Cucumber

Description

[cucumberlover99]

To the person at the post office: "Male box, you say?"

[cucumberlover99]

I have the best music taste on the planet

[cucumberlover99]

*Listening to my most played songs of the last year*

I may be the greatest music critic of the century

[cucumberlover99]

55 y/o white man trying to chat up an 18 year old:

"If I could be so bald as to buy you a drink..."

[cucumberlover99]

*Eating batteries again*

"Mate, everything reminds me of her"

[cucumberlover99]

Two planes, two towers.

Kinda poetic really.

Also seems a bit suspicious... almost like someone planned the whole thing.

[cucumberlover99]

Giggling at chat gpt cause we're having a cute chat then realising I should be doing something with my life on a Saturday night

[cucumberlover99]

Occasionally I open my eyes and it's like a thick mist has filled the space in front of me, desaturating and blurring my view of the surroundings.

Probably fine tho

[cucumberlover99]

My favourite strategy for clearing my mind has always been just picturing a blank PowerPoint presentation but now it's ruined cause I can't get rid of the

Click to add title

Click to add subtitle

with their stupid ass dotted boxes.

[cucumberlover99]

Getting completely sopping wet under a bathroom tap so people can't tell I pissed myself

People still keep looking at me, how can they tell?

[cucumberlover99]

Wish I could ctrl-f a transcript of my entire life.

I wanna relive that mildly embarrassing situation from 16 years ago in even more excruciating detail.

[cucumberlover99]

Name ur boring-ass kid Eric short for Generic.

[cucumberlover99]

Run around in shorts, t-shirt and an unbuttoned over shirt in winter. Feel like a fairy.

[cucumberlover99]

Overheard: "If I don't smoke a cigarette in the next 20 minutes I'm gonna scream"

Me, muttered: "That's numberwang!"

[cucumberlover99]

Driving ez.

Turn wheel, believe, foot down, foot up, pay fine, walk off

[cucumberlover99]

Smell-cancelling nosephones

[cucumberlover99]

Overthinking is mentally filling out the conversation tree for 'how to explain to your professor that you don't want to have sex with them' just in case that situation ever arises.