i feel safe in the 5am light @cydie - Tumblr Blog

11:30am wake up - dream man

dreamt about my dream man and then he was also previously married and I think had a kid or no he wouldn't

but he took care of me, he put me on his amex, he had an apartment in this speakeasy type restaurant , he was sure of himself and kept me stable. i could literally just give up operating and he'd be able to keep me alive

omfg wtf

#personal #dreams

cannot describe the immense guilt i feel towards my parents for many many reasons

geum myeong's emotions towards her parents that entire show was just

it hit a place i didnt realise a show would be able to hit

#personal #when life gives you tangerines #asian immigrant guilt

honestly this has gone on long enough

if he wants to be friends it will have to come from him being a mature person

if I stay in this stalemate of a situation for much longer, we have to start calling it self harm

you cannot force somebody to meet you where you are

and that goes both ways bc I would rather address this and move on

unfortunately I cannot meet him where he is

so if naturally our paths diverge, I wish you all the best always bc I will always have love for all the people in my life past and present xx

#personal #gaurav

the cs6 adobe suite is a 600 dollar license as of may 2026. i can create and generate to endless bounds, this program is infinitely talented.

yet i'm stuck trying to figure out how to crop my fucking vector

#personal #adobe #adobe illustrator

is this Apothecary Diaries

#personal #alchemy of souls

whoa

the king is a pos :/ what a dog wtf

#personal #alchemy of souls

10:07AM

Earliest thing I remember was that my friend went missing. I was questioned by the police - and then i was talking to someone who I did something with that affected my nails? And he was saying he could reinforce them for me.

Another guy behind me who was in a similar position was also worried about the strength of my nails bc of what I had done?

But someone else told him to not worry because the other guy I was speaking to would look after me.

I left that area, and then I was questioned by police again maybe? Or in some building blocks - maybe the map was a mixture of Uni plus Surfers Paradise main area next to McDonald's. [see dimg-1]

I left the questioning area and sat at a table around where HJs would be, except it wasn't HJs, maybe the area was reminiscent of Fortitude Valley also, where there are empty shops.

I was with a character that wasn't Francis, but was Francis adjacent. Had part vibes, but wasn't exactly him. For some reason, I had a plate of 3 slices of pizza and 2 other things(?) and I had eaten the pizza slices into circles bc I'd bitten off the outside and left the best part til last.

This man walked up to my left side from around the front, and started talking to me. He looked mildly homeless so I thought maybe he wanted the pizza. Francis instinctively put his left arm around me but didn't touch me, he hovered next to my shoulder.

The guy laughed and said, "Yeah, do it, protect her, that's fair-" etc, like he was sort of teasing/joking that he understood why he put his arm up and that he wasn't offended - or that he was offended but say it in a way that Australians do, by bringing attention to it.

During that, two more men appeared, walking past the front of the table to stand next to the first guy's left. There was light chatting as they shifted ever so slightly closer towards us.

Suddenly, the guy lunged towards me, and grabbed me. F grabbed me off the table - the guy didn't want my pizza, I almost offered him some too, I also wanted my pizza - and we ran across the middle, and up some stairs on the other side.

The guy caught up with us, as I was too tired to go up the stairs as fast as I needed to, and grabbed me. For some reason, F disappeared and the stairs lead to the IKEA I worked at. (??)

Except it wasn't really shaped like an IKEA, a little bit was, and a lot of it was more Woolworths vibes.

I ran up into the foyer area, and through a door on the left of the entrance door.

He grabbed me and pushed me against a wall - except the assault scenes were replaced by scenes of Sansa Stark getting assaulted (??). I suppose since I'd never been assaulted myself, my brain efficiently filled in this slot instead of constructing a scene from scratch...?

Most of the walls were glass, but I didn't see anyone around.

I ran through the exit door and it didn't click shut. I held it shut with my foot and braced against a railing behind me.

The man managed to open the door against my strength a little, but didn't make it through as I shut it against him immediately. He stopped pushing/hitting the door for a moment, and I instinctively opened it to unlatch the lock on the left where the hinge was, and shut it again.

In that split second, I saw he was setting something up around that entrance, like he expected me to be forced to come back out that way. He saw me open and lunged back towards me, but I slammed the door shut on him.

I held it shut for a bit, before I realised that the door latch had clicked in already, and the door was locked.

I then went through a side door, which was a double door. I opened one, to be met with another door.

I ran down the strip to the end where the security guards I wasn't that well acquainted with were standing. I told them some man assaulted me on the way in, and the blond one that looked somewhat reminscent of the security guard in the IT Crowd that Jen liked and ruined his millionaire opportunity.

