Ownership and Collars
As always my little brain started ticking over after reading something the other night about collaring. The gist of the story was that this young newbie sub (think she said she had been on the scene for 6 weeks) had met a Dom and he had offered her a collar within a couple of weeks, then went on a whole heartbroken story when a week later it had not worked and she had been left un-collared. I know we have all seen these sorts of things but it started to make me think about the whole collaring process. Do people new or old in the scene really understand the differences of what is meant when someone talks to them about collaring? One of the issues is what the collar can symbolise: The person is wearing it for a fashion statement The person is highlighting they are submissive. The person is wearing a play collar to help get into the head space The person is owned The second is that when collaring someone it’s a very personal thing between the two people involved, as always each relationship is different, each person has their own needs wants and expectations so to be honest I can only talk from this moment on about what it means to me. The first day I met my MTsbabygirl_boo I fell in love, for the first time in my life I felt complete and I knew that this was someone I wanted in my life. I was also realistic in knowing that what I wanted may not happen. I have been lucky that each day I wake up with boo, my love for her grows a little more. We started seeing each other on a regular basis, she was new to the scene but embraced it with her whole being, our relationships grew and so did our dynamic until several months of living together and experiencing the d/s relationship we discussed collaring. I explained to boo for me it was a serious commitment; she was putting herself in my hands, to be owned body mind and soul by me. In return I would love her unconditionally, watch over her emotional, physical and mental wellbeing, I would nurture her, support her, and be her Dom/Master, lover and friend. Then I sent her away to find out what it meant to her. After several discussions, lots of research by Boo she accepted my collar and we have not looked back. Boos collar is a tattoo to show that she has given herself to me. As we are poly there is always a chance in the future I may choice to collar someone else who is special in my life, I have no plans of this yet but I am open to the possibilities. But I know that if I did find someone I would have the same conversation and discussions with them. Also I cannot speak on boos behalf about what collaring means to her as she does have her own owned collared slave but I have seen what he means to her, how she worries about him, loves him, cares about his wellbeing and worries that he is getting all that he needs. But talking about collaring I suppose we have to look at what is ownership, simply put the definition of ownership is the relation of an owner to the thing possessed; possession with the right to transfer possession to others. So we all understand the definition of Ownership but have we looked at the motive behind it? Sometimes we take ownership out of love and wanting to take care and look after someone or something. Take pets they become one of the family, people love their pets like children and they do everything possible to make the pets life perfect. Sometimes ownership happens but without understanding what we are doing, for every happy loved pet there are the unloved abused and tormented pets. (not in a good way) And then we have ownership for social positioning, I think this is one that pops up often, those that see their belongings as a trophy a status symbol, the look at me brigade if you like. We also have to take into the ethical aspect of ownership, can you truly own someone or do you just have an unusual relationship really. My personal view is that ownership is part of our kink family dynamics and is really just part of our lives, it feels right for us. I suppose in the long run the thing I was thinking most about this whole subject is that it’s a minefield of miss matched ideas and motives and can vary for every person. The things that I feel need to be considered and noted for people is that. A Collar does not make the scene or validate someone’s place within the scene, it should be something that is considered and discussed and most of all should represent what is right for you both. As I said this is just my views and would be interested in others people’s views of being collared and ownership