This is me letting out the few words I have that don't even capture half the grief I have. I'm just using this experience to create a reminder to be kind, hug everyone a bit tighter and cherish every moment a bit more dearly.
Liam. The first member of the band who will now vanish from the photos in Story Of My Life. The middle child of One Direction. The "dad" in the group. The one who got a second chance at making his performing dream come true, but didn't get a second chance at life. Part of me died with this man who was one of the five foreign strangers that entered my life on a confusing but memorable October more than a decade ago and became bright guiding lights.
Liam wasn’t perfect. While he was loved by many, it's important to acknowledge that his actions also hurt others. His mistakes, fueled by personal struggles and substance abuse, left victims who suffered in the wake of his choices. We cannot gloss over the pain he caused, because it is part of the story—his story, and theirs. To those he wronged, we recognize your hurt. Liam's battle with addiction, fame, and inner demons did not excuse the harm that was done and your voices deserve to be heard. It's heartbreaking to know that his path caused so much pain, both to himself and others. His fall into substance abuse and ultimately his tragic end, is a harsh reminder of how cycles of hurt can spiral beyond control, touching so many lives in their wake.
Yet even in his darkest moments, Liam was also a man who struggled deeply. A man who, at times, tried to make amends but never fully escaped the grip of his demons. His death is not just a loss of life, but of potential, potential to heal, to grow and to make things right.
His bandmates, Harry, Louis, Niall, and Zayn, must feel the weight of this loss in ways we can only imagine. These five boys, who once lit up the world together, are now forever changed. They were brothers, bonded by something only they could understand. We can only hope that in their grief, they find solace in the memories of the good times, the laughter and the music that they created together. For fans, too, it’s a heartbreaking reality to face. We watched him grow up before our eyes and now we mourn him as the family we have become over the years.
And then there’s Bear, his little boy. Bear, dear sweet boy, we hope you grow up knowing how much love your dad had for you, even though he wasn’t perfect. This world can be cruel, but there are millions of us out here who want to protect you from that, who wish we could wrap you in the love your dad always tried to show, even when he was struggling. You brought him unexplainable joy by the way. You were an extremely bright light and his smile when he talked about you, showed what an absolute joy you are. Cheryl, this must be an unimaginable pain for you as well. As the mother of his child, your strength and grace during this difficult time are commendable. You both shared a beautiful love that brought Bear into the world and I hope that he grows up feeling the warmth and support of all those who adored his father.
To Liam’s family, his parents, his sisters, his loved ones....we’re thinking so much of you. There are no words that can ease this pain. Losing a son, a brother, a boyfriend, it’s a wound that will never fully heal. We just hope that somewhere out there, the stars are lighting up a path for Liam, guiding him to a place where he can finally feel peace, where the pain of this world can no longer touch him.
“When you lose something you can’t replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?"
It can’t be worse. These words, now feel so painfully real. Liam, we loved and will love you. And though your light went out far too soon, we’ll remember you as you were: the boy with the kind heart, the man who tried to keep going despite the weight of the world on his shoulders. We’ll carry your memory forward, hoping that wherever you are now, you’ve found the peace that eluded you in life.
We had some good times.
Thank you.
Goodbyes are always bittersweet.
I'll see your face again.
Until that, like your brother said, sleep tight, Payno.
💚🧡💔💙🇮🇪
