cuntysad

[mentalllyunstable]

[yourenot-yourmistakes]

Holding onto a myth

I remember exactly when i realized. i reread the message over and over trying to choose a clear emotion. ‘Idk if I want that thugh. Not now but I’d be pissed if you got with someone else why would you do that’

the saddest part of that whole text was my first focus was your spelling. I came up with 1000 different ways that the misspelled word ‘though’ was something else and that the messages meaning was not what i had thought. but it was. so after 15 minutes of defending you to myself, the way i always have seemed to do no matter how badly you treated me, i realized that i was defending a person who didn’t even exist.

i have wasted so much time defending your actions and coming up with novels worth of reasons and excuses that i didn’t realize the reality of what i was doing. By rationalizing. being treated like shit by saying things like ‘you didn’t mean it’ or speaking on ‘how good of a person you actually were’ i was lying to myself. I was trying to sculpt you into the person I wanted you to be by telling myself you already were. So each time you flirted with other girls in front of me, called me a whore, and made me feel as if any type of short coming in anyone’s life was my doing- i chopped it up to he does it because he’s worried about me/my behavior, or he’s going through a lot, or he doesn’t know how to express his feelings- anything but the truth- that you were an asshole. Because every once in a while you gave me that glimpse of hope. And i clung to it as if i were magnetically attached, letting one minute of what seemed like love make up for one more month of being treated like dirt. i let that single good moment replace every rude remark, every night spent crying myself to sleep wondering why i wasn’t good enough, every fight you started just because of boredom with your own life. But deep down i knew It didn’t matter that you could be the most understanding, kind hearted, and greatest person in those little moments, the person I wanted and the person who wanted me, because those acute slivers of good guy shouldn’t have outweighed in my mind what you truly were.

So when you say that you don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me, when you expect me to wait around until your ready, when you want to use me when your bored or your lonely, or it’s 230 am and your staggering drunk in a dimly lit backyard scrolling through your phone- don’t call me. don’t try and bring me back, it’s been almost 2 weeks since we’ve spoke. Since you proclaimed that even though you didn’t want me right now, that I have no reason not to sit around and wait for you- since you thought so little of me that you questioned why i would ever do that. Why i would ever chose to live to benefit myself as opposed to catering to you and your needs.

Someday i will find someone. Someone who doesn’t just like me when it’s convenient. Someone who i don’t need my guard up with- around my heart and his reputation (one i should have believed). I won’t feel as if I need to be what he loves so i can love myself, or pretend he has what i love so i can love him. I won’t feel the need to try and make sense and positivity about being taken for granted, because unlike you he will know what he had with me. I am not bitter towards you, my heart is filled with hurt towards what you put my through, and my walls i fear may be permanently raised. However i can’t hate you, though somedays i wish i could i will always have a place for you because of those glimpses of what you could have been for me. But i must let go, because someday i will hold onto someone who doesn’t dissolve like quick sand in hand, each time i get a hold on it; just slipping through my fingers again. Someday they will tell me they don’t want me to want anyone else because they want me, and they love me- but that person will never be you.

[fxck-every-1]

It’s been 8 months since I lost you, and it still feels like it’s day one. How is it fair? How am I so hooked on you and you’re so hooked on her? When does this end, when does the hurting stop? Because it feels like it’s been far too long.

(via fxck-every-1)

[m-o-o-n-l-i-q-h-t-deactivated20]

you fucked me up and I blamed myself.

(via schreaming)

[excerptsofstories]

He said he loved her but every chance he got he tried to change the way she was. He tried to change the way she spoke, the way she did things and they way she saw the world. Unknowingly, of course, but she tried so hard to fit the way he wanted her to be. She tried so hard to be enough and he tried so hard to believe she was the one.

Excerpt from a book I will never write #1046 // misplaced effort (via excerptsofstories)

[bullletproof-love]

do you ever want to check up on someone but it’s just not ur place anymore

[cuntysad]

everything's just too much

[random-assshit]

Heart Break

Having your heart broken is the worst thing ever. One day you’re on top of the world and you think you’re safe from everything. Then suddenly out of no where your heart drops, and you don’t know when you started crying or why anymore. There’s just pain. It’s hard to see the person you love, talking to other people and living their life without you, like what you had was nothing. You’ll be fine for days and think you’re over it only to find your self crumbling to the floor at the end of a long day. The loneliness and sadness has been eating you away and you’ve been ignoring it, only making things worse. You still care so much for that person and you want them to be happy, even if it’s not with you. You’ve been destroyed by just this one person, but you still want them to be happy. That’s why heart breaks are the worst thing ever.

[zoeylonely]

He makes you happier than you’ve ever been and when you guys are the happiest, he leaves. He leaves without giving you a single reason, and no one knows why.

my love story (via zoeylonely)

[wrecklesswander]

Stop pretending you’re fucking fine! Because you’re not, I know you’re not. God, the whole world can see it. Just because they don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t.

Experts from a book I’ll never write part I (via thatbrokengirl)

[cuntysad]

and you didn't give a shit

[cuntysad]

fuck you, you completely broke me, broke me to a point of nothing to fucking be on this planet, I have my whole life ahead of me, but you are making sure that I feel fucking terrible

[cuntysad]

I fucking hate how you have made me feel

[lanahtalo]

I still love you but you’ll never know and that kills me a little more every day.

From the broken pieces of my heart (via lanahtalo)

Fuck you

(via loveyloveylove)

[mango-season]

you know when you low key wanna die but high key you have huge commitment issues and being dead is too permanent 

[cuntysad]

thought things would get easier

[keiraa-louisee]

“If one more fucking person asks me “What’s wrong?” I’m gonna flip. Because I can’t answer… Too much. Too much has happened for me to explain. Too much unexplainable heartbreak and sadness for me to put into words. So much crying, so many breakdowns, so many anxiety attacks and bruises and drunken nights. I can barely get up in the morning because of it… Let alone open up to someone and let them know what I’m thinking.”

A story never told (via keiraa-louisee)

[queerlysad]

I lost everything Why am I so scared then? And I wanted to fly but broke my wings Ruined my name with blades and men Tell me That I am not this bad What I planned, I can still be I’m not this pathetic, and didn’t lose what I had But please just tell me There is still hope, that I will shine I’m only at peace when me becomes a We Some words still break this heart of mine Why did he to do this? My mom hates me, my dad does too There are days where I still miss My parents saying,“Hey we’re proud of you” Do I blame them? Yes I do Is it their fault? ‘No, the only bad thing is you’

A hopeless girl (via couplesandsadness)