Sweetener
jinx/powder x female reader — 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬⠀𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
summary: matcha has always been too bitter for your taste, but your new coworker seems to love it, especially when she makes you taste it every single day. warnings/themes: fluff and angst, friends to lovers, coffee shop, mordern au, barista!jinx, barista!reader, jessica words: 18.5k notes: just 2 broke (tired, stubborn, idiot, proud) college students in a shitty city
Working as a barista, you're used to seeing all sorts of people.
Most times it's just a bunch of early morning adults rushing through with their quick coffee pickup before work or the mid-afternoon college students stopping by for their third/fourth cup of the day to fight off the dark circles under their eyes or the late night studiers trying to consume enough coffee to finish their all-nighters for the upcoming exams.
But you can't please everyone all the time. Some of the people are just downright arrogant.
“Whatever.” They wave their hand in the air, as though swatting away an annoying fly. “Anyway, I need a matcha latte.”
You try to keep the grimace off your face. Not only does matcha taste like grass, matcha is expensive as hell. And it's always the stuck-up pricks that ask for matcha lattes.
“Yes, anything else?”
They look you up and down with a scoff. “Did I stutter? yes, that'll be all.”
You grit your teeth, trying to keep from throttling the prick then and there. It's not only just unprofessional, but you'd probably lose your job. And you need this job. You type their order, being careful not to say something rude.
“Great,” they say as they pull out a credit card.
You ring the total up and hand the card back, watching as they slide it back into their wallet.
“And you better get it right this time, it was too hot last time,” you hear them say before taking a seat at a nearby table.
Too hot. The last time you made it for them, you were careful to keep it at the right temperature—but apparently, even that wasn't good enough for that uptight person over there.
You grumble to yourself as you get to work making the matcha latte.
Carefully getting the perfect blend of matcha powder and water. Steaming the milk to the perfect temperature, ensuring it isn't too hot for the entitled prick, but also not too cold.
You grumble again, knowing full well the tip they're going to leave you won't be anything more than fifty cents or nothing at all.
You look at the clock. Only four hours left of this shift. Only four hours.
—
“You alright?”
You glance up from shoving your apron into a locker as Jayce, the cafe owner, walks over.
Is it that obvious you're not doing so well? You shrug. “I'm fine. Just glad it's quitting time, y'know?”
You're really not fine. This day was just awful. Between classes, this shift, and the never ending classwork load, you're ready to collapse from exhaustion. But you don't want to bother Jayce with your problems. The guy's already got enough on his plate running this café.
When you shut the locker, you catch Jayce eyeing you with concern, but he doesn't push further.
“Speaking of,” he starts, changing the topic. “You'll be getting a new co-worker tomorrow. Maddie's moved to another city.” He leans against a wall, crossing his arms. “Can you show them the ropes? I won't be here tomorrow.”
You give him a weary smile. “Can do.” Sure, training's easy, and showing them how to make coffee and deal with difficult customers isn't that hard. But what if they suck? What if they're lazy? What if they're incompetent?
You sigh, knowing that you're getting ahead of yourself. It's all conjecture right now. For all you know, this new co-worker could be great.
Jayce seems to notice your exhaustion, and he smiles reassuringly. “Get some rest.”
Right… rest. How the hell are you supposed to rest when you still have three classes to stress about, a mountain of classwork, and a new person to train at a job tomorrow?
“Maybe I should,” you reply lazily. You're not sure if you'll be able to get rest with the load of classwork waiting for you in your apartment, but at this point, you feel too exhausted to care. You grab your backpack and sling it over your shoulders, giving a tired wave. “See you.”
He waves back. “Have a good night.”
You exit the cafe, a chill wind hitting your face as you step out onto the sidewalk.
Tomorrow is going to suck.
Tomorrow is waking up at the ass crack of dawn, half dead, and dragging yourself to several classes.
Tomorrow is getting bitched out by entitled pricks who need their overcomplicated, overpriced caffeinated crap just to feel awake.
Tomorrow is the same old bullshit.
You're already dreading tomorrow.
—
Weekends. The two days of respite from the hellhole of college—at least, it's supposed to be. When you arrive at the cafe on a Saturday morning, the sun is just beginning to rise as you park your bike nearby and make your way inside.
You step through the door and are greeted by Jayce, standing by the counter. And next to him is a blue-haired girl. Must be the newbie.
“Morning,” you greet Jayce with a tired yawn. You set your belongings in the locker before walking over to the counter.
“Morning,” Jayce greets back with a smile, nodding towards the girl. “This is Jinx, the new barista I mentioned,” he tells you, confirming your suspicions.
“Jinx,” you repeat, looking her up and down.
Blue hair with two braids, and a chin-length swoop of hair on the right side of her face. She's probably around your age. Despite the early hour, she looks far too cheerful and energetic.
Jinx's eyes lands on you, and she smiles broadly. “That's me,” she chirps.
You introduce yourself, and Jayce nods in approval. “I've gotta go,” he says, putting on his coat. “I trust you can take it from here.” He pats you on the back as he walks past. “See you later.” And with that, he's out the door.
You turn back to Jinx, noticing her eyes wandering around the café. “So, uh,” you start awkwardly, “have you worked in a café before?”
Jinx snaps her attention to you. “Nope.”
“Okay… that's not a big deal,” you assure her. “I'll just walk you through everything.”
She nods, and you begin the training.
You start by showing her the basics. Operating the coffee machines—which are pretty damn fancy and confusing at first. Explaining the menu, the prices, and the specials of the day. You tell her about the regulars and the usual customers, and she seems to listen closely.
After the basics, you get to the actual coffee-making. You start with a simple latte. You demonstrate the process, showing her how to prepare the espresso and steam the milk. She watches closely and even tries to mimic your steps.
Her first attempt is... messy. The espresso is weak, and the milk isn't steamed right. You point out her mistakes and try to guide her through the process again. She tries again… and again, it looks like a mess.
“Here—watch.” You adjust her grip on the pitcher. “You're holding it wrong. Try pouring again.”
She nods and tries once more, this time managing to make a decent pour.
“Not bad,” you praise. “Keep that up and you'll be good in no time.”
Jinx grins, but then her gaze falls to her hands. “Not so sure about that.”
You follow her gaze and spot the multiple band aid wrapped around her fingers. Her band aids seem to almost be covering every single finger. It's a little weird that her bandages cover her fingers of all things.
But you don't pry.
She sets the pitcher down, and you turn to glance at the clock on the wall. The clock reads 7:36 AM. It's still early, but the cafe opens at 8 AM.
“Hey,” you begin, “I was thinking…” You motion at the clock. “We still have time before opening. Wanna try making something different?”
She nods eagerly. “Yeah. Sure. Why not?”
“Alright.” You walk over to the cupboard. “What would you like to make?”
“Hmm, something... fun,” she hums, fingers tapping on the counter. “Like... matcha?” She shrugs. “It's my favorite.”
Matcha. That disgusting green tea powder that all these rich assholes seem to worship. And if you hear one more person saying it tastes rich or some other dumb bullshit...
You hate matcha. But if Jinx's favorite drink is matcha, then fine.
You shove down your own disdain for the drink and give her a strained smile. “You like matcha?”
“Yeah. It's delicious!” She's much more energetic than you've ever been.
You open the cupboard and sift through the supply drawers, pulling out the ingredients for a matcha latte. Jinx's eyes lock onto the ingredients that you place on the counter. “Why do you love matcha so much?” you ask.
“Uh, it tastes good! Matcha cake, matcha ice cream, matcha mochi, matcha tea... Oh! Matcha pudding is really good too.”
She seems very enthusiastic about the drink. So much so that you wonder if she's done an advertisement for it before.
“You know,” you start, measuring out the matcha and starting the water to boil in the kettle. “For someone who seems like they'd be more into sweet and sugary things... you like some stuff like matcha.”
“Eh, I also like sweet stuff, but I like matcha better.” Makes sense. Some people just like different tastes.
The water boils, and you spoon the powdered green tea into a cup and add the steaming water. You stir the matcha in the cup with a whisk. “You've probably had tons of matcha drinks in cafes before, huh?”
You turn to grab a frothing pitcher from the counter, but the bluenette has already snatched it and started foaming the milk, her fingers gripping the handle.
“Yeah, I have. But I've never tried making it myself.”
“Never tried making one yourself?” you repeat, watching her steam the milk.
She shakes her head. “Nope. I've had a lot of matcha drinks in cafes, but I've never made one myself.”
You finish stirring the matcha in the cup. “Well, at least you haven't broken anything yet. That's a good start.”
She stops frothing the milk, glancing at you. “You mean that? you're not joking?”
“I'm just being honest.”
She hesitantly nods, taking your answer. “If you say so…”
She pours the frothed milk into the cup along with the matcha, and you add the finishing touches before giving it to her.
Jinx grabs the cup and looks down at the drink. “It looks good.”
“Well, take a sip.” You watch her expectantly. You expect her to spit it out, complain...
But she doesn’t. She swallows the liquid and sets the cup down. “I didn't know making matcha was so easy,” she muses, staring down at the frothy green drink.
“It's not so complicated. Just some boiled water and milk.”
She takes another sip. “So... I could make matcha myself?”
“Yup. If you know how, it's pretty simple.”
“I never knew it was this easy.... I've been buying matcha this whole time-”
Then, the bell chimes, interrupting your conversation. The first customer of the day walks in.
“Ahh…” you mutter, turning toward your new co-worker, who is still sipping on her matcha latte. “You ready?”
She sets the cup down. “I guess.”
“Just follow my lead and try to keep up,” you tell her, “it should be an easy morning.”
She smiles, adjusting her apron. “Easy as pie.”
—
The first day of work for Jinx was... well, interesting, to put it mildly.
She made a few mistakes—like over-foaming a latte, accidentally giving a customer way too much sugar in their coffee, and almost setting fire to the coffee machine… but it could have been worse.
Some of the customers were patient, kind, and understanding. Others... not so much.
One customer complained that their coffee had too much cream and was way too sweet. Another complained their frappe was melting despite ordering it without ice. Then there was the customer who ordered a ‘coffee flavored coffee’, whatever that means. And the guy who wanted an Americano with no coffee.
By the end of the day, Jinx looked like a mess, and her apron was covered in coffee stains. You and her both shared a look of exhaustion.
“I had no idea customers could be so…” she trails off, her head in her hands on the counter.
“Frustrating?”
“More like…” she ponders some more.
“Inconsiderate?” you suggest jokingly.
“No, that's too nice.”
“How about…” you pause, mulling over some choice words. “Just plain dumb?”
“Dumb, stupid, idiotic, moronic, blockheaded, imbecilic-” she continues, listing off synonyms.
“You're going to run out of adjectives.”
“I've got plenty.” She lifts her head up, drumming her fingers on the counter. “You have no idea how many words you can use to describe an idiot. I could go on for hours.”
“I'm sure you could, but-”
“Like numbskull! Dolt. Imbecile. Nitwit. Dimwit. Dunce. Jackass. Cretin-”
“-Alright, that's enough,” you cut her off before she can start listing the entire dictionary. “I get it.”
She laughs and pushes back her bangs. “I was sooo tempted to dump a whole pot of coffee in a customer's face.”
