Curler Burns and Other Stories

[curlersaredangerous]

I believe in love

SO- it turns out I am in fact a total sap. I know I haven't written here in a long time, mainly because I've taken to writing my angsty prose on paper instead of digitally, but here I am, miles away from my journal, so you too shall have my thoughts. There was a time when I was young and full of hope. Convinced that I too would have a big,beautiful wedding, the poufy white dress, the toasts, the whole nine yards. Alas, the last few years have whittled away my hopes until they were nothing more than a faint memory, too cruel to even ponder, much less fantasize about. I tucked them away, for my own sanity. However, tis the season of weddings. My overeducated friends are finally ( in droves) deciding to tie the knot, and I am just returning from my third friend wedding this year. And I have to say, as much as I tried to convince myself that I didn't want a wedding, that one day I'd just elope, I have to say, seeing all my friends take these vows- the dances, the speeches, the tears- I WANT. I REALLY REALLY WANT. It does help ( or does it?) that at long last I am actually, truly and really dating a real person! Not perpetually and silently lusting after, but actually and really dating. Dates. Me. And not just a few. Chaz (!) and I have been dating for six months now!!! It's actually funny to look at my last post, because just 3 days later, I went on my first date with Chaz, whom I also met on Tinder! So, this heady combination of romantic weddings, and my own personal boy to slot into my fantasies is quite affecting. I want all my friends and family in one place. I want people to make funny speeches to me. I want to see my mom cry. Now, I don't know if Chaz is the one- though I do have to say I've enjoyed dating him far more than anyone I remember, and he seems genuinely caring, smart, and thoughtful- all things I would hope for in my eventual husband. SO- if this blog counts for anything, I hope to God that one day I can have a lovely, fairy tale wedding of my own :) P

[curlersaredangerous]

Tinder

me: so

i went on a tinder date

most.ridiculous.night.ever

E:WOAH

i need to hear about this

me:

omg

E

ok

so

i was chatting with this guy, William, on Tinder this week

and he suggested we meet up for drinks on Wednesday after work

ok- cool

at the same time, last week

i think i told you about this

the Dr. guy on Tinder

i'd been messaging with as well

he'd kind of gone MIA

but then replied to the message i sent him while we were drinking on Sunday

E:ok yes yes

me:

so Dr. guy suggest "we should do some day drinking this week"

and I told him i could maybe do something Wednesday after work

E:this WEEK

me:

thinking i could do Dr. guy right after work

and then William later in the evening, right?

since i'm in vegas this weekend

got to get it in when i can

so i tell Dr. guy i can meet after work

and he's like " oh, well i have this event in buckhead i have to be at at 6 on wednesday"

and then never follows up with a suggestion

so i'm like- whatever

i'll just go out with William

- men are so flaky

ANYWAY

wednesday rolls around, and William had told me he had something to do at 6, so we could meet for drinks at 8

6:30...7pm

E: okayyy

me: William finally texts me and is like

"so i'm at this event at the Ivy in Buckhead and it's pretty good, so if you just want to come here..."

so i decide to meet him there

E:ohhhh ok

me: though in the back of my head i'm like

hm

Dr guy has an event in buckhead at 6

william has an event in buckhead at six

E:

AHH

me: they both went to the same Medical school...

this could be interesting

E:dfhksdfhjsdfh

im dying

me: so i get to the bar at the ivy

and OF COURSE

BOTH OF THEM ARE THERE

awkward sauce

but they are on different ends of the bar

so i see william, he gets me a drink,and we settle at the far end of the bar

dr. dude is at the other end of the bar chatting with some girl

either doesn't see me or doesn't recognize me or isn't acknowledging me

whatevs

William is a little chub chub

but really social

and funny

so i'm drinking- whatever, making convo

E: yea yea

me: though he literally like knows everyone in the bar

so people keep popping by

saying hi

making small talk

it was a little annoying

and then at one point, he decides to go to the other end of the bar to get the bartender's attention

and then STARTS TALKING TO THE DR. DUDE

they DEF know each other

THEN

he proceeds to BRING DR.DUDE OVER TO ME AND INTRODUCE US

E: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO NO

NO NO NO

NO

me: oh yes

yes

yes

awkward awkward sauce

so

E: what the fuck did you do

me: i can't remember if i told you i was kind of like - couldn't tell from tinder if dr. dude was sketch " send me your pics" type or not

