Youâre Just a Trailer Park Boy
(A/N: I AM SO SORRY MY ASS HAD TO REPUBLISH THIS, and again, it takes place as if itâs in Toledo, Ohio, because I can only write what I know. I have an OC in there, whom I love in an adult way, you kids wouldnât know how to appreciate something like her, I sure didnât when I wrote her when I was fifteen. Then she was a joke. Now she is a true artistic statement of a character. Please enjoy, I may put this somewhere, if yâall like it.)
  Frank thought there was something really great about times like this. Times when Gerard and him would just sit on the sofa together, slightly leaning into each other and Gerard was smoking. Frank would look away from the cheap box TV that sat on a dinner tray with crooked antennas to watch Gerard take a hit from his cigarette. Watching him bring it to his teeth, wrap his lips around it, suck in, all while never breaking his focus on the movie they were watching. He would hold the smoke for a second, and then exhale, Frank catching the smell of his breath beneath the tobacco smoke.Â
Frank would then look back at the screen, and try to enjoy the crappy quality of the old antenna television. As they watched it, they would laugh together and make little insides jokes about all of it. It was something that was they did every Saturday night, almost like a ritual just for them. Well, it was supposed to be just for them.
âWhy do you guys even like this?â Brittany always whined when they watched this when she was over. She was on the other side of Gerard, leaning into him even more than Gerard was leaning into Frank. Frank looked over to her, and they met eyes. She sneered at him and grabbed Gerardâs hand as he continued to zone out while watching the show. It was mocking and spiteful to say the least.
Brittany and Gerard had been dating for a few months now, despite having nothing in common, and despite her cheating on Gerard all the time. She had long honey blond hair, big bust, and was rarely seen out of Victoria Secret brand clothing. Although this wasnât a good reason to hate her, it made Frank slightly mad that she was nothing like any of the other usual chubby nerds and musical snob girls Gerard tended to date, and nothing like Frank.
Although Gerard never seemed to get too into it, he was affectionate towards Brittany. So, when Brittany had to leave around seven that night, Gerard got up, walked her to the door, and kissed her as sweetly as he could. Frank watched this from the sofa. They were standing in front of the door, Brittanyâs tanned arms wrapped around Gerardâs neck, Gerardâs hands firm on her waist. It made Frank sick.Â
Of course, Frank knew that sickness was from jealousy. He didnât always have problems with Gerardâs girlfriends. The last one, a total rocker who always wore weird biker clothes, was probably one of Frankâs favorite people in the world. But, this time, she was very demanding of Gerard, almost stealing him away from Frank.
Brittany finally left and Gerard sat back on the sofa next to Frank.Â
âWhat do you want to eat?â Gerard asked casually, pulling a cigarette from his carton and lighting it. He inhaled, blew out a puff of smoke, and looked over at Frank expectantly.Â
âEh, anywhere is good.â Gerard nodded as Frank said this. They got in Gerardâs shitty Ford and drove out of the trailer park and into town.Â
Frank actually kind of liked Gerardâs trailer. Yeah, it was dirty both inside and out, and the lawn was overgrown, but there something cool about having an older friend with his own place.Â
However shitty it may be, Frank was over there a lot. Gerardâs parents were good friends with Frankâs parents, and Gerard had always looked after Frank. Gerard used to come over and babysit Frank, of which Frank would constantly protest to. When Gerard moved out on his 19th birthday and into Moondust Trailer Parks, Frank was the first one over.
It was a few weeks into Frankâs summer vacation, and the boy had already spent several nights with Gerard, nearly every day Gerard wasnât working.
The best thing about being in the car with Gerard is that he would sing. âTalk to Meâ by Stevie Nicks was playing and Gerard sang along to it softly between puffs from his cigarette. Frank studied him as he sang. It wasnât passionate belting of the song, but it sounded great. It sounded like something that Frank could fall asleep to.Â
   The windows were open in the car, and Frank looked out into the night. He could feel the cool air hitting his face, and there was the smell of fireworks out in the distance. Frank looked back at Gerard, who happened to be glancing at him. He spoke up.