“You shouldn't be pouring coffee on people, no matter how annoying they are.”
“But just imagine the look on their face when a steaming cup of hot coffee hits them-”
“That's assault.”
“It's self defense if… I'm defending my sanity,” Jinx counters.
“You can't just dump coffee on every annoying customer.”
“Says who?”
“Says the law,” you remind her, “...and Jayce.”
She sighs, flopping onto the counter. “I can't believe people can be this annoying. Like, how hard is it to just be nice to the people who serve you coffee?”
“Eh, well, it's too hard for some people. It's like they wake up in the morning and think… ‘Hmm, I'm going to be a massive jerk to someone working their minimum wage job today.’ And smetimes you just get those customers that you wish…” You gesture with your arm as if to mimic strangling them.
Jinx sits up, mimicking the motion with her own arms. “Or- or… you can poison their drink! Like, just a little bit. Just enough to make them a bit... sick and queasy. Or make it taste gross so they never come back, and they tell all their friends not to come back, and the cafe suddenly gets no business, and we get laid off-” She suddenly stops herself, realizing what she's saying. “I'm not making sense, am I?”
You snort. “Can you imagine the cafe being empty?”
“Mhmm! we could play our own music. Reorganize things. Drink as much coffee as we want,” she says, dropping her arms back to the counter.
“No stupid customers. No stupid complaints. It sounds like a dream.”
She leans forward, propping her chin on her hand. “It does, doesn't it?”
Just as both of you start fantasizing about the dream of an empty café, the sound of the bell above the door rings, signaling the entrance of a new customer.
You look up, assuming it's just another customer ready to order their coffee and then complain about it. But the sight of Jayce walking through the door immediately caught your attention.
“Oh, hey, boss,” Jinx greets.
Jayce approaches the counter, his eyes scanning over the cafe. “Evening, how's the first day?” he asks Jinx.
“Just great,” she replies.
Jayce glances at the coffee stain on her apron, the corner of his lip twitching upwards, but he doesn't comment on it. “And how's the training been?” He turns towards you, raising an eyebrow.
You shrug, trying to play it cool. “She's done well-”
“Except for spilling the drinks, the coffee machine almost exploded, accidentally giving customers the wrong orders-” Jinx pipes up, counting on her fingers, “-and me almost assaulting a customer.”
“She's still learning,” you quickly add, “but she's catching on pretty quick.”
Jayce purses his lips, studying Jinx for a moment before returning his eyes to you. “She almost assaulted a customer?”
“Uh, no, it didn't happen. She was just... venting out some frustration.”
“It was close,” Jinx mutters.
You clear your throat and give her a subtle glare, silently telling her to shut up before she makes it worse, which she luckily gets the hint.
Jayce hums and glances down at the watch on his wrist before looking back up. “Right, you two can head home now. I'll take over closing the shop.”
You and Jinx exchanged confused looks. “You sure? we can help.”
He waves a hand dismissively. “No, no, it's fine. You've both had a long day. Go on, get going.”
You raise an eyebrow, a little suspicious, but you decide not to question it for now. You turn to Jinx. “Come on, let's get our stuff.”
She immediately stands up from her seat. “Holy shit, I'm dying to get out of this apron.”
—
You wave goodbye to Jayce as you both leave the cafe, heading straight for your parked bike, and climb onto it.
You notice that Jinx is walking a few feet away from you. “You need a ride or something?” you call out.
She turns around, looking at you with a smirk. “Why, are you offering?”
“Unless you want to walk-”
“I'll take that ride.” She walks over, stopping right next to where you're seated on the bike.
“Hop on, then.”
She glances at the back seat, hesitant. You notice that she doesn't have any sort of vehicle either. She bites her lip, contemplating it for a moment, before carefully climbing on the bike.
You feel the bike sag a bit underneath her weight, but it thankfully holds.
She awkwardly sits behind you, her arms wrapping around your waist and her legs tucked beside your thighs. “You know how to ride this thing fast, right?” she asks.
“Of course, I do. I just like being careful.” You kick off the ground and begin to pedal, leaving the café behind.
“Boooring. Just gun it. I wanna feel the wind in my hair.”
“If I crash this thing, it's your fault,” you joke, picking up speed on the deserted sidewalk. “Where are you headed anyway?”
Her grip tightens around your waist, the wind blowing through her hair. “The subway.”
“The subway?” you ask, turning the bike towards the direction of the nearest subway station. “You live across the city?”
“Yeah, I live in a shitty area. Easier to use public transit.”
The entire city is shitty. “Why'd you get a job at a cafe so far from where you live, then?” You're genuinely curious.
“Not many other places are willing to hire me.”
“Why?”
She scoffs. “Too crazy. I had a job last summer at a local convenience store.”
“What, did you steal from the cash register or something?”
“Me? Hell no. You think I'd do something that obvious?”
You glance backward with a raised eyebrow.
“Alright, fine. I might have tried to steal some drinks and candy a couple of times. But! my boss was a scumbag who stole money from charity donations. He deserved it,” she explains defensively.
“I'm sure he did,” you reply, trying not to laugh at her defense. After all, she didn't need to justify stealing from a scumbag. Not that a few stolen chocolates really matter in this shithole of a city.
You continue down the sidewalk, making a left turn at a stoplight. Cars honk at you, but neither of you gives them so much as a glance of acknowledgment.
“Besides, those things are way too overpriced anyway,” she continues. “Everything in that damn store was overpriced.”
The subway station is now in view just a few blocks away.
“What happened?” you ask. “You get fired or quit?”
“Both. They fired me, and then I quit.”
“How exactly do you quit after getting fired?”
She laughs a little. “I walked back the next day and quit myself.”
That makes sense... somehow. “But, back to my question, why work so far?”
“Er, I didn't have a choice. Jayce was about the only one that would hire me.”
So it was out of desperation. You could understand that. Everyone had to do what they had to do to survive in this city.
You slow your bike to a stop, parking it outside the entrance to the subway station. You put the kickstand down and hop off the bike. “How long does it take to get to your place?”
“Like... maybe forty-five minutes? sometimes two hours,” she says, getting off the bike and stretching her arms above her head. “It's not that bad. There's usually an old guy who plays really shitty polka music on the accordion to keep me entertained.”
“Sounds lovely,” you reply sarcastically. “Shitty music and a shitty city.”
She hums, looking around. “So... I'll see you tomorrow?”
Despite the shitty city, the shitty job, you find yourself slightly looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. “Yeah, tomorrow,” you reply.
She turns and begins walking towards the stairs that descend into the depths of the subway station, before stopping and turning back around to face you.
“Hey-” she begins, stopping you. “Thanks for the ride, and... you're not so bad. For a coworker.”
You can't resist a smile. “You aren't so bad either.”
Jinx scoffs. “Pft, I don't know. Some people might disagree.” She pauses, studying your face for a moment. “See you, partner.”
She gives you one last grin before bounding down the stairs. You watch her disappear into the depths of the subway station.
You stare at the empty place where she once was, then turn away and get back on your bike, beginning to pedal away.
—
You enter the café, eyes still heavy from lack of sleep as you drag yourself through the door, only to be nearly deafened by the sound of loud music blasting from the speakers.
…this isn't the usual song that Jayce plays on the speakers. It's not soft rock, nor is it jazz, or any of those ‘old people’ types of music that he usually has on.
It sounds like... is that heavy metal? Not just any kind of heavy metal, but the really fast-paced, hyper, head-banging kind.
You step inside and spot Jinx, who is currently in the middle of aggressively sweeping the floor.
Within three seconds of seeing you, the bluenette immediately abandons her task of sweeping, bounds over to the counter, grabs a cup, and holds it out to you.
“Mornin' partner!” she greets, a smirk on her face.
Confused, but too tired to question her, you cautiously take the cup from her. “Uhh... morning.” You nod, looking down at the cup. “Thanks.” You take a small, tentative sip.
Matcha. You almost want to spit it out. But you swallow it anyway. After all, it'd be rude to spit out something someone went out of the way to make for you.
The liquid hits your tongue, and it's… different?
Different from how you make it. It's sweet, too sweet. But oddly, despite its different taste... it's actually kind of good. Good enough to make your morning slightly more bearable.
You set the cup down on the counter, trying to hide how oddly satisfied you feel.
“So?” Jinx asks eagerly, “What do you think?”
“It's... “ Good. The word almost slips out, but you stop yourself, instead clearing your throat and going for a more neutral answer. “Different.”
“Different good or different bad?” she prompts.
“Different... fine,” you say, lifting the cup back to your lips and taking another sip.
That isn't necessarily a lie, right? just because something is different doesn't mean it's good or bad. It's like a math equation, neutral on both sides.
“What's with all the-” you gesture around, “loud music?” you ask, changing the topic.
“Oh, that?” She jabs a thumb behind her towards the speaker. “I was bored out of my mind before you got here, so I changed the music.”
The loud blast of drums and guitar fills the café.
“You like it?” she asks.
It's not... bad. Just different. “I don't know if like it is the right term.”
“Mhmm, but it's good for the morning. Helps wake you up, you know?”
You look back at the cup. The taste is still weird, but the flavor is oddly growing on you. “Yeah, I guess so.”
—
For the next few weeks, every day was the same. Every shift, you stumbled into the café, half-asleep and barely alive, and Jinx would greet you with a cup of matcha latte. She doesn't bother asking if you want one, simply places down your drink and starts her own work in the café.
It's still a drink that normally makes you grimace, but... the way she makes it... she makes it different.
It doesn't make your facial muscles twitch anymore. It just tastes better. It's odd, the way that the drink has changed you. The once bitter, almost disgusting taste that you used to dread is now...
Less bitter and somehow not so awful.
You're actually able to drink it without cringing. And you don't know if that should worry you or not.
Though, there's still one burning question on your mind.
“Why do you keep making this?” you ask her one day.
“Hmm?” She glances up from the coffee machine.
“This.” You gesture to the cup in hand. “You always make me matcha lattes.”
She sets her rag down on the counter and leans against it, resting her chin on her hand. “And why are you asking?”
“I don't know, it's just-” you pause. Why are you asking? It's just a cup of matcha. Who cares? “Just wondering,” you answer, shrugging.
“Is my matcha that bad?”
“It's not that,” you assure her, shaking your head.
“Then what?” she pries. Why do you care?
You shift a bit on your feet, uncomfortable at her question.
Because, it makes you enjoy something that you originally hated. But you don't say that.
“Never mind,” you mutter, shaking your head again and taking a sip.
She just hums and goes back to her task.
From that point on, you never ask the question again. And she continues making the matcha lattes every shift.
—
You stand on the subway train, gripping the pole to maintain balance.
The train is too crowded to find a seat, so you're forced to just stand. It's a little uncomfortable, but not the worst thing you've experienced. You're used to these long commutes. Normally, you would be riding your bike all the way to your campus, but your bike decided to betray you this day, and your tire popped.
You still haven't gotten it fixed. You didn't exactly have the money to fix it yet. Which meant you had to rely on public transport, and getting up earlier. You usually listen to music or daydream to pass the time. But today, no music, and your brain is too tired to think.
So you just stand there, staring vaguely at the people crowding around you. They're all strangers. Most of them are wearing business suits, heading to work. Some of them are students, like you, bags slung over their shoulders, looking equally tired.