E: yea

me: but i was starting to get that vibe from him on tinder

anyway

William brings him over and introduces us

he completely doesn't acknowledge the fact that we've talked at all

like

hmm

ok

whatever

i guess this is weird so

We're just like " hi- I'm P"

SO AWKWARD

THEN

William needed to go move his car so it didn't get towed

so he leaves me at the bar with Dr. Dude

omg

Dr. Dude then proceeds to lay it on

"why are you wearing that blazer? why are you hiding your body? you have a beautiful body."

etcetc etc

SO cocky and arrogant

which, of course, i'm attracted to, like an idiot

E: jhskjhsd

P!

hahaha

me: i know i know

bad

E:

i want to see pictures

me: so then i proceed to flirt shamelessly with dr. dude

google A K

E: can you send me screenshots from your phone please

me: he's 32

anyway

he's just laying on the game thick

E: gotcha

me: not in a way that i can take seriously at ALL

but you know when a guy is just being a shameless flirt?

its fun

i'm human

i'm sorry.

so so bad. i enjoy it. i do.

E: hahhaha well

me:anyway

E: we all do

me: totally didn't notice that william had come back from the parking lot

so i'm shamelessly flirting with Dr.dude

and William is at the other end of the bar making convo with people

Dr. dude excuses himself. I go back to the end of the bar with william

decide he's the "normal" guy

and that Dr. Dude is definitely not dateable

so decide to focus on William

anyway- they are def def friends

like

have each other's phone numbers

E: oh lordddddd

me:

so eventually the crowd thins

its just me, william, dr. dude, and these THREE girls Dr. Dude was talking to

at some point

E: sfjkhjkhsd

me: Dr. Dude suggests we go to East Andrews to drink

E: PSHH

me: my first thought it "who over the age of 24 suggests East Andrews???"

ick.

E: right.

continure

me: and i proceed to say something to the effect of "lolz- East Andrews is for 19 year old girls" to Williams

E: HA

me: and he jokes to the group

" Sooo- just checking- everyone here is legal, right?"

and the other girls are like " Uh yeah totally - i'm 22."

and i laugh and i'm like

"haha yeah sure tonight i'm 22 too"

....

and then i realize they aren't kidding

they were actually 22

-_-

E: UGHHHHHHHHH

no

no

no

me: so here i am

in buckhead

E: no and no

me: with Dr dude and his posse of 22 year olds

and William

who- also

at some point in the evening- told a rather off color story about his dad teaching him how to pee

which i chalked up to too many drinks and nerves

anyway

we all decide to go to east andrews

at this point- its very clear Dr. Dude is gross

and is 32 hanging out with 22 year old children

so we all caravan to East Andrews

E: gross very gross

me: only when William and I get there

Dr Dude calls and says he and the girls instead decided to "go to his place"

no.thankyou.

so William and i decide to grab a drink

its fine. he seems nice. decent guy, good at making conversation

he works at the CDC

he's not a doctor, even though he went to medical school

and then

AND then

ugh

my life is a bad episode of sex and the city

E: what and then

me: he proceeds to tell me how in college he used to teach classes to his friends on ...ahem....how to please a lady- orally. to put it delicately

E:

NO

P!

NO

me: and then the conversation turns to how he loves this. so much.

i just

i can't

i can't

WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?!

