H E L L O

sw :65.5kg cw: 60.9kg gw: 55kg ugw:50kgs 164cm Coffee Addict ☕️🌿

[brokenflicker]

"I'm having suicidal thoughts again and I want to tell someone. I want to open up and ask for help but I'm scared that they'll see me different so I just face it alone until the thoughts eventually win."

— my thoughts are killing me slowly

[depression-and-literature-deact]

The saddest moment is going to self harm and realising you have to look for clean skin to cut...

[depressionshope]

[onesadmoonchild]

Why is this me?

[fatscaryskeleton]

[lolipoploveify]

[cuddlesandwine]

Stopping texting my only close friend bc he isn’t responding or snapping me like he used to 4 weeks ago and now I feel like he doesn’t like me as much as before and that I am annoying him 🙃

[our-recoveryisunique-deactivate]

If you post body checks on tumblr and say “posting this for myself”, that’s not true. You post those photos for the hopes of validation and praise from other people on tumblr. I’m guilty of this myself.

[cuddlesandwine]

Things I regret: leaving my mom’s vagina

[cuddlesandwine]

There is nothing wrong with me, but there is also nothing right with me.

I am totally fine, but at the same time I am breaking into pieces.

I have a great life with everything I need and more and yet I feel like I have nothing and alone.

I feel this thing u can’t describe with words. It’s not bad, you know? But it makes me want to kill myself.

[johnwillbegone]

Things that happen when you lose weight, that you don't really realise until they actually happen:

- having your phone dig into the spaces between your ribs when you use it whilst laying on your back

- elbowing someone and they punch you because "you have sharp elbows man"

- your boney-er hands becoming a constant distraction

- walking into a door and bruising all over the place

- the very sudden realisation that you can now count every rib individually

- not having to flex to see your collarbone

- your knees becoming a violent and sharp method of attack

- having a more prominent spine because of sit ups

- if you're not big boned and suddenly you can feel your bones, victory time lads

- the fact that no one looks at you strangely or disgustedly when you eat, no matter how much it is

- the fuzzy, either boiling or freezing feeling that never seems to go away

- when the room spins every time you get up, even if you were only up just a second ago

- having to balance your laptop on your ribs because your stomach is concaved when you lay down

- realising how even if there might not seem like there's a difference in pictures of you when you were 10lbs heavier, intense changes have already started

- god forbid someone pokes you in between your ribs, that shit hurts

- drinking water on an empty stomach and feeling both giddy and proud

- not really having much energy, but doing the workouts anyway

- h e a d a c h e s

Lads obviously this isn't gonna be the same for everyone, if it was, that'd kind of be a mad ting, however, they could happen. Also, don't exercise if you feel grim, I know I'm a hypocrite but let me be your older/younger brother on this topic. I don't want any of you fainting. My inbox is always open, hope you guys aren't struggling too much today :]

[cuddlesandwine]

U forget ur reproductive system shutting down e.g. loss of period or ability to have kids

Being at higher risk for strokes, heart attacks,...

Osteoporosis

Ur digestive system forgetting how to digest and handle food

Ur esophagus ripping if u vomit

Ur stomach exploding after a huge binge

Blacking our in the shower or on the stairs and falling on sth hard cracking ur head open a d dying

Internal bleeding

Loss of they hand hair

The list is looooong...

[cuddlesandwine]

I cut myself again ... without any particular reason... life’s great and I’m dumb lmao

[cuddlesandwine]

I can’t decide if I wanna eat pizza or not... somebody please help... it would be the second time in those past few days... please make a decision for me...

[cuddlesandwine]

I forced myself to vomit up some food after a binge... for the first time. It was just a little. Curious if it will happen again.

[textsthatiamtooafraidtosend]

I want to kill myself

I need to kill myself

Everyone would be better if I killed myself.

[cuddlesandwine]

There is no reason I should be depressed... no abuse or assault or anything. I had a perfect childhood and life. So why am I like this?

[cobwebthoughts]

backed off different social media accounts so by the time i have the courage to end it all, my friends won't notice.