𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄.

driving out, into the sun. let the ultraviolet cover me up. went looking for a creation myth, ended up with a pair of cracked lips. windows down, scream along to some america first rap country song. a slaughterhouse, an outlet mall. slot machines, fear of god. windows down, heater on. big bolts of lightning hanging low. over the coast, everyone's convinced - it's a government drone or an alien spaceship. either way, we're not alone. i'll find a new place to be from. a haunted house with a picket fence. t0 float around and ghost my friends. no, i'm not afraid to disappear. the billboard said, 'the end is near.' i turned around, there was n o t h i n g there. yeah, i guess the end is here.

[cultsong]

I WANNA BE ADORED.

hi i’m VALEN ! 23 yr old nonbinary (they/them) mess. this is an indie rp blog with disaster lgbtq muses. please DNF if under 20 years old as this blog will have mature & usfw themes. selective & slightly low activity ! <3

mobile muse link. read the rules.

[cultsong]

sensed a shift from the other. something that made eli’s heart shift a little in his chest. ‘ did i do something wrong ? ’ anxiety’s building up in his chest, mind wandering to all the things he could have done to upset him. cautious with the other’s space, even though he wants to touch his hand so fucking badly. ‘ will you just talk to me ? please ? ’ /  @mysteryoflovc.

[cultsong]

the words leave their lips before they have time to think about them. doesn’t know why they thought they could handle this, just wanted to have a nice night with lucas so they suggested they go to a show together. but god, the fucking lights and the loud music and everyone talking over it. it’s not something rory can handle even on the best of days. find their head growing dizzy, their breathing getting heavier. doesn’t have a single thought in their brain besides getting the fuck out of there, pushes through the crowd of sweaty and loud people into the cool quiet air outside. can barely catch their breath, kneeling on the curb with their head in their hands when they feel the other come up next to them. and as much as they love them, their stupid fucking brain overrides the feeling with fear. ‘ just - just leave me alone for a second, okay ? ’ they regret it the second it leaves their lips, not something they would ever say to lucas on a good day. head still in their hands, heart racing and now met with the guilt with saying those words to him. ‘ fuck - i didn’t mean - luca ... ’ voice is shaky, feeling dangerously close to a panic attack. ‘ i didn’t .. fuck. ’ / @yourfool.

[cultsong]

yourfool:

he  thinks  he’s  misheard.  he  had  to  of.  couldn’t  fathom  the  thought  of  rory,  the  objection  of  his  desire  for  months  on  end,  loving  him.  makes  his  head  spin.  he  can’t  speak,  just  quickens  his  pace  a  little  while  dirty  sounds  fill  the  room.  and  rory  looked  beautiful.  so  pretty  and  perfect  in  eren’s  eyes.  he  loves  them.  he  does.  loves  them  when  they’re  throwing  up  from  anxiety.  loves  them  when  they’re  shy  and  whiny.  loves  them  when  they’re  a  fucking  pain  in  his  ass.  and  like  this.  sweaty  and  falling  apart  beneath  his  touch.  it’s  like  they  were  drunk  and  eren  was  the  toxin.  and  he  loved  that.  lost  in  his  head  he  almost  doesn’t  hear  rory’s  pleas.  but  he  does,  of  course  he  does,  and  he  slows  down.  because  he’d  do  anything  they  asked  him  to.  slows  his  pace,  almost  coming  to  a  complete  stop,  buried  deep  inside  them.  mouth  attaches  messily  to  their  lips,  chewing  and  biting  at  the  skin.  lets  out  the  softest  sigh.  '  mhm,  baby.  you’re  doing  so  good.  '  presses  his  face  into  their  neck,  marking  them  up  again.  hips  slowly  grind  now,  it’s  passionate  and  his  hands  are  holding  their  body  like  they  could  break  if  he  let  go.  brings  his  lips  to  their  ear.  '  i  love  you  too,  by  the  way.  '  nibbles  a  bit  at  the  lobe,  high  pitched  moan  escaping  into  the  room  because  they’re  just  so  tight  around  him.  '  so  fucking  tight.  god,  baby.  you’re  perfect.  '  and  then  he’s  kissing  them  again  because  he  really  just  can’t  get  enough.

the praise has rory’s head spinning. it’s something they’re not quite used to, but god it sounds so good coming from eren. tilts their head a bit while he kisses their neck, eyes closing again. the switch from the urgency to this softness almost makes rory want to cry. almost. arms are around his neck, their breathing slowing down a bit. for a moment, anyway. they almost forget what they’ve said until eren says it back. honestly wasn’t expecting him to and they’re almost sure that they’re in a dream. soft eyes blink up at him, eyebrows furrowed. ‘ wha - you do ? ’ quiet and breathy, a stupid question but they don’t really have time to think about it because eren’s kissing them again and they swear that they could live inside his mouth. whines against his lips, can’t get enough of how their tongue feels against his. both hands trail down his torso, eyes following and admiring the shape of him, and they’re so painfully hard. ‘ you wanna touch me baby ? please ? feels so good need you to touch me .. ’ hips are grinding down on his dick so they’re completely full of him, hands holding eren’s hips still there while theirs keep moving. ‘ j - just stay there please, wanna feel you all the way inside me .. god you feel so good, wanna make you cum so bad baby .. ’ 