A particularly loud sound of rattling metal rings in your ears, and you grimace. The subway system is old, outdated, and in need of repair. But it's still better than the old monorail they used a few years back.
You're snapped out of your thoughts as the train jolts to a stop. The doors open with an ear-piercing screech. A group of people file off as a few others get on. You barely pay attention.
You focus on the ground, listening to the rhythmic tcha tcha of the wheels on the track.
Just as your thoughts begin to lull, you're suddenly shaken from your tired trance by the feeling of another hand gripping the pole you're holding.
You lift your gaze and... Jinx?
She stands right across from you, one hand gripping the pole and the other clutching a backpack slung over her shoulder.
“Oh, hey,” she greets, shifting her grip on the pole as the train begins moving again. “What are you doing here?”
“My bike broke,” you mutter. “Flat tire.”
“Ah, that suuuuuucks,” she sympathizes, wincing. “You gonna get it fixed?”
“When I have the time,” you reply, shifting your own grip on the pole. “Or the money,” you add, grimacing as a particularly loud grinding sound rings in your ears.
You keep a decent distance between your body and Jinx, and your hands don't touch. But she stands close enough that you can see the details of her face.
She is surprisingly freckled. They're not visible unless you look closely, but she has a small smattering of brown spots on the bridge of her nose and across her cheeks. Also, she's wearing makeup. The eyeliner and dark eyeshadow are expected, but she's also wearing something purple-glistened on her lips. It almost looks like-
Her tongue darts out, licking the lip gloss off.
You look at her eyes, and she's looking directly at you. You notice her eyes flitting between your own. You're not sure if she's doing it on purpose or if the staring is some strange coincidence.
“Cars are so damn expensive,” she says, shifting her gaze at the floor. “I wish I had enough money to buy a motorcycle.”
“You drive?”
“I mean, no,” she replies, her gaze lifting again. “But if I had a motorcycle, I could finally ditch public transport.”
“You don't like the subway?”
She gives you a look, gesturing around to the crowded subway train. “Does anyone like it?”
You concede. Good point.
She studies you for a moment, eyes drifting over your bag. “Where are you headed?”
“University. You?”
“Same.”
The train jostles, and you both shift the grip on the pole again. Your hands brush against each other, her hand just above yours.
“Which university?” you ask.
“The Academy,” she answers. “Engineering.”
“That's... an expensive university.”
“Yeah, it is,” she agrees, adjusting her grip again, her hand almost touching yours. “Full ride scholarship.”
“Damn, really? that's pretty impressive.”
Something in her mouth twitches in distaste, but she swallows it down, nodding her head with a smirk. “Thanks.”
Her gaze moves across your body, then settles on your hand on the pole. She stares at it for too long before looking away.
“Engineering, huh? you a genius or something?”
“Or something,” she says.
The train lurches again, and her fingers touch yours.
She doesn't move away. You don't move away either. Every slight motion causes her fingers to brush your knuckles or your fingertips.
The train continues moving and the silence stretches on.
Jinx's eyes are everywhere. It's roaming around the train. But it's also flickering back to you. Then it's roaming again. Then it flicks to your hand.
Then, you catch her staring at your lips. “Nice lips,” she suddenly says.
“What?”
“What?” she repeats.
Who compliments someone on their lips? “You just suddenly said I have a nice lips,” you respond.
She looks away, face turning pink. “Uh, I dunno. I think you have a nice lips.”
Another jolt of the train. Her head whips back to look you in the eye. She still does not move her hand.
“You have nice eyes.” You're not sure what possesses you to say that. It just popped out of your brain and into your mouth.
She narrows her eyes at you and snorts. “You think so?” Her thumb brushes against the back of your hand.
“Yeah,” you say, ignoring the shiver that runs down your back at the touch. “Pretty.”
Pretty? Is that the only word you can think of? The word feels insufficient to describe her eyes. Beautiful, gorgeous, striking. Instead, you just say pretty. Idiot.
Her nose is scrunched up, but it does little to hide the redness of her cheeks.
You keep staring at her eyes. And she stares back. Her eyes flick down again to your lips. She wets her own lips. Her thumb rubs the back of your hand, moving in circles.
The train slows and comes to a stop.
“My stop,” you mutter, dropping your hand and straightening up. “I'll see you later at the cafe?”
“Uuhhh, later,” Jinx responds. “And…”
You raise your eyebrow, waiting for her to finish the sentence. But she doesn't. She just looks at you, face turning pink again. “And...?” you press.
She looks away from you. “Nothing. See you later, partner.”
“Later,” you repeat, then push your way out of the crowded train, feeling her stare follow you.
The sound of the train doors shutting makes you look back.
Jinx is still standing in the same place, watching you leave. Her hand is still on the pole, and she's smiling, her cheeks are still pink. But when she sees you looking, that smile fades, and she quickly averts her gaze.
Then the train pulls away, and she disappears from your view. You're left staring at an empty railway, feeling strangely warm.
The ride to your university passes without much thought. For some reason, your brain is too exhausted to focus on anything but the feeling of Jinx's hand on yours.
And even after you arrive at class, you're still preoccupied with thoughts of Jinx.
No, not preoccupied. More like... preoccupied-adjacent. There is nothing to be preoccupied with.
You just got off the subway with your coworker. Just a normal subway ride. There are hundreds of people every day in the subway. People brush against each other all the time.
Nothing strange about that.
But you can't stop thinking about the weight of her hand on yours. Or the brush of her touch. Or the pinkness of her cheeks. Or the freckles on her nose. Or the lip gloss on her mouth. Or her eyes.
...
Okay, fine, you're preoccupied.
—
The cafe is blissfully empty. You take a quick glance around. Only a few customers are sitting at their tables, quietly working on an assignment or studying for their own midterms.
As usual, a cup of matcha latte is pushed into your hands. It's the same old drink, but this time, it's over ice instead of steaming hot.
“New recipe?” you ask, looking at Jinx, who is brewing coffee.
“Trying something new,” she calls back, focusing on the coffee machine in front of her. “You like it?”
You stare at the ice floating around the top of the drink, then take another sip. “It's fine.”
It's more than fine. It's good. The ice makes it a hell of a lot more refreshing.
Jinx glances at you over her shoulder. “Just fine, huh?” she responds, raising her eyebrow at you.
“Yes,” you answer. “Fine.” Delicious
She goes back to messing with the coffee machine, leaving you to stare at the back of her head.
You continue sipping on the latte, savoring the cool drink. It's an improvement over the usual steaming hot drink. The ice makes the flavors blend differently than it usually does, and it's much more tolerable than the hot version.
Delicious. The word echoes in your brain again, but you ignore it, staring into your cup.
Then your eyes wander towards Jinx's position behind the counter.
Her hair tied up in two braids as she fiddles with the coffee machine. Sometimes, her hair will escape the confinement of the hair ties, and it will dangle about her face. She pauses to pull back a strand of loose hair, tucking it behind her ear. Her attention doesn't deviate from her task, not noticing your gaze following her movements.
Your gaze drifts back to your cup. It's getting low. A few ice cubes remain, still bobbing in the liquid.
You take another sip of the latte.
Just fine. Not delicious.
Maybe it's a bit delicious. A little delicious. Delicious is such a funny word. An odd word. Is it possible to be half-delicious?
You lick your lips, tasting the remains of the ice-cold matcha latte, and glance back at Jinx.
Damn it. Delicious.
—
A month has passed, and you can tell Jinx has improved. Maybe even... good?
Good enough that she's stopped yelling, stopped breaking, stopped accidentally pouring coffee on the customer's shirt. Good enough that the customer is now enjoying their coffee instead of screaming at her. Even Jayce seems pleased, no longer concerned that Jinx would set the coffee machine on fire.
You set a cup down and look over at Jinx, who is standing by the coffee machine. She's working on latte art and actually managing to do a good job.
You watch as she pulls the milk wand away from the foam, leaving behind a decent… is that a heart?
It's just a simple heart, nothing extravagant, but definitely better than all the blobs she'd been trying to pass as latte art weeks ago.
“Not bad,” you comment.
Jinx jumps, nearly causing the matcha to spill over the rim. “Holy fuck,” she hisses. “Warn me next time you sneak up on me like that.”
“I didn't sneak up on you,” you reply, raising an eyebrow. “I was standing next to you the entire time.”
“And you still managed to startle me.”
“I did it on purpose,” you answer, smirking. “Just to see you jump.”
She flips you off and turns her attention back to the drink in front of her. “Ass.”
You grab a rag and clean the countertop. “A heart, huh? Trying to impress someone?”
She shrugs. “Maybe I am.”
You lean against the counter, watching her work on the drink. “Who's this lucky person?”
She hums without taking her eyes off the drink. “None of your business.”
“So there is someone?”
She glances at you out of the corner of her eye, and then she shrugs. “Maybe.”
There is absolutely someone. “Is it someone I know?” you press on, curious.
“Yes.”
You're not sure how to feel about that. On one hand... well, you're curious about who the hell this person is. On the other hand... you feel... jealous?
No, not jealous. More like... annoyed. Yeah… Annoyed.
Your hands grip the rag tighter. “Is it someone I know well?”
She pauses, her gaze flickering to you for a moment, before looking back at the drink. “Yes.”
Annoyance continues to simmer inside… strange.
Why does this annoying feeling keep poking and buzzing at your brain? maybe because you had someone in mind? someone who you wish she was talking about? or maybe it was just curiosity getting the better of you.
You try to shrug off the annoyance, continuing to clean the countertop.
“What do you think?” she asks, staring at the matcha latte art.
“I already told you it doesn't look bad,” you reply, still scrubbing at the counter. “You're getting better.”
“I'm always getting better,” she says, “You can taste it if you want.” She turns the drink towards you, holding it out.
You reach over and take the cup from her, your hands brushing against hers. She looks down to look at your fingers for a moment before returning to your face.
You bring the cup up to your lips and take a sip. The moment the liquid touches your tongue, it's as if all the annoyance evaporates. The drink she makes is always delicious. You manage to swallow before the noise threatens to escape from your throat. “Thanks,” you say, lowering the cup.
She just hums, staring at your lips. “You've got…” she begins, pausing to reach out.
She uses her thumb to gently brush away the remaining foam on your upper lip. Her touch is warm and soft, and you instinctively lean into the touch. Her lips are parted a bit, and you can see her teeth slightly biting into the bottom lip.
“Foam,” she finishes, pulling back her hand. “All gone.” She wipes her finger on her apron.
You can't explain the heat that crawls up your neck. “Thanks.”
She smiles a little, a strangely satisfied gleam in her eyes. “...no problem.”
She continues to stare at you, studying your face. You're not sure why you're so stuck on just staring at each other without talking, but it's like neither of you has anything to say.
It's almost awkward. But not exactly. Awkward would require you to be uncomfortable.
You're not uncomfortable with her eyes on you. It's kind of… comfortable. Like some kind of strange comfort. The kind you get after spending too much time around someone. And you've been around Jinx a lot these past few weeks.
Jinx is the first to break the eye contact by looking away. She clears her throat, staring at the coffee machine next to her. “I'm gonna... make some more coffee…” she mumbles.
And then she just turns and walks away.
