life's grand parade

Baltimore's Only Psychedelic Cowboy Blog 

[lifesgrandparade]

It's a gas

[lifesgrandparade]

This performance is like when all the mutual are online at once

[lifesgrandparade]

[lifesgrandparade]

I want to clarify something, it's not like if Zendaya left TOm Holland for Jonah Hill. It's like Zendaya made it known that she wanted to sleep with ummmm who's a popular handsome actor now? I feel weird because every time someone mentions "a handsome actor" on here I'm like "Look this ain't my domain and I don't want to judge anyone's sexual tastes like that, but this guy looks like scrat from Ice Age."

Whatever. Ummmm, Magic Mike. First off, Magic Mike has made it known he's tired of his current relationship and wants to fuck the shit out of a hot a-lister. Rumor abound about everybody, but Zendaya is one of the names bandied about. Zendaya plays coy. Not a firm yes, but she's like "We got to reevaluate my relationship with Tom" in coded language.

Now bear in mind in this scenario, Tom went on twitch and made himself look like a fool. But, other then him needing to get off the internet, most people can understand that he's fine. And nobody's really thinking Zendaya is going to LEAVE tom. Just trying to renegotiate terms.

OK, a couple weeks ago, Zendaya calls Magic Mike and says "Hey, I want to jump your bones, buuuuuut I don't want to go to your place. Can't host either." Magic Mike is like "hey, so like I think I'm just going to Miami with a bunch of influencers." And Zendaya says "That's fine." Which is odd because the going money was on Zendaya. But, savvy internet people posit that she wasn't necessarily trying to fuck him. She just wanted to send a message to Tom, and see how he responds?

Well Tom is furious. Furious in a relationship breaking way. BUT, Tom doesn't want to like... leave. He wants to work on this relationship. If not for her, but the house. He likes the area.

Zendaya buys a bunch of furniture and a really nice end table, in a way that everybody's like "Oh I guess they're relationship is fine, or at least, they're workign things out. She wouldn't buy all this stuff just to dump him a week later. Then breaking news. Zendaya has left Tom for Jonah Hill. Zendaya is like "Like... say what you want, but he was great in Wolf of Wall Street right?" Plus, Jonah Hill has a possible life changing movie roll in pre-production. Kind of in development hell, but in five years that might change!

And I guess in this scenario Tom moves in with Sydney Sweeney? I don't know I've stretched this way beyond elasticity.

[lifesgrandparade]

[lifesgrandparade]

[forever70s]

1967

[lifesgrandparade]

Damn I'm gonna sue

[smegmafactory4ever]

[lifesgrandparade]

[hedgehog-moss]

Have you heard about Gracie the giraffe? She escaped from a Texas ranch (she's since been found, fat and happy), and I was reminded of Pampe when I heard about her method of escape.

[lifesgrandparade]

@stenka-razin As someone who has worked at many a varied "Tequila Tuesdays!" I gotta call shenanigans on the deal. I imagine... I wouldn't say watered down. You don't want to overserve, but you don't want to underpour. You fuck with people's marges man, you're going to file a police report on Bar 8. I think its a little lighter then something you'd get at like... a bar on Padonia Road and shit. Then they encourage customers for an extra tequila shot for regular price. THATS HOW THEY GET YOU. YOu're still going to have to file a police report on bar 8 by the way.

I think they premake it too? Marges are easy to make as far as it goes, but you don't want to make a bunch of them at once, especially during a happy hour rush. I can't imagine there are too many applebees with a happy hour rush but some places don't have seasoned professionals working. Premake it, and sell it while supplies last. Once those supplies go, back to the regular margaritas.

[weebeyonce]

talking to a baby about killing their dad

[weebeyonce]

[lifesgrandparade]

I'm trying to think. When was the last time I stepped foot in an Applebees?

[lifesgrandparade]

It was before 2010. I can be sure of that. Before then? Hmmmm. I know I went to one after I turned 21, I remember there used to be one in Baltimore City? I remember my ex-girlfriend trying to find parking. It wasn't harborplace, but close to harborplace I think? OR, maybe we were downtown, and then we drove back to one of four applebee locations in the county at the time. Who knows! It could've been a greene turtle (I'll meet YOU at the turtle). That's the thing about Applebees, it's a cultural void. Even by the standard of a chain sit down restaurant it's a complete blank. And the food, is SO bad. I don't know if they do it now, but I know back then they straight up microwaved food? That was the extra flair. That taste only applebees could provide, a college student steak.

[lifesgrandparade]

I'm trying to think. When was the last time I stepped foot in an Applebees?

[lifesgrandparade]

That dollarita thing, I know that putting "Please Drink Responsibly" is both a legal obligation and just... good practice? I mean its all bullshit, these people hope you get sloshed and become someone elses problem when they've sucked out all the loose change out of your wallet. But i'd rather they run that bullshit then completely ignore it. Maybe someone out there needs a reminder. But putting "Please drink responsibly" next to an image of the Applebees Dollarita is, as I mentioned to @bricksandmortarandchewinggum , patently absurd.

[lifesgrandparade]

"Oh please, only have one cocktail that is tequila triple sec sour mix and coarse salt. You know for your health."

[lifesgrandparade]

I'll bet applebees spray their dollaritas with raid.

[lifesgrandparade]

That dollarita thing, I know that putting "Please Drink Responsibly" is both a legal obligation and just... good practice? I mean its all bullshit, these people hope you get sloshed and become someone elses problem when they've sucked out all the loose change out of your wallet. But i'd rather they run that bullshit then completely ignore it. Maybe someone out there needs a reminder. But putting "Please drink responsibly" next to an image of the Applebees Dollarita is, as I mentioned to @bricksandmortarandchewinggum , patently absurd.

[lifesgrandparade]

"Oh please, only have one cocktail that is tequila triple sec sour mix and coarse salt. You know for your health."

[theonion]

Apologizing to his tenant for circumstances that were beyond his control, local landlord Eddie Turley was reportedly forced Monday to raise the rent due to thinking of a bigger number. “You can re-sign your lease, but I have to raise it by $250 a month because I realized there was a bigger number your rent could be,” Turley informed his tenant of six years, attributing the rent increase to a need to keep up with the rising numbers he could envision.

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[thestarpilot]