Clover

my notes app goes hard here

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

I’ve cried soooo many tears over love and men and friends but I don’t think I’ve cried over any of those things combined as I have over my mother

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

I hope you think of me when he posts some bullshit on his note/story and you can’t text me to make fun of him

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

Me at least once per day because I’m an actual person with a mind of my own and not just an entity that people see and perceive:

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

as much as I’ve missed you and as much as I’ve hated you this past week for throwing this away, 6 months of friendship, a human connection, I also recognize that every time you stopped talking to me for a few days I wished deep down for it to be the last time we ever spoke.

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

I wish I could come up with something poetic to say about how I’m feeling but unfortunately I’ve never been very good with words.

that was always you.

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

I didn’t realize it was a crime to block someone on my own Instagram account!!! 😅😅😅

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

sobbing in the stall of a bathroom at a ferry landing

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

Ok cool we’re doing the whole leaving me on seen thing again

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

I wish I could look into your blue eyes without seeing brown

#pushingitdownandpraying

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

It’s always one step forward and three steps back and it will never go away until there’s zero contact but anyway…

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

Just imagine…..getting drunk and telling someone every worry and insecurity you have about your friendship with them and they reassure you and tell you you’re not stupid or embarrassing for talking about it and then they ghost you the very next day.

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

He and I are two sides of the same coin except he’s a quarter and I’m just a dime.

[cyhtsoyl4leafclova]

I just want to write poetry about you. But I can’t write poetry.

I can’t say things the way you can. I miss you. That’s all I can say. That’s all I can think.

I miss when I didn’t know you.

I miss when I’d never seen the light hit your eyes and turn them a fiery topaz sort of color that only brown eyes do.

I miss when I hadn’t heard you singing along to music you were showing me, you put your entire soul into it.

I miss before I had ever heard your fingers hit a piano key.

I miss before I had decided what song I wanted to walk down the aisle to, because I only want it to be if I’m walking down that aisle to you waiting at the other end.

I only see myself with you. I only see you with her. With her. Her. I hate that you use the same eyes you use to look at me all soft and tender, to look at her. The difference is, there’s love in them for her. You love her. I love you. When will that not be my case?