You're left standing there, clutching the cup of matcha latte in your hands and staring at the back of Jinx's head as she begins brewing more coffee in the machine.
You're struck with the oddest of desires. You want to go over there, stand next to her, and stare at her face. You want...
You quickly stop yourself.
Why in the hell are you thinking like this? It's a ridiculous thought, that's what it is. You just need some sleep. All this damn thinking isn't going to help anything.
For the rest of your shift, you do your best to avoid looking at Jinx. Unfortunately, you keep finding yourself looking at her anyway.
—
“Are you gonna help me out, or you're gonna stare at your phone the whole time?” Jinx calls out, breaking your concentration.
You look up from the screen of your phone, then realize you've been scrolling aimlessly for the past ten minutes.
“Ohhh… yeahhhh right.” You set the phone on the counter next to hers. “Sorry,” you apologize, beginning to help her with the remaining closing tasks.
The café closing hours are always calm and relaxing. Usually, Jayce is there helping, chatting to you and Jinx. But tonight, Jayce is out doing something important, leaving just you and Jinx to close the café.
This isn't the first time. The two of you have closed the cafe together on several occasions.
You grab a towel and begin wiping down the tables and chairs, making sure to leave the café spotless for tomorrow. Jinx sweeps around the floor, humming something as she works.
When you're both finished cleaning, you and Jinx move to the last step of closing.
You start by putting up the chairs on the tables, stacking them neatly around so they don't collect any dust overnight. Jinx helps as well, putting up her share of chairs, then begins straightening up the chairs as you finish with yours.
Soon, all the chairs are organized on top of the tables, and the café is as tidy as a mouse's ass.
You walk over behind the counter and grab the boxes full of new cups from a low shelf. “Can you help me with this?” you ask, lifting the box and nodding at the other one.
She comes over and helps you, carrying it into the storage room. You trail after her, watching her as she places the box gently on top of the other boxes.
The storage room is a small room connected to the cafe, used to store supplies. The walls, made of concrete, are painted yellow. Inside, the room is tidy, neat, and somewhat small. The floor and walls are covered with several industrial metal racks, stacked with boxes of supplies. A single light bulb hangs from the center of the ceiling, illuminating the room.
You pause and set your box down as well, glancing at her as she dusts off her hands. “I swear, Jayce is way too paranoid about restocking,” she says, glancing around.
You nod. “He's definitely got a bit of a hoarding problem.”
“He'll probably start to fill up the back next.”
“And then he's gonna fill the manager's office.”
“And the bathroom.” She snickers, looking over the boxes. “I swear to god, he needs a damn therapist for this obsession.”
You share a laugh and turn towards the door, Jinx following behind you.
“Well, guess everything is in order-” you start to say, but pause when you turn the doorknob and find that it's locked. You frown and try pulling the knob again, harder this time. It still doesn't budge.
“What the hell?” Jinx comes up beside you and grabs the knob, rattling it a few times. She stops after a few seconds and tries again, but still no luck. “Fuck!” she exclaims, tugging the knob. “Why won't this stupid thing open?!”
“It's damn well jammed.” You kick the door, which does absolutely nothing.
“That's... not good,” Jinx mutters. “I guess this is one of the cons of having a paranoid boss.”
There are no windows into this room, and Jayce won't be back until tomorrow. The only way out is through the door, and it's clearly not budging.
“Looks like we're trapped,” you deadpan.
She swears again, staring at the door. “Of-fucking-course.”
“Guess we're stuck here until tomorrow.”
She grunts. “Great, just great. What are we going to do—wait, do you have your phone?”
“I do, but…” You search your pockets, realization dawning. “I think I left it on the counter.”
She pats her pockets too, and her face falls. “Ugh, same.”
There's a beat of silence as you both process this new information… you're screwed.
Jinx slides down the wall until she's sitting on the cold concrete. Her eyes glance at the other boxes, then back to you. “Are you just going to stand there?”
You sigh and slowly lower yourself next to her. “Guess not.”
“This sucks,” she grumbles, pulling her knees up to her chest.
You look at the storage room around you. There's not much in the storage room. It's all supplies—cups, espresso beans, various syrups, milk-
Oh, milk.
“At least we have food,” you say, pointing at the several cartons of milk stacked on one shelf.
Jinx glances at the milk and scoffs. “Yeah, if we plan on having heart disease. We'll be dead before anyone remembers we're locked in here.”
“Can't you just be a tad... optimistic?” you mutter. “Like you usually are?”
“I'm only optimistic when I'm caffeinated. Now I'm tired and miserable.”
The two of you go back to sitting in silence.
You take a quick glance around the storage room again, noting how bare it is. It's cold in here. No carpet or insulation. Just two people, three days' worth of food, and an uncomfortable concrete floor.
Jinx looks up at the ceiling, probably wondering if this is how her life ends.
“Stop sulking,” you say.
“I'm not sulking.”
“Yes, you are. You can stop being gloom and doom now, it's not that bad.”
“Oh yeah? it's not that bad? we're literally stuck in an empty storage room with nothing to do. Not to mention this floor is cold and uncomfortable-”
“Then sit closer. It'll be warmer,” you interrupt her rant. The moment the words escape your mouth, you realize how it could be interpreted.
You clear your throat awkwardly. No, it's not that bad. It's not... intimate or anything. You're not, y'know, trying to be close. It's just practical. Yes. Practical.
Her gaze flicks to the ground between you, and she shuffles closer, sighing. You watch silently as she scoots over, closer and closer, until your shoulders are touching.
Neither of you speaks for a few moments, both of you focusing on the door in front of you.
“Do you think ghosts are real?” she asks suddenly.
You turn your head to look at her. “Yeah, I think there's someone watching us in that corner.”
“Fuck you.”
“No, really.” You gesture to the darkest corner. “I think I just saw something move.”
She turns her head, staring at the far corner of the storage room. “Really?”
“Yep.”
Both of you stare at the corner for a few seconds. Nothing happens. The corner is completely still. Not a single speck of dust is moving.
She huffs and turns to glare at you. “I hate you.”
You huff in return. “The hell did I do?”
“You're trying to scare me.”
“Maybe I am.”
“If a goddamn ghost really is watching us-”
You cut her off. “What exactly are you worried about?”
“I- I don't know,” she stammers indignantly, “I just—ugh, whatever.”
“I mean, it's not like they'll do anything.”
She gives you a dubious look. “I bet they're already judging me.”
You grin at the thought. “Oh, definitely. I can feel them judging you right now.” You gesture at the dark corner again. “See that? that's Jessica.”
“Jessica?” she repeats.
“Yes, Jessica,” you say with a grin. “She died here and has been here a long time, waiting for the next victim.”
She eyes the corner again, narrowing her eyes. “I can't see anything. Not sure if the ghost is real.”
“She's real, alright. Watch this.” You point at the corner. “Jessica, give her a jumpscare.”
She looks back and forth at the corner, then back at you. “What-” She's cut off when you suddenly poke her side. “AHK-” she yells, jerking away from you. “You-!”
You grin at her. “See? Told you Jessica's real.”
“Are you trying to kill me?” she accuses, shoving you in the chest. “I hate you, you are the worst, motherfucker-”
“Jessica said you should watch your language.”
She swivels her gaze back to the corner. “Jessica can go suck my dic-”
“Jessica said you shouldn't talk to the dead that way.”
She gives you another indignant glare. “Jessica can eat my ass.”
“Ohhhhh, Jessica didn't like that.”
She looks at the corner again, trying to look intimidating. “Jessica, I don't like you.”
“Jessica said she's heartbroken.”
Jinx tries to kick your leg, but you dodge playfully. “Jessica's a damn liar.”
“Maybe Jessica should haunt you for the rest of your life,” you say, still grinning.
She scoffs, turning to look at you. “I bet it's worse to get haunted by a ghost than see a dead body,” she mutters, coughing.
Her words catch you off guard, and you look away, suddenly feeling guilty about joking with her. “Yeah.” You try to think of anything else to say. “Um. Sorry.”
She shrugs. “It's fine. It's just a stupid joke.”
Silence falls between you again, and you stare at the ground, not knowing what to say.
“What if…” you start after an awkward silence, “What if you're being haunted by someone you like forever… I mean, would it be better to get haunted by someone you like instead of… you know, someone you hate.”
She hesitates, looking at nothing in particular. “Uh... probably... yeah.”
“Yeah?” you repeat. “And who would you want to be haunted by?”
“No one,” she quickly replies. “I mean, it's not like I want to get haunted, I just think it would be better if I did.”
There's a beat of silence as the two of you sit, listening to the nothingness of the storage room.
“What if I haunted you?” she asks.
“You?”
Her eyes whip over to you. “Yeah, me.”
“You want to haunt me?”
“Why not?” she responds. “If I had to haunt someone, why wouldn't I pick you?”
You blink. “Why would you pick me?”
“Is a good reason really needed?” she asks, looking away from you. “Maybe I just want to be around you.” She says it nonchalantly, as if she's stating a fact.
A fact that makes no sense to you. Why would she want to stay with you? “That makes literally no sense.”
She shrugs, her knees bumping against yours. “Does it need to make sense?”
“Yes.”
“Why does it need to make sense?”
“Because-” you stumble over your words. “Because you don't get to just say things and expect me to understand-”
“Bullshit.” A retort is on the tip of your tongue, but she cuts you off again before you can respond. “Just answer this.”
“Answer what?”
She stares at you intently, eyes narrowed. “If I said I wanted to stay with you all the time, would that make sense to you?”
“Well, yeah. That makes sense. You already hang around me-”
“No, not just when we work. I mean-” she stops, staring at the floor in an attempt to avoid your gaze. “I want to… be with you.”
“You're already with me,” you say. “We're literally stuck in a storage room together.”
Jinx sighs exasperatedly. “No, I mean, I want to always be with you.” There's a pause. “And… if that means haunting you, then I'd want to haunt you.”
Your brain stops. What? She wants to be with you all the time? As in... always?
...
The floor is suddenly very interesting. You stare at the concrete, trying to process the words that just escaped her mouth.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
Your voice is too fast. “Why would you want-”
“Because I enjoy your company,” she interrupts you quickly, “and you probably wouldn't mind if I was around.” She stares at her fingernails, avoiding your eyes. “I'm just saying,” she continues, “It'd be pretty nice. Spending eternity with you.”
Something in your chest tightens at those words.
Spend eternity with you.
It dawns on you that you're feeling something that you haven't experienced before. Or maybe you've felt it before, on rare occasions. The feeling of your heart beating too fast, for no reason.
Your eyes dart to your hand, lying on your right leg. Her knee brushes against yours again. You look away from your legs and stare at her face.
She's still staring down at her fingers.
In the dim light of the storage room, her face is almost glowing… she looks beautiful. How can someone look so perfect, even when talking about such disturbing things?
Huh. It's strange. Someone who looks so beautiful, talking about something so disturbing.
She tucks a strand of blue hair behind her ear, eyes not lifting from her fingers.
You feel the urge to touch her.
Not in a weird way. But to feel the smoothness of her skin on your hand. To feel her hair run through your fingers. To… you don't know. Just feel her.
“Why-” you start, your voice too loud. You stop talking. Why are you trying to say something?
She glances up and stares back at you. “Hmm?”