E: ksfffff

what what

me: AND

E: what

EWWWWWWWWWWW

me: then it also turns out

E: i'm so grossed out

me: he's best friends with Amy's ex-bf

AND per my conversation with Amy the next morning

apparently his nickname in college was " Nasty Will"

-_-

E: EWWWWW

i love that emoticon

me: tinder is dangerous dangerous dangerous

i just

i think maybe i just need to give up on dating

lol

like

E: it really is

me: this was the WORST NIGHT EVER.

E:

its the grossest

me: i mean

it was also very comical

lol

clearly

i was entertained

but like

wow

[curlersaredangerous]

I'm back

And nothing has changed. My dear friend J bemoaned the fact that I updated my blog in a while, so here I am. I started this blog almost 4 years ago, in the acute pain of my first heartbreak. I have to be honest, I never thought I could imagine a future where, 4 years later, I would still be complaining about my lack of a relationship and my utter incomprehension of the male sex. 4 years seemed like an eternity- during the space of which, surely, I would meet another suitable young man, fall in love again, and hopefully be well on my way to matrimonial bliss, if not there already. Alas, it seems fate has other plans for me. Though there have been loves, love affairs, flirtations, heart-aches ( though perhaps not breaks), and unrequited loves, nothing seems to stick. Don't look now, but I'm starting to think its me. I habitually fall in with men who are not available. End of story. I could lie and say they are just emotionally unavailable, but ( typically) its not just that. They are actually, actually unavailable. And often in completely different time zones. So what is it I'm doing exactly? To hear my mother tell it, there have been a half dozen nice, available guys that I have rejected in my sycophantian quest for the perfect mate, which I suppose is true. The guys I want aren't available, and the guys that want me, I can't stomach. What the hell?!

[curlersaredangerous]

Can I Be Mr. Darcy?

Pride and Prejudice, being my ultimate in terms of romantic ideals, has always held a special place in my heart. In my mind, of course, I am always Elizabeth Bennet- smart, sassy, irresistibly charming yet above the fray. This is my god-given role. And yet... Here I am, on the precipice once again, on the verge of madness due to my unrequited longing for a guy. What's old is new again... This crush, cruising into its third year, is consuming me. I eat, sleep, and breathe it. It's all I can seem to talk about, obsess about, and dream about at night. SO, I must conclude one of two things - a) I am crazy, or b) it is meant to be. I would much prefer the latter to the former, but the only way for me to find that out would be for the crush to move forward into something more. And in order for that to happen, it would have to cease being a secret crush and come out in the open. Now, in the reel of Pride and Prejudice that is constantly running in the back of my head every time I encounter a guy, the MAN makes the declaration of love. " You MUST allow me tell you how ardently I admire and love you..."

But this declaration doesn't seem to be forthcoming from said crush. So either I continue to whither and obsesses OR I become the Mr. Darcy. ACK. Every fiber of my being hates this. I want the declaration- I don't want to make the declaration!!!! This is what sucks about being a woman- having to sit and wait for things to happen to you... But need that be the case? Can't I be my own heroine? Can't I push the narrative forward??!! We shall see...

[curlersaredangerous]

So it's been a while since I've updated the blog. Haven't you noticed I stop writing when things are going well and only pick up the pen when I'm feeling alone, aimless, and lost? 

No?

Well consider yourself informed.

2013 so far has been an eventful year- MUCH more fruitful in the dating department than 2012 ( though also much much more confusing).

There was the guy in DC who should have worked, but didn't.

The guy with the girlfriend who was, in fact, the best makeout I've ever had, and is NEVER EVER going to work.

My long lost Indian crush

The saxophone player.

And the other guy with the girlfriend- he who shall not be named. The love of my life ( GOD- let's hope not).

I feel obligated to dedicated at least some space to the saxophone player- my first real relationship since the nim-wit ex-bf who instigated this whole blog.  The saxophone player was OH so beautiful.  He was everything I haven't dated in the last three years- artistic, emotional, passionate.  Yet, sadly, as much as I wanted it to work, as much as  I was attracted to him, and as much as he liked me ( a RARITY)- it just never fit.  And so I ended it. 