He ran over immediately, and the other 2 there kept back and continued to chat lightly, while acknowledging me and the guy that ran off.

I collected myself, and followed suit.

I went up the stairs, up into the shopping area where a few more people were. They had shut off the entrance where the stairs came up to, and was pulling people in one by one. I continued to disqualify anyone that wasn't the man.

He pulled a girl through the door, and she looked a bit like one of Georgia from Wild Child's lackeys, the older one, facially, but older.

And then we realised she was wearing a shirt on her head as hair.

The security guard pulled it off, and revealed the man that was chasing me. He was a rugged, dirty looking, pale -skinned ginger man. (slightly resembling a mixture of the people in the play yesterday? Graham, and the flower girl?)

As soon as I identified him, he was grabbed and taken.

Skip to a different scene, my friend was missing still.

I spoke to the nail guy either earlier, or maybe now and my timelines are out of order.

There was another guy behind me that was there, and could hear us through the window. He was Wes-adjacent. But definitely not Wes, someone I knew and trusted a little.

I'd done something that was like low-mid type activity, like I'd moved something. Not a big task, but not recommend, and it would have likely damaged my nails, as they were able to predict due to their experience,

As I spoke to my main related guy, Wes behind me spoke to someone else who told him not to bother (with the assumption that my main guy would know also, as he was more experienced).

Timeskip a little, and I was lying on the floor of a room, against a wall behind me or something that resembled a wall, like a big cardboard box that was white.

W came in and half seriously said, "I'm going to pick you up and move you!"

I was unresponsive because I was half asleep and half not bothered.

To the top left, a guy a little higher up on some bench, maybe reminiscent of a bed, laughed and said something unintelligible.

The area this was set in, the rooms, the stairs, the layout, vaguely resembled that of my childhood home. The room we were in now, was my Dad's room, and where the bench is, was where my Dad's bed would be, although the room crossed through the hallway, whereas my Dad's was separate from the hallway.

I waited as W awkwardly kneeling was unsure of what to do, and whether he was allowed to touch me or not. (This reminds me of irl Francis asking for permission to do things before doing them, like when people ask if you would enjoy if they did X thing for you, instead of just doing them and finding out.)

At that moment, 3 police officers came in through the hallway doorway. "We're looking for Arielle Sinclair? We need to ask her some questions."

Naturally, a very tiny back part of me was alarmed - because "oh no, I haven't done anything wrong, but what if I have? - like when you walk through security gates even though you know you haven't stolen anything, you still cringe in anticipation." - but I quickly reminded myself that there was an ongoing investigation for my friend.

W helped me up, and we followed them through the hallway, past the top of the stairs, and into the hallway area of the next section.

This would have been my mom's room, except it was a little modified obviously.

The 2 officers sat/leaned against a long table, one officer behind it. They asked me some questions I can't recall, and then asked me to give a DNA sample. They showed me the swab, showed me some instructions, to which I asked if I could take a picture or take them with me into the lab behind us, and the 3rd female officer on the right said, "No!-" to which the 2nd male officer said, "-why not?"

She replied, "because she can't photograph those ones-" and shuffled papers around on the table to look for another solution.

I'm still unsure of the positions of the officers because they were either leaned against the table, or standing behind the table, and the feeling of the memory is a mixture of both.

At one point, there were 3 people to the right, and 2 people in front of me - which mathematically doesn't make sense. However since W is bigger than me, he might give off the feeling of two people.

Eventually she said, "When you go in, there's- the assistance/tech/lady will help you."

They pulled out some other forms, one was holding an iPad, and they shuffled things around a bit as I waited for them to instruct me.

When I thought back to memories of my friend, the only one that came up was a scene were we were out in a park or a playground, somewhere with grass, the energy was good. I had my hand on his arm, and he had his opposite hand on my upper arm and we were chatting and laughing about something.

This reminds me of Richie at Ultra. I guess that's who this one is based off, mixed with another face I've seen but don't know. I haven't spoken to Richie in a while, so in a way he has gone "missing" from my active life. I did recently wonder how he was going. (I just messaged him.)

Solemnly, I asked the 3rd officer standing on the right, "Is it better that I don't know what happened to him?"

The 3rd officer paused for a moment and laughed unexpectedly. "Yeah. Yeah it is."

Opened my eyes. Layed there for a bit, thinking about that dream. So many different layers, went over a few of the scenes in my head. And then I forced myself up to take meds, bathroom, and write.

11:37AM finish.