Superior to the Stigma

My life as a female in her 20s living with herpes

[transcendentalbrilliance]

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to ignore you when you want to talk to him.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to shove you when he’s angry.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to call you a dumbass or a bitch when you’re in an argument.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to threaten to leave the relationship every time you defend yourself.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to invalidate your feelings.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to not tell you who he’s with or where he’s going.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to keep making the same detrimental mistake over and over.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to use your insecurities against you.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to make you feel guilty for having desires and needs.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to tell you that you’re stupid when you cry.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to cheat on you because he’s “just a stupid guy.”

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to rely on you when he doesn’t do a thing for himself.

it’s not normal for your boyfriend to hurt you intentionally.

please stop normalizing toxic romantic relationships. it’s not healthy for your partner to upset you and behave recklessly as long as he apologizes later. apologies mean nothing after he has repeatedly disrespected you. kisses and hugs mean nothing after he has repeatedly disrespected you. public displays of affection mean nothing after he has repeatedly disrespected you. promises mean nothing after he has repeatedly disrespected you. it is not okay for him to hurt you physically or emotionally because he said he’ll change. he hasn’t. he won’t. get out now because THIS! IS! NOT! NORMAL! other couples do not go through this. other couples did NOT have to go through this to be in a happy, wholesome place.

he is manipulative and selfish and he is making you weak every time you agree to stay. even when you feel like “maybe this time, things will be okay,” they won’t – that’s what he wants you to think so you never slip from his grasp. you know as well as i do you’re 50 times overdue for “this is his last chance.” this is not normal.

[transcendentalbrilliance]

​help me get this around so my friend can see how many people agree with me and that she needs to walk away from her toxic relationship

[dark-astrology-deactivated20180]

this goes for manipulative and abusive girlfriends too.

[dah-good-vibe-tribe]

[hanna619]

Omg best thing I’ve ever seen

[brosandprose]

This world will tell you that you are worthless: because you are a girl, because you are sexually active, because you have a virus, because you have a voice. Don’t listen to it. This world will try to shut you up: because you are weak, because you are irresponsible, because you are damaged, because you are stupid. Don’t let it. Here’s what you should do instead: arm yourself with knowledge. Read everything you can, from sex-positive tumblr blogs to feminist magazines to your own goddamn journal. Learn the words that the world doesn’t want you to recognize yourself in. Use those words to tell your own story, because your experience is valid and necessary for us all to hear. Shout your opinion in a Facebook status or whisper it to a trusted friend. Be safe, and go slow, and make decisions that are right for you, because this world doesn’t look kindly upon girls who speak out. But please, for me, don’t be quiet. Don’t listen to that loud terror in your throat that tells you to be quiet. Noise is how the world changes.

To the teenage girls who have herpes

(via

brosandprose

)

[thepositivetumbler]

Nuff said.

[cuteasacoldsore]

Is going down on a woman with herpes a bad thing?

That truly can only be answered by you.

If by “bad thing” does it mean “am i more likely to get herpes if i go down on a girl who previously told me she has it” then yes, i suppose because theres no layer of protection like there is with a condom. But if shes on medication, and shes aware of her body, and you both have an honest conversation, the risk is about 4% (see the risk sheet I posted a little bit ago) 

If by “bad thing” you mean gross/dirty/are people going to make fun of me, then truly that is not a question I feel like answering.

At the end of the day, that decision can only be made by you and her

[cuteasacoldsore]

Hi, I'm a 22 year old female and I'm currently having my first outbreak after catching genital herpes via oral sex. Do you have any tips on how to cope emotionally? I can't think about anything else, I can't sleep and it's driving me mad. I am so angry at myself for being stupid and would do anything in the world to rewind. Thanks xx

hi sweetie!

The first outbreak is always the worst. Trust me, it gets better from here, I promise. Every day, look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a compliment. I know it sounds cheesy, but it works, I promise. You are not stupid, and this is not your fault. It is also not the end of the world. If someone gives you shit for having herpes, then they are not a person who deserves to be in your life. The reality is that 1 in 3 people have it, and that it does not define who you are as a person AT ALL. 

Remind yourself every day that this disease is not YOU and that YOU are a beautiful, intelligent person who has a bright future in front of them.

Herpes is not a life threatening car crash on your road of life, its just a little speed bump. I promise. You’re going to be okay :)

[cuteasacoldsore]

BOY.

I’m going to start keeping a journal of all the responses I’ve heard when I reveal that I have herpes. Here’s a couple of my favorites:

Me: I have herpes.

Guy: Oh shit. I kissed you. Should I get tested?

Me: I have herpes.

Guy: Thats too bad I feel like your pussy tastes really good.

Me: I have herpes.

Guy: No way, me too! Do you usually tell people? Because I don’t.

Me: I have herpes

Guy: Gross.

[beylenciaga]

[perennialnarcissist]

This is so fucking important.

[wildlyunlikelybabe]

Fucking. Bruh.

