i'm sick af right now but I just wanted to do a quick update for those who've supported the #publishcaloy movement. Last year, I've sent out countless query letters to a couple publishers to no avail in most cases but in one. One of the many publishing houses I sent an e-mail to thankfully responded. However, it was to tell me that their line-up of books to be published last year was full and so they had asked me to get back to them early this year to try again. So I did just that. I waited as I worked on other projects...
and then, with reinvigorated hopes, the new year came. Some time this month, I had J print out(being that he lives near a piso-print shop) and ship this couple-hundred paged document to that publishing house 'cause they want hard-copy submissions.
i still have no clue whether the house I sent it to would love my book enough to publish it. But even then, again, I just want to thank everyone who's ever extended their love and support and kindness trying to make this dream happen, J being the first. Whether it be through direct assistance or through long-distance prayers, each one I truly cherish.
thank you thank you thank you all of you!!!!
here's to hoping this publisher which I admire and respect which I won't name yet will take what I've put my heart and soul into and grant it its wings! 👼🏼
Before anything, I want to thank J for taking me to see this movie with him.
I cannot promise that I would be able to suppress myself from mentioning spoilers so if you have yet to see it, you should leave this post now, see the film for yourself, and then perhaps return.
Where to even begin? I guess I'll start from the surface then work my way to the core. The movie was a spectacle. Easily one of the most visually-stimulating films I've ever seen. The colors. The nice touch of vignette. It was unfortunate that there are a few moments I had to miss because of my bladder. I wouldn't have missed a blink if I had helped myself.
Ryan Gosling's portrayal of Sebastian was nothing short of charming. But Emma Stone. What a vision. What a performance. The dynamic between the two leading actors vibrated across the cinema but damn was it such a challenge to take my eyes off of Emma, as Mia. Just so magnetic.
The music. I cannot even. Prior to seeing the film, I had streamed the soundtrack and my ears were so glued to it that I was able to sing along one of the songs by the word. It took me to such a journey of emotions that had me smiling for so long, reduced me to tears, had me burst in amazement, and left me in states of calm.
There wasn't much dialogue but not too many words needed to be spoken. Everything else spoke clearly for itself. Anyone who's ever dreamed will relate to the story. But personally, I resonated almost too much with Mia because the resemblance of our stories is unquestionably uncanny. She is an aspiring actress/artist/writer who dropped out of Law school to pursue what she really wanted to be, working a skilled job to sustain herself. I am an artist/writer who also dropped out of school which I attended for my mom who wanted me to be a lawyer, worked a skilled job to sustain myself, in pursuit of almost the same artist dreams. I also have an aunt who's dearest to me, living in Paris, who would tell me stories of her travels. Also, one of the musical numbers felt like it was written after me(City of Stars) with J calling me his galaxy and all. And we're both skinny.
La La Land is a masterpiece. I could just feel how much passion and love was put into its creation. It's not like just one of those films that I'd see only to be entertained(which it masterfully did so). It captivated me to my very fibre and sang to my soul. It transcended the screen took me to the divine. I walked out of the theatre with J, shook, as though disoriented from so much flying.
It's only been days in after the tumultuous year that was 2016 and for a moment, upon seeing the movie, it felt as though all was redeemed.
See it. And see it now (posted on fb: 01/25/17)
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Here's photos of me and J enjoying cheap trills last weekend we visited one of our favorite cities ever, the nice la la land of Alabang, where I used to go to school.
J and I and my sibs went to see SEKLUSYON + on Christmas day and what an Xmas treat that was. Seeing just one of the entries from the revamped Metro Manila Film Festival (MMFF) Official made me already so happy and I was just itching to see the rest. Fast forward post-New Year's, this time only with J, we saw Die Beautiful and Sunday Beauty Queen .
I will not spoil anybody of the magic of the films we've seen but I will say what each film had left us to be as we exited the theatres: Seklusyon had me and J and my sibs talk about it from the time we had went out the building, to the sidewalks we navigated through to get home, under the roofs we live in, and to this day almost each time we remember the film; the same goes for the two other films; Die Beautiful had us in laughter and tears; Sunday Beauty Queen had us in laughter and if more scenes had made it out of the editing room, cinema could have been flooded.
It is more inspiring to be an artist now more than ever. For the first time in several years in the recent history of MMFF, I feel that we had finally gotten more than what we had paid for the tickets. It was iconic. And if MMDA continues from this renewed path and progress from it in the coming years, I will look forward to the festival with curiosity, excitement, and gratitude.
We hope to see the rest of the entries but even after seeing only 3 so far, we were already in bliss! Also, it wasn't included in the festival but I'd like to specially mention Patintero: Ang Alamat ni Meng Patalo! That one was iconic too!
I urge everyone and their tribes to go to your cinemas and see all of them now! It's beyond worth it!
Mabuhay ang sining ng bayang pinagmulan! Salamat MMDA and salamat sa mga tumangkilik!