[cultsong]

yourfool:

they  listened  so  well.  and  eren  loves  when  they  get  bratty.  throw  attitude  at  him  like  it’s  nothing.  but  he  thinks  he  loves  this  a  little  more.  loves  how  they  fall  apart  beneath  his  touch.  it  makes  his  fucking  head  spin.  and  they  look  so  dirty  but  so  pretty.  whines  out  a  moan  when  he  feels  their  fingers  on  him,  eyes  shutting  for  about  two  seconds.  letting  him  soak  in  this  moment.  when  he  opens  them  and  sees  them  touching  themselves  too,  that’s  when  he  about  loses  it.  something  in  him  snaps.  they  looked  filthy  and  stupid  and  the  words  they  were  saying  went  straight  to  his  heart.  takes  wet  fingers,  pushes  their  thighs  apart  and  grips  the  soft  skin  of  their  ass.  smacks  their  hand  away  from  his  dick  and  kneels  for  a  bit.  eren  spits  at  their  entrance,  thumb  prodding  at  it  to  massage.  looks  up  at  them  with  soft  brown  eyes.  '  yeah?  want  me  to  just  fuck  you?  bury  myself  inside  this  tight  little  cunt?  '  rises  to  his  feet  again,  hand  cupped  around  the  base  of  his  dick.  pushes  the  tip  inside  them  and  just  that.  because  just  that  alone  has  eren  letting  out  this  disgusting  loud  noise,  rising  from  the  back  of  his  throat.  stays  like  that,  eyes  shut  as  he  pushes  rory’s  legs  up  against  their  chest.  '  fuck,  baby.  fuck  i’m  not  even  all  the  way  in  and  you’re  squeezing  me  so  tight.  fuck.  '  and  then  he’s  pushing  in,  slowly,  letting  rory  get  adjusted  to  his  size.  inch  by  inch  he  fucks  into  them,  low  moans  falling  from  pink  lips  the  further  he  goes.  soon  enough  he’s  got  himself  all  the  way  in,  he’s  pressing  his  forehead  against  rory’s  and  he’s  kissing  them.  kissing  them  deep  and  hard.  biting  at  their  lips,  wants  to  see  them  bleed.  eren  pulls  almost  all  the  way  out  and  then  slams  back  into  them.  '  ah,  fuck.  mmm,  my  baby.  my  little  stupid  slut.  you  like  falling  apart  on  my  dick?  '  filth  falls  from  his  lips  as  he  picks  up  the  pace,  fucking  them  at  a  steady  pace.

at this point rory’s been reduced to just a mess of pathetic and desperate noises, putty in eren’s hands. and then he’s pushing into them and making this beautiful sound and rory’s gripping the edge of the counter hard, head spinning, can barely choke out a whimper. god, he’s fucking big, and they love it, but they’re grateful for him going slow at first. mumbling a string of swears against eren’s lips, hands searching for something better to hold on to. ‘ f - fuck .. baby .. feels so good .. ’ they grip hard onto the other’s arms, not able to even keep their eyes open. of course they’ve had their fair share of hookups before, but nothing that mattered. nothing like this. and it’s making them feel a little dizzy. hands slide down eren’s arms, intertwining their fingers with his. ‘ so big .. you’re so perfect .. ’ lovesick babbling, heart eyes blinking up at him. and then it comes out before rory can even think about it, before they even realize what they’re saying, and maybe it’s an accident, but it’s not a mistake. ‘ fuck - i love you .. ’  face is flushed, they can feel their hair sticking to their forehead. sure they look less than beautiful but they don’t really care because they know they’re safe with him. pulls him in for another kiss, whines and moans falling out of their mouth and into his. has to force themselves to pull away, because they swear they could do that for the rest of their life. ‘ ah - fuck baby, k - keep going but can you just - slow down for a second ? gonna fuckin make me pass out .. ’ they’re breathing heavy, need a moment to catch their breath. needs a moment to take in what’s actually happening. hands find their way into eren’s hair, gently toying with the strands. ‘ y - you feeling okay ? i’m doing okay ? ’

[cultsong]

yourfool:

needs  to  feel  the  warmth  of  their  skin.  fingers  slide  under  the  material  of  rory’s  shirt  once  he  gets  it  open,  dancing  along  a  soft  torso.  nails  dig  into  their  waist,  their  whining  like  music  to  his  ears.  soft  little  stutter.  makes  eren  feel  fucking  crazy.  and  they’re  asking  so  nicely,  practically  begging  at  this  point  for  eren  to  ruin  them.  ruin  them.  god.  he  wants  to  ruin  their  life.  make  them  feel  like  they  can’t  live  without  him  around.  obsessed.  thumb  rubs  circles  into  the  skin  of  their  cheek.  '  so  pink.  so  pretty.  '  teeth  catch  onto  their  bottom  lip,  pulling  it  out.  he’s  trying  to  get  them  to  whine  again.  loves  the  little  noises  they  make.  soft  chuckles  leave  his  lips.  '  mmm,  baby.  think  it  can  fit?  huh?  think  you  can  take  me?  '  the  thought  sends  his  mind  into  a  frenzy.  burying  himself  inside  them.  feeling  them  on  that  intimate  level.  god.  he  grinds  into  their  hand,  moaning  into  their  mouth.  forces  himself  to  pull  away,  groaning  as  he  unbuckles  his  pants.  hands  are  fast,  needy,  desperate.  need  all  these  extra  layers  of  clothes  to  go.  can’t  believe  this  is  how  it’s  happening.  eren’s  fantasized  about  this  moment  a  lot.  thinks  about  it  late  at  night,  one  hand  wrapped  around  his  dick  and  the  other  looking  at  a picture  of  rory.  disgusting.  filthy.  he’s  fucked  up  and  somehow  rory  entertains  it.  gets  rory’s  pants  off  and  tossed  aside,  fingers  gripping  into  now  exposed  thighs.  '  god.  baby.  '  helps  discard  their  boxers,  his  own  following  right  after.  '  mmm,  be  a  good  girl  for  me  and  suck  okay?  '  then  without  warning,  he  shoves  his  fingers  into  their  mouth.  '  get  it  nice  and  wet,  okay  puppy?  gotta  get  you  ready  for  me.  ’

eren has them so far gone that they can barely think at all. has them whining, high pitched and desperate, reaching out for him, letting him do whatever he wants with their body. breath hitches once he takes his boxers off, their mouth almost watering at the sight of it. moans at the name he calls them, blush on their cheeks deepening. obediently takes his fingers in their mouth, watery eyes blinking up at him. they’re a brat, of course, but eren makes them want to be good for him. takes them deeper down their throat, choking a bit. pulls off, lips red and swollen and drool spilling down their mouth. ‘ i - is that good enough baby ? please .. need you to touch me. make me behave. make me yours .. you can do whatever you want to me .. ’ fingers dance along his torso and down to touch his dick, whining and whimpering as they start to jerk him off slowly. ‘ that feel good baby ? wanna make you feel even better .. use me to make yourself feel good please ? mnh .. fuck baby. ’ one hand’s touching eren and the other touching themselves, not able to stop the noises coming out of their mouth. they feel pathetic. filthy. but they fucking love it. ‘ l - look what you made me into baby. just stupid, so stupid i c - can only think about your dick and how bad i need it - ah fuck - fuck me eren. ’ 

[cultsong]

yourfool:

the  thing  about  rory  washington  was  that  they  knew  all  too  well  what  they  were  doing.  what  they  were  capable  of.  they  loved  to  play  dumb  and  eren  loved  it  as  well.  he  loved  to  make  them  feel  stupid.  made  it  feel  like  he  was  the  only  person  who  really  knew  them.  really  knew  how  to  take  care  of  them.  maybe  he  is.  they’re  talking  and  it  sickly  sweet,  words  coated  with  honey.  soft  touches  accompanying  the  sound  of  their  voice  and  god.  god.  eren  wanted  to  consume  them.  live  inside  their  body.  he  wanted  to  be  haunted  by  them.  their  lips  are  on  his  neck  and  he’s  sucked  out  of  the  catacombs  of  his  mind,  mouth  parting  open  to  let  out  a  dirty  but  sweet  sound.  hand  finds  its  way  to  the  curve  of  rory’s  ass,  squeezing  as  his  other  hand  wraps  their  other  leg  around  his  waist.  leans  them  back  a  little,  back  of  their  head  against  the  streaked  bar  bathroom  mirror.  '  you’re  so  fucking  annoying.  '  he  growls,  but  his  lips  still  attach  to  theirs  as  his  fingers  fumble  with  the  buttons  of  their  shirt.  needed  to  feel  them.  be  close.  he  could  never  be  close  enough.  tongue  pries  past  their  lips,  entering  the  warmth  of  their  mouth.  he  moans  into  it,  hips  grinding  into  rory.  he  pulls  away  and  it’s  messy  and  dirty  and  a  string  of  spit  lingers,  drooling  down  rory’s  chin.  they  were  so  fucking  pretty  like  that.  '  mmm,  what  do  you  want  baby?  want  me  to  fuck  you?  here?  music’s  loud  enough,  they  won’t  hear  you.  but  you  probably  wouldn’t  care  if  they  did,  right?  '  soft  touches  to  their  face,  he  forces  eye  contact.  '  tell  me  what  you  want.  use  your  words.  ’