   âWhat do you wanna do tonight?â Gerard asked, focusing on the road.Â
   Frank shrugged, âdonât we always just hang out? Rent a few movies, talk, bullshit and what not?âÂ
   Gerard puffed on his cigarette, âYeah, but we do that every night. I donât know, maybe I could take you out or something. I just donât want to bore you.â
   Frank smiled slightly at Gerard wanting to take him out. It was very endearing that he didnât want to bore his guest. âYou can take me wherever, Gerard. I donât know, we could like, go out and fuck shit up, or crash a party. You know Iâve always wanted to crash a party. But as long as Iâm with you.â
   Gerard smiled, âYeah, I know you do. Maybe we can. Letâs just see where the night takes us, okay?â
Arbyâs was only a few minutes from the trailer. They pulled in. Gerard got out of the car first and walked over to Frank, waiting for the younger boy to get out.
âNeed help, princess?â Gerard joked, reaching his hand out to Frank as the younger boy struggled to get out.Â
âShut up, motherfucker. You know itâs hard for me to get out of this piece of shit. Why you bought a huge ass pickup truck, I will never know.âÂ
But, Frank did take Gerardâs hand for a moment as he stepped onto the asphalt, but quickly dropped it after to not seem weird.
 Then they walked in together. They didnât talk the whole time until they got in line and decided what to order. That was the thing about Gerard and Frank, they didnât need to talk always. Sometimes they could just enjoy being in each otherâs presence, and other times they could have stimulating or pointless conversation that went on for hours.Â
They sat down by a window. Frank looked up at the smoggy sky. There were only a few stars visible, but the bar lights were blinking down the road, and faint music was spilling out of the bar next door. Something about it was very pretty to Frank.Â
Frank looked back from the window and at Gerard, whose eyes snapped down and he looked solemn. He was focusing on unwrapping his sandwich, and not even trying to strike up a conversation. It was almost distressing how quiet it was. He seemed troubled.
   At this point, Frank decides to act his age, and proceeded to pull out two of his curly fries and attempted to shove them up Gerardâs nose.
âWhat the fuck?â Gerard asked, laughing slightly as he pushed Frankâs hand away. Frank liked Gerardâs laugh, and liked it when he made Gerard laugh. Frank smiled, and looked out at the night again.Â
âYou looked so serious,â Frank pointed out, taking a sip from his Pepsi, âI figured I could help you loosen up, man.âÂ
Gerard smiles back at him, then looks back at his hands. âThanks, Frank. You always seem to do that.â Gerardâs smile slowly dropped, and he looked outside and Frank turns his head to look at him.
Frank, after knowing Gerard since he was nine, knows when Gerard is feeling off. There were different behaviors for whatever was troubling him. When he was feeling worried, sometimes he would look off into the distance and focus on nothing, like he was now.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â Frank asked. It was a casual sounding question, but they both knew that, although they tried to keep it casual, there were some times when the only person the other could talk to was each other.Â
Gerard dropped his gaze from the window, and looked at his sandwich. He picked at the curtains of meat coming out of the bun. It was a few seconds later that Gerard picked up his sandwich and took a bite big enough that it was a couple minutes later before he could talk again. Only, he didnât want to answer Frankâs question.
âHave you ever done something wrong just to prevent yourself from doing something even more wrong?â Gerard asked after he swallowed. Frank knew that this is not one of those times where Gerard would give him a straight answer. So, Frank acted like he didnât care that Gerard didnât exactly tell him, and answered.
âI donât think so,â Frank said, looking at Gerard who was looking back expectantly, âbut, I guess it would be okay to do it if you were stopping yourself from doing something twice as fucked up.â Frank answered as best he could, and Gerard nodded.