The past year was not a lot of people would deem as their favorite. There's been so much tension brought about by politics. Anger and hatred seemed to have lingered overhead that cast what felt like a year-long shadow. A lot of stars from the unknown to the most popular have gone and risen to the sky. All of which have been amplified as we are in the age where social media seems almost impossible to escape from. But in light of all this, here are a few things I've learned by observing and reflecting in silence with J:
1. Listen to understand
Even from outside the circle where all these wars go on, it's been sad and exhausting to just even witness how too few of the members I see as this dysfunctional family that is mankind throw mud against each other, only resting when a lit meme surfaces, appear incapable of actually listening. Too many only listen just to reply and not to understand. Too many demanding for justice without intention to forgive as though justice can only be served with murder and hate. I understand why all this is so. But even then, if we continue this cycle, will we make it to where we truly want to be? That plateau where balance is restored and therefore, peace?
I don't claim I have all the answers but I think two parties at war can start meeting each other halfway by listening to understand each other.
Some fella you're debating against believes people who commit a certain crime deserve nothing but death while you think we can do better than that? Listen to your fam why they believe so. Understand where they're coming from. Communicate. Empathize. And with respect, share your take on it. Connect. Is it really necessary to tell the one you're talking to that they're stupid for disagreeing with you? If anything, I think that only drives both parties away from each other. Come on fam, you know that's not cool, dont u?
I get that, so many things have happened that are upsetting, enraging. I've been guilty of doing and saying those things I'm learning not to do anymore too. But u know, like what JK Rowling tweeted, "Rage is to righteousness as certainty is to wisdom. Constantly mistaken for each other, they're hardly ever in the same room." Idk if how I've put that puts 2 and 2 together but it makes a lot of sense in my head and I believe you can make a lot of sense out of that too. I believe in u
And speaking of parties, can't we work on this thing about our egos that urges us to separate ourselves from each other? So as to put an end to these "parties" we've included ourselves into as if we're not all on the same planet, inevitably in need of each other to survive, and maybe to even hopefully thrive?
2. Love Yourself
"If you don't love yourself, how the hell r u gon love somebody else? Can I get an amen?"
This one's a pretty simple concept, I think. Something magical happens once you've learned to truly love yourself, I believe. Part of that magic is that you radiate what you've instilled in yourself. So then, the love you radiate will attract love and together produces love. I believe that would also apply when what you have within you is hate. So love. And let's start with ourselves.
3. Kindness
And to cap it all off, if the two aforementioned are applied, kindness happens. And then respectful communication. And then disagreements. But also agreements. And maybe this time, in this way, we can actually make it to where I hope where we all want to be. A safe community that stands on a foundation of respect and love.
The way that discourses have been handled generally for the past year did not take us to that peak of balance, at least on a global scale. And this cycle has gone on for centuries before that. Perhaps it's time to reevaluate our methods and to try another way. One that is kinder.
But again, kindness to others begins with being kind to yourself.
Bonus lesson 2016 has reminded me of several times, is that it is all fleeting. Such is life. And on that note, along with 2016 itself, bye and thank you to the good people who bid goodbye this year(shoutout to Miriam Defensor-Santiago, i love you) and the not so good too who have at least taught us lessons to work with in terms of knowing what does and doesn't work. And as for the rest of us still alive, it truly is up to us now to fight to make this world better. I mean, that's if you wanna be part of restoring the balance of the force(shoutout to Carrie Fisher, luv u too).
Again, I know this is all easier said than done. But I believe they can be done.
I hope we can all heal together by planting good seeds this 2017 more than just weeding out grass. And for the rest of the years
Sending love and salamat,
Calo
P.S. I wouldn't take this as gospel. This is all merely ideas and revelations that came to one kid or two, realizing in silence
"I thought you liked being a boy." Said J in the middle of one conversation we've had some time ago.
I answered with certainty to his confusion that I've long understood. I told him that I did and I do love my boyhood. Throughout the time we've been together, I would send him pictures from magazines of boys and maybe even girls wearing clothing that a lot of people would consider strictly for women. I'd then say something along the lines of "look how pretty their clothes are" or "I'm gonna wear this when I can afford it" or "I think I might make this dress myself I think it'll look cool on me". He was approving naman and he would even encourage me. And then I started wearing a few of what I told him I was going to. And I guess only then did the confusion really hit him because there I was, a kid who told him he loves his boyhood, wearing a choker.
So I further explained. The thing is, while most people see gender among clothing, I think I never really did. When I was much younger, I would even take some things from my mom's wardrobe and sport them myself. I would also go to the "For Her" section of boutiques, not really minding the labels, just what I was drawn to, whether it be in perfumes or clothes. When I was much much younger also, I was blessed enough to have had a dad who would take me and my sibs not only to the "For Boys" aisles of toys but also where the pink stuff were, allowing us the choice to either get barbies or racecars, regardless of the world's common traditional sense of gender.
When I look at pants or skirts, I don't see genitals(not that the genitalia is always what determines the person's respective gender, if the person does identify to any).
To me, I see clothes, period. Whether you choose to subscribe to the old age traditional labelling of clothing or not, cool. I personally don't subscribe to that social structure that I didn't partake in creating.
I do love my boyhood. My bitchin handle is 'riverboycaloy', fam. I guess I'm just saying that the clothes I wear have nothing to do with my gender, if I do identify. And also, so if you catch me in the streets wearing either a Michael Cinco gown or a Kakaslok tux, you would no longer be shook, only hopefully because of how suave I looked in either.
Oh, and J totally gets it now.
Sending love and thanks,
caloy
P.s
oh and happy rizal day, everyone! Luv u Rizal! 🇵🇭
(posted on fb: 12/30/16) #photosbyj #riverboycaloy #caloy #rizalday
