubt himself. He'd just fuck her. Then I lose my erection. Sometimes, just as I'm about to enter princess. It's really embarrassing. Not in a kinky humiliation way. I've been honest with princess about it. She hasn't said much on the subject. Maybe she likes it. Means ill be more supportive of her and Sir. She knows about the pills. Think they are partly a placebo. Give my head a break. But im not permitted to take them now without princess's permission. So she may use my performance against me. Like she will my quick spurting after a period of not cumming. I'll be honest. Sir, satisfying princess today makes me genuinely grateful. I was panicking that she was getting frustrated with the lack of sex.

I wonder if princess understands the power she has over me. That she can do what she is doing today and I have no power to stop it. Infact the cuckolding drives me deeper into submission, makes me more compliant, more attentive to her wishes

Later as i lick her well used pussy, futily to reclaim my self respect and manhood, ironically, by licking another man's cum from her cunt. Ill be so completely hers.

So off for a shower, then head out.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Thursday, 29th February 2024, 0700hrs.

She's away. Princess has left to meet, Sir. Was hard watching her go. I stood at the kitchen window and watched her hop in her car and drive off. She looked so content. Like it was just another day. But it'd not. Not for me anyway. I've got that knot. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I honestly think today is the first day of my true life. What I really am. I think she loves me. I really hope so. I love her so much. But I accept im not enough for her. I accept that she needs more. She needs Sir and whatever he brings. I realise it's not just sex. She wants more than that from him. But sex is a massive part of it. And the part where I think we have defined roles. Simply put he satisfies her he gets to fuck her. Use her body for his gratification as well as hers. My gratification comes from obeying her. From giving up any notion of being equal. Sacrificing any orgasm. From accepting, I could never be inside her body again. Should she choose. From being grateful that Sir has stepped in to provide princess with a sex life, i am unable to give. I am grateful to Sir. As hard as it was to say goodbye this morning. She looked so excited. Im grateful he does that for her.

She looked stunning in her black lingerie. I helped her dress for Sir. I do wish he knew how I humiliate myself for them both.

They'd both laughed over breakfast at how pathetic they have made me. I wish princess would let me thank him. Beg him not to leave it as long next time.

I may see how much I get for my increment this year. Then, I offered to pay for a monthly hotel room. I have suggested they come here. Princess doesn't like that idea. I think it would be fitting. The only sex in our marital bed would be between princess and Sir.

Anyway. Best get on with my chores. I'm sure I'll write again soon.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Thursday 29th February 2024, 0555hrs

Here goes. Chastity on. Butt plug in. Glass on toilet for princess's beautiful pee.

I'm sure you'll be bored of my ramblings by the end of the day.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Thursday, 29th February 2024, 0415hrs

I'm awake. Today is the day. Princess is meeting sir. She is leaving about 7am. I've no idea where they will be going at such an early hour. Seems odd. At the moment I've no knot in my stomach im sure that will come.

Right now I feel like this is the turning point. Today is the day I finally become what I've always known. The last part of the mask I wear is finally shed. To pruncess anyway, and whoever reads thisxof course. I've built up a personal of an alpha male. To the outside world. But princess has dismantled that. She now can see the real me.

I'm no alpha. I'm not even a real man. I'm her slave. I'm her cuckold. How can she see me as a man. She can't respect me. How can she? Today I'll get up kneel naked awaiting her waking. She'll shower shave her pussy for another man. Shhe doesn't care to shave it for me all the time. And why would she. We don't have sex often. When we do it's not fulfilling for her. It's over quick not like the marathon sex she'll enjoy with sir. She says we are just different. I believed that at first. But its nonsense. She's just too scared to upset me. I last a few minutes and thats when I've taken a blue pill. Sir fucks all day. She's said it's difficult to make him cum. He makes her squirt. Yeah we are just different.

