Cybertronian News Empire

Cybertron's one stop news shop.

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Charges Dropped against Sentinel Prime

Iacon enforcers issued a statement yesterday informing citizens that no action will be taken against Sentinel Prime in the murder charges.

Sentinel Prime was formally charged with the murder of CNE’s gossip columnist, Rumi, last week.

Iacon enforces formally dropped all charges yesterday, and refuse to comment on the issue at servo.

“We only want justice for the beautiful bot we lost.” Rumi’s father said. “I want justice for my youngling.”

Sentinel Prime said, “I am glad that the Iacon enforcers have seen the error of their ways.”

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Advice

Dear Nyx,

I’m in love with somebody, but I’ve never talked to them before. I don’t even think they know I exist. How can I fix this?

Sincerely, Love-lost

There is a simple fix to this.

Kidnap them. Knock them out, tie them up, and just sit them down to have the most memorable conversations they’ll ever have.

Who wouldn’t remember an experience like that? They’re sure to not only remember your name, but fall in love with you in an instant! That’s how I met my treasured somebody.

Dear Nyx,

I may have broken a few laws in the past, and now the enforcers are after me! Should I own up to my crimes, or just deny they ever happened? What’s the pros and cons of each?

Sincerely, LawsAreForChumps.

LawsAreForChumps, I must tell you now that your best choice is to run. The enforcers can only chase you so far. They’ll get tired and bored far before you decide to stop running.

The pros of my advice, is One, you’ll get away with it. Two, you’ll get to see the world. Three, It’s my advice.

Cons? I can’t think of a single one.

Good luck running from the law!

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Contaminated energon sends almost 50 bots to medical centers.

Contaminated energon yesterday, sent 45 bots to various emergency medical centers in Polyhex.

Polyhex enforcers are currently investigating an energon mine where the energon originated from.

The energon contained high levels of acid, resulting in bots having damaged energon lines and fuel tanks.

“There’s a possibility that the mine, a long time ago, contained acid pools.” Said CNE’s geological expert. “More than likely the energon and acid formed the hybrid crystals.”

The mine owner has refused to comment on how the energon made it through the mandatory purity tests.

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Sentinel Prime brought into custody for Murder?

Iacon enforcers, yesterday, flooded the Prime’s estate with a warrant for the arrest of Sentinel Prime for the murder of CNE gossip reporter, Rumi.

Enforcers brought Sentinel to the station, where he was placed under armed guard.

Sentinel sat through interrogations for over 5 joors before he was released to the custody of his lawyer.

Sentinel’s Lawyer, Carta, said, “The enforcers have no hard evidence to have brought my client in. All they have is speculations and petty theories.”

Sentinel refused to give his comment to CNE.

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PSA Every Form has a Function

Cybertronian News Empire believes firmly that every form has a function. In today’s society it is wise to understand that very concept.

If you don’t, you could end up like poor Crowbar.

Crowbar didn’t want to believe in functionism. Crowbar went to the mines when he was clearly meant for more... intellectual studies.

Crowbar died in an explosion.

Don’t be Crowbar.

[cybertroniannewsempire]

Altihex Explodes, Again!!

An energon mine, yesterday, in the outer district of Altihex had its 15th explosion since the beginning of the vorn killing 5.

Five miner were killed the huge explosion that reportedly shook building over 8 ticks away.

The mine has been the most explosive mine in the region with an average of 25 explosions a vorn.

“We have a protocol in place for this very event.” Said the Altihex rescue bots leader, Heatwave.

Citizens of the city have sent in numerous complaints about the mine, all saying the same thing: close the mine for good.

“The mine is a necessary evil for the city, unfortunately.” Said the City council’s spokesperson. “The mine is one of the richest sources of energon on the planet. Closing it would be a stupid thing to do.”

-Reported by Photostat.

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Advice 3

Dear Nyx,

Today, while working, I caught myself staring at a colleague of mine. I felt like every little thing they did was something special. Like the way they tap their digits while thinking, or the way their optics struggle to see the data on their monitors at work. I’m not sure why I notice these tiny things they do. I want to stop, but I just keep thinking of this bot.

Sincerely MakeItStop.

Dear MakeItStop, (You know that should be three Glyphs, right?)

Have you ever considered that maybe, you notice every tiny thing he does, because you hate him? I notice every little thing Etching does around the office too, and I hate the mech. Every time he gets up to get energon, I just want to rip his servos off and shov-

The only way for it to stop, unfortunately, is to either kill the mech, or get him fired. Is he maybe a lower caste than you? If so you can easily get him removed from his job. If not, there are tons of ways to frame him for doing everything wrong. That’s what I do, though this news company seems to have low standards for work ethics.

Dear Nyx,

My bonded got this stupid table for our dining room, and everytime I go to sit down, I hit my pede on the fragging legs of the table. Not to mention the fragging this is ugly as the pit! All they can talk about is how it’s a Coranistor original though! How do I tell them I hate the table?

Sincerely, TableHater.

Dear TableHater, (That should be two glyphs.)

I’m sorry, but did you just say a Coranistor original? Ha, Listen, nobody hates a Coranistor original. NOBODY. If a Coranistor original wants to steal your bonded, steal your credits, and eat your sparklings, you let it.

The thing might be ugly, but it’s a Coranistor Original! If it wants to rip your pede off, it’s just the price to pay to be living in it’s very presence. Your bonded has good taste and should leave your aft for the Coranistor original.

Or, you can just send it to me, and tell your bonded that you were robbed. I’ll gladly take the table off your hands.

[cybertroniannewsempire]

Force field  generators no longer a thing of fiction.