the noises rory’s causing eren to make are so fucking melodic to them, so sweet and calming and their heart is pounding and they’re realizing this is actually fucking happening. stupid little smile when he says they’re annoying. knows he doesn’t mean it, and even if he does rory finds it kind of endearing. they’re a little startled by eren starting to take off their shirt - realizes people they’ve hooked up with before usually didn’t really bother with stuff like that. didn’t really bother being .. close. with intimacy. at least not like this. feels a little self conscious, but they like it. likes that he wants to see all of them. moans into his mouth, feeling of his tongue against theirs causing butterflies to erupt in their stomach. bites on their lip, heart eyes blinking up at eren. ‘ y - yeah baby .. please ? want you to fuck me .. w - wanna feel you inside me .. ’ their tone is almost whining, can feel their face getting hotter and hotter. of course, eren can make them act like a total brat and then make them incredibly shy on the flip of a dime. all bark and no bite - they’re a little embarrassed of what he does to them. ‘ w - will you fuck me ? please ? want you to leave marks on me .. don’t wanna forget that .. that i’m yours. ’ voice is quiet, stupidly shy. certain that eren can feel their heartbeat. pulls him closer by his belt, mouth falling open when they feel him through his pants. ‘ fuck, you’re so big .. baby .. ’ they’re whining and pulling him in for another kiss and it’s needy and messy and rory’s falling apart for him and they fucking love it. 

[cultsong]

yourfool:

would  never  show  just  how  much  he  loves  it  when  rory  acts  like  this.  truth  is  he  loves  their  attitude.  he  loves  when  they  get  bratty.  so  obsessed  with  everything  about  them.  lets  out  a  small  groan,  pushing  his  thumb  past  their  lips.  knows  that  they  want  to  rile  him  up.  get  him  so  angry  that  he’ll  give  them  just  what  they  want.  well,  two  could  play  at  that  game.  rubs  his  finger  down  their  bottom  lip,  getting  it  wet  from  their  mouth.  '  i  don’t  want  to  scare  you.  don’t  be  fucking  stupid.  '  eren  tilts  their  head  back  and  kisses  the  sweet  spot  of  their  neck.  hands  drop  to  their  hips,  gripping  and  picking  them  up  to  sit  them  on  the  bathroom  counter.  one  hand  slides  down  their  thigh,  lifting  their  leg  to  wrap  around  his  waist.  all  the  while  his  teeth  were  sinking  into  their  neck,  biting  hard  and  lapping  over  the  mark  with  his  tongue.  pulls  away,  pressing  his  forehead  to  theirs.  '  come  on,  baby.  keep  it  up.  make  me  mad.  that’s  what  you  want,  right?  wanna  make  me  so  angry?  what?  you  want  me  to  fuck  you  right  here?  '  chuckles,  lips  brushing  to  theirs  very  softly.  one  hand  rises  to  wrap  fingers  gently  to  their  throat.  '  do  you  think  you  deserve  that?  ’

rory can talk a big game, act bratty all they want but the truth is eren knows exactly how to make them weak. soft whines fill the room as the other picks them up with ease and sets them on the counter. the way he could just toss them around. god, it made them crazy. lets out a quiet yelp at the feeling of his teeth on their neck, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. ‘ mmm.. ’ they hum lazily, hips grinding into eren’s, hands underneath his shirt. nails digging into his sides. eyes close again when he starts to choke them, a cheeky smile adorning their features. ‘ yeah i think i do, actually, ’ a soft exhale before gently nipping at eren’s lower lip. they could play this game all day, honestly. not one to back down from a challenge, especially not one from the person that makes their head spin constantly, makes them feel like they’re the only person in the world. ‘ and i think you want to. you were so pissed because i was talking to other people, huh ? you want me all to yourself ? ’ hand comes up to the other’s face, a soft touch on his cheek. ‘ i know you do. and i want you. all of you, just for me. ’ takes eren’s hand away from their throat, pulls him closer to kiss down his neck, sucking bruises into the soft skin. just wants to hear him moan, hear that they’re making him feel good. pulls away after they’re satisfied, dark eyes admiring the other’s face. ‘ you’re perfect. don’t you wanna show me how much i belong to you ? just you, baby ? ’ of course they’d noticed eren’s protectiveness of them, and it made their heart swell. he made them insane.

[cultsong]

yourfool:

he  hated  this  part  of  the  job.  not  that  rory  was  an  inconvenience  to  him.  god,  no.  never  that.  eren  knew  what  these  events  did  to  do  someone  like  rory.  had  been  studying  them  closely  since  he  was  hired  to  protect  the  artist.  grew  this  little  inkling  inside  his  chest,  wanted  to  keep  them  safe  no  matter  what.  maybe  he’s  obsessed.  maybe  he  wants  to  keep  them  all to  himself.  could  you  blame  him?  rory  washington  was  beautiful.  the  kind  of  beauty  you  could  write  books  about.  many  rambles  hide  in  the  notes  section  of  eren’s  phone.  describing  every  feeling  he’s  ever  felt  for  them.  sketches  linger  around  his  messy  apartment.  detailed  and  scattered  around  wooden  tables.  eren  loves  rory.  he  knows  that  much.  so  when  they  run  off  to  the  bathroom,  eren’s  quick  to  follow.  seated  with  them  next  to  the  toilet,  one  hand  rubbing  circles  into  their  back.  '  don’t  be  stupid.  '  he  mumbles,  brown  eyes  searching  their  face  with  concern  dripping  from  them.  inches  closer,  pulling  rory  into  the  space  between  his  legs.  he  guides  them  to  lay  their  back  against  his  chest.  fingers  tangle  in  brown  curls.  '  we  could  leave,  you  know.  out  the  back.  let  everyone  know  you’ve  grown  sick.  wouldn’t  be  a  lie.  '  other  hand  not  playing  with  their  hair  snakes  around  their  waist,  pulling  them  closer.  eren  just  wants  to  feel  them.  all  the  time.  could  crawl  into  their  skin  and  it  still  wouldn’t  be  close  enough.  and  maybe  eren’s  a  little  selfish.  a  little  toxic.  doesn’t  want  to  share  rory  with  the  world.  the  world  is  dirty  and  unkind.  the  world  would  eat  rory  up  and  spit  them  out  into  the  ground.  not  eren.  eren  would  plant  flowers  in  their  chest.  grow  gardens  in  their  bones.  make  them  know  every  day  that  they  belong  to  him  and  he’s  the  only  one  that  could  take  care  of  them.  soft  sigh  enters  the  room.  tiny  touches  against  their  skin.  he  breathes  them  in.  always  smelt  a  little  like  vanilla.  he  wants  to  drown  in  it.  '  we  could  go  to  your  house  and  i  can  make  that  pasta  you  love  so  much.  '  keeps  every  detail  rory  shares  with  him  locked  away.  he  has  to.  it’s  his  job.

rory feels like an absolute fucking mess, something so disgusting that shouldn’t be shown the kind of compassion and care eren’s showing to them. they don’t understand it. doesn’t know if they really want to. eyes close for a moment as the other pulls them closer, his hand in their hair grounding them just a bit. they hate how often this happens. hate how their mind convinces them to drink until they can’t feel much of anything. and then this happens. a soft chuckle escapes their lips at his words. lets their mind indulge in it for a moment. ‘ why .. are you so fucking nice to me ? i’m so stupid. this isn’t your job but you do it anyway.. ’ their face is flushed, head in their hands. relieved that eren doesn’t have to look at them right now. sure that they look disgusting. but the way he’s holding them, the soft touches across their skin, it takes that feeling away just a little bit. somehow he always seemed to take that away. even just a bit. ‘ i’m supposed to go out in like an hour. sing songs about how much of a mess i am. bare my entire fucking soul to these people that don’t .. they don’t fucking know me ! and i’m drunk. so many people would be disappointed. my manager’s gonna kill me. ’ bites at their lip, mind racing. trying not to start crying then and there. ‘ but i really wanna fucking go home. i don’t wanna be here. ’ maybe that statement had multiple meanings, but rory really doesn’t wanna think about that right now.

[cultsong]

yourfool:

it  startles  him.  not  used  to  hearing  rory  talk  in  such  a  way.  especially towards  him.  it  takes  a  minute  or  two  for  eren’s  brain  to  really  process  what  just  happened.  and  then  he’s  grabbing  their  arm.  fingers  tighten  around  the  limb,  pulling  them  away  from  the  crowd  they  were  just  in.  they  were  at  some  bar  downtown,  after  an  event  rory  just  had.  when  eren  suggested  rory  to  slow  down  with  the  drinking,  he  was  met  with  attitude.  ‘  shut  the  fuck  up.  '  had  fallen  from  rory’s  mouth.  the  crazy  thing  is  eren  doesn’t  really  care  that  rory  was  drinking.  no,  he  cared  that  rory  got  extremely  flirtatious  while  drunk.  and  it  was  pissing  eren  off.  drags  them  off  to  the  nearest  bathroom,  locking  the  door  behind  them.  '  wanna  say  that  again?  '  a  warning  as  his  other  hand  grips  tightly  at  their  jaw.  eyes  dark,  he  pushes  against  them  until  their  back  hit  the  sink.  '  hmm?  let  me  hear  it  again,  brat.  '   /   @cultsong··

they’d had a bit of alcohol, sure. usually did after stupid events they had to go to - it calmed their nerves. didn’t think it was clouding their judgment too much until those words fell from their lips. and they didn’t even mean for it to come off the way it did, but they do have a bit of an attitude problem. apparently. a slightly hazy mind registers eren’s grip on their arm, pulling them away from a crowd into a dimly lit bathroom. soft gasp at the way the other’s gripping their face, a pale blush blooming across already pink cheeks before they tilt their head up and let out a giggle. god, they fucking love when eren gets like this. hand comes up to grip his wrist. ‘ you don’t scare me, baby. ’ honestly it’s rare that rory acts like this, usually always polite and soft spoken, but something about the other made them want to act up so fucking bad. ‘ you wanna hear it again then ? ’ their other hand wanders up to eren’s hair, fingers tangling in the mess and tugging just a bit, dark eyes focused on his lips. ‘ i told you to shut the fuck up. that make you mad ? god it’s so easy with you .. ’ they’re acting big and bad, but under the facade their heart’s beating crazy in their chest, hoping they’re not going too far.