Once she's showered I'll help her dress. She's chosen black lingerie, stockings, a black dress n heels. She'll look stunning for Sir. But think about that. Ill help her look stunning for another man. For him to tear those clothes off and fuck her. Whst men would humiliate himself like that? Then she'll leave. I'll kiss her. Tell her I hope she has an amazing time. As if she's off on a day with friends. She'll not look back. Not care how I feel. And how do I react to that. Knowing she's off to fuck another man all day? I'm proud of her. Really?? Yeah proud. Proud she knows what she wants. And takes it. Knowing I'll do as I'm told. I really am pathetic. I know it. I just wish she'd admit it too.

So ill be left. With a list of chores. My ass full with a butt plug, pee pee (ill be using that term from now on as that's what it is. Men have cocks or dicks that fuck women. Mine just seems to be for peeing) locked away in chastity. Wearing woman's panties. Drinking princess's urine. Again a real man??

She says she'll message during day. If she does ill get turned on. Think about that. Ill get turned on by text telling me how well sir is fucking my wife. While I'm in the state explained.

Ill fantasise about them both. What he's doing to her. What she's doing to him. How much better he fucks her than me. How he gets to do things. She'll never allow me to do. As I said this is a turning point. I've a feeling She'll let me do less after today. I doubt I'll get inside her again for a long time if ever. Any man or husband would be angry or upset by that thought. Not me. Not this pathetic cuckold. No I think thats fair I don't think I deserve to put my pee pee in her or any where fir that matter. What kind of man can look at the prospect of never having sex again and still say I want her. I want to spend my life with her. Id give up ever fucking again to stay with her. She won't believe that but I promise its true. I dont deserve pussy. And certainly not princess's. I have already given up blow jobs. I may never have my pee pee sucked again and I'm okay with that.

In the last couple of days, I've finally admitted I'm bi sexual to a point. But not for some faceless man in a cuckold fantasy. No. For Sir. I fantasise about serving him. The actual guy that fucks my wife. If he walked in while I'm kneeling at the end of Princess's bed I'd open my mouth to take the cock that satisfies my princess. I want him to cum in my mouth. Swsllow all of it. I'd call him, Sir. I'd do as he said. Closest ill get is licking him from my wifes pussy. Or suckig his cum from her panties. Im not attracted to him. Bit the power he has over me. Still respect me, princess? Still think I'm a 'man'?

So there's no going back. This is what i am. It's probably what I've always been. But princess has definitely helped tear that mask off. I've always been submissive. Princess has helped me become a slave. And sge has made me a cickold. That's the biggest irony. I begged her to cuckold me. She did. I hated it. Didn't want it. She decided she liked it so made me a cuckold. She says i have a choice, and in some ways, i do. But really, i dont. The only choice i have is to accept what she wants or leave. I can not leave her. So, no choice. And let's be honest here I want her getting fucked by Sir. I want to be treated like im nothing. I want to sacrifice my sex life for her.

I still run the risk of princess leaving me. Why would she want this.

Look at the options. Sir or me? I guess I just have to hope she wants both ends of the spectrum.

Princess isn't even awake yet and I miss her already. I can't for tonight. To cuddle up. Feel her body. Lick her well used pussy.

I love her more than life itself.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Wednesday, 28th February 2024 1730hrs.

Well that was a turn up. Princess messaged me. Telling me all sorts of things she may do with Sir. Abd how ill have to accept it.

She got me soo hot. I'm actually looking forward to her going to meet sir now.

Strange what a few words can achieve.

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Wednesday, 28th February 2024 1400hrs.

Back again just can't stop thinking about Princess and Sir. Sir and princess. Like a loop.

But im a little annoyed now I asked princess if she could to be bit more dominant in the build up. She said she's not going to do anything that isnt her. And I respect that. All I really meant was the odd comment here and there. About how much she's looking forward to meeting Sir. What he's going to do! What she wants to do to him. How it's going to be funny me in chastity doing housework while they are fucking. Just little things like that. Just to involve me. Not let me feel like I'm not part of this weird set up. But sge can't do that. I have to beg to be allowed chastity, to get her used pants. Her pee. I'm left putting a butt plug in my ass and hanging a 4kg kettle bell from my balls to feel submissive. To keep the ego from rising.

