I’m so fucking sad and deeply broken. I feel so fucking horrible just like at my core and beyond. I’m so upset and angry that I can’t even have one good fucking day. Why did the person I love; who promised to make my day special, ruin my birthday?
Why did he think it was okay to try to ditch my birthday dinner and make me cry? Why does he think that his strange manic behavior was okay in public? Why did he tell me that the reason why he didn’t kiss or hug me the entire day was because he can’t Force himself to feel desire or lust ? Does he even actually love me? Am I just that fucking repulsive? I didn’t wanna get excited for it bc it’s always been so horrible, but he kept insisting he’d make the day so amazing. Just to stab me in my Heart. He spends so much time helping random stranger girls, but he won’t focus on himself and us. I don’t understand and it hurts so achingly bad.
He thinks he’s a pastor all of a sudden and that it’s his “job” to help people find god. Thinks that all of a sudden he’s some perfect guy and that I’m so broken and flawed. He acts like I’m just another project. I feel like he doesn’t see me like he used to. Like it’s not ever going to be like we imagined.
I don’t know what to do. I have no real friends. It’s not really something I’d wanna put on my mom. I’m so fucking alone.