[90svigilante-deactivated2018022]

I’ve never fucked with a tweet so hard *searches on Twitter to RT & Fav*

[persephonesecretlair]

i’m definitely the girlfriend that rubs your back under your shirt in public just because i miss the feel of your skin

[cuteasacoldsore]

Herpes 101

Hey guys! I’ve been getting a lot of chats and texts and such with various herpes questions! 

I am by NO means a doctor, but I have had genital herpes now for 2+ years and have done LOTS of research so if you have any questions, my inbox is always open :) I’ll be paying close attention for the next couple hours so lets have a little Q&A!

[cuteasacoldsore]

I got my heart broken exactly three days ago. Completely out of the blue.

However, from all pain comes strength. There is nothing that I, or you, cannot overcome. The sun will still shine tomorrow, and the breeze will still blow your hair into your lipstick, and your car will still need gas. The good things will still be there, and even though there is now a little twinge of darkness and hurt, it wont be there forever.

I miss him. I love him, and it hurts. But I will be okay. And to anyone out there who is also suffering, so will you.

[cuteasacoldsore]

Your Body is a Tree

Ladies and gentlemen, your body is for you. It is not for others. Do things, make choices, decorate, or supplement your body because YOU want it to. 

Many people these days treat their bodies like christmas trees. They need to be the perfect shape, the perfect color or size or weight or have specific ornaments so that someone will take them home and admire them.

Your body IS a tree. It needs water, and sunlight and love and nourishment. It needs to stand tall, and proud. YOU make the choices for your body based on what YOU want and YOU need. No one, can ever, ever take your body away from you. 

That doesn’t mean people won’t try. But your body, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is yours. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

[cuteasacoldsore]

I fucked up. I have a skin infection right now, it's an infected blister and a few lil dots on my skin. I have ghsv and I'm in the middle of an OB right now. The ones on my V went away super quick but I still have some sores on the inside of my legs. I told my new gf that I have a skin infection but not about the hsv. I feel like shit for lying and idk how to ever tell her the truth now.

Hey you :)

First of all, coming clean is always my strategy when it comes to HSV. I truly truly understand how scary it is, because we have been taught to expect rejection, however, your girlfriend might surprise you. (AND...to be technical...you didn’t lie. HSV IS a skin infection at the bare minimum.) A good relationship is where two people are allowed to be vulnerable with one another, especially when things get tough. Think through your words to her, then sit her down and have a chat. She will see that you mean no harm, and that you care.

Secondly, stop beating yourself up. It is so hard to realize that this disease is not your fault. Are you mad at yourself every time you get a cold because of that one time you forgot to wash your hands and then touched your nose? I highly doubt so. STDs are highly stigmatized in our society, but at the end of the day, you just have an infection. Like a sinus infection. Sometimes, they just happen, even if you were trying your best to prevent it. Girlfriends are an amazing part of life, and I really hope that this one proves to be special. However, you need to remember to love yourself, too. 

You know what I think sucks the most about herpes? OBs are triggered by....yep, you guessed it, STRESS. That means, that when nothing seems to be going your way, your body freaks out and decides to bless you with ANOTHER gift and that is an outbreak. (I’m having one too-can you tell?) However, my advice is when you have an OB, try and change your mindset. Think to yourself, okay. My body is trying to tell me that I’m piling on too much right now and I just need to stop. I need to take a break, take a deep breath, and love myself. Those blisters will heal, you’re going to be okay, and you’re going to climb over this mountain. I promise :)

Stay positive, wildflower! You are a beautiful thing.

[cuteasacoldsore]

Just a little herpes hello

Hello my little herpes crusaders :)

As many of you may know, I am a college student! I’m currently working on an undergraduate research project regarding STDs and the stigma on college campuses. I’m working to develop a support group and a logo for the fight against STD stigma, the way that there is the “safe space” sign that supporters can hang up showing their support for LGBT teens.

Since all y’all share the struggle-I want your help! Message me your experience as a college student with herpes, or make a quick design if you feel so inspired! I want to make pamphlets and a logo that can be utilized across college campuses everywhere so that those who suffer don’t feel so alone.

Sending love to all :)

[quotesndnotes]

[cuteasacoldsore]

Hey, I found out that I have herpes and I feel so stressed and sad about it. I'm only 16 and I've never been in a real relationship. Everyone around me makes so many herpes related jokes and I feel so insecure. Any advice on how to accept it all?

Hey there, thanks for reaching out :)

That is the very first step, is establishing your community. I can’t promise that you’ll wake up tomorrow morning, and not feel stressed or sad anymore. The reality of the disease is that until they find a cure, its with you. However, its so important to remember that while it is inside of you, it does not mean it is you. YOU are still a beautiful, intelligent, interesting, human being with SO many adventure filled years ahead of you. I promise you that there will come a time when you can laugh at those herpes jokes, or at least they won’t sting like I know they do now. Just remember that you are not your diagnosis. You are exactly the same person as you were before, with your same quirks and traits, your same skills and likes and dislikes. The little itty bitty cloud will still follow you for a little bit, but I promise you, it fades.

Now I’m like omg you’re right I DO have herpes! I forgot! :)