life's grand parade

Baltimore's Only Psychedelic Cowboy Blog 

[lifesgrandparade]

It's a gas

[lifesgrandparade]

This performance is like when all the mutual are online at once

[kushblazer666]

me

[atna2-34-75]

“Nicola L. When the Earth Turned the Other Way”

M HKA Antwerp

July 2026

[thecoparoom]

Plymouth Satellite

1972

[segamascott]

[lifesgrandparade]

@pelicanhypeman Look, I can't control who comes on this blog and reads my shit. Believe me, I've tried. Look within yourself and say "I saw a link to Bill Simmons journalism for babies with a gambling addiction website, The Ringer, which was an Oral History, the two most objectionable words to come out of the two thousand teens, and it was, "An Oral History of Pros vs. Joes" and you said "I trust Doug's judgement on this?" A man who has seen the movie The Howling Two: Your Sister is a Werewolf, two dozen times, and whose conversation is always veering someone to watch The Howling Two: Your Sister is a werewolf with him, that's whose judgement you're going by. Wizards fan Doug. "Fuck the 9-5, the Service Industry is where the REAL money is" Doug. Fool me once shame on me, and such and such.

I just wanted to say, I bet Bill Simmons LOVES pros vs. joes and for none of the good reasons. I know he didn't write it, I know he 900% didn't know the article was going up. I'm talking independent. Guy is throwing season 3 Pros vs. Joes references at the poker tables with his boys Sully and the Duffmeister and having himself a good ol laugh.

[lifesgrandparade]

“Violently Stupid and Insane”: The Oral History of ‘Pros vs. Joes’

Fifteen years ago, Spike TV launched the ultimate fantasy: a show in which amateurs could compete against sports legends. The final result w

[lifesgrandparade]

Glazer: The first episode we ever did, I went down and told the Joes, I said, “Listen, this is your chance. This is a TV show. This is your chance to be a hometown hero. If you go out there and ball out, you’ll never pay for a drink in your hometown again. If you really want to make this better, get after the pros, talk some crap. It’s an entertainment show. Don’t worry about it. They know it’s a TV show. They’re not going to do anything.”

Well, man, sure as shit, the very first dude starts talking all this shit to Simeon Rice. The first play, Simeon scoops this dude up—boom—slams him on his head, fucking knocks him out. And I was like “Oops. My bad.” 

Yeah don't talk shit to Simeon Rice.

[lifesgrandparade]

“Violently Stupid and Insane”: The Oral History of ‘Pros vs. Joes’

Fifteen years ago, Spike TV launched the ultimate fantasy: a show in which amateurs could compete against sports legends. The final result w

[lifesgrandparade]

OK, I'm watching internet sensation Kofie, and he's watching old pros vs. Joes. Did you guys ever watch Pros vs. Joes? Like two seasons, basic idea is "A bunch of regular guys go up against random old professional athletes, and routinely get their ass kicked by a 50 year old man." It was insane. I watched like a season and a half back in college. Appointment viewing back when I lived with shotput guys. All the contestants are like dumb idiots who think they can compete with a 15 year NFL veteran. So the average American male.

Rewatching it reminds me of a couple things. Like first off, remember when I said this was insane? There's like "Try to outshoot Spud Webb on a NBA 3," and there's stuff like "Try to survive 3 minutes with Roy Jones." If you've never seen Roy Jones box, here's a gif to give you a sense of what he did to flesh.

And he's going up against used car salesmen. It's ridiculous. There's an episode where they have to survive 5 minutes with Randy Couture, former MMA fighter. It's not even fair, the winner was the guy who tapped out the least. One guy just kept tapping out before Couture could lock in the hold. Fuck it! That was the smart thing to do! Because another contestant said he heard his shoulderblade pop. This was the second event! I hope they weren't doing it all in one day, but it was Spike TV of the early 2000's so who the fuck no. THey keep saying "All the contestants signed waivers." OK, but is "sudden death" one of those waivers? If Michael Irvin brushed by me in the hallway I'd be in urgent care within the half hour.

Second, eh, these guys were all 50 at the time. So you also worry about the athletes and their health! Because they all get winded. And once they get winded the Joes can sneak by them and shit. And then they have inexplicable events. Like "Can you get a base hit against a pitching Jose Canseco?" Jose Canseco wasn't a pitcher! One time they put Jose Canseco in for Texas during a rout, and Canseco hurt himself. He's throwing fucking meatballs at both contestants. What the fuck.

Anyway there's an episode with the late Claude Lemiuex waiting for me so let's see if anyone gets seriously hurt.

[lifesgrandparade]

Correction: yankees got SHELLED

[lifesgrandparade]

Hey yankees lost!

[lifesgrandparade]

www.maptap.gg July 4 99🎯 99🎯 100🎯 74😂 89🎉 Final score: 887

I didn't have time to do this this morning, so I did it now and got FUCKED on question 4.

[lifesgrandparade]

People setting off fireworks 15 minutes before a severe thunderstorm warning, you are a GENIUS.

[lifesgrandparade]

A night of fireworks being interrupted by a hellacious thunderstorm is a bummer cuz that means 1. People are just going to wait for this to pass by which means fireworks at 11:30, OR 2. People have a stockpile of fireworks they'll be able to set off for the next 4 months.

[theactioneer]

Sybil Danning's Adventure Video promo (1984)

[lifesgrandparade]

People setting off fireworks 15 minutes before a severe thunderstorm warning, you are a GENIUS.

[lifesgrandparade]

[random-brushstrokes]

John Koch - Morning (1971)