Now I get its not princess's place to "help" me. But this is still relatively new. It's been going on for ages but they have only met up a couple of times, for sex. With my knowledge.

Anyway I need to do counselling. I'll be taking part with a butt plug in my ass!!

UPDATE 1530HRS

After saying I just needed some dominance. To keep me submissive to help me deal with what's happening. Princess sent this.

It's things as little as that that help. Thank you Princess. X

[cuckold-in-real-life]

Wednesday, 28th February 2024, 1230hrs.

I said I'd write a lot over next couple of days.

Princess is spending the day with Sir tomorrow. That means lots of sex. The knot in my stomach is growing by the hour. I am so dreading tomorrow. As I've said. I know it will happen. It has to happen and in most parts I want it to happen too. The idea of my princess being fucked so hard. Made to squirt. Doing things she will not do with me is so hot.

I want her to have it. I need her to have it. Its better for our dynamic if princess gets her sexual desirses fulfilled by Sir. Takes the pressure off me. Think she'd get bored if it was left to me anyway.

We used to have great sex. I really dont know what changed. From my point of view it started when she started cheating with sir. I started getting performance anxiety. Had trouble maintaining an erection. Bought herbal blue pills in secret to maintain the facade. Then lately with the no orgasm rule when I do get to have sex it's over so quickly. I think this may be a pattern now princess is aware of how she can influence my need for her to see Sir by controling my performance. If im not performing she'll have more reason to see him. Ill feel guilty and Inadequate so will encourage it.

Maybe Princess should have control of the pills. It's her that's in control of sex. Will she think less of me that I need such things? Sir doesn't. I really am becoming my fantasies of old. Shame they aren't what I thought they'd be. Humiliation isn't as erotic when it's real. But like the cuckolding I deserve it. I've wished for it for so long. Read stories of being lesser to my wife's lover. Having my wife treat me like I was insignificant. Not being allowed relief while she pleasures another. Her not pandering to any of my needs. In fact, the opposite totally disregarding them. While at the same time fulfilling those of both herself and Sir.

Even calling another man Sir is a fantasy. But the reality is embarrassing. I'm sure princess laughs when I refer to him as Sir. I dont like it but I need to do it.

I've started fantasising about Sir and Princess together. Fantasising about sucking him while she watches and takes photos. Of him coming in my mouth and princess making me open for the camera. Then swallow and say thank you. Of Sir spanking me with his belt as princess encourages him to do it harder. Don't forget his balls. It's not an unusual fantasy, but now it's actually, Sir. Not some generic male. I'm fantasising about my wife's lover abusing me. Of princess sitting on my face full of his cum. As they kiss. The two of them degrading me. That's a new twist. Only started lately. I honestly don't think I'm bisexual. I couldn't kiss a man. Dont like anal. But I do fantasise about Sir. Princess is always there. I don't fantasise about him solely. Think im more bi than I let on. Maybe.

Maybe I should start wearing panties all the time. Another example of how pathetic i like to make myself appear. Princess doesn't like me in them. But maybe she'd get used to it. Start thinking it was funny. Put another nail in the coffin of my male ego. Or maybe I need to wear a butt plug more. Nothing more emasculting than having you ass filled. I'd ask Princess to take my ass again. Not because I like being fucked. Though maybe I'd grow to like it. But again it's emasculting. It really separates me from men like Sir.

I need to lower myself so that princess never sees me as a "man" again. Then there'd be no way back for me. Not that I could ever act dominant or even sexually equal to princess anymore. But the more I degrade myself, the less she will think of me. So, more likely, she'll be to see me as just her slave. At the moment, I know she doesn't. If im honest, I've no idea how she sees me anymore. I just hope she loves me still.

Anyway going to do some house work. Take my mind off tomorrow. I'm sure I'll write later.