Gerard looked almost disappointed at Frankâs answer. He sighed, looked away, but then back at Frank with a tragically loving look. âYou know, you always have the kind things to say, Frank. Thatâs whatâs great about you, you just want good things to happen to everyone.âÂ
Frank felt all the attention that Gerard was giving him, and he loved it. He liked it when Gerard complimented him like this. He liked it when Gerard would give him all the thoughts he had, emptying his brain out to Frank. Frank smiled and took a bite of his veggie burger to hide his blush. He knew Gerard was wrong, he very much wanted bad things to happen to a number of people. Politicians, Brittany, all the people who harassed Gerard in high school, but for now he would take the compliment and let his blush die down.
   Gerard leaned in over the small table, and studied Frank. Gerard looked closely, noticing the way Frankâs cheeks turned bright pink, and then smiled.Â
âFrank,â Gerard stated, keeping himself in the same forward position. Frank wiped his mouth and leaned in also.
âYeah?â Frank answered. They stayed there for a moment, Gerard looking intensely at Frank. Â
Gerard looked between Frankâs lips and his eyes. As he did this, Frankâs eyes went wide. There was no way this was actually happening, he was misreading the signals. But, Gerard was leaning in more, eyes darting back to Frankâs from his lips, then a quick glance up.Â
There was a sudden shocked look, and a slow withdraw. Frank looked to what Gerard was glaring at. Yes, there was Brittany herself, then some douche looking kid. The guy even had a pink polo, cargo shorts, and menâs flip flops on. Way to ruin a moment.
Gerard looked in shock and angry for a while. That fucking bitch had some nerve. Gerard had even said to her earlier that he was going out with Frank for dinner. She didnât even have the shame to even attempt to sneak around.Â
Gerard stood up quietly, and grabbed Frankâs hand as he did. They darted out the opposite door, leaving their sandwiches and all. Brittany didnât notice, she was wrapped up in Sir Douchington too much to even see her boyfriend when he walked a few feet away from her.Â
Gerard let go of Frankâs hand right before they got to the van. He climbed in, and helped Frank in as the boy struggled to climb in.Â
âStupid bitch,â Gerard muttered as he rested his forehead on the steering wheel, âsleazy fucking whore.âÂ
Frank sighed. Now was the absolute worst time for an I-told-you-so, although he pondered it. But, thatâs not what Gerard needed.Â
âGerard?â Frank asked, reaching out to rest his hand on his friendâs back, rubbing it as comfortingly as he could, âItâs okay, man, sheâs no good for you, anyway. She means literally nothing. Youâre so much better than her.âÂ
Frank would have continued on with the attempts at soothing the older man, but Gerard snapped his head to look Frank in the eyes. He sat up, and grabbed Frankâs wrist as it retracted. Leaning in, he continued to look at him with the want he had before, but only this time mixed with desperation. It was the real desperation that Franked noticed. For a split second, Frank thought about pulling away the more and more Gerard leaned in. But, then their lips touched and there was no pulling away now.
Frank had his share of kisses for an eighteen year old, if he did say so. But, they were with girls from his school, and most of them were either messy and inexperienced, or boring and uninteresting.
But, kissing a man of twenty two, who had been out and about in the word much longer than he had, and probably had twice the kissing experience as him, there was a definite difference. For one, usually there was the awkward âwhere do I put my handsâ part, but now, Gerard was holding one of them, and the other seemed to find an idyllic place on Gerardâs cheek. Then there was the kiss itself. Frank always thought kissing was way overrated, but now he understood what everyone celebrated about when they talked about kissing. Gerard bit at his lip, lapped at his tongue, and made everything feel amazing.
Unfortunately, Frank couldnât get the look of desperation out of his mind. That was the look he gets from girls when they want a rebound. This wasnât what Gerard needed. This wasnât really what he wanted either. Frank pulled away.
Gerardâs eyes were still closed, and a little smile on his face that quickly snapped away as he opened his eyes to look at Frank. Frank looked urgent and worried.
