find me where the wild things are — ♥

DAISY LUCILLE APPLEBAUM — 25. Your resident fashion designer, vagina owner, and bitch to the retail establishment. 🐍 💃🏽 🐝

[mrsgrumpygills]

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

TEXTS 📲 DOTTIE

LOTTIE: Can you hear my heart breaking from your room?

LOTTIE: I mean, they are stacked soooooo. Lmao YIKES sucks for the girl whose name I've already forgotten. Can I bang her to her senses or would that be a big soulmateship nono?

DAISY: I can, it sounds like I should make you pancakes in the morning to make up for this emotional turmoil.

DAISY: They may be stacked, but I can guarantee I look better naked than they do, so???? No comparison, let's be real. Bang my sister or bang Juniper? Because I'm gonna have to say no to former, and for you to do whatever you like the the latter but remember she was nice enough to buy us dinner tonight.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

TEXTS 📲 DOTTIE

LOTTIE: I MEAN if we know we're going to make out every time we get drunk then why do we wait until we're drunk? I'm just saying Daze, but I feel like we're missing out on some golden opportunity here.

LOTTIE: Please, I know damn well how jealous you are of my sugar daddies xoxo. LMAO well at least she knows she's not straight now? Poor girl was in denial and it broke my already dead heart.

DAISY: Life, my dude ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

DAISY: Your sugar daddies can't hold a candle to me and they know it. It's Marisol. Liberace and Elton John could come banging on her door with a membership card to the LGBT+ Club and she'd just wiggle her way back into the closet along with that one crime boss's son from Kim Possible.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

TEXTS 📲 DOTTIE

LOTTIE: Are you just assuming we're going to make out again on your birthday?

LOTTIE: Listen, I spent the majority of my teenage years banging grown men who rarely came less than 15 minutes in. I'm used to some quality fucking. UM then why didn't you cockblock the very naive girl who fucked your straight sister? For shame. I don't think "a mouth is a mouth" applies to most women.

DAISY: ?????? are you telling me we're not? Fuck man, I might just have to cancel my birthday then. You'll have to break this news to Tessa, we're going to completely skip over age 26.

DAISY: That's because their viagra couldn't sustain them that long. It was Marisol's birthday, who am I to keep her from getting some grade A ladybits? A horrible sister, that's who I'd be.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

TEXTS 📲 DOTTIE

LOTTIE: LMAO Daisy, I'm pretty sure I'd like the taste of coffee if I were drunk and making out with you.

LOTTIE: That's not random, sweetie. Those are men that seek out your fine ass, none of which were at the party last night. At least, I hope not. You really need to work on your secrecy game if that were the case. DAISY you're not allowed to cockblock me if you're not banging me wtf

DAISY: Remind me to buy coffee-flavored chapstick before my birthday

DAISY: THE FACT STILL REMAINS five minutes is more than enough time to get your rocks off with a rando. My secrecy is A+ material, idk what you're talking about. It was my sister's party, I have the right to cockblock any pretty girls I want to. Thems are the rules, sorry!

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

TEXTS 📲 DOTTIE

LOTTIE: This is simultaneously relieving and disappointing, wtf Daisy.

LOTTIE: I might be good at seduction and all, but not even I can randomly find someone to wham/bam/thank you ma'am all in the span of five minutes. Especially not in the same room with you, since everyone thinks we're dating.

DAISY: I'M SORRY but if it's any consolation i'm p sure i made out like eight compliments about you liking the taste of my lipstick, so that's a reminder i'm keeping

DAISY: Five minute wham/bam/thank you ma'ams helped keep a roof over my head during college so idk what kind of lies these are. I'm resting assured in the knowledge that CP knows not to fingerbang you when I'm within earshout though, way to go CP