[cultsong]

dizzy eyes try to focus on the dirty bathroom tiles beneath them. always gets so anxious before things like this, things where rory has to talk about themselves, what inspires their art, things that feel a little too personal to share with strangers. it’s an hour or two before they’re supposed to go on and they’re feeling a little sick from the alcohol that they’ve quickly consumed. they’re all too aware that eren’s behind them while they’re clutching the toilet seat and retching, not too anxious to be embarrassed about it. ‘ sorry.. ’ they breathe, clammy hands pushing messy curls back while their head is spinning. ‘ you .. you don’t have to be here you know ? ’ manages to get it out before vomiting into the disgusting toilet in front of them, shame burning into their cheeks. ‘ sorry..’ voice is quiet as they bury their head in their hands. / @yourfool .

[cultsong]

yourfool·:

if  the  stupid  grin  adorning  pink  lips  didn’t  show  how  genuine  he  was  being,  maybe  his  next  act  would.  fingers  that  hold  silver  rings  grasp  at  theo’s  soft  cheeks.  dumb  bambi  eyes  stare  into  his  soul.  lips  attach  to  their  boyfriend’s  in  a  soft  and  loving  embrace.  petals  fit  perfectly  to  theo’s,  like  pieces  of  a  puzzle,  made  for  one  another.  '  i’m  fucking  crazy,  yeah.  but  i’m  yours.  '  eyes  wander,  watching  his  boy  grab  the  materials  needed  for  their  stupid  little  idea.  giggles  against  theo’s  lips,  head  thrown  back  as  they  pull  away.  '  you’re  so  silly.  but  lemme  think…  '  they  mumble,  pulling  themselves  off  theo’s  lap.  a  small  sigh.  an  idea.  and  a  light  pink  blush  rising  over  the  apples  of  damien’s  cheeks.  he  starts  to  laugh  a  little,  it’s  quiet  and  soft.  '  can  you  just  draw  something?  a  theo  original?  i  want  it,  uh…  '  blush  darkens,  palms  coming  up  to  cover  their  face.  '  can  you  do  it  on  my  thigh?  ’

soft blush blooms across theo’s cheeks at their request. ‘ um .. have you met me ? not exactly the world’s best artist .. but whatever you say, baby boy. ’ spends a good few minutes debating on what he wants to put on his baby’s thigh forever. ‘ mm, you do this with all the boys ? ’ an idea and he tugs on the waistband of the other’s sweatpants, far enough so he can get a good view of the space he’s working with. ‘ ready ? deep breath , good boy .. ’ starts poking with the needle, soft eyes checking in with damien’s to make sure they’re okay. other free hand is squeezing his, no matter if he needs it or not. tongue sticks out in concentration. ‘ there .. ’ a breath after ten minutes, theo rubbing an alcohol wipe over the space. it’s a shitty drawing of the bleachers they first kissed under in high school. a nervous cough and brown eyes meet theirs. ‘ look. that okay ? um ... it’s like .. supposed to be a drawing of the bleachers we first kissed under. do you like it ? ’

[cultsong]

yourfool:

it’s  the  first  thing  he  notices.  the  cut  on  his  cheek.  brows  immediately  furrow,  hand  reaching  out  to  brush  his  thumb  under  the  wound.  '  woah,  hey.  what  happened  here,  huh?  '  abandoning  the  shoes  and  bags  they  were  once  so  protective  over  just  a  few  moments  ago.  reaches  into  a  junk  drawer  near  the  sofa  to  pull  out  an  alcohol  wipe  and  a  pokemon  bandaid.  lips  twitch  into  a  small  smile,  beginning  to  tend  to  the  small  wound  of  their  lover.  '  i  found  things  crazy  quick.  had  this  sweet  lil  lady  helping  me  at  the  department  store.  and  i  know  i  don’t  have  to  do  all  this  but  it’s  our  first  christmas  in  our  new  apartment  and  more  importantly,  it’s  mcgriddle’s  first  christmas  with  us.  '  dimpled  smile,  wiping  at  the  scratch  with  the  alcohol  wipe  and  promptly  placing  the  charmander  themed  bandaid  to  his  boyfriend’s  cheek.  kisses  the  bandaged  wound.  '  you  didn’t  think  all  this  stuff  was  just  for  you,  huh?  '  bites  their  lip,  giggling  as  he  rounds  the  bags  back  up  to  place  them  in  the  coat  closet.  would  wrap  them  later  tonight  if  he  had  the  opportunity.  head  tilts  at  theo’s  words,  nodding  in  agreement.  had  heard  of  this  on  the  news  the  other  day.  luckily  they  haven’t  run  into  the  guy.  hopefully  they  don’t.  brows  furrow  at  his  last  comment,  wrapping  his  arm  around  theo’s  to  link  and  pulling  him  down  to  the  sofa.  '  spiderman?  '  that’s  what  the  news  were  calling  him.  felt  kinda  silly  for  damien  to  say.  but  then  again,  living  in  a  world  of  superheros  there  was  bound  to  be  a  bug-themed  one.  shakes  his  head.  '  i  like  spiderman.  he’s  cool  and  he  really  looks  out  for  us.  ya  know,  the  other  day  while  getting  coffee  i  almost  got  hit  by  a  car.  cause  i  was  doing  that  thing  where  i  wasn’t  looking  ahead  and  looking  at  my  feet  the  whole  time  i  walk.  you  know  that  thing  i  do  all  the  time  and  you  hate  it  cause  i  always  bump  into  things?  well,  spiderman  pulled  me  out  of  the  way  from  walking  on  to  oncoming  traffic.  and  then  he  kind  of  coughed  and  swung  away.  i  hope  he’s  not  getting  sick  out  there,  it’s  cold  and  that  skimpy  suit  can’t  be  too  warm.  '  bambi  eyes  stare  at  theo,  face  slowly  turning  to  a  soft  expression.  '  i’m  rambling  again  right?  talking  too  fast?  sorry.  ’

