life's grand parade @lifesgrandparade - Tumblr Blog

It's a gas

This performance is like when all the mutual are online at once

@abodyuntenanted OK, lets dig into it first off, we need to define some terms here. US Striker (Forward, guy whose job is to kick goals into net) Folarin Balogun was not "Banned from the game." In the Bosnia, US game, he got a kinda horseshit Red Card. He put his boot on the ankle of a Bosnian player, the referee reviewed it, and decided that it wasn't just a foul but a Red Card. Now the warning system is like this, yellow is a caution, red or two yellows means you're sent off the pitch. Usually in these situations, that means you miss the next match as well, or multiple matches if the governing bodies decides it was egregious enough.

The USMNT was obviously pissed about that. Balogun is one of our better players, he's been an offensive engine in our first couple matches, and the foul was ticky tack bullshit. They appealed it. Which is their right, even if Balogun kicked him in the fucking dick, you want to mitigate the punishment. Its a if you don't ask, the answer is always no thing.

Here's what I think happened. The decision was already made. The wheels of justice were turning slowly, but the decision was already made sort of independent of Donald Fucking Trump. But he decided to call FIFA 3 times and possibly activate the World Cup taskforce to make a big show of it, then LOUDLY bragged about it like a fucking GENIUS. Just like appealing that red card is just something you have to do, I think questioning FIFA about whether Donald Trump forced them to overturn the red card is something you might want to consider. You lose nothing.

So now FIFA has this shit to deal with, erased a lot of Good Will the tournament might have received from the world, AND, I think made things more difficult for the USMNT. This wasn't the reason they got their clock cleaned, but I'm 100% sure it didn't help. Belgium played that match with phasers set to kill. I feel bad for Balogun too, that guy has to play in Ligue 1, in places that are a couple hour train ride away from Belgium. IF the US won on like penalty kicks, that guy was going to be hounded in Flemish, Walloon, and LImburish until he accepts a loan offer with Watford.

@abodyuntenanted Well the reason they're so dramatic is they play for Inter Milan. HEY OH. Look you're running a marathon and you get kicked in the shins, and have to get back to run another marathon? A lot of time when people are on the ground, they need to be on the ground. And because its such a big field, you might want to add a little pizazz to the operation to get someone to come in with that sweet sweet menthol spray. Bear in mind, you're doing this for the better part of an entire calendar year. Same shit every week, sometimes twice a week. World Cup is going to wrap up next week (I think) and those guys get like... maybe a couple weeks off? Hang out in Dubai for two weeks and its right back into their respective leagues. As far as i"m concerned, unless you play for Man United, take all the time on the ground as you like buddy.

Oooooh man this take from earlier in the day almost had me about to post but like I sez, "wait till ten o'clock doug." Fifa told belgium to kick rocks but instead all they did was kick the ball in the net 4 times. Let's play!!! Oh wait.

Actually let me tell you what the real problem is, since I'm all wound up on that sweet delicious being right juice. In countries where the sport is taken seriously, ok? Clean fucking sweep of the organization. Top to bottom, fumigate the entire building. Heads will fucking roll, and you might want to camp out in a hotel for a couple months until the heat blows over. Here? Remember I said there will be finger pointing? There'll be intercine political battles between guys in suits? A little bit of meet the new boss same as the old boss. Nothing will really change at the end of the day, because the business of American Association Football is not winning. It is fleecing fucking people out of their hard earned dollars. Whether that be parents on the junior sports level, or MLS fans wanting to watch a live match from their hometown, to fans who want the same joy as literally 99% of the world, all US Soccer is concerned about is taking your money and shitting out a Panda Express order of mediocre sport. Feel free to use this as a metaphor for whatever.

"Well I never liked soccer anyway" Well gee whiz dude you sure didn't shut the fuck up about it for four weeks you had me fooled for a bit.

lifesgrandparade

Me when I'm embarrassingly bad at something

lifesgrandparade

Me when I'm embarrassingly bad at something

omegaversereloaded

And why is his ass still smiling

omegaversereloaded

Maybe we can all learn something from him in 2026

The worst thing about soccer/football. Fuck it its football, you got to earn the right to call it soccer baby. The worst part about football is, if you have a massive fucking boner like that goal, there's like... nowhere to go. Like Baseball, you get out of the inning. Football, shit, you just got burned by Jerry Rice, at least you can sit down for a couple minutes. Basketball, as long as you can deal with your coach motherfucking you within an inch of your life, but once again, you can sit down. Soccer, you just have to stand there like an idiot for 43 minutes. It might be so egregious that your manager use one of his two remaining substitutions on your trifling ass, but we need goals now! Because you fucked it up! Now just stand there with the dunce cap on until minute 94. Try not to let anymore egregious goals in while you're at it.

housing-first

You love to see it!

lifesgrandparade

I didn't even like, post shit about Trump sticking his filthy fucking feces fingers on the beautiful game once again, and you know why? Because I said to myself, Doug, it's not going to matter by 10:00 tonight. The US is going to get washed. They could've played with 12 players, the difference in quality and seriousness is just not there yet. All this shit did was put a giant kick me sign on the back of their stupid looking jerseys. And now here's whats going to happen. Infighting. Bunch of fingers are going to be pointed at a bunch of people, and it's going to be toxic, Pochettino is going to fly back to a civilized country after completely fleecing USA soccer of their hard earned dubloons, and we're going to start this process all the fuck over again. Outfuckingstanding. I wish I could go back in time and watch it again.

It is SO funny. So fucking funny, you know what, it's also like Quasimodo predicted all of this. Almost like your pal Doug has been calling this team, this organization frauds for the better part of the last quarter century. It's almost like I said "Once they face any sort of real competition they'll fold like construction paper." On fucking record. But no, I had to keep hearing "Well, the US looks for real this year." "Damn I like this US team." Despite the fact that Mauricio Pochettino is the manager and he's spent half of training camp fielding calls from AC Milan. Poch, a guy whose most famous for losing big games against teams. Despite the fact that the atmosphere with US Soccer and the USMNT has been so fucking toxic that the players PARENTS are going after each other. Here's a funny thing, I had that US Soccer Wasted pic ready from the start of the tournament. Because I knew, I just knew these losers were going to peter principle their way out again. I couldn't wait, and when I saw that we got Belgium I was like "Wait until Monday.' Those guys took our lunch money in the knockout rounds again. I'd call it a rivalry, but rivalry's involve competition right? Anyway, time to go texting.