“Why me? I mean... there are a lot of people in this shitty city or shitty world, so why would you like to stay with me?”
She looks at you and pauses for a moment. Her knee brushes against yours again, and she scoots closer, resting her head on your shoulder. “I don't care about the world. I just want you.” Her words are quiet, spoken only to you.
Everything in the storage room seems to disappear. The boxes that surround you have disappeared. Everything melts away, except for the girl, resting her head on your shoulder, and the words that she speaks to you. Just the two of you, in a room of shadows.
“You wouldn't mind, do you?” Her words rip you out of your thoughts.
“Mind what?” you respond stupidly.
“Spending an eternity with me.”
You lick your lips again, but your mouth is completely dry. Your throat is dry too. Your brain is going stupid.
You aren't sure why. It's just... the implication of her words. Of eternity with Jinx.
With the woman who made a shitty job… less shitty. With the woman who somehow made you look forward to the drink that you hated so much, all because she makes it differently. With the woman who taught you that there are some things, even disliked things, that can grow on you.
You realize you're smiling and quickly attempt to return a neutral expression.
You glance down at her head, right below your chin.
You imagine living with her constantly. Stuck with her. For eternity.
It would drive any sane person mad.
You aren't a sane person.
“I wouldn't mind... spending an eternity with you,” you hear yourself saying.
You can feel her smile even though you can't see it. She shifts on the floor, and suddenly her hand is sliding across the space between you. Her fingers are brushing against your arm, slowly creeping down as if to find yours.
“That's good,” she murmurs.
Her hand finally finds yours, she stops for a second, and then she slowly intertwines your fingers together.
You move your thumb across her knuckles, tracing the lines and veins. You'd thought about holding her hand once before. You'd never thought that it would make breathing so much more difficult.
Her thumb starts doing the same, tracing over your knuckles.
You glance at her hand, interlocked with yours. You stare at the bandages as Jinx continues to trace over your veins, the pads of her fingers soft and delicate as they brush against your skin.
Her hand is so gentle and yet also so rough at the same time. Rough, because you can feel the callouses, the slight scrapes across her knuckles. Gentle, because even with her rough skin, her hand still touches you so softly.
What would it be like, being with her forever? Always.
Would the moments like this become mundane? would it get old? holding her hand and sitting in a storage room, talking with her?
She pulls her head away from your shoulder and looks fully at you.
You notice how close she is. You could easily reach out and touch the strands of hair that fall over her forehead. Her eyes are dilated, looking at you with what can only be affection.
You realize how easy it would be to kiss her.
“I wouldn't mind it either,” she says.
Her eyelashes flutter, and her gaze darts to your lips. You feel a heat grow in your chest, and your own eyes drift to her lips, slightly parted.
You aren't sure who leans in, but one of you is shifting forward.
She swallows, and her tongue flicks out to wet her own lips. You find yourself unconsciously copying their movement, licking your bottom lip.
You think about how her lips would feel. Soft? Warm? What would it taste like-
And then she turns her head away from you and back into the corner, clearing her throat awkwardly. You clear your throat as well, trying to think of something else to focus on.
Anything but how close her lips were to yours.
She squeezes your hand briefly before letting go, and the loss of her touch leaves a cold feeling on your skin. “Uh-” her voice is slightly hoarse, “is Jessica still there?”
—
The next few days went by in a dull routine, one that you quickly fell back into. Wake up. Go to class. Study. Work. Classwork. Get some sleep.
It was just like the rest of any normal week, except one thing had changed.
Jinx.
Or rather, the lack of Jinx.
She hadn't shown up to work. You didn't know why, but the fact that you arrived at work and she wasn't there to hand you a matcha latte was definitely... odd.
You had gotten used to the smell of her matcha assaulting you the minute you stepped into work, to the point where the smell of coffee beans seemed unusually bland.
And now there was just coffee.
Even the matcha latte you had made yourself didn't taste the same. You're not sure why you had decided to make yourself a matcha latte.
It's stupid to do. You hate matcha, you've always hated it.
Too bitter. And yet...
No amount of sugar can seem to make it sweet, like Jinx somehow does. Nothing seemed to taste the same without her. Matcha, bitter. Coffee, bland. Café, boring.
Everything had suddenly, and quite inexplicably, felt wrong… like…
The sugar in the cabinet was suddenly moved to a new place, and you couldn't remember where the hell it was now because it wasn't where it was before. Or an apocalypse, but instead of surviving a nuclear blast or zombies, you now had to survive the absence of someone you didn't quite know you had begun to depend on so much.
You look at the clock. Only four hours left of this shift. Only four hours.
—
“Oh, did you not hear? Jinx is sick,” Jayce says. “She called saying she was sick, probably not coming in for a week or so.”
“Sick?” you echo.
“Yeah, she didn't sound too good.” He shakes his head as he continues making coffee.
“When did she call?”
He pauses what he's doing. “Uh... about a couple days ago.”
She called in over a couple days ago, and you're only being told now. “Couple days…” you repeat, just to clarify. “Why are you just telling me now?”
“I thought you knew?”
“No, I didn't.”
Jayce looks mildly annoyed as he finishes up a customer's order. “She told me she talked to you about it.”
“She talked to me? When?”
“Are you telling me she didn't talk to you?”
“She didn't. Not one word.”
He finishes the order and hands the coffee to a customer. “That's weird. You guys are close, I thought she would've told you that she was sick.”
Close. That's the word that sticks in your head when he says it. Close enough where she would've told you something as big as not being able to come to work for a week. Right? but she didn't tell you anything.
“She didn't tell me anything,” you say.
He scratches his chin. “Maybe she forgot to tell you?”
“Maybe.” Maybe.
Or maybe she was avoiding you. Maybe she just didn't want to talk to you. Maybe she suddenly had an epiphany about how you were close. Maybe she just didn't want to be close anymore. Maybe she got scared and regretted it.
But that makes no sense.
If she regretted it, why would she have held your hand so tightly? why would she have said that you were the person she wanted to spend an eternity with? why would she say it like it was something she had thought about for a while?
“Maybe you should go check up on her?” Jayce suggests, shaking his head like he can sense your train of thought going off the rails.
“Check up on her?”
He shrugs. “Yeah, she might appreciate some company. Someone to look after her while she's sick.”
“I'm not sure if-,” you begin, but you're cut off by Jayce.
“Come on, it'd be nice for her,” he urges. “She doesn't have anyone else around to check up on her.”
You remember her telling you that her last family was killed when she was a kid, and she lives alone. She also mentioned that her sister is in prison.
Yeah, maybe you should go check on her.
After all, why wouldn't you? it would be a perfectly reasonable thing to do. You cared enough about her to go see how she was doing.
You care about her, so it only makes sense to go check on her. “Yeah,” you say, “I'll go see her.”
“Alright. I can handle the rest of the shift if you want to go.”
—
The entire commute there is a test of your sanity.
It takes nearly two hours to finally reach her address, the commute filled with cramped subway trains and waiting in pouring rain for buses to show up. Your hair is wet and sticking to your face.
Carrying a bag of the matcha sweets she liked was easy enough, but the latte was a little more difficult. It kept sloshing in the cup and threatening to spill over the edge with every step you took. Still, you managed not to dump the drink all over yourself.
By the time you finally arrived at her apartment, all you wanted to do was collapse in a chair and take a nap for the rest of the year.
And it was only 4:35 in the afternoon.
You look at the piece of scrap paper that Jayce gave you with Jinx's address on it. Fifth floor, room 505.
With a weary groan, you take the stairs. The elevator is broken, and there's no way in hell you're taking that janky elevator. You feel like it might just get stuck halfway and drop you to your death.
When you reach her floor, you're pretty sure you're ready to die. You walk around the hall and look at the first few doors.
500... 501... 502… 503... 504...
You pass a group of teenagers who walk past you with their phones out, shouting at the top of their lungs and shoving each other around. A baby is crying in some apartment as you pass the door, and a dog is barking from behind another.
505.
You eye the door, taking a moment to catch your breath and try to straighten out your wet clothes. Here goes nothing.
You knock on the door. No answer at first. You knock again. Nothing.
You knock louder, hoping to get some kind of response. It's another solid minute of no answer, and you're getting increasingly annoyed. She's either asleep or-
The door suddenly opens.
“Yeah, who-” Jinx starts but then stops speaking entirely when she sees you. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
She's wearing a threadbare gray t-shirt that hangs off one of her shoulders and barely comes anywhere close to covering any of her thighs. She has a tissue shoved into her nose and dark circles around her eyes. Her hair is messy, unbrushed, and unkempt.
Is this really the same person who had been handing you daily lattes every day for two months?
“Well, that's a hell of a greeting,” you grumble, shifting your bag and the nearly spilled latte to your other hand.
She's looking at you like you've done something wrong. Actually, she's looking at you like she's trying to kill you with just a stare.
You hold up the bag. “Brought food.”
“You shouldn't be here,” she spits out before slamming the door shut.
…wow. That was a warm welcome.
All you wanted to do was give her food and check to see if she was ok. She was sick, alone, and she probably didn't have anything to eat. And she just slammed the door in your face?
Screw this. You turn around ready to leave but stop when you hear the door creak open.
“Hey.” You turn and look over your shoulder. The door is open, but only slightly. Jinx peeks her head out the door, glaring at you. “What kind of food?” she asks, pointing to the bag
Not the kind of apology you're hoping for, but you'll take it. “Matcha sweets and a latte that I made.”
“That actually sounds-” she cuts herself off and sniffles, “...alright.” She opens the door all the way and turns to go back into the apartment. “Come in or leave, but don't just stand there like an idiot.”
You scoff and step inside, cautiously shutting the door behind you.
The first thing you notice is the smell. It doesn't smell exactly like garbage, but it stinks of old clothes and day-old food. It's not quite disgusting, it's not quite nice, but it reeks. Like someone hasn't opened a window and aired out the apartment in a while.
The next thing you notice is how much everything there is. Clothes sprawled over the couch, cans of energy drinks strewn across the floor, boxes of takeout littering the kitchen counters.
“Make yourself at home,” she says sarcastically, kicking a pile of clothes out of the way so you can sit on the couch. She pulls a tissue out of her nose and tosses it onto the floor.
You tentatively take a seat on the couch, shifting the latte and bag to the coffee table. Your eyes dart around the room as Jinx continues to shove things off the couch and onto the floor.
The entire wall beside the couch is covered in papers... and notes... and equations. It looks like a bunch of chemical compounds and designs.
She doesn't seem to notice you staring at the wall as she collapses onto the other end of the couch.
There are a few diagrams of rockets and some drawings of the coffee shop. Drawings of her and her deceased family, her deceased friends, and a drawing of…
Wait-
Is that your face?
A drawing of your face is taped to the wall, scribbled with notes around it. ‘Nice lips.’
“What the-” you start, tilting your head to get a better look.
Jinx looks at you, noticing where you're staring, then follows your line of sight. She immediately turns red. “Oh. Uh-” she stutters, sitting up.
“Did you-” you try to ask.
“It's nothing,” she says quickly, jumping off the couch. She scrambles towards the wall, tearing off the drawing. “Just a—just a quick sketch, it means nothing.”
You're fairly sure it means something, but you don't get the chance to press her further as she rips the paper apart and throws it into the trash can, avoiding your gaze.
