I hate myself. If I met someone like me, I think id want them to die, at the very least to go away. I lash out at those close to me and push them away. This stems largely from an abandonment issue ive had since childhood. I never got along with the other kids in school, always shunned away and treated like an outsider (even among the nerds.) My grades suffered because I hated school not for the academic requirement but because everytime I did anything school related, I was reminded of how little I mattered. I found solice in video games, which continued onto adult hood and added to my feelings of being a recluse. The worst part is I didnt know how to act around people, I remained ignorant years into my adulthood about what subtext or how to read body language. This lack of social skills led me to having very few friends and romantic relationships being few and far between. This all contributed to where I am today l, a low self esteem individual who thinks very poorly of himself, is constantly in a state of depression. The only reason I havent killee myself is a sheer lack of drive and belief that nobody would care, nobody would even mourn. Id be just one less human put of billions. I could blame the women ive dated, my parents (especially my biological parents) and people in general but that would be a falsehood, a lie. The only person I truely blame is myself. My past self for making mistakes that cost me my potential, and my current self for having nothing good to change the present. Ive Been through therepy, ive been medicated and nothing ever seems to help it. I guess its hard to let go of hate, especially when its turned inward. Just to put this out there for one of the few people who even follow me. I am not going to kill myself, at least I dont think now or anytime soon. These are just thoughts that I need to vent, to put out there.
blakekathryn
yousharknotpass
janainaart
vaporwave
kaledo-art
origamiaround