âGerard?â Frank asked, in an anxious tone as Gerard dropped his wrist and leaned back into place, âAre you okay?âÂ
Gerard shook his head no,Â
âLetâs just get home.â
Frank nodded slowly when Gerard glanced at him. He looked guilty and fearful to say the least.
Frank didnât make any attempts at conversation, and tried to not notice Gerard looking at him so much that it might have made it unsafe for him to drive. The radio had been turned up mid way through the ride, and Gerard was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the Led Zeppelin song blaring from the speakers.Â
Frank thought about things. Gerard had tried to kiss him before, most likely, and that probably meant he wanted it. But he was certainly hesitant about it, which meant there was something else on his mind. Gerard saw this as wrong. Of course he would, they were almost brothers, Gerard helped raise him for christâs sake. That kiss was just an act of desperation, and a moment of bad judgment after an emotional blow. He needed to keep things normal, not take it personally, and try to let Gerard heal. He just caught his girlfriend cheating on him, he was going to freak out. Frank couldnât be selfish about this, Gerard didnât need that.
They got home, stepped out of the truck. Frank made sure to quickly hop out before Gerard had time to walk over and help him out, hurting is ankles slightly while sticking the landing. They walked to the door. Gerard got out his key to unlock it, and as they stood there in the slightly warm summer night, Gerard spoke up.Â
âLook, Frank, Iâm sorry about tha-â
âItâs okay,â Frank interrupted, he could tell Gerard would be uncomfortable even talking about it, âI understand, you were stressed. She did a really shitty thing and you were confused and looking for comfort.â They were in now, and Gerard had walked over to the couched and sat down.
âIt was really shitty,â Gerard said, and he rested his forehead in his palms, leaning forward to prop his elbows on his knees.Â
Frank sat down next to him, and leaned in slightly. âI know, sheâs awful. She always has been, I never liked her. Sheâs hurt you and is a downright bitch all the time.â
Gerard was nearly at at tears now, âI knew this was coming, I knew she would do this, but I wasnât ready for it, yâknow?âÂ
Gerard vented about it some more, and Frank continued to comfort him. He told Frank that she basically started dating Gerard to piss off her parents, and Gerard knew he was fooling himself when he thought someone like her would really go for him. That part didnât surprize Frank, she knew that Brittany was a spiteful bitch.
Gerardâs head was in his lap after a while, and thatâs when Frankâs stomach growled.Â
âWe never did eat,â Gerard said, sitting up, and feeling a bit better.Â
âYeah, we should get something, or order something. I donât think you have anything here except yogurt and a box of stale saltens.âÂ
Frank got up, and walked into the kitchen to make sure, âwell, you do have a package of chicken Ramen, we could split it,â Frank said, waving the orange block in the air.Â
Gerard, standing up, smiled hidingly and shook his head, âsure, but then I think we should definitely go out.â
Gerard didnât have a lot of friends. The ones he did were usually from the trailer park. And due to this, the only place they could go for the night was Rayâs. Ray had a single trailer and hair like an 80âs metal God.
Ray answered the door as Gerard flicked his cigarette into the yard. âAye man, what up?â
âJust bored as fuck. Me and Frank were wondering if ya wanted to do something.â
Gerard sounded casual when he said this, and Ray mirrored his causality.