“Anyway-” she says, plopping back down on the couch, “-I bet the food's good, right?”
Food... right. That was the whole point of coming over in the first place. “Uh... yeah.”
You watch as she grabs the latte and takes a sip. “Ugh, this is too bitter.” She sets down the latte and pushes it away from her. “What'd you put in this? It tastes like dirt.”
“The same stuff I always put in it,” you respond, slightly annoyed at the insult to your latte making abilities.
She shrugs and picks up one of the matcha sweets instead, popping it in her mouth. “Might as well teach you how to make one when I'm back.”
You watch her chew the sweets, then pause, letting out a sniffle, then reach up to wipe her nose with the back of her hand.
She lets out a dry cough. “Why exactly are you here?”
“Jayce told me you were sick,” you reply.
“I'm not—wait, Jayce told you that?”
“Yeah, he did.”
“Why were you even listening to him?”
“Because I was worried about you.”
She looks at you for a moment, then turns to grab another tissue and shoves it into her nose. “I'm not sick... just busy.”
You pointedly look around. “Uh huh,” you grumble, “Doing what exactly?”
“Stuff.”
“Stuff like-” you gesture to the entire mess. “-this?”
“It's my midterms, idiot.”
“So, no one's been cleaning up?” you ask, eyes darting around again in the apartment.
“I don't have time,” she complains, before letting out a deep cough and clutching her chest in pain. “I have more important things to do. Besides, do I look like I can clean when I can't even breathe through my damn nose right now?” Jinx sniffs, then reaches for another matcha sweet, her hair falling over her face.
You give her a sidelong glance. “You look like you're about to keel over.”
“Don't be dramatic.”
“I'm not,” you say, reaching out a hand to touch her forehead, checking for a fever.
She swats your hands away. “Don't touch me.”
You retract your hand. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously. Why are you even here anyway? You don't have to worry about me.”
“I know I don't have to.”
“Then just go. I'm busy.”
You groan. “You're sick. You need, like, I don't know, someone to take care of you.”
“I'm fine-” she coughs again, “-I just need to-” Another dry cough, and she grabs another tissue. “I just need to-,” another cough, “-finish my midterm exam.”
“You need to rest.”
“I can't rest.”
“Why not?”
“Because I'm behind.”
“What's the exam?”
She pauses, then reluctantly gestures to the mess on the wall. “I'm trying to design something, and it requires a lot of diagrams and calculations.”
So that's what all those equations and numbers and notes are. But that doesn't explain why her apartment is such a wreck.
“And that's why you haven't cleaned up?” you ask.
She glares at you, tossing the used tissue. “How would you react if you had a deadline, and you were on the verge of throwing up?”
“I know you're stressed, but-”
“You don't know anything!” Jinx snaps all of a sudden, standing up and looking you dead in the face.
“Seriously, what's your problem?” you retort.
“My problem is that you're here when you shouldn't be-”
“I'm here because I was worried about you. You-”
She interrupts you again. “Well, you shouldn't be. I don't want your help.”
“You don't want my help,” you repeat slowly.
“You heard me.”
You bite your tongue and take a deep, slow breath. “Then…” you manage to choke out, “...whose help do you want?”
“Nobody's,” she mutters. “I don't need anyone's help. I've done just fine for years. I can do it myself.”
But you shouldn't have to.
She continues as she walks towards her bedroom. “I'm sick and tired and trying to finish something that's due in a few days, and I don't need you to come barging in, trying to-” She stops, clutching her chest and coughing again.
“You should be resting and taking it easy-” you coax, standing.
“I would be resting and taking it easy if you weren't here.”
You freeze, feeling yourself grow cold.
You know she's just cranky, that she's sick and upset that she's stuck like this, that her deadline is near, and that you're just the person who happens to be around.
“Sorry,” you mumble, “didn't know you wanted me gone.”
She opens her mouth, hesitating for a second, before nodding her head firmly. “I'm sick, and I need to finish some work. So just do me this one favor and get out.”
Her words are harsh, more harsh than you think you can handle.
But even more than the fact they were words of rejection and anger, what hurt was the feeling that those words were coming from the same woman who had, just days earlier, curled against you, told you that you were the one she wanted to spend an eternity with.
“Fine,” you say quietly, “If that's what you want.”
She looks at you, and you swear for a second you think you see her expression soften, but then she nods her head again. “Yeah, that's what I want.”
You glance around at the mess of diagrams and paperwork plastered on the walls, the trash littered everywhere, and the couch that looked like it hadn't been slept on in days.
“I'll see you at work,” you say lamely, turning away and walking towards the door.
She doesn't say a word to stop you. You open the door, and you want her to say something to stop, a please, a wait, or anything, but nothing comes.
With one last glance back at her, you leave.
—
“That was…” Jayce starts, pausing. “Did she even listen to you?”
“She was more dead set on booting me out of there.”
He lets out a breath. “She's stubborn.”
“Yeah,” you agree, “And stupid as hell.”
“But she's unwell,” he continues.
“Doesn't give her an excuse to say that I shouldn't be there.”
“True.” He looks over at you. “You look upset.”
You scoff. “Of course I'm upset. I show up to see how my friend is feeling, and her immediate response is to kick me out. Like she doesn't want me anywhere near her.”
Jayce frowns. “Don't take it too personally. She's not trying to hurt you on purpose. I'm sure that once she's feeling better, she'll apologize.”
—
She did not, in fact, apologize.
It's been over a week since you entered her apartment, Jinx isn't sick anymore and isn't busy with midterms, she's back to how she usually was. She talks, she laughs, she jokes but never looks in your direction, no word, no greetings… and not once does she ever slide a cup of matcha in your direction like she used to.
Whenever she works with you, she keeps things strictly professional. Her hands never accidentally brush against yours, and she never stands closer than necessary.
You've tried giving her space, hoping she'd approach you when she was ready to talk it out. But the space never got filled.
It's like, in a single day, you went from being... almost something to nothing.
—
Jayce calls out your name from the counter as you wipe down the tables.
“What?” you call back, watching as Jayce walks over to you.
He nods towards Jinx, who is currently chatting with a customer. “When are you going to talk to her?”
“When are you going to stop being so nosy?”
He snorts. “I want to help you two sort this out. She's too stubborn, and so are you.”
“She doesn't want to talk to me,” you reply.
“Because you both are too proud.”
“Or I just don't want to go chase after her when it's clear she doesn't want to talk to me.”
Jayce sighs. “Look, you're my friend, I want to help you work it out.”
“She doesn't want to talk, Jayce,” you say firmly. “I don't know how to fix this if she's ignoring me.”
“That's the point, you have to make her talk.”
You scoff. “Yeah, make a girl talk who probably wants me dead right now.”
“She doesn't want you dead. Do you think it's a coincidence that she makes a point to talk to all the other regulars?”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
He lifts his shoulders. “I'm just saying, every time you're here, she tends to talk more to the customers, especially the male ones.”
“Are you saying she's flirting now?”
“No, I'm saying she's doing it for your attention.”
“Why would she be doing it for my attention? She made it pretty clear she doesn't want me around.”
He throws his arms up. “Because she wants you to get jealous. She wants you to react to it. She wants you to get mad and do something about it.”
“How would you know?”
“Maybe the fact that she's been glancing at you every five minutes for the past hour?”
“...she's not.”
“Yes, she is.”
“Stop saying that, I see her right-” and your sentence cuts off as your eyes flick over to where Jinx is, she's still talking to a customer.
The customer leans closer to her and says something that clearly makes her laugh. Her eyes dart in your direction as she laughs.
She's definitely looking at you. Jayce is right, she is looking at you. Her laughter dies at the same time her eyes lock on yours. She averts her gaze the moment she sees that you caught her.
“See?” Jayce says, “She keeps looking at you. She's doing it for your attention, not anyone else's.”
“Okay, so let's say she's doing it for my attention,” you continue. “What am I supposed to do about it? You said it yourself, she's stubborn.”
“You're going to have to do something that gets her attention. Make her upset, make her angry, make her do something. She won't talk unless you push her to.”
You stare at him. “Are you really implying what I think you're implying?”
He grins smugly. “That depends, what do you think I'm implying?”
“You're asking me to make her jealous.”
“I'm not asking you to do anything,” he retorts. “I'm suggesting you do it because it'll work. Do you want to continue like this, ignoring each other, for god knows how long? or do you want to get this sorted out?”
It sounds absurd. Ridiculous. Stupid. Immature. But if it makes her talk to you… “You really think it'll work?” you finally relent.
He grins knowingly. “Oh, it'll definitely work.”
—
It was a really stupid idea, especially coming from Jayce. But he was pretty adamant about it, and you were a bit too desperate.
You're trying your best to not scratch at the sleeve of this stupid shirt that Jayce forced you to wear. It's a dark blue long sleeve. Jayce claimed to have worn it on a ‘date,’ and it ‘worked’ with the person he was trying to date at the time. Now, you're the one wearing it.
“This is stupid.”
“No, it isn't,” Jayce insists from behind the counter. “It'll definitely work.”
“It's dumb.”
“Will you just do it?” he huffs. “She's going to be here soon.”
There's no way in hell this would work. It's just a shirt. There's no way that Jinx would-
The bell on the cafe door rings as it opens.
Jinx is walking through the door. She spots the counter where Jayce and you are, and she stops for a second.
She takes a look at you from head to toe, her gaze lingering longer on the dark blue shirt, and then she forcefully looks away from you and begins walking towards the break room where the lockers are.
Jayce elbows you in the side, nodding in her direction. “See? It's working-”
You elbow him back. “She just went to the break room, how is that working?”
“That was just the first step. Wait and see.”
—
You stand by the coffee machine, waiting for it to finish brewing a drink for a customer. Jinx is on the other side, making a different drink.
The machine's steam causes the sweat on your lower forearms to be sticky, causing the cloth to cling to your skin, and so you roll them up slightly, just above the elbow.
You make a point to not look at her, but you feel her attention fall onto your forearms, her eyes trailing down to the way your arms look, seeing the cloth of the shirt clinging from the sweat.
At the corner of your eye, you see her biting her lip, her breath hitching, and there's a subtle flush on her cheeks.
She looks away the second she realizes that you caught her staring at your arms, but it was enough for you to know that she was.
It's working. Damn it, it's actually working.
—
You feel her breath on the back of your neck as she reaches behind you for the coffee machine, her body just barely brushing against your back.
She quickly pulls away, going back to her end of the counter. “It's really hot in here,” she mumbles.
You nod, picking up a towel and wiping some sweat off your neck, lifting the collar of your shirt to wipe off your collarbone. “I know, the air conditioning really sucks.”
She stares at you, her eyes traveling down your neck to your collarbone. “It's hot in here…” she repeats. Then, she swallows and looks away with a cough, the steam from the machine giving a good excuse for the redness on her face. “Yeah, it really sucks.”
It goes on like that. Glances are stolen. Awkward touches are exchanged. The air seems to grow hotter every time you're near her.
You're surprised neither of you have passed out from heat exhaustion yet.
—
“Are you free this Friday..?” The customer in front of you asks.
You're well aware of the fact that Jinx is behind you. You can hear her moving around. “Uh, I-” you pause, trying to ignore the eyes that are boring into your skull. “Yeah. Why?”