So here I am, two months later. Alone. And obsessing over he who shall not be named.  At this point, its just a hopeless infatuation. I can't even extricate myself.  Its like a bad song- all my friends tell me I'm dumb- to let it go, to JUST STOP TALKING TO HIM. But the thing is, I don't want to.  If I stop talking to him, I have zero chance of getting what I want.  At least this torture keeps the door open? ( is this totally delusional?) After two years of us talking on an almost daily basis, I still can't shake the feeling that he understands me better than anyone not named Mom, and that he's the person I could see myself being utterly, blissfully happy with :/

Onward then, with the dolor exquisite...

[animalsnaps]

[curlersaredangerous]

m:

....

....

...

..

.

me:

?

m:

its wednesday

morning

wednesday morning comes after tuesday night

i already know what i did on tuesday night. i do NOT know what you did on tuesday night.

me:

lol

i went out with the saxophone player

mmmhmm

meikaela:

oh wow

what a detailed story

thanks for telling it to me

me:

lol

it was a really good night

m:

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

me:

we went to this random live music club

and then this other place in the village

it was very new york

which i liked

and yeah

he walked me to work this morning

m:

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

i am SOOOOOOOO excited and happy for you

OMG

me:

lol calmate

m:

i am literally tearing up

im so weird

me:

you are hilarious

m:

i've been SUPER emotional the past two days

me:

i don't really know where this is going

m:

i watched the best exotic marigold hotel last night and cried like 100 times

me:

so i'm trying not to get very invested

hahahaha

m:

fair enough.

i'll get invested for you

me:

lol thanks

m:

it's perfect. i'm like your dating surrogate.

me:

haha

m:

well emotional surrogate.

me:

it is perfect actually

m:

yay. that is wondrous.

i really am happy though.

even if it doesn't go far. it sounds like an awesome date

and awesome dates dont happen every day

me:

i just don't want to get too excited. i don't know when i'll see him again....and i don't know what he is thinking so

yeah

thats true

i should just value it as a great date

etc etc

m:

they really don't happen that often. and that sounds like a good one. now you know what awesome dates should look like. and when some OOC atlanta man is 30 minutes late to the World of Coke and then asks what you can offer him, you can just throw exotic Coca Cola in his face.

and be like, i only date intriguing exotic musicians. you don't meet my criteria so i can't do ish for you.

me:

ahahahahahahah

i LOVE that

m:

#justsaying

me:

lmao

i treasure you

[curlersaredangerous]

Goodbye Girl

I think I've come to the realization that over the last three months, I've steadily been obliterating the girl that I used to be, and becoming a woman that I don't entirely recognize or am comfortable with.  Maybe everyone feels this way at some point in their twenties, or maybe not.  I have no idea. 

I've thrown old standards of behavior and decorum aside, and pretty much done whatever felt good in the moment. It's as if 26 years of repressed emotions have suddenly come flooding forward in a destructive tidal wave. 

In the last week, I've kissed ( ok maybe more than kissed for one) three different guys- one I'd just met,  one who I know has a girlfriend, and one who I have a gut feeling will be bad for me. 

This is progress?

I'm having a hard time transitioning from being an innocent girl with innocent girl dreams, and being a woman who knows what she wants and is comfortable with that power.  I know what my body wants physically, but I'm not quite sure yet how to translate that emotionally.  Maybe everyone else went through this in college, and I'm just behind the curve.  In any case, trying to find a balance now has been difficult.  The tidal wave of repressed emotion obliterates any kind of judgement, sense, or morality.  Maybe this is a positive development for me, or perhaps not.  Only time will tell.

[curlersaredangerous]

Taking Responsibility

There are just times when you have to take personal responsibility.  How did I get to where I am today, kissing guys who have girlfriends? 

Part of me really just wants to blame him, blame the alcohol, blame the circumstances.  But the fact of the matter remains that I allowed it to happen.  From the moment we stepped upstairs, I knew what was likely to happen, and I didn't ( really) try to stop it. 

