Two Years, Three Months:
Dear Second Love,
For you—I invested in being soft for once. It’s that softness and trust that came right back like it does everytime to show me everyone’s true colors. I reinvented myself and took tools from past relationships to make us work. It hurt.. so bad to hear that the friendships I had with people were shifting due to my own partner telling them all the bad but leaving out all the good I had done to make everything right—I loved you through your worst possible days.. and you were the cause of mine. Sometimes I think God put me there that night because he knew I would never leave your side unless you hurt me—but it didn’t hurt enough or something because I still think about you. I think about how just days before you said you still saw a future with me.. my head is in an argument with itself everyday on whether you were lying or not & whether or not you had been talking to him since your best friend says/the start of our break/or the day we broke up.. my insecurities are here for a reason and you verified that. I do hope you’re happy even though part of me hates that I was foolish enough to wait around for you to choose to be happy and do all these things with me—like why start breaking bad now? I recommended it first. Why skateboard now? I recommended it first we were gonna get match helmets and go to Sloan’s remember that? & the more i think back the more I think you weren’t on the phone with Panera that day.. you were on the phone with him someone who relates to your depression—like I can’t—who had an agenda LET ME STOP THERE THO. bc you had the ring I gave you on up until that point—the amount of betrayal and disrespect I NEVER would expect from someone who says they love me. Never.