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

texts || marisy

MARISOL: i'm rolling my eyes sooooooooOOOooOoOO far back in my head tbh

MARISOL: applebash, i love it omfg

MARISOL: no lie, i had a great time

MARISOL: i think bc i can't remember much

DAISY: love you too xoxoxox

DAISY: i'm labeling every party either held by or for an applebash from now on

DAISY: I'M HONESTLY SO HAPPY

DAISY: if you remembered it, then that means the rest of us didn't do something right

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

TEXTS 📲 DOTTIE

LOTTIE: we didn't fuck did we? that'd be awkward bc i always imagined i'd be sober for that

DAISY: Hate to break it to you, but your clitoris remained unstimulated last night. At least by me, I did turn my back for like five minutes to talk to Mari so idk who might've gotten into your pants then.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

keeganwilde:

Oh joy, a piece of paper that dictates my entire life. Can’t wait to get that. 

Never realized how fucked the educations system was until now.

Pieces of paper are always going to dictate people’s lives, this one just happens to cost more than the GDP of some small countries. 

Nah, it’s a complete mess. One of the eight hundred reasons why Scandanavia puts us to shame.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

TEXTS 📲 DOTTIE

LOTTIE: I will neither confirm now deny that. Kay, well you have some bras that have never made their ways out of my room so make sure you grab those before taking inventory.

LOTTIE: You were staring at my nipples all night, weren't you?

DAISY: Such a kind soul for the reminder.

DAISY: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i actually would've remember being annoyed if i had to get it off and i'm drawing a blank, so we'll call it an educated guess

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

jettzaher

You are my kind of girl.

I’m everyone’s kind of girl, this isn’t surprising.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

juniebmotta:

Oh, okay! That would be awesome, thank you so much!!! I.. don’t actually think I have a ride home? Do you think you could take me? I’ll treat you and your roommate to some food for saving me ❤️

You’ve got it. Normally I’d say you don’t have to worry about dinner, but my roommate would gut me in my sleep if I said no. Be there shortly. 

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

juniebmotta:

I know, I know. It’s pretty busy, so I don’t know? The nurse who got my vitals and what not said that it’s almost definitely broken so that is so fun. Oh, are you sure?? I don’t want you to feel obligated to just because I helped you guys out!! It was really no big deal.

Darlin’, I wouldn’t be offering if I felt obligated to. I’m just saying, you did something nice for us so I can do something reasonably nice for you. I’ll drag my roommate along with me and she can harass nurses while you tell me how you hit yourself with a controller, it’ll be a great time.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

TEXTS 📲 DOTTIE

LOTTIE: I distinctly remember wanting to take it off so??? But I was wasted so who even knows if I just wasn't assuming you were wearing one.

LOTTIE: ..I don't even remember if I was wearing a bra.

DAISY: ????? You've wanted to take off my bra when I'm fresh out of the shower and in nothing but a towel, this tells me nothing. I'll take inventory and see if I have any missing, and if I do I'll commit a town-wide search for it.

DAISY: You weren't wearing one tho, I do remember that.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

juniebmotta:

I smacked myself! In the nose!! With my controller!!! Because I got scared, but the joke is on me because I’m even more scared being at the hospital by myself.

Well, that was a silly thing to do. How long is the ER going to hold you? I feel like I owe you one for helping us with Marisol’s party yesterday, so if you need someone to come down there and keep you company, I’m not doing anything.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

keeganwilde:

I suddenly remember why I chose against college before. Exams have been kicking my ass hardcore and I feel like I don’t want to do anything at all. Give me a reason not to just give up right now.

Because if you give up now, you won’t get an $80,000 piece of paper out of the deal that you’ve already funneled however much into. Keep at it to spite the system that makes us pay to become educated.

[daisyapplebaum-blog]

juniebmotta:

So.. if somebody could come and forcibly remove Outlast from my hard drives, that would be great. I’m a wimp and well aware of it, but does that stop me from playing it alone in my room with my blackout curtains drawn? No, no it does not. All that being said, I’m now sitting in the waiting room with a very swollen nose and failing at holding back tears. I’ve never been to the ER alone and it is TERRIFYING.

What’d you do to land yourself in the ER, baby boo?