I'm a little disgusted with myself.  Am I really so desperate for male attention that I'll drop my standards in the blink of an eye? 

And I'm mad at myself for momentarily thinking that perhaps it meant more than what it was. Perhaps it meant that he actually, really liked me.  For thinking that there was a future there, instead of acknowledging that he's a guy in a complicated relationship, we were drunk, and he was probably feeling lonely and an opportunity presented itself. 

And I'm annoyed. Annoyed that this has destroyed my peace of mind.  I was in a relatively good place with men- not obsessing over any one in particular. In control of my emotions and feelings ( well...trying to be at least). 

And I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed that I was so easily led. Embarrassed that I sent a follow up email ( oh god- when will I learn that silence is golden??)  Embarrassed that once again, I'm crushing on a guy who has a girlfriend- so much so that I can't even confide in my best friend because I couldn't stand the look of disappointment I know she'd give me. 

More than anything right now, I just want my sanity back. Amazing how it can disappear in the blink of an eye.  I want my clarity, I want to not think of him.  Mostly, I just want a normal, guy meets girl, guy and girl like each other, guy and girl date scenario. Is that too much to ask? 

[curlersaredangerous]

WTF just happened?

Here I am on the plane back from a long weekend with friends, pondering the events of the past 72 hours, and all I can think is "WTF just happened?"

The purpose of the weekend was to connect and network with a group of really cool people from all over the country. 20 amazing, ambitious, happening 20-somethings descended on a small mountain town for a weekend of long conversations, self-discovery, drinking, and hot-tubbing. 

The most thrilling prospect of this trip was that there were no prospects. A blissful weekend of thinking on a higher plane, not worried about who likes me and doesn't, no angst about not being in a relationship. A blissful get away. 

My invite to the weekend house came through a friend we'll call Blue Eyes.  Blue Eyes and I met through a few mutual friends, and despite a little low key flirtation a year or so ago, our friendship has been platonic. In fact, it would be hard to even classify it as a friendship....more friends of friends acquaintances.  Our mutual friends were supposed to also come on the cabin trip, but ended up bailing at the last minute, leaving me alone on the trip with Blue Eyes as my only friend. 

We all began the weekend wide-eyed and bushy tailed, going around in a circle telling the group about a question or a problem we're currently struggling with and looking for advice.  Now, I'd know through the grapevine and Blue Eyes and his girlfriend had a rather stormy relationship, so it wasn't much of a surprise when he brought up their relationship as his primary source of angst.  All weekend, we all clustered and talked sincerely about how we could address our problems, and what Blue Eyes should do with his relationship. 

Come Saturday night, we are all a bit exhausted with the emotional oversharing, and are just looking to relax with a bottle of wine.  Then two. Then three. Then ten.  Before you know it,  empty bottles are strewn across the table, music is blaring from the living room, and eyes are being made across rooms. 

I'd gone upstairs toward the end of the night looking for a pair of comfortable sweatpants to change into, when I drunkenly stumble across Blue Eyes in the hallway.  He grabs my hand and pulls me down to sit next to him.  We're both drunk but coherent, hands clasped in the dark hallway.  Realizing that my roommate was already asleep in our room, Blue Eyes stands up and offers me his hand as he pulls me to his room across the hall. 

I'll be honest here.  I've had a strange attraction to Blue Eyes since we first met.  Not conventionally handsome, he has attractive mannerisms, and over the course of the weekend, the discovery of his intellect and wit only heightened the charm.  With five glasses of wine in my system, I was powerless to resist. 

As I sat on his bed in the dark, my heart was pounding and I knew what was coming. But it was so weird, and so wrong. He has a girlfriend...plus I didn't know until that moment that the attraction was really mutual.  