a sharp exhale as damien touches the wound on his cheek - it’s not bad honestly, the feeling just brings back memories he wishes he could bury deep deep in his memory forever. ‘ do we have to - okay we’re doing the whole alcohol thing .. ’ eyes shut as he feels the sting of it on his face. ‘ it’s nothing, pretty. fuckin’ cat got me earlier. ’ smiles at the charmander bandaid they put on and everything seems to slow for a moment - this is his fucking life. an apartment in new york city with his forever love and this stupid cat that he won’t admit he loves. and of course damien had gotten presents for him. because they’re fucking adorable. sighs as he’s led to the couch with his lover, pats his lap for the other to lay his head down on him. can’t help but laugh at the name - spiderman. it’s so fucking stupid to him. ‘ yeah, spiderman. i dunno he just seems like he’s a little cocky .. ’ sore hands wander to damien’s messy curls, tugging through them softly. an amused smile and a light blush on theo’s cheeks as they’re praising this so-called hero. remembers the encounter and how he so badly wanted to shake them and tell them to pay attention to the damn road. eyebrows quirk at their comment, poking their cheek. ‘ oh skimpy huh ? got a little crush damie ? wanna see me in that stupid little suit ? i’ll be your spiderman yeah ? ’ he’s teasing, of course. although it’s an odd feeling being jealous of himself. buries bruised knuckles into damien’s hair, scanning their face for that pretty little blush he loves so damn much. ‘ you’re mine, yeah ? you know that ? ’ speaks softly into his ear, placing a soft kiss on the spot between his ear and jawline. can’t help a gentle nip at the skin, either. ‘ besides, you think spiderman could do that ? ’ points to the horribly decorated stockings he spent hours on last night, three of them hanging beside each other. one ‘damie’ with messy liquid glitter hearts around it, one ‘gridz’ with a very poorly drawn cat, and one plain ‘theo’. ‘ don’t think he’s an artist like i am. ’

[cultsong]

yourfool·:

heart  aches.  has  been  aching  since  the  whole  incident  at  the  grocery  store  happened.  wishes  he  could  make  it  all  go  away  for  his  baby.  wishes  he  could  fix  it.  but  eren’s  been  reading.  researching  rory’s  panic  and  nonverbal  episodes.  knows  he  can’t  fix  it.  but  he  can  do  everything  he’s  able  to  support  rory.  let  rory  know  they  aren’t  going  through  this  alone.  that’s  why  eren’s  holding  them  to  his  chest.  fingers  running  through  their  soft  hair.  eyes  soften  as  they  talk.  '  hey,  hey.  baby.  it  wasn’t  embarrassing.  i  know  you  get  nervous.  i  know  how  your  anxiety  gets  and  it’s  my  fault.  should  have  kept  you  closer  to  me.  '  lips  frown,  thumb  reaching  out  to  wipe  at  the  excess  tears  falling  down  their  cheeks.  a  soft  sigh,  hand  lingers  at  the  soft  skin  of  their  cheek.  '  i  do.  most  days  i  do.  '  teeth  chew  on  the  inside  of  his  cheek.  not  sure  how  to  bring  this  up.  doesn’t  want  to  be  insensitive  or  anything  like  that.  '  i’ve  been,  um,  looking  up  the  stuff  you  do  when  you  get  nervous  baby.  just  wanting  to  know  how  to  help.  how  i  can  be  a  better  boyfriend  for  you.  have  you  ever  been  treated  for  the  anxiety  baby?  like,  seen  a  doctor?  gotten  medicine?  '  sincerity  drips  in  his  voice,  tilting  their  head  so  that  they  can  look  at  him.  '  nothing  wrong  with  who  you  are,  my  love.  sometimes  we  just  need  some  extra  help  with  our  little  heads  right?  and  it’s  okay.  '  presses  soft  lips  to  the  corner  of  their  mouth,  humming  softly.  '  do  you  wanna  lay  on  the  floor  bed,  baby?  watch  something  silly?  i’m  never  gonna  leave  you  alone,  you  know  that  right?  ’

ears perk up as eren speaks, eyes flitting back up to his face. ‘ you’ve been .. researching ? for me ? like .. about me ? ’ gets this warm fuzzy feeling in their chest at that. no one really tried to understand them before. eyebrows furrow at his question, lips pushing into a pout as they try to think. ‘ um .. no. haven’t seen anyone or anything like that. ’ brown eyes sting with tears, their brain overanalyzing like it always does. ‘ d - do you think i should ? like, go to a doctor ? like .. there’s something wrong with my brain ? ’ deep shaky breath as eren kisses them, eyes closing in an effort not to spiral. never thought about something like that before and it seems a little bit terrifying to them. ‘ mmm .. dunno. watch winnie ? ’ hands reach up to play with eren’s hair, something that always seems to ground them when they’re like this. heart beats faster at his words, a mix of anxiety and comfort. can’t bear the thought of losing him. ‘ y-yeah. i know. not gonna leave you either. i’m like .. a stray dog. found me and took me home and now you’re stuck with me. ’

