On Hiatus @curvedstripes - Tumblr Blog

But I guess you can never truly forgive someone until you completely know what you're forgiving them for.

on seeing photos of your father’s affair

Isn't the universe cruel? You wake up in the morning ready to live and conquer Monday, then at 2 in the afternoon, you already want to die.

You contemplate of disappearing, of leaving every single thing that gives you hope, because it's easier to accept that chaos outweighs the peace. No.

It doesn't.

You scream inside your head: it doesn't.

You scream louder because you need to fight off those voices in your head: it doesn't.

Bad doesn't outweigh the good.

You slowly unleash from every weight that crushes you.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Until you start feeling lighter. You start breathing again. And you recall how you've been to rock bottom over rock bottom.

And you finally understand that there is no darkness that will ever be too dark for a small ray of light.

Isn't the universe annoyingly clownish? One day you were thinking of not anymore seeing the sun, yet here you are, thriving to see another after the other.

The moment I woke up today, it hurt. I don't mean my head, for wandering around majority of the evening. Nor my eyes, for being forced to be tightly shut. Not even my body, for not having been able to rest.

The moment I woke up today, it hurt altogether. It felt as if the morning that I used to look forward to was a confirmation for a sudden deadline. It reminded me of the morning after my partner when I was 12 and I had our first fight, as if I was only going through this the first time. Only I am not, and it hurts even more.

I woke up 3 hours ahead of my alarm, and that's 3 hours of feeling my chest being kicked and stomped on. It was as if the hidden scars resurfaced into fresh wounds and I don't yet have the energy to run and call for help.

The moment I woke up today, I was frightened and it hurt. I'm frightened by the idea of parting with anger and resentment. Like the light and safety and joy of being loved are altogether covered by this unseen, heavy darkness.

Before I convinced myself to call it in last night, I've had the longest conversation with God for the first time in more than a year, yet we didn't talk about me.

The thing about faith is not all people realize they have it. Some have faith in people; for some, the government; for me, it's God, and for others, the universe. I knew things were already beyond me and each word I would've said further could've only done more harm than good.

So I prayed. At that moment, I surrendered and admitted that I can't continue fixing things my way anymore.

But prayer isn't magic.

So the moment I woke up today, things still hurt. But I'm trying to cling onto the light.

Today, I will remember the good. I will remember the love that has respect and kindness and comfort. I will remember how love has always trumped loss. In the end, I will remember that love for us still won.

It always does.

She says she's sorry for using your body when all other medications didn't work. She says she's sorry, but even your body didn't cure her damned self. So now she says she's sorry because she's back on meds, but she still can't forgive herself.

For whatever motive you have, you are not welcome, stranger.

To him who callously cut me off his skin

It’s a scary thing, you see– being acquainted to people but halting right before getting too close because, I believe, though they may be better, they will still never be you.

boring-nights-turned-lonely thoughts

I guess we really hold a place in somebody's heart and just don't get told.

on reuniting with old friends

If I knew I were never going to see you again, I would have spent those 5 minutes embracing you rather than pushing you away for only being with me briefly.

Fridays alone

More than confused, I'm angry.

reaction on things you discover past 2 a.m.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NINAAAANGGGG <3

I love you, ‘nak!! Thank youuuu so much!!!

Fooling others isn't enough, so now you're fooling yourself, too?

pre-midnight thoughts

upphotos2003

The UP Photographers’ Society congratulates our fellow Litratistas who will be part of the graduating class of 2016! We are very proud of you brods and sisses! Never stop shooting and keep fueling your passion for photography!

I wish I could stop myself from going back and forth to you, because it’s draining and pathetic. One night, I’m telling myself that I’m finally drawing the line and that I finally need to let you go, for real this time. Then the next three months, I find myself smitten with you and the idea of us intentionally or unintentionally meeting at a coffee shop all over again. It’s so exhausting and it’s so pitiful and despite me finally starting to hate you now, I still love you.

I wish I could stop myself from going back and forth to you, because I have already missed a number of good chances of being close to some people. The moment I find myself getting a little too close to them, I blow things off. I still can’t find the exact reason to why I do that and I don’t want to sound like I’m putting the blame on you, but maybe, maybe it’s because I know they’ll never be you.

I wish I could stop myself from going back and forth to you, because I don’t want to continue putting my dreams on hold for you, while I virtually witness you reach the life goals you told me long ago about. Here we are, both finally done with school, and I’m stuck with the plans we made with and for each other.

I wish I could stop myself from going back and forth to you, because when you walked out of my life, you made it clear that you are never coming back.

I wish I could stop my feelings, you know, from going back and forth to you, because even when I hate you, I still love you, but I have already punished myself long enough.

Your happiness is more important than your writings. Savor being happy.

To my writer friends who are on hiatus

I miss you, ninang! <3

💖💖 I miss you, 'nak!! Hope things are going well. 😘

1. Not all people you meet at a bar are rude and horny fucktards. 2. You will meet at least one person in your lifetime who has almost the exact playlist as yours. 3. We all have our own stories of brokenness. 4. It is possible to have the ideal first date with someone you just randomly met. 5. You can bring an equally intoxicated person as you are home without feeling anxious of being taken advantage of. 6. Chivalry isn’t dead. 7. Musicians are one of the loneliest people out there. 8. Balcony talks are best around 12 midnight to 5 a.m. 9. Chemistry added with timing is perfect. 10. The universe may introduce you to someone who may play a significant role in your life; it’s up to you to make it work.

-- things I learned in May

Cagayan Valley

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