And so he lays on his bed. I sit on the floor carefully, hoping to avoid the emotional trainwreck that I was clearly barreling into.  Then he leans over the bed, and entwines his hands in mine, putting his cheek next to mine and tells me ,

" I think you are so incredible"

I know its wrong, and complicated so I tell him we shouldn't.  But his words keep ringing in my ear 

"You're so incredible"

And then he leans in and kisses me. 

Right now, I'm still trying to digest those moments.  Basking in the glory of being wanted and being complimented, while also trying to parse his motivations. 

We didn't go any farther than kissing, but the heat and desire were definitely there.  It has truly been a long time since I've felt my heart pound that fast, and my body want someone that much.  It was...intoxicating.

And yet, in the morning, I wasn't sure how to act.  Was it just a drunk make-out? Did it mean something more?  How can you  be not awkward yet also not ignore what had happened?

Basically, WTF just happened?

Still don't have an answer. Over the last two days, Blue Eyes and I just acted like nothing happened.  He never mentioned it, though I'm assuming he remembers. 

Don't know how to feel about it at this point. Used? Disappointed? Excited?

WTF. 

What do you do when a platonic relationship suddenly becomes decidedly unplatonic? 

[curlersaredangerous]

Victory! -_-

E: are you excited this morning?!?!

E: i am!

me: yes!!!!

Emily: i was so nervous i couldnt watch last night lol

me: oh i went to a watch party

at a club

it was so much fun

E: awesome!

i am surrounded by republicans today. its annoying to hear them bitch. i am just sitting here hapily

me: i literally think every guy i've datedwas there

it was kinda awk

J, the Lawyer, A

E: hahahaah

me: yup i don't know if the highlight of the night was seeing J with his girlfriend

the Lawyer showing me pictures that half naked girls have sent him on his phone

or A puking in my bathroom

-_-

[curlersaredangerous]

Send me a pic

me: so tell me this

is guys asking for a picture of you via text like a thing now?

am i wrong in thinking this is only something 19 year old girls with low self esteem do?

Z: who asked you for picutres?

men ask that all the time

me: ha really? how do you respond to that?

Z: well the nice men just mean they want a picture of your face

me: besides, ummm no.

Z: lolol

unless i'm dating a guy i always say sorry i don't do that

ask your other hoes

but if it's someone i'm dating

i send a cute picture of my face

me: well clearly if you are dating someone its different

Z: no i dont mean my boyfriend

but i mean like 5 - 7 dates

me: mk

Z: who asked?

the lawyer?

me: i just needed a gut check

HA

no

lol hell no

Z: lololol. i didn't know

me: this guy i went on a date with a few months ago

but he's in ny now

and i'm going up next weekend

so texted him

Z: ohhhh!!!!

me: out of the blue

yeaah i need to make out with someone

i text him and S too lol

Z: yeah this is a no though

boy you aren't getting a picture

sorry

me: ha

do i just say that matter of factly or nicely?

Z: it depends on how nice you feel

and if you're worried about offending him

me: mm yeah not so much really

Z: are you sure?

cause you still might want a make out partner?

me: true true

well i just kind of blew it off

Z: don't worry girl. always thinking

me: in a joking way

Z: yeah

then go with that

that's a good idea

me: but seriously

wtf

am i in junior high?

a PICTURE?

get on linkedin if you can't remember what my face looks like

stop.

Z: lmaooooooooooooooo

that's too much

you are hilarious

me: he is younger than me

Z: i'm tweeting that

me: so maybe that has something to do with it

but i think he's only a year younger

whatever

there is no way in hell i'm sending him any kind of picture

ick

that just sounds sketchy

Z: lol

me: but....i still want to go out with him

haha

Z: yeah

that's the funny part

but i don't judge

he's a man

most men will at least ask

me: and we know men are stupid

Z: with the mindset that it cant hurt

and if she says yes, awesome

me: awesome...she's a skank

Z: lmao

me: ...

too much?

lol

Z: you are having me cracking up

me: also

what kind of person just has a stash of pictures of themselves around?