âYeah, sure, man. I heard that Bertâs having a get together with some chicks and booze, Good time, right man?â Ray scratched at his belly.Â
Gerard nodded and turned to Frank, âHow does Bertâs place sound?â Frank studied Gerardâs face. It was red and puffy, but he could feel the determination to have a good time he had. Gerard smiled at Frank, âHow âbout it?â
   Frank sat with his hands in his lap and his pants around his ankles. His body was taking a shit but his mind was elsewhere. He tried to stare down at the shitty little track phone his parents had provided for him, to wonder even further from his shit, past his psychological hang ups and now growing sexual frustration, thinking maybe something in the void of his phone would help him forget about these recent events. Frank paused and forgot to breathe, caught up in his own mind. He took a deep inhale, then realized the harsh smell of his own shit. He grounded himself to that moment of relieving himself and started to clean himself.Â
   The twitchy light radiating out of a bar of purple neon above Bertâs rust splotched mirror, Frank thought, was probably supposed to seem cool and sexy, but it was effectively depressing and stressful. Frank thought about the stagnant water that sits on bar soap, teeming with millions of germs. Frank felt gross. The fact of the matter is, the kiss Gerard had given him felt like everything he wanted and did not want, all at the same time. He knew he felt uncomfortable and uneasy now in the aftermath, but still, he could not stop him making a beeline directly to Gerard.Â
His friend was sitting on the couch, next to Bert, across a coffee table from Ray and Bob, who were lounging in mismatched swivel chairs. Bert seemed to only own swivel chairs and folding chairs outside of the couch. But, hey, it made for very easy smoke circles. There was a tapping of ash into an ashtray from a blunt. Bert drew in a hit of smoke began to talk as he exhaled.Â
âYâknow, guys, I was so pissed off at that point that I didnât realize it, but it turns out that the guy whose balls I kicked was totally the same guy that ripped me off when I bought coke off him a few months ago.â
And the guys laughed. Frank did not truly care about what pointless drug induced story Bert had to tell about the last time he went to a rave, because he was fixating on watching Gerard squint as he tried to hold back a smile while hitting the blunt. He watched as the other manâs lips squished together while his cheeks hollowed out from inhaling, and his throat relaxed in suit. The fixation only broke when Gerard handed over the blunt to him, and Frank made quick pace at snapping his eyes away as quickly as he could. He hit the blunt and held his smoke in for a moment, passing it to Ray. He looked up at Ray, who did look at him a bit weird, and he wondered if his off mood was noticeable. And it was probably pretty weird how he was staring at Gerard.
He started to go over the whole thing in his head again. The kiss, the aftermath, and then even further back. Little warning signs, dead giveaways that had been happening for at least since Gerard moved out on his own. But maybe he was overthinking it. Maybe it was all misdirected, just some sort of weird way of Gerard dealing with his pain? Maybe he was high, maybe he was popping pills again? Frankâs mind began to race and he chewed on his lip. Gerard had the blunt again.Â
At this point, Frank realized he hadnât exhaled. He turned to watch Gerard take his hit as he let out a thin veil of smoke. His cheeks hollow, throat relax. He took the blunt for his own hit once it was handed to him, and then passed it to Ray. He didnât look up this time, but instead counted to eight and exhaled, effectively grounding himself for a moment. He felt a bit high.
Bert was still talking, and now it occurred to him how engrossed in Bertâs stupid story telling Gerard was. His feet were pointing towards the man, his knees too, his whole body seemed to be focusing his energy on Bert. Frank had read somewhere that that meant that someone does that to the person they are most interested in. It really made Frank kinda sad that Gerard wasnât most interested in him. Frank chewed his lip more.Â
The thing about the kiss was how exciting it. It was kinda, super super weird, but it caused some adrenaline rush with him. Frank called himself gay a thousand times in his head by the time Gerard had the blunt again. And he could not get himself not to watch as his cheeks hollowed out and his throat relax. He was still staring when Gerard took a glance back at him, because faggot Frank forgot to reach out and grab the blunt. Gerard let out a single giggle, which made frank smile, blush a little, then look down. He was definitely high. He was almost paranoid, but his body felt too good to worry about the existential crisis. He dare not look up at Gerard, however, because that may make him lose his chil.Â
