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BEEF 25 KCMO Alive, and still kickin it LeenBeef 2kforever

[dalezdeadbug]

“And the days come when we no longer feel”

“What we loved was not enough

but kiss it quick and rise again”

[dalezdeadbug]

Slaughterhouse

I do miss my old bedroom, and the happiness it provided.

The Slaughterhouse will live on again one day.

[dalezdeadbug]

Sounds will mend me this broken winter

And always the memory of meeting the most admirable in my mind

When hearing sounds of the sun and hope and light, we will ride far and wide and into the country side; fucked up and free.

It’s all I want. All the darkness turned to light with the presence of the only one(s) that will understand

Camped out underneath a million burnt out suns and then some

Looking out at dead and newborn light

Our darkest dreams and best nightmares shared in the dark stationary car, the only sound through the silence being that of our emotional/excited breath, heard between words and labored sighs, parked out in the middle of nowhere, suburbia still though, but not always there. There are so many places still to cross and land with the right ones

I will beat this, I’ll survive. I’ve lost myself, but I’ll pull through. If I’ve done it before, that was by luck, and not by will. That is subject to change. Everything will change.

I am free, and I always have been. I am the one that holds back, every time.

I’ve lost myself, but I’ll be back. I’m on my way.

I’ve been selfish, stubborn and unwilling.

Soon we’ll be riding old desolate roads with silos and water towers in view, memories of grown up farms withering away but still standing strong and stolid

We’ll find the hope. We’ll find the way.

I’ll be back. Never forget

The best parts of solidarity, and the most unbearable yet irrational loneliness, surrounded by everything all at once, everything you’ve ever known and then some, surrounded by potential and possibility and watching life be born all around in every possible way

We’ll all be okay.

[dalezdeadbug]

Weewooseewoo AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[dalezdeadbug]

I’ve had weird thoughts plaguing my mind lately- like all of my past romantic encounters* with people and tbh some of that is really traumatizing.

*encounters that occurred post November of 2016.

[dalezdeadbug]

rly want to out a predator but also scared of backlash

rly don't want backlash but don't want predator to prey on other women

rly wish I wasn't involved but here I am

anyway, guess I'll start here.

joe lusk of kcmo (works at the riot room I believe) is a predator.

I know first hand.

[dalezdeadbug]

I'm doing much better now everyone. I'm sorry for everyone that I've ever hurt. Made a long post but then Tumblr fuckn crashed on me so here it is short and sweet:

Mydepression and social anxiety are largely under control, I feel happy or at least content and hopeful most days now

I've changed my mindset and my toxic, negative behavior and demeanor

I didn't end up killing myself or institutionalizing myself last year or the year before, and now all of that is finally paying off because now I enjoy living.

I saw Davey and Emily one last time before they moved, which was a couple of months after I started to feel ok with everything that's happened and accept responsibility for my actions

I am finally in a really happy and loving and healthy relationship with somebody that I love and who shares an almost identical personality and sense of humor as mine.

Im still so sorry for everyone I have hurt. I will not beg forgiveness, but I do hope that each and every one of you can find peace in however I negatively impacted you.

Please Be Well everyone. ✌️

[davidbyrnesounds]

Visit Original Link

Requested by @barton-fink

[dalezdeadbug]

@pickledotdump

[dalezdeadbug]

When our light is off Clara's light is the light The moonlight In the dark ~~~~~~~~~~~~~drunk hot n tired

[dalezdeadbug]

I'm a much better person now than anybody remembers me to be ok

[dalezdeadbug]

listening to lots o new music lately but then I downloaded some old crystal castles and thought of davey and got kinda nostalgic there for a sec, ,,, heck

[dalezdeadbug]

I think instead of dating or casual hookups I’m just gonna take care of my lawn and go to bed at a reasonable time. Idk sex is nice just not extremely important all the time. It’s nice to hold/be held tho.

[negutivfeadbak]

[dalezdeadbug]

like wow, my sex drive has gone way up probably bc I was off my Zoloft for a few days I didn't even know I had one of those Wow, neat

[dalezdeadbug]

PS: I know that you’re only still trying to hurt me in small petty ways like on social media and shit. Don’t get me wrong, I do not want contact with you, at least until you can accept responsibility for your actions, if ever that is to happen. You will be stuck in a pattern going on like this. Stuck in a loop. Either way, I do still get curious and admit to checking things, although I know fully that you are guilty of just that as well, so it’s whatever, but I try not to dwell on them too much as I know you, and I know why you do what you do. That makes some people uncomfortable, and it really shouldn’t. I never want you to feel alone. I express myself so as to not dwell so hard and fall into the void. Please grow, or you will not last long like this. I’ve been there, trust me. I want nothing but good things for you, whatever that may be.

[dalezdeadbug]

Use your own words. I interpret every deletion of me from past friends/lovers lives as them saying they wish me dead, as they want me out of their life. It's really hurtful to feel that from someone you once had so much with. It's hurtful to be used, it's hurtful to have true feelings or regret or whatever kept from you, it's hurtful to be strung along just to find that they don't find you as human or real as them and they'd rather you be dead. now maybe people can understand why I feel the way I feel in times like these. I know it's not necessarily rational, but it's how I've always felt.

[dalezdeadbug]

I feel small and comfortable, yet insignificant, like a tiny hair moved by the slightest airflow. That being said however, I have no room in my life for emotionally manipulative people, and I warn others of similar sensitivities to be wary as well. Do not be led on, do not be weighed down. Everyone deserves to feel weightless. Everyone deserves only good things, unless they're a manipulator, then I can only hope that they find their way and change their actions. You don't deserve to hurt, and I will always forgive those that have wronged me even if they are not quite yet ready to change. Everything is circumstantial, and I understand many actions, although I cannot justify or stand by (ab/)users. I will reach out to the best of my abilities and intentions to show that I am willing to help them out of what ever suffering they are enduring to cause others pain. But I will not create a consistent presence in their life until they have changed and owned up to their actions. I care, whether you/they like it or not. Though I am often sad, I feel as though I portray a reasonable and sensible amount of forgiveness and emotional maturity.