“Do you have a…” she trails off and glances over your shoulder, “Girlfriend?”
Jayce coughs obnoxiously beside you as he wipes the countertop. You almost give him a look, but instead, you shake your head. “No, I'm single.”
There's a loud bang behind you. Jinx bumps something, and whatever it is clanks against the floor.
“Really?” she continues, her voice raising a tone. “A pretty girl like you doesn't have a girlfriend?”
Jayce says something under his breath, and you swear you hear a muttered “yet.”
You ignore him and respond to the customer. “Uh, you think I'm pretty?”
The customer looks you up and down, her eyes stopping just below your chest before slowly trailing down. “Yeah, you're pretty hot,” she replies as she leans forward, resting her hand on the counter and showing off way more skin than what most would consider decent.
“Ah, thank you,” you say politely, forcing your gaze to stay on the customer's face and not... anywhere else. “You're pretty yourself.”
There's another clang behind you.
The customer laughs and twirls a strand of her hair. “I bet you say that all the time.”
Jinx steps around you, almost brushing against your side.
“Not really,” you reply, keeping your eyes trained away from her. “I don't really-”
You're interrupted suddenly by Jinx, who is now standing directly beside you, grabbing something from the shelf. She leans in closer, her chest almost brushing against your arm as she grabs something.
It's the first time she's been so close to you in weeks.
She leans back, holding a container of matcha powder—the same one she always uses to make your latte—and she looks you in the eye. “You want your latte, right?” she asks you. She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.
Yes. You miss her matcha latte so much. “No,” you force yourself to say, avoiding her eyes.
“Oh,” she says, she sounds surprised? “Really?” She looks down at the matcha powder, running a thumb over the label, and looks back up at you.
Don't look at her. “Yeah, I... I don't want one,” you lie.
“Are you sure? It's been a while since you had my matcha latte.”
You want one so much. You want her to smile and be carefree and make you a latte that will warm you down to the core, but- “I'm sure,” you lie again. “I'm good.”
“That's... that's a shame.”
“Yeah,” you reply, and you want to punch yourself because no, it's not a shame, it's a sin. You are an idiot. “Definitely a shame.”
She's just a few inches away, and all you want to do is reach out for her, take her into your arms, and make her look at you, but she looks at the matcha in her hands.
“Guess I wasted this then,” she mumbles before putting the container back and starting to take orders from the other customers.
“Idiot,” Jayce mutters, and you elbow him hard in the gut. He doubles over, clutching his stomach, and you turn back to the customer.
“Uh… anyway,” you say, then turn your attention back to the customer, forcing yourself to smile. “What were you saying?”
—
After a long shift, the café is finally empty, and the cleanup is done. You've mopped up the floors, put everything away, you're starting to get all nice and sweaty, and the break room has a much-needed air conditioner.
You open your locker and shoved your apron inside, sweat clinging to your shirt and making it cling to your skin. You grimace and reach down, trying to fix the collar of the shirt that feels tighter than normal.
Before you have a chance to readjust it, a glimpse of something in the locker catches your eye. You look down, and there, sitting in the center of your locker, is a cup of matcha latte.
You didn't put it there. Jayce didn't put it there either. So there is only one other person who could have put it there.
You pick up the cup, looking at the steaming drink. Well, you aren't going to drink it just to let it go to waste.
You immediately take a sip, feeling the warm, sweet taste of matcha on your tongue. It's been so long since you had this, and it's still the same taste as the ones she used to make for you when you two were in a... good place.
That was a long time ago now. Things are different now.
“So you do want one.”
A familiar voice makes you jump, causing you to almost spill the drink. You turn around to find the bluenette leaning against the doorframe to the break room.
“I made it for you, in case you wanted it,” she adds, entering the break room, then leaning one shoulder against the row of lockers. Jinx looks at your face, then your shirt. “You look sweaty.”
You want to say something, but your brain forgets how to function when she's looking you up and down.
“I like the shirt,” she comments, pointing at the shirt that is a little too tight around your shoulders. “It looks good. Fits you well.”
“It's not my shirt,” you reply, placing the cup down on a nearby table, hoping that she'll let that be the end of that. “Jayce gave it to me.”
“He did?” she asks, and you catch a subtle whiff of her favorite perfume. It makes you want to grab her and drown in it.
“Uh, yeah,” you mutter, pulling the collar of your shirt nervously.
She looks over to your nervous gesture, and her lips twitch. “You should loosen the collar,” she notes. “You're going to suffocate like that.”
Her comment gives you pause, and you try loosening the collar, but your sweaty hands can't get a grip. “Here.”
She reaches up, her delicate fingers undo the first few buttons of your shirt, exposing your collarbones. Her fingers then pull the collar slightly, allowing your hot skin the cool touch of air.
“There,” she murmurs once the collar is loose. “That looks more comfortable.”
You manage to find enough sanity to nod, knowing that if you speak now, your voice will most likely crack. You expect her to pull back, but her fingers remain, trailing over your collar as though they just happened to land there.
Her eyes roaming over your neck before lifting to your face. Your eyes are caught on her as well, studying every movement of her face, the way her expression softens and her eyes drift over your features.
“...I'm sorry.”
The words finally bring your attention back. “What?”
She pauses, biting her bottom lip. “I said I'm sorry,” she clarifies. “I... I shouldn't have snapped at you like that a week ago. Shouldn't have said what I said.”
“Then why did you?” you ask, eyes fixed on her lips.
Jinx seems to struggle with her next words, her hand finally dropping from your collar. “...I don't know how to handle things well,” she whispers, “I wasn't... I wasn't feeling well either. That's why I lost it. You showed up... when I wasn't in the right mind frame, and I said all these stupid things-”
She sighs and pushes some hair behind one of her ears. “I was stupid. I was stupid, and I said some awful things. Words I didn't mean and couldn't take back. Everything with my college work started to pile up, and I felt like I couldn't handle it. So you showed up and-” she swallows. “-I took it out on you… and then I just ignored you for a week.” She shifts from foot to foot. “I… I wasn't trying to avoid you. I just... I thought you'd be annoyed.”
“Annoyed because you were ignoring me?”
“No—yes—maybe—I don't know, alright?” she says hastily. “I just... I wasn't in the mindset to talk, ok? I was trying to figure things out.”
“You could’ve told me-”
“-I don't do so well when it comes to opening up about my feelings-” she stops, then shakes her head. “-I don't do so well with being honest with myself.”
You let out a breath. “I know... I know you don't, but that-”
“Stop,” she interrupts you, raising a hand. “Just... stop. I know what you're going to say. You're going to say that I should work on being better instead of pushing you away.” She continues. “I know I do it. I know I'm bad at it, and I'm not good with my emotions. I know I'm not the best at saying how I feel. I know I should work on my communication.”
“Why don't you then?” you ask bluntly. “Why don't you do something about it? why can't you just try to deal with things instead of pushing me away and dealing with everything alone? why can't you just talk to me instead of bottling everything up?”
She closes her eyes, looking away. “I don't know,” she exhales, “I just... I don't know how.”
“You could start today,” you tell her, reaching out. Your fingers brush over the back of her hand.
Her eyes drop to where you touch her and linger.
“Right now,” you emphasize, “Just... try. You don't have to start working on all your emotions and feelings. Just say one thing. Tell me how you feel, right now.”
She shakes her head, refusing to look at you.
“Tell me one thing,” you insist, “Just one thing. Try.”
She sighs, as if you're the worst person in the world. Maybe you are. “Okay-” she starts and finally looks up, “If you're trying to make me spill out my feelings-”
“I am,” you confirm. “That’s exactly-”
“-Then maybe I should show you first-” she continues over you “-What I'm feeling.”
She suddenly reaches out and grabs the back of your neck, gripping it tight enough to pull you forward.
“Hey-” you stumble, hands instinctively wrapping around her waist, but any protests you might've had are smothered because her lips are suddenly on yours.
A week of ignoring each other, and suddenly she's kissing you.
Her lips are so soft. So soft and insistent, and when you don't respond because your brain is still trying to catch up, her teeth graze over your bottom lip, and it's this gesture that snaps you out of it.
You kiss her back, eyes finally closing, and lean in to meet her. Your fingers sink into the fabric of her shirt, and her arms wind around your neck. Her mouth parts, and you take the silent invitation, your tongue slipping in, exploring the inside of her mouth.
She tastes like the feeling when it's cold, and your teeth ache, and it feels like all warmth has left your body, but then you take a sip of your hot drink, and the burn of the drink goes down your throat, and you feel just the tiniest bit warmer. It's not enough, it isn't enough to make your fingers warm or the tip of your nose, but still, the small warmth you feel is better than none.
You want to bottle up this feeling, this taste, and store it in the back of your throat until, when you need it, you can just swallow and feel the warmth.
She hums, low in her throat, and it sounds like a moan. She pushes you forward until your back is met with the lockers, pinning your body between the hard surface and herself.
Her teeth graze your lip again, her tongue teases yours, and you shiver despite the warmth you feel. “I was stupid,” she mumbles against your mouth, “So, so stupid.”
You grunt out some sort of agreement because yes, she is stupid and yes, you're stupid and yes, you're both idiots for ignoring each other.
You feel her smile before she pulls herself away. “That,” she murmurs, breathless, “that was what I was feeling.”
You open your eyes to look at her, and notice her pink cheeks, half-lidded eyes, her swollen lips, and you fight down the urge to turn her around and just shove her back against the locker and kiss her senseless.
“Are-” you manage, breathing hard, trying to regain the words that have fled from your head, “Are all your emotions channeled through your mouth?”
“Maybe,” she says, eyes dropping to your lips. “Is there a problem with using my mouth?”
There are a lot of words you would like to say. Words relating to how her mouth has driven you crazy for a long time, that you've spent more time than you'd like to admit imagining what it would be like to kiss her and see that mouth do things other than talking.
Too bad, all those words are stuck in your throat. “No,” you grit out, “No... there's no problem.”
“Great,” she replies, then grins, leaning closer until your noses bump. “Then maybe my mouth has more things to show you.”
—
The usual routine of making matcha lattes continues, and the days slowly pass.
Each day, Jinx greets you with a smile and a cup of that disgustingly good matcha. You no longer try to argue with your taste buds. You have given up and accepted the matcha as a part of yourself. Now you drink the horrible drink willingly.
And your relationship with Jinx went from ‘maybe something’ to ‘maybe nothing’ to ‘definitely something.’ You're finally dating, which isn't to say that everything is magically all better. Jinx is still Jinx, and you're still you.
So not everything changes.
The cafe still looks the same, the customers still act the same, you still have to deal with shitty customers and traffic. But even through all the normal, unchanged things, there's one thing that's different.
Jinx is now in your life.
“Hey-” Jinx waves a hand in front of your face. “Are you listening to anything I'm saying?”
“Uh-” you blink, returning to reality. “...yeah,” you lie, giving a sheepish smile, “totally listening.”
She stares at you for a long, long moment, as if trying to determine if you're lying to her or not. Apparently, she thinks you're being truthful.
“Great, now pay attention.” She resumes her instructions, and you try your hardest to pay attention. Mostly. Maybe.