And then part time asshole: Bert McCracken butt in with a, âHey, Gerard, you thirst?,â and when Gerard nodded a yes, and Bert called him out to go to the Kitchen with him, Frank could finally look up and assess the situation. He watched the two men walk into the kitchen through the opening in the counter, observing them as they bent down to reach into apparent coolers on the floor through those weird pillars all the trailers seemed to have under the arch of the oven counter. He saw them turn to each other and speak, Bert probably cracking a one liner. Frankâs friendâs head was cut off by the wall, but it seemed that he was laughing for a while. At then, Bert cut his gaze to Frank, giving him the scariest shark-like grin with those wide, passionate eyes, and high-off-his-ass Frank could read his mind, and knew that look meant âgo get âem, tiger.â Frank revelled in the adrenaline and theatrics of it all. He hyperventilated, and then took a deep breath as they walked back.Â
Gerard was clearly stoned, too, and reached out his arm lamely for a while before peaking to offer the younger man a beer. It was actually a hard lemonade, and Frank smiled because he knew that Gerard remembered that Frank could barely handle the taste of beer, even if the man forgot to speak. Frank grabbed it, and beamed a big corny smile up at Gerard. He looked into the distance while judging himself on his actions as Gerard sat down. Frank twisted the cap off, sipped. Bert came to focus in the foreground. The smile! Frank choked slightly on his beer and set it onto the faded, rhomboid shaped wood and glass coffee table. He felt a tremor of excitement quake over him as he turned to look at Gerard, red faced and staring into space, and thought of how to make his move.Â
It was probably no more than thirty seconds after the fact, maybe less, but Frank muttered out loud a melodic, âThanks for remembering,â in the most relaxed voice he could force. Gerard nodded and tucked his hair behind his ear, and then straightened his body out to sit rigid and condensed, like an insecure fat girl. Frank coninued to ponder what move to make as he began to chug away at his beer. He eventually wondered if Bert would give further inclination as to what to do, but he seemed to be attempting to burn Bob with his Bic lighter, and ray stood up and leaned over to blow out the flame for a squirming and drunk Bob. He smiled at it, and then watched a bunch of Juggolos across the room take shots off the back of a fat girls thighs. He remembered and decided when he saw Gerard lean back a little, feeling how his weight shifted from his knees to his hips. Frank swung both his legs over Gerardâs lap in unison. He remembered before Bert took him to get drinks, Gerard was sitting almost on the opposite side of the couch; they were lined up with the coffee table when they first sat down. Something Bert did must have made Gerard sit closer, and that was his opportunity. Frank straightened his back against the arm of the ugly plaid couch. Trying to sit pretty, he closed his eyes, and then would only look down until he was sure Gerard wasnât going to completely pull away. He went the warmth of the other boyâs lap burning so hot, it was a pleasurable sting. A calm wonderful sensation spread over him, like a painkiller and mild ecstasy. He let out a cathartic breath, Gerard wasnât going to be disturbed by this, at the very least. So, he looked up and at him.Â
Gerards mouth was agape, but the rest of his face looked gladdened. Frank felt so excited and turned on a little; he stretched his feet out, pointing his toes. Gerard smiling at him, cocking his head, the hair on one side falling out from behind his ear. Frankâs heart swelled, and he nervously looked back at the guys to see if they were watching. However, it seemed Bert was keeping them all busy with a charade of gags and jokes. So, focus back at Gerard, who was gleaming his little teeth at the Stucco ceiling, his back arching. Hot ambience hung in the air around the two.
The blunt went out half way, but everyone was a little drunk, so no harm done. âHey, hey, hey,â Bert exclaimed, separating and distracting the two other boys from some commotion he had started, âGuys? Werenât we smoking?,â He picked up the blunt again and lit it up. The circle started up again.Â
Alas, now they were drunk, and also getting higher! Frank looked over at his friend. Gerard was drinking Four Loko. Frank, drunk off one hard lemonade, thought it was a great idea to reach his hands out and make a âgrabby-handâ gesture. He saw that bitch Gerard used to date do the same thing when they would drink, so he did it. Gerard smiled down at Franks shines in the obvious way someone tried to hide a smile, and handed the beverage to Frank. He suddenly snapped his eyes up at the younger man, giving him a knowing smile, watching him hesitate at the other manâs expression. Frank took an audible gulp, and gingerly handed the can back to Gerard. Gerard kept an intense eye contact with the younger man as he drank at it again. D
