So. The worst happened. My grandma died, yesterday. It’s been five years since she was diagnosed with dementia. Just a couple months ago she was still going to every ITFC home game there was, and now she’s not here anymore. I was her only grandchild. I had such a strong bond with her. She was my third parent. She lived round the corner, she always babysat me when my parents were working long hours, and I always went to hers for comfort. She’d pick me up from primary school with her black bag full of food (I was always hungry). She couldn’t cook very well but she always made her signature dishes when I needed it. She was unwaveringly proud of everything I did, even if I was full of doubt. I would try my best to drive her to her different lunch clubs and church meetings and social gatherings, she was always so busy. Sometimes she would just be content with visiting Sainsbury’s cafe with me, or have me pick up some fish and chips on the way home (or a happy meal if she was feeling cheeky that day). To say I’m heartbroken is an understatement. I won’t lie, it’s been a rough few years. She slowly forgot how to write, how to use any technology, and I would spend hours on the phone telling her over and over how to turn the TV on. I didn’t mind. I just wanted to make sure she knew she wasn’t a burden, that these things weren’t her fault. Since moving a couple hours away to uni, I’ve felt so guilty about not being close enough to help. I always made sure I took her out somewhere whenever I came back home, but it never felt like enough. She never complained. She’d always be content with a couple hour-long phone calls during the week, whenever I was bored or walking somewhere and wanted some company. Now all I want to do is call her and tell her how awful I feel, and it takes me a second to remember I can’t call her again. I loved her so fiercely, and my heart has been completely shattered by this. The only thing making me feel better is that she didn’t have to suffer for long. I feel completely broken, right now. Grandma, I love you and I always will. Please don’t annoy Grandad too much up there. I miss you so much. 💕💙