hi! first time ever requesting for anyone so sorry if this is a bit awkward…
can u write feitan x reader where they had crushes on eachother as kids and found eachother as adults?
sorry if it weird 💔😭
hellaurrrr
i got you, and don’t worry—this isn’t weird at all, esp for hxh stuff (half of it is “what if i ran into this murderer in real life and they liked me???!!?” 😭) imma give you the cold, canon-grounded version tho, bc i'm sure we all know feitan’s not exactly the type to grow up into a soft romance guy😬
SO here’s what’s actually realistic for him + reader in that setup:
FEITAN PORTOR X READER CHILDHOOD CRUSH → ADULT REUNION (HEADCANONS)
listen, chat, i feel like feitan’s one of those characters who’s super easy to water down into “cold but secretly soft bf”
but girl... canon feitan… isn’t like that.
he’s:
antisocial, blunt, sadistic, and pragmatic. like, bro, he doesn’t even speak much with the troupe, let alone outsiders
lowk a bitch
when he does talk, it’s short, sarcastic, and usually mean
he does have loyalty, but like it’s tied to the troupe, not sentimentality
SO if we’re talking “childhood crush reunion”… here’s the actually feitanic (LOL. FEITANIC) version:
childhood:
imma bfr, feitan probably didn’t process “crush” the way most kids did. he might’ve stuck close to you because you were competent, interesting, or simply tolerated him (lowk could NOT be me). that was as close as he got to “liking"
he wouldn’t have admitted to liking anyone. but maybe, in his way, he’d show preference, like walking with you, not insulting you like a bitch like he did others, and/or sharing things without saying shi
years later (as an adult in the troupe):
sorry guys, but if he ran into you again, it wouldn’t be a “heart eyes” moment. like, he’d recognize you instantly but keep his face unreadable (bc he's feitan😭😭)
i'm ngl, he’d test your intentions before acknowledging anything personal. to him, you’re either a threat, a liability, or someone who can still stand in his world (and like, not die or whatever)
nostalgia wouldn’t make him sweet or warm or soft or gooey or whatever—if anything, it’d make him more cautious, because tbh to this bitch sentiment = weakness (like ok girl...)
interaction style:
short, barbed sentences: “hn. still alive.” “tch. stupid.” (like, think: the shi he says in the animanga itself...)
he wouldn’t reminisce or entertain talk about childhood. if you brought it up, he’d cut it off regardless of who u are
BUTTTT the fact that he doesn’t walk away? that’s ur tell
instead of affection, he shows tolerance (which is a big deal for him). think: letting you hang around, not threatening you, maybe defending you if someone else crossed a line (my hero🥹)
romantic potential:
i don't get the girlies and/or the gays who romanticize him, bc he’s not built for “romance” in the traditional sense. if anything, it’d be a relationship that's nearly all silence, lowk mean humor, and subtle gestures that only happen every once in a while
he wouldn’t confess, ever. if you pushed, tho, you’d get something indirect at best—“if I didn’t want you here, you’d be gone.” that’s as close to “i like you” as he gets (poor u😭. unless ur into that. in that case, go crazy!)
any softness or whatnot would be behind closed doors and tiny (like him...). things like patching a wound without comment, or watching you longer than necessary
I'M SORRY. but this is the cold truth:
the fantasy of “childhood crushes reunited” doesn’t fit feitan much if at all
he's not the type who romanticizes the past, and he doesn’t carry torch-like feelings. sorry not sorry guys
FOR THE SAKE OF THE HC THO, if it worked, it’d be because you accept that his affection is going to look like scorn, tolerance, and silent protection, NOT warmth
soooooo yeah: if you’re imagining a feitan who’s like “we were kids, i liked you all along”… that’s just not him, chat
i think that if we're honest w ourselves, we know well that feitan doesn’t do longing or nostalgia
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