Z: i always pull one from instagram

it's awkward when they realize that

but oh well

me: yeah but we both know thats not what they are looking for lol

they want a in the mirror in my bathroom cell phone shot

gross

Z: lmaoo

no they don't

who REALLY wants a bathroom photo??

me: i almost wanted to be like, "No, YOU send me a picture"

Z: that's just tooo nasty

me: and then i was afraid of what he might send

hahahahaha

Z: then you'll get a dick pic

dick pic

instantly

me: exactly what i thought

Z: men are NOT ashamed

me: so i decided against that

Z: i've tried that before

definitely backfired

lolol

me: ahahahahahaha

i'm silently laughing at my desk

ugh he must think i'm so thirsty

which i am

but that is besides the point

and not necessarily thirsty for him

just thirsty in general

its a DROUGHT!

[curlersaredangerous]

Shiner Shiner

I really wish there was a mechanism by which I could shut off any emotions I have for a guy.  As it is, my emotions operate on a hair trigger, so I barely have any chance of controlling them before they escalate out of control.

Take last night.  I went out with two of my friends and met a cute new guy.  One friend encouraged me to flirt with him, despite knowing that, in general, I'm a pretty shy girl and not one to take the initiative with guys. 

So, when I finally summoned up the ( liquid) courage to talk to him in the context of our group, I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I was slightly flirtatious, smiled a lot, and ( I think) pretty witty.  Kudos to all. And in the midst of all this, I found myself actually liking said guy.  My emotions operating on a hair trigger, this almost immediately bloomed into a crush.  A little ridiculous, I know, but what can you do?

The problem is that my other friend is a shiner.  What is a shiner you ask?  Its someone ( usually a girl), who is always the center of attention, and never really turns it down.  Whether intentionally or not ( and I happen to think its intentional), they hog the limelight, not letting other, more timid flowers get their moment in the sun ( I am the timid flower). 

So shine shine shine she did.  Laughing, joking, flirting- all with the same guy only minutes ago she'd encouraged me to flirt with!  It was infuriating to behold.

And it was even more annoying because I am really not the competitive type.  I don't like to fight for a guy's attention.  I do well in one on one interactions and in even keeled group settings, but when the ante gets upped around a guy, I retreat. Maybe it's my pride, maybe I'm just a lousy dater, I don't know, but there it is. 

So I was not at all surprised when my female intuition told me that he probably was interested in her instead of me.  And lo and behold, this evening I get confirmation that yes, once again, my gut was correct. 

So what to do?  Should I just stop being friends with said shiner?  Do I just get over it and accept it as fact?  Not really sure how to handle this.  All I know now is that my pride is a little wounded, and I'm feeling more unsure about my general attractiveness than I normally would. :\

[curlersaredangerous]

the Homie

JLove:

im so sick of being manless

i dont even want a bf

but some kind of consistent attention from the opposite sex would be really swell right about now

me: ha honey you and me both

i just want someone to kiss me! jeez

Jlove: sometimes im just like wtf..am i just so repulsive that no one wants to give me the time of day

damn

such is life i guess

im just going to drown in my work i suppose

but you have men

several

that like you and pursue you

me: ha I don't have any guys pursuing me

AT all

not one

just a bunch of guys who insist on calling me "the homie"

when did i become that girl??!!!

how did that happen?!

JLove: oh im that girl too

i think it comes with hanging out with the same guys all the damn time

im taking a break from them matter fact

they get desensitized

it will take them like 20+ yrs

to figure out the pot of gold they were sitting on the whole time

me: HA

i think you are absolutely right

me: Ugh I hate that. We are cute girls! I swear to god if one more guy calls me a homie. Wtf.

A is a fucking idiot. I need to stop hanging out with him

JLove: yeah i REALLY dont know what his deal is

what on earth could he possibly be waiting for

me: Yeah I think after Labor Day he is cut off

Like

Oh, no he thinks we are just friends

JLove: men just have this way of making women feel like they had everything twisted from the beginning

me: Just friends who sleep in the same bed, hold hands, and hang out all freaking weekend.