You watch as she grabs a glass bottle from the shelf above the coffee machine and pours a small amount of... something into her mug. “What's that?” you ask.
“Honey.”
“Yeah?”
“Honey,” she repeats, tilting the bottle for you to see. “Honey. Sweet, golden honey.”
Ah, that honey. “That's what I thought.” You nod, like that completely makes sense.
Jinx rolls her eyes but hands you the bottle so you can read the label for yourself. “This,” she explains, “is what makes my matcha better.”
You look between the bottle and the mug of matcha before placing the honey back on the shelf.
She stirs the matcha and takes a sip, then gives you a smug look. “See? That's why it's better.”
The honey is almost as sweet as the way she's looking at you.
“Sweet,” is what you say instead of how you'd love nothing more than to taste it off her lips.
She stares at you for a moment, and then she smirks. “Want to try it?” she asks, holding out the cup.
“Sure,” you answer. Why not?
You reach for the cup and lift it to your mouth. You take a small sip of the hot liquid, and… the matcha is sweet, and sweeter because it was in her mouth only moments ago.
“What do you think?” she asks as she takes the drink and sets it on the counter.
“Perfect,” you admit, licking your lips, trying to get rid of some of the sweetness.
She lifts up a hand, her thumb brushes against your lip, wiping away the remnants of the matcha. “You missed a bit.”
You want to grab her hand and-
She pulls her hand away from your mouth and then sucks off the same thumb that had lingered against you while staring at you directly in the eye. “Mhm… Tastes better this way.”
That's it. You'll drag her into the break room and kiss her until neither of you can breathe-
But, before you can do any of that, the cafe door chimes.
Customer, your brain reminds you. It's like getting pulled from a dream... right as it's getting good.
“Hey,” she whispers, “Let's continue this later, yeah?”
That... sounds like a great idea. Amazing idea. Customer first. And then later.
—
The wind whips through both of your hairs as you pedal down the sidewalk. After putting in long hours and some very generous coffee tips, you've saved up enough to finally repair your bike.
Your ears pick up a familiar chuckle. “This is awesome!” she exclaims, “We're like birds, but cooler.”
Jinx's arms are wrapped around your waist, her legs pressed up beside your thighs, and you don't need to see her face to know that she's grinning.
You grip the handlebars tighter. “We're nothing like birds,” you reply, “Birds can actually fly.”
You feel the soft brush of her lips against the back of your shoulder. “But we're much cooler, right?” she counters.
Your retort dies in your throat as she presses her chin to your shoulder.
“Mmm, I'll take your silence as a yes,” she hums, her breath tickling your ear. She nuzzles her nose against the back of your neck. “You know, I don't think I've ever been this happy.”
“Ever?” you ask, focusing on the road in front of you. “Of all the years you've lived, you're the happiest now? when you're sitting on a bike, of all things?”
She pinches your waist, making you twitch slightly. “Well, if we're being honest, it's not the bike I'm happiest about,” she replies. “It's you that I'm happiest about.”
You roll your eyes to yourself. She's always so honest. You're grateful that she isn't in front of you, because your face feels unusually warm despite the breeze. “You like me that much?” you ask, half joking, half serious.
“Mmm,” she hums, “I like you a lot, actually. Like... a lot, lot.” Each word is emphasized with a light kiss to your shoulder.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yup,” she continues to pepper kisses on your back. “My favorite person in this whole, shitty city.”
“I'm honored,” you quip, trying to sound mocking, but the tone is ruined by the fact that you're smiling without realizing.
She snorts at your lame response against your shoulder, and you feel the brush of her fingertips underneath the hem of your shirt.
“You might be my favorite person too.”
“Only might?” She laughs. “You don't sound very certain.”
“Eh, it's a hard competition,” you reply, making a slow turn left, “There's lots of people in this city-” and you feel her pinch your side again. “But, yes, maybe you're my favorite.”
“Maybe?”
“Definitely,” you correct, feeling her hum against your back.
“Ah, there we go,” she says approvingly. “I knew you had great taste.”
Your smile is wide, and you have the urge to turn around and kiss her, but you're pretty sure that will result in a crash. “Oh, and how did you know?”
“I just had a feeling,” she murmurs, “I always had a feeling we'd end up like this.”
You focus on pedaling, your feet moving in a circular rhythm. “Did you just... know?”
“Yeah. I just knew.”
“You just... knew?” you repeat.
“Sometimes you just know when something is going to happen,” Jinx says. “It just makes sense. Like how the sun will rise every morning... or something.”
You pedal forward, the subway entrance comes into view. “Like the sun will rise every morning,” you repeat, “or something.”
She pauses, and the sound of the wind is the only thing that fills your ears. “You know…” she starts after a moment of calm silence.
She presses her forehead against your shoulder, her grip tightening around your waist, and you can hear her drawing in a deep, shaky breath.
“When I'm bored,” she whispers, and you can feel her hair brush up against your nape, “I sometimes think about you.”
She continues. “It sounds weird, but yeah. I don't think about you in a ‘sexual way’ that people do with crushes or anything like that. I just... want to be with your presence or see your smile or hear you laugh... or just sit with you.”
You blink, surprised by her words.
“You make me feel better than anyone else can, and I've had to watch your ass almost every day when you're at the café.”
“That's my fault? you never had to watch my ass, that's a choice you made.”
She scoffs, pinching your side again. “Shhhhh, I'm having a moment here.”
You chuckle softly. “Right, sorry, sorry. Continue.”
“Thank you-” she huffs. “Anyway, I just…” Jinx pauses, her words coming to a stop, and you continue to pedal in silence.
“Sometimes, when I'm not happy or sad, I just... think about you. When I'm lonely and I need someone to say something... when I'm really angry and when I'm so tired of everything and everyone... I think about you. I don't understand why I feel that way. I know that it's not normal.” She hesitates, and you can feel her fingers tighten around your abdomen. “Because even though it's not normal, I don't think it's wrong. I just want to… have you by my side.”
Her words echo in your head, and you find yourself listening more intently than you thought you would.
She sucks in another breath. “I don't care what we're doing, I don't care what we talk about... I just want you to be around.” She presses another soft kiss to the back of your shoulder and buries her face in your shirt once again, mumbling, “I'm happy.”
You swallow, taking your left hand off the handlebar to place it over her hands. “I... I want to be around you too.”
She sighs in relief. “I'm a bit insane,” she whispers. “I'm not.. normal.”
“I don't care if you're not normal,” you reply quietly, your fingers brushing across her knuckles. “Who wants to be normal, anyway?”
She chuckles and kisses your shoulder, inhaling your scent.
You can see a glimpse of the subway station just ahead, the entrance of a tunnel on standby.
You pedal slowly, taking a few more seconds to enjoy the wind and the warmth of Jinx's behind, and then come to a stop in front of the subway entrance.
Her arms loosen their grip on your waist, and you feel the heat of her body leave your back as she hops off the seat. You swing your legs off of the bike and put down the kickstand before facing her.
Your eyes trail over to the tunnel, the sounds of the trains coming in and out of the subway filling the night sky.
“This is me.” She jerks a thumb towards the entrance.
You nod. “See you tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow. Work. Yeah.”
“Yeah,” you echo.
You can see people walking into the station in your peripheral vision, the world continuing to go on despite the standstill you're in. Your eyes don't leave her as you both hesitate, neither of you wanting to leave. You're both just standing awkwardly, looking at each other.
You can't help but look at her with fondness. She's not even doing anything, just standing in front of you, and you still think that she's the most beautiful person in the world.
You watch her smile in response, and you have the urge to reach out, wanting to pull her back into you.
“Guess I should…” her voice trails off, and she makes a gesture with her hand. “Subway time.”
“Yeah…” you say softly, “Subway time.”
She doesn't move, though. Neither of you do.
Her eyes flit between the tunnel and you, and she gnaws at her lower lip. “You should, uh…” she begins, “...go.”
“Yeah, I should…” You should. You know you should. You should pedal back to your apartment, maybe do some dishes, and go to bed. You have class tomorrow, and Jinx is going into the subway.
But you take a step forward. She looks at the ground. “Are you... are you going to hug me?”
“Should I?”
She shrugs. “I don't know. Do you... want to?”
“I could be convinced.”
She rolls her eyes but smiles anyway. “Yeah? you could be convinced, huh? what would it take for you to agree then?”
You tap your chin with your index finger, pretending to think. It's not like you need to put much thought into it. “I don't know. A few hundred bucks? A fancy dinner? Maybe a yacht?”
She smacks your arm with a huff and a glare. “You aren't taking this seriously.”
“Oh-” you say, clutching the fake wound, “You're brutal. I'm wounded, I'm injured-”
She crosses her arms and gives you a deadpan look. With a laugh, you step forward and wrap your arms around her waist. Her arms immediately slide over your shoulders as she burrows herself into your neck.
You breathe in her scent, closing your eyes. Your chin rests on her shoulder comfortably, and you feel her fingers slide into your hair.
“Just one more second,” she whispers.
You nuzzle her neck in response, and her fingers tighten around the back of your head. Her breath ghosts against your ear, and you swallow, feeling the goosebumps rise on the back of your neck.
You could stay like this with her for an eternity. On the sidewalk in front of the subway entrance. You could take turns leaning on her shoulder.
But the world doesn't work like that, and your moment is being watched by a few strangers walking in the entrance. She pulls back just far enough to be able to look at you but still holds onto you.
Her hands cup your cheeks, and you find yourself staring at each other for a few seconds, her face lit up by the orange glow of a nearby streetlamp.
She's looking at you, you're looking at her, and the world hasn't collapsed. Her eyes trail over every feature, and you wonder if she sees you the same way too—if she finds each piece of you as beautiful as you do of her.
She brushes her thumb lightly over your cheek and the corner of her lips twitches into a smile. Her smile widens as she looks at you, showing the slight gap between her two front teeth, and it's- it's…
You blink, feeling your knees grow weak, you can almost hear the sound of wedding bells and wonder if you've just found the closest thing to heaven on earth.
She presses a light kiss to your nose. “See you, partner,” she murmurs. She takes hold of your chin with one hand and presses another kiss to the corner of your mouth.
“See you,” you repeat. You can't help but smile, a bit dumbly.
She stares at you for a second longer before finally letting go of your chin and stepping back. You try to memorize every detail of her as she walks backward. “Call me when you get home, 'kay?” she says.
You nod. “Okay”
She stops in the subway entrance and offers a small wave.
You wave back, but you keep waving even after she disappears into the tunnel. You keep waving, even after the last of her is gone, until you're just standing there like a fool, waving goodbye to the empty subway entrance. You realize just how dumb you look, waving to nothing, and finally drop your hand.
You tear your eyes away and stare at the bike that sits abandoned on the sidewalk, waiting for you. You finally pick up the kickstand and grab the handles, starting to pedal.
You think about tomorrow.
Tomorrow is when you're going to deal with shitty customers in the shitty city.
Tomorrow is her smile as she hands you your cup, making your day before it even starts.
Tomorrow is drinking a matcha latte, a drink you used to hate, but now you look forward to it, because she makes it.
Tomorrow is her arm around your waist as you take her to the subway.
Tomorrow is her pulling away and saying, “See you, partner.”
Tomorrow with her… and it's almost as if, for the first time, you don't dread tomorrow.
