Ranking the Driving of CP2077 NPCs
Based on my experiences getting in the passenger seat next to my friends and allies across all these hours playing Cyberpunk 2077, I feel equipped to judge them on their driving skills or lack thereof, scripted and unscripted. For context, every time someone offered to drive me somewhere, I always said "yes" first out of laziness, but then out of horror, because I had to document proof that some of Night City's finest should never have been allowed on the road.
Not listed: People who drove me while I was in the backseat because I usually didn't know their face or name, e.g. Dexter DeShawn's driver or the Peralezes' driver. Important characters only, basically.
Jackie: 10/10 Got me home safely, apologized for scratching my car up during a gunfight, borrowed my car for a date, and delivered it back unscathed in the morning and because he paid for the damages to be fixed overnight without me asking. He's a real one. In honor of Jackie and to repay our peaceful trips together, I always make sure his ARCH remains scratch- and accident-free.
Judy: 9/10 Even when she was worried out of her mind trying to find Evelyn, she gave me a pretty unremarkable trip experience, which honestly puts her in the highest tier. Probably the best you can hope for in an NC driver is someone who can drive safely while in the middle of a crisis, because that's all the time.
Reed: 8/10 Genuinely a pretty good driver, just fucking slow as hell, but I guess I can't blame him for that in the super narrow streets of Dogtown.
Takemura: 7/10 Did his best while a bunch of assassins were shooting at us. Crashed the car into a very obvious billboard support to kill the guy on the car's hood, however it did nearly flatline us both when we were already in critical condition, so I can't give him full marks. That said, he saved my life and kept me alive while we were being chased by said assassins, then delivered me to a ripperdoc and helped carry me while he was also bleeding out. He also somehow managed to mostly stay in the correct lane while driving backwards down a curving road (!) just so I could have easier aim at a motorcyclist behind us. (I have mixed emotions on this: I'd understand wanting to brag that you can do that, but I think when we're already both full of bullet holes, it may not be the best time to show off.) So overall, his judgment skills range from excellent to questionable in a crisis. But we did have a much more pleasant, relaxed drive on our second trip together going to see Wakako, so with those two extremes, he weirdly averages out to probably be one of the most normal drivers in the city.
Nancy/Bes: 6.5/10 A lovely ride that would've been better if she hadn't "tapped" me at the end after letting me out. I give her a small pass because it was the middle of the night and I had just rescued her from a two-day stint in a Maelstrom hideout, so who knows what kind of fumes she'd been exposed to.
Delamain: 6/10 I mean, as drives go it was fine, but I'm knocking points off for not letting me change the route to stop at a goddamn doctor when my friend was bleeding out. I should be able to trust my driver to change routes to make the right decision for passengers in unexpected or urgent scenarios, which Delamain's service will not or cannot provide. As it runs its own business, it has more autonomy over itself than most AI, so I feels like it should install an emergency stop/rerouting mechanic somewhere in its programming.
River: 5/10 Technically never hurt anyone and he does obey the rules of the road, but I'm not sure which I'm more fearful of, his bad luck or his baffling judgment. Every time I ride with this guy to chase down a new lead, he somehow finds a car crash, shootout, or some other sort of jam on the road, drives slowly up to it, and then stops to gawk at it for several minutes, both hands at ten and two, glaring at the problem through the windshield as if that will make it wrap up faster... when he could, I dunno, turn right and drive slightly around it instead? The bad luck isn't his fault, but trips with him don't make for a pleasant experience.
Panam: 4/10 Her overall success rate getting me to and from places safely is very high... at least in the Badlands when there's no traffic around. As a streetkid, I would certainly trusts her driving skills over mine in the desert. However I know I cannot trust her in the city around other cars, because when we first met she drove STRAIGHT into my parked, newly fixed car, shoving it backwards onto the sidewalk without pausing at all. Then she looked right at me as if to say "What are you gonna do about it, bitch?" Still haven't forgiven her for that. So it's probably for the best Panem went back to the Aldecaldos, because she can't be trusted in a dense, urban lane.
Claire: 3/10 Guilty of several hit-and-runs, and I don't just mean the illegal street racing. Ran me over while dropping me off twice. I can forgive one time, but twice is a pattern as far as I'm concerned; I don't believe in third chances. She also shamelessly knocked over some pedestrians, so I know it was her, not me. I can see why she wanted me behind the wheel for our races so at least she's self-aware.
Kerry: 2/10 Like Panem, he is also guilty of crashing into my parked car when picking me up to go somewhere, yet unlike Panem, he did so while "borrowing" someone else's car while on a mission to blow up a third one. @skys-metro has also shown me he's guilty of crashing HIS OWN fancy Aerondight as soon as he leaves Denny's mansion, every time. Y'know, that car he specifically asked Rayfield to manufacture for him, of which there are only four in the city? As I've established above, twice is a pattern in my book. Johnny is correct not to trust Kerry behind the wheel, but I'd add an addendum: Do not ever trust this guy with any vehicle in any context whatsoever.
Rogue: 1/10 Absolutely fucking abysmal. Now I see why Rogue plants her ass in the Afterlife and lets work come to her, because her license not only needs to be revoked immediately but she needs to be on a billboard about public safety hazards. Not only did she crash several time into various railings and support poles, but at one point she drove in circles at 70mph for about five minutes and then chased down other cars on the road just to slam into them (including a police car but tbf that was just funny). Could she have just been getting some pent-up anger out of her system on the way to track down Grayson? Sure, I get that, but leave me out of it, old woman! Her gaze was ice cold and her hands were completely steady, but I felt the heat from the fires of Rome burning just beyond our fragile windshield. Not even using the "Skip Ride" feature would let me escape this madness, because it just teleported our car somewhere else, with her still behind the wheel, still glaring at every other car on the road as she rammed them so hard their hoods came off. Poor V was trapped in a never-ending, unwilling game of bumper cars from hell that Rogue was playing with herself, so eventually I had to pull a divine intervention and reload an earlier save (Guess what: Rogue STILL drove like a maniac the second time, but at least this time "Skip Ride" actually worked). Some footage of this godforsaken drive has been saved and shown below, because my V wanted to record her possible last moments and warn people of this terror in the streets in case she didn't make it out alive.
So there you have it: I nominate Rogue as Worst Driver in Night City, which is not a decision I take lightly, as there are a lot of contenders.
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