JLove: but he's not giving you "friend" signals all the time

me: Ok cool, we are just friends? I'm about to bring guys around him and see how he likes it

JLove: yup

and i bet you he'll trip

you can be like

me: Yeah he will. I'm about to park his ass on the sofa.

JLove: yea thats a big piece of homie for yo ass

me: Ahahahahhaha

Lol

Now I just need to find a new guy

JLove: men like to make women feel like we've created an alternate reality

me: They really do

JLove: like i just dreamt up the fact that we're more than friends

me: Its completely not fairn

JLove: like my vagina accidently feell onto your penis

puh-lease

me: Haha

JLove: they can all go somewhere with that

me: Yeah I need a whole new team of guys

JLove: all those high school games

im just not about that life

me: Yeah

me: Seriously. This past weekend, one- A showed up at my house unannounced. Spent the night. We went to brunch in the morning, then bike riding, then to dinner, then to a bar. And he came over again on Sunday morning, fixed my headlights, went to lunch, and then came back over that night for group dinner. Then we went out to dinner again on Monday!

But we are just friends -_-

JLove: oooo hell no.

this man is just crazy

my guy friends have NEVER done any of that

shit.

my bf never did anything like that

lol

[curlersaredangerous]

Raining Men

As much as I bemoan my single status, lately I've come to the realization that, rather than being lacking in male company, I have a plethora of men at my disposal.

A ( the grad student) is my day-to-day buddy. Always there to go out with, watch movies with, etc.  Though I still haven't figured out what is going on there, he is genuinely a nice guy.  

M ( the lawyer) didn't really work out dating wise, but we always have great conversations. I never feel like I need to pretend I'm less smart than I am with M, and he's always good for a free meal.

He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named ...he's the male version of me.  We talk and text incessantly on a myriad of topics.  I love that he really understands my personality and here I am coming from. I can make all manner of random references, and I know he'll understand what I'm talking about. He's my intellectual equal.

These are the men of my life.  Let's not even count the one off dates and college friends.  Overall, my life is overflowing with guys.  If only ONE of them would actually like to date me, that would be great. Mk? thanks. 

[curlersaredangerous]

Ask a Dude

me:hey

do men actually ever find women intimidating or is that just a lie we tell ourselves?

Dude: lie

me:yeah

thats what i thought

Dude: i mean i dunno

some lame dudes are too shy or afraid to act out attractive women

but i mean..

generally that "intimidating" thing is a lie

at our age if a guy is interested he'll take a run. and if he's the type of guy thats too shy he prob not the type of guy any girl is pining over

me:ha

whelp

i suspected as much

[curlersaredangerous]

Paging Doctor

Doctor: Hey, this is Doctor. Got your number from T. I don't know if you remember me...

Me: Hey! Of course I remember you :) how are you?

Doctor: I'm alright. I'm at work right now, how u been??

Me: Good. I'm at work too but my entire team is gone. Counting the hours until the weekend.

Doctor: You're probably wondering why the hell I decided to pop up out of nowhere lol

Me: Haha yes maybe

Doctor: Lol well to be honest I wanted to talke to you the night I met you and well all went out

Some dude was glued to you like white on rice

It was super annoying

And then later on that night I wanted to get your num and call u but my friend was basically telling me not too. Even tho I knew I have a short attn span and would get real busy/ focused with my studies

Me: Lol oh no! I remember, he was really annoying

Doctor: Lol yep

And I talked about u to my friend one day lol

He basically told me I was fucking up....and I agreed lol

Smdh

Damn...I just wrote an essay

Me: Lol its ok

Doctor: Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow?

Me: My little brother is actually coming in town for the weekend.

Doctor: Well if ur free for a couple of hrs on sat I would love to sit down and talk. Let's grab some brunch or something