Scientists in Iacon announced, yesterday, their newest project: The Force Field Generator.

Scientists claim that the generator will be able to surround the user with a barrier that can withstand the force of 2 atomic bombs.

The lead scientist, Pyro said, “The final device will be portable, and hopefully capable of both defensive and offensive maneuvers.”

The scientists have admitted that there isn’t really a viable reason for needing this contraption, but have all agreed that it’s just really cool.

The device isn’t set to be completed for many vorns.

The research for the Force field generator is sponsored by the council, who refused to comment on the project.

- reported by Hectograph.

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Gossip 2

Hello Readers!

I feel like an introduction to myself in in order before we get onto the normally scheduled gossip. I’m Hearsay, a Vosian native. I started writing when I was a wee little spark, and have loved it ever since.

My parents were high caste, but I don’t mind mingling too much with the other ones. How else would you find out that this week’s Racer Champion Blurr’s speed carries onto more than just the racetrack?

By getting dirty, I say. Like the possible slave trade in the Gladiator Pits or the Voyagers traveling to different planets to bring back animals to try and breed.

Or the sparkeater discovered upon an abandoned ship, but that’s another story.

So until next week readers, stay informed!

- Reported by Hearsay

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Enforcer awarded for services

The Praxus Chief enforcer accepted his award for outstanding law enforcement today at the Praxus ceremonial hall.

Praxus Chief enforcer, Prowl, has been on the force for over 50 Vorns.

When He became chief merely two vorns ago, the crime in Praxus city dropped by over 56 percent.

“I do not want to accept this award.” Prowl said in his acceptance speech. “I do not want an award for simply performing my function. It’s demeaning.”

Over his vorns of service 16 of Praxus’s major criminal have been incarcerated, and 7 of those have received the death penalty for their crimes.

Among those 16 were a serial killer, a crime organization leader, and a terrorist.

-reported by Hectograph

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The Race is on!

40 of the fastest bots from Cybertron and the surrounding colonies lined up yesterday at the Tyger Pax race track’s finish line with one common goal: win the annual championship.

One of the competitors, Blurr from Velocitron, blew everyone out of the water, five seconds into the race.

Blurr held onto his first place position for the entire race, keeping an astonishing amount of distance between himself and the other racers.

During the course of the racer, Blurr set many new records, including but not limited to: fastest lap time, fastest pit change, biggest lead  and for the fastest time the race was finished

No one has broken the finishing record in 20 vorns.

“It’s truly an honor to race here, with the vast history behind this course. You can bet I’ll definitely be back,” he said after the win, surrounded by adoring fans and awe struck racers.

The top five finishers are as follows; Blurr, Drifter, Skidmarks, Treads, and Burnout.

The continuation of the race will be held in two weeks where the top 20 will compete against each other.

-reported by Exegesis

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Remembering Rumi

After Rumi’s tragic death about a decaorn ago, a group of CNE reporters got together to share their memories of the lovely bot over cubes of high grade, Rumi’s favorite kind of energon.

Rumi was the kind of bot everybody wanted to know, but nobody wanted to be too close with, in fear their secrets would end up in the next gossip column of course.

Rumi had retired from investigative journalism to write his gossip column for the CNE which became a huge hit and ran in the paper for over 150 Vorns.

Rumi was a who cherished all of their accomplishments. Going into their home, the first thing you saw was every award they had ever gotten, it was quite the sight.

Every morning Rumi would come into the office, with a big grin, ready for the rumors of the day. He could always be found eavesdropping outside of people’s offices, or pretending to read a data pad at the mid orn refuel station, simply listening to all the gossip he could.

Rumi loved to gossip, there was probably nothing he loved more. He spread gossip, he made gossip up, and more importantly, he wrote about all the gossip he could.

We’ll miss you, Rumi.

-Reported by Hectograph

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Advice 2

Dear Nyx,

A dear friend of mine has recently obtained their Conjunx Endura, but for some reason, I can’t bring myself to feel happy for them. We’ve always been together, and I’ve started to feel like the fifth wheel. I think I may have started to resent this bot. They haven’t done anything to me, but still that feeling keeps coming back. Am I being replaced? The advice columnist at CCNN seems to think I’m in the wrong here. Am I?

Sincerely, Jealous and afraid.

Jealous and afraid, dear, there is no doubt in my processor that you are right. That resentment you feel is completely justified, no matter what that cretin at CCNN says. They replaced you! It’s really that simple. You were there first after all. It doesn’t matter if this other person is their Conjunx Endura or Primus them self. What you should have done is try to run them off before they got this serious. You missed your chance and this resentment you’re feeling is completely your fault.

My advice is get a new friend. One that won’t drive off and get a Conjunx Endura! What kind of monster does that to a friend anyways? No kind of monster I want to know.

 Dear Nyx,

My chance for interstellar stardom is here, but my friends and creators seem to think I should sit back, and like, let it pass??? How does this make sense? Do you think Feedback from the Rock Bots just sat back and let their chance pass them by? NO! So why should I? How can I get them to see that this is the biggest moment in my life?!

Love, soon to be famous!

Oh darling, Soon to be Famous! You’re right! This is your chance! Your creators and friends are just simply jealous! They want this opportunity that you have. They just want to ruin it for you! Don’t let that happen! Grasp this opportunity and run with it!

It is so obvious they already see how big this is for you. They want to hold you back. If I were you, I’d tell them off! Get rid of the lot of them! They’ll bring up things like, “OH you have your whole life ahead of you!” or, “You’re just too young”, But screw em! You do you.