Customer X Confidentials

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Labor Pains

It's 5:30. Anticipation builds. Napkins are folded; menus are stacked. Server stations: up and running. 

Then 6:05 rolls around. The rush is about to hit. Now despite the prep work- the breathing exercises et all- there's nothing you can do except hope for the best. (Customer X won't settle for less.)

By 6:45, you are handling the pressure quite well. And right when contractions- I mean transactions- seem to be going smoothly... BOOM!

Glass falls...

     Water breaks...

                Time to deliver. 

In hospitality, once you clock in there is no turning back-unless you want to abort, but management won't be too happy with that. 

You're in labor, and you have only one option... 

YOU JUST GOTTA PUSH!!!

[customerxconfidentials-blog]

Waiting On Who?

On the eve of Easter, Customer X inquires, "What are your plans for the holiday?" The dialogue proceeds as follows...

JustJules: Waiting... 

Customer X: Waiting on who? 

JustJules: On the messiah.

Patience is a virtue. 

[customerxconfidentials-blog]

Goose On The Loose

In the same way the other woman keeps quiet, I have no choice but to play it off cool...

Just Jules: Can I get you anything, sir?

Customer X: Vodka soda please.

Just Jules: And do you have a preference?


I already knew the answer. Goose. His true preference, however, was Asian women. He had ordered the same drink well over ten times... each time a different chick.

One Goose lays many chicks. 

[customerxconfidentials-blog]

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

When business is slow, I push it harder than usual. Round one gives way to round two, and at that point I make the proposition...

Just Jules: Sir, would you like some nuts to snack on?

He flirted with the option, but I could tell he wasn't sold.

Just Jules: How 'bout some risotto balls? They are very good.

Customer X: So I look like a nuts and balls kind of guy?

No comment.

[customerxconfidentials-blog]

A Riddle By Customer X

Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean I'm stupid. And tonight, my smarts were put to the test by a sweet-talking Customer X...

Customer X: You have a cake that must serve 8 guests. Create 8 equal pieces with 3 slices.

Just Jules: Easy. One slice in the X-axis; one slice perpendicular in the Y-axis; one slice in the direct center of the Z-axis.

The look on X's face indicated he was not prepared for my quick delivery. Truth be told, his party of big-shot investment bankers had all failed...

You can have your cake, and eat it too. 

[customerxconfidentials-blog]

In Honor of Hump Day: X-Rated

Talk about an X-rated couple at table 405...

She looked straight out of a Hollywood film. Her forehead: paralyzed by botox; her lips: full of collagen. An actress by night, no doubt. 

The fellow, on the other hand: a petite Taiwanese man who possessed an overzealous nervousness.  He was squirming in his pants- which would have been off already had it not been for the chastity belt holding them up. 

Customer X: Can I please have two Mai-Tais and a Shirley Temple for him?

    (X aside to Just Jules: and do me a favor...dirty the Shirley)

A complete role reversal, she took charge of the order- although he would surely pick up the tab. This X-rated escort was all about business. 

As I could sense they were in a hurry, I did my best to X-pedite the process. Upon the delivery of the drinks, I dropped the check; and as I walked away, X made a special request:

Customer X: Hun, could you take a picture of us?

It was indeed the prom night he never had, her pornographic stare the only indication otherwise. But before I captured the moment, I turned to the young man- his Shirley still untouched: 

Cherish your cherry. 

[customerxconfidentials-blog]

The X Factor

From the moment we locked eyes across the bar, I knew he had it...

The X Factor- Noun. 1. an intangible element in a customer's aura;   2. an air about oneself- not to limit it to Winds alone.

As it usually plays out, I pick up on X before he has the chance to pick me up. The tightly-tailored suit, card in hand, and casual approach to the next round indicated he had credibility (and presumably good credit as well.)

Then once I get him to open his tab with me, it's confirmed. Authorized. 

Keep your eye on the prize, eyes at bar. 

[customerxconfidentials-blog]

Dawn of the Titanic

After Customer X orders a 'repeat round', I deliver the drinks w poise- although I make a slight verbal abbreviation for my own memory's sake. I softly utter "Coke," given that one gentleman had a Jack/Diet, the other a Mt.Gay/Coke.

 

Customer X becomes visibly frazzled, turning to the gentleman sitting next to him to chastise his virgin choice: "Dude! You're gonna jump off board now?!"

 

Sensing an unnecessary altercation, I chime in. "Sir, no worries. It's a Mount Gay with a splash of Coke. Trust me, he's along for the ride."


...And we avoid the iceberg. 

[customerxconfidentials-blog]

My Pledge To Your Majesty, Customer X

In the city that never sleeps,

Where attitudes run rampant,

And egos collide at every turn,

Chivalry runs far and wide between.

  When asked, 'How can I help you?'

The ball is thrown into his court.

He has the power, the carte blanche,

And it is no longer a question of yes or no.

  The customer is always right.

There can be no excuses.

Any remnant of self is left at the door.

  Stormy weather, love sickness,

Early mornings on the wrong side of bed...

These factors must take the high road,

The long detour that leads to the end of the work day.

  Hospitality, an industry where flattery brings tips

And pretty faces sell, each interaction is the moment to shine.

Deliver to the fullest, make it count.

  “Your Majesty, Customer X,

I pledge my honest commitment

And submit to your command.”

  Dutifully,

Just Jules