[cultsong]

yourfool·:

trying  their  best  to  be  secretive,  though  loud  footsteps  tracking  through  the  apartment  would  prove  otherwise.  take  the  boots  off  at  the  door.  he  had  to  keep  reminding  himself  of  that.  desperately  tries  to  kick  the  leather  off  their  feet,  spinning  in  a  small  circle  with  arms  full.  a  meow  echoes  through  the  room  and  damien  squints,  looking  up  to  the  fluffy  feline  sitting  on  the  couch.  '  please,  mcgriddle.  not  now.  can’t  you  see  i’m  trying  to  be  sneaky?  '  words  fade  into  a  whisper  once  they  see  his  boy  peek  out  of  the  bedroom.  eyes  widen  and  cheeks  flush.  a  soft  giggle  escapes  their  lips.  shopping   bags  slowly  dropping  to  the  floor.  '  you’re  home!  i  thought  you  had  a  thing  today?  '  doe  eyes  look  confused  and  nervous.  kind  of  like  a  kid  caught  stealing  candy.  '  i  mean,  i’m  glad  to  see  you,  angel.  really  i  just…  '  looks  down  at  his  feet,  one  boot  on  and  the  other  discarded  by  the  bags.  lets  out  a  deep  breath,  bending  down  to  get  the  other  off.  '  just  don’t  look  into  the  bags  okay?  okay,  please?  '  looks  up  at  their  lover  from  where  they’re  bent  at   the  floor.  brown  eyes  soften.  '  i’m  serious.  it’s  a  secret.  i  went  to  visit  santa  today.  '     /     @cultsong··

shit. just barely makes it crawling through the bedroom window before he hears the front door open. wasn’t expecting damien to be back so early. frantically trying to remove his stupid suit and mask, haphazardly discarding them in the closet before pulling on a sweater and sweatpants that were already laying on the ground. a quick glance in the mirror shows a neurotic theo, hair all messed up and face flushed. a tiny scratch on his cheek. whatever. takes a quick peek from the bedroom door to find a nervous looking damien, hands full and struggling to take off their shoes. eyebrows raise and a little giggle escapes pink lips, cautiously walking out to meet the other. ‘ yeah yeah, i - i had a thing but it ended .. early. thought you were gonna be out longer ! ’ tries his hardest to not sound as breathless as he is. eyes the shopping bags, heart swelling at just how fucking cute they are. ‘ i won’t. promise. you’re insane, baby. don’t have to do all this, ya know ? ’ links his pinky finger into the other’s, presses a soft kiss to his blushy nose. runs his hand through his messy curls, biting the inside of his cheek. ‘ um, also you should like - be careful when you’re out. i heard there’s some guy that’s been jumping people all over the city. so .. just don’t get hurt, yeah ? ’ eyes flicker to the tv - they like to leave it on so mcgriddle doesn’t feel alone - only to see the news broadcasting him .. well, spider-him, flying around trying to catch said guy. an exasperated sigh, grabs the remote and turns the tv off. ‘ kinda tired of that guy. ’

[cultsong]

@yourfool​ ♡

just another stupid situation that rory could have avoided if they could just be fucking normal. and they’re so embarrassed. always, so fucking embarrassed by the way they are. the way they act. sometimes they feel like everyone else was given some kind of manual on how to act in the right way and rory’s just been left out. because everything they do feels wrong. the way that grocery store employee was looking at them like they had two heads. can’t get that image out of their brain. hates how it makes them feel. they can never understand the way they’re supposed to fit in the world. and eren’s holding them so tight, whispering sweet nothings to them and trying to soothe their frantic head. face is red, hot tears silently streaming down puffy cheeks. ‘ i - ’ a deep shaky breath, heels of their hands pushing into their eyes. ‘ i - i don’t know why i act like .. like that. ’ they couldn’t speak the whole drive home and even now a good while after it’s almost physically painful for them to talk. ‘ i’m sorry. must’ve been really embarrassing for you ... it’s just like .. like i couldn’t f - find you and i felt like i did when i was a kid and i’d get left behind a lot and i didn’t know if they were coming back .. ’ wipes away stupid tears and tilts their head up to look at eren. those soft eyes that always feel like a salve to their wounds. a big exhale and their eyelids flutter shut. ‘ sometimes it feels like i just wasn’t .. wired right. do you ever feel that way ? ’ 

[cultsong]

hello to my night owls <3 like for a starter, i’ll msg you for muse <3