Understanding the Self: A Continuous Function
Looking back at my previous blog entries, I realized I’ve already become a different person. With the change in my bioecological systems, this was more than expected. My microsystem, my source of stability, went from my family who will always have my back to my friends who I have come to depend on ever since I moved from Cebu to Manila. I also experienced a great change in my macrosystem since I am now a part of a different field. Before moving here, I feared that I would be discriminated for my regional background which determined my values and beliefs and even my preferred language. But, it was a pleasant surprise to meet people that saw me for who I am instead of where I am from.
This hybrid identity I have formed in my short stay here has been cultivated by my exposure to Tagalog instead of Bisaya, to Manileños instead of Cebuanos, and to more liberalist and Western ideologies instead of the conservative and religious ideologies I was raised upon. Although different people and views have impacted me during my stay here, this does not necessarily mean that my identity has been compromised because I am both open-minded and resolute on my core values and purpose. This, in turn, has led to me taking advantage of new opportunities that were not available to me in Cebu.
My new goal then is to make the most of my stay here in the Ateneo. I truly believe that the only things in life we regret are the things we never even bother to try. But since I’m the type of person who feels joy when I’m successful, it is conversely true that I’m the type of person who feels sad when I fail. This is rooted in my desire to make my loved ones proud because it was me who decided to come and study here. I could have stayed at home but I wanted to fulfill my potential. My greatest fear then is to disappoint the people I love because of this choice I made. But, I’ve realized that doing my best here is already more than enough. My only competition should be myself because I’m a work in progress and I’m in constant need of improvement. I understand now that I should grow at my own pace, organically.
In my current excursion into adulthood, I am still developing my sense of self and morality through self-exploration and social interactions. My parents made me who I am but I can more clearly see my unique distinctiveness from them because of our separation. Because of healthy individuation, I can be who I am and still feel connected to them. I also used to be someone reliant on the opinions of others. But now, I value real and meaningful relationships over one-sided friendships. I think that I have adjusted well enough to Ateneo because I am growing and learning while I remember and honor my roots.
To conclude, my habitus may have affected how I perceive this new life I have but it hasn’t kept me from living it. Intersectionality labels the privileges or forms of oppression we feel. But, I think that these labels are restrictions. We are more than our capital. We are more than the discrimination we are victims of. We are human beings who are constantly changing throughout the course of life. Understanding the self is an exercise for the youth and for the aged. True self-realization can only come from a critical analysis of the person we currently are and the person we can still become.