Fuck You

@damien-carmichael

I'm Damien. If you don't need me for something, fuck off. I really couldn't care less about your trivial problems.

4,275 posts

gulchs:

She turns then, knowing that despite how drunk he was, he wasn’t completely freed of the guilt that he had to have been feeling. Zamira takes his face in her hands; she’s hurt, of course, but he had good intentions and she didn’t want him to hate himself. “It’s okay.” She says gently. “I know you’re sorry, and that’s good. We’ll move on and we’ll do better next time, yeah? For now, don’t worry about it. We’re going to get some sleep and we’ll work on that stuff later.”

Damien sighed with relief. She didn’t seem mad at him anymore, which was good. But he knew he hurt her, and that guilt wasn’t going to go away any time soon. Still, he was glad she still seemed to love him.

“I love you. I’m sorry. Can I kiss you?” he asked hopefully.

gulchs:

“I know.” She says gently – because she does believe him. “I know, D. It’s … not right what you did, but I know why you did it. But now’s not the time to talk about it. You’re drunk and I’d rather talk about it tomorrow.” She takes the hand on her arm to tug him closer to her and lead him towards the door frame out of the kitchen. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Damien mumbled, following her out of the kitchen. He looked over at Lucy on the couch, biting his lip and feeling bad, for what he did and for how Lucy felt, and now Zamira. He’d only been trying to make things better. But as always, everything he touched turned to dust.

“I’m sorry I drank,” he added. “And that I hid those bottles from you. The bottle.”

#hehe good idea #;P #c:zamira

karoondas:

Zamira could tell when he was drunk and she looked by him, ignoring him for the moment as her gaze took in the bottle of vodka on the counter – she made a mental note to get rid of it – and then turned back to look at them again, knowing that the two glasses being out and the bottle having a considerable dent in it meant that neither of them were up for a conversation. This also meant that Lucy couldn’t just be sent home.

“We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” She tells Damien, dumping out any liquid remaining in the glasses and depositing them in the sink before taking the bottle and turning to Lucy. “We’ll set you up in the living room again.”

“I’ll just go home, Zamira.” Lucy argued firmly – or as firmly as one could argue as they were slurring their speech and leaning against a counter for support.

“I’ll take you home in the morning.” Zamira replied, grabbing Lucy by the arm to gently lead her towards the living room – and Lucy couldn’t exactly put up much of a fight so she allowed herself to be lead, settling on the couch once Zamira lead her there. Zamira turned away to grab some pillows and a blanket from the closet before returning to Lucy, setting her up with the pillows and blanket. For all of her arguing, she laid down almost immediately, mumbling about feeling like shit. Zamira tugged the blanket over her then dumped the bottle down the sink in the bathroom out of Damien’s sight before she returned to the kitchen.

“Come on,” She says with a sigh – she still feels uncomfortable with what she saw, still wishes she could somehow erase it from her memory but she knows that talking about it with him now won’t solve anything. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Z,” Damien said, stepping over to her and taking her arm. “I swear, it wasn’t what it looked like, okay? I would never cheat on you. It was just . . . just a kiss. A comforting kiss. For comfort. Nothing more than that, okay? I love you.” He bit his lip, not able to tell in his current state if Zamira was angry with him or not. He just knew he had to clear the air, or something.

#c:zamira #c:lucy

karoondas:

Zamira had woken up initially when she’d heard bits of people talking; it sounded far away and she couldn’t quite make anything specific out and so she drifted in and out of sleep for a bit, deciding that she’d dreamt it. It was only when she reached out towards Damien’s side of the bed did she find it empty and she realized something was up. She frowned, sliding off of the bed and grabbing a robe from a nearby chair and tying it around herself; she couldn’t hear talking anymore but she didn’t want to wander out in just her shirt.

It was when she made it to the kitchen that she spotted Damien and Lucy – or rather, Damien and someone she didn’t recognize until Lucy realized there was someone else in the room with them and detached herself from Damien, peering over his shoulder and making eye contact with Zamira.

“Zamira –” Lucy started and then stopped, realizing the position she was in wasn’t innocent by any means. She slid around Damien to gain some distance, cheeks burning. She didn’t know what to say so she stood there, wishing she could disappear, knowing she’d really fucked up this time.

Zamira crossed her arms over her body – a defense mechanism because her chest heaved and squeezed with hurt and she took a step back towards the door frame, eyes switching between Damien and Lucy. “What – what are you two doing?” It’s a stupid question and she knows it the moment it leaves her lips and her voice sounds small, very unlike her – she tries to make her voice come out firmer, more like her, more like the rock she knew she was but all she could make out was, “Why?”

Damien’s mind was rather hazy by the time Lucy pulled away. When she hopped off the counter and moved around him, he stepped back, turning slowly to blink over at Zamira. At first he didn’t register her hurt expression or posture. He smiled and approached her, staggering a bit.

“Hey . . . sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He reached for her, then stopped, as he suddenly noticed how she was standing, how stiff she was. He frowned faintly, blinking, as he looked between Lucy and Zamira and realized how it must’ve looked.

“No, no, no,” he said quickly, shaking his head as he waved his hands back and forth. “No, this isn’t what it looks like, okay? I was just comforting her.”

#c:lucy #c:zamira

karoondas:

The guilt melted away soon enough and then she forgot about Zamira, forgot that she was likely somewhere in the apartment, forgot about how she’d irresponsibly not convinced Damien not to drink, forgot that she’d walked in on a guy she had feelings for with her brother figure and subsequently realized she had feelings that had run deeper than she thought before all but ruining yet another friendship – all of it melted away partly due to the alcohol in her system and partly due to the fact that she was finally being accepted, that it felt so good to not be rejected for once.

Part of her also wondered if Timothy would hate her for this – if he’d hate her if he could see her now, kissing his brother – his Dai, the one person that stood between them – if he’d hate her for sleeping around, and if he’d loathe her for wanting the person he told her she’d wanted all along. She tried to push it aside and forget him, just like she’d been trying to for so long, and she finds that ability in almost clinging to Damien. She feels like a kid and like an adult at the same time as she kisses him back, fingers clenching his shirt until her knuckles turn white.

Damien could feel Lucy clinging to him with a desperation that made him want to protect her even more. He wrapped his arm more fully around her waist, holding her close to him, as he parted his lips and slipped his tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss with a longing to ease her pain, to comfort her, to make everything better, if he could. Even if that meant just distracting her for a little while.

He ran his fingers through her hair gently, tenderly, as his other hand curled into her shirt as well, clinging almost as desperately, as he let all thoughts fade and lost himself in her scent and her taste.

karoondas:

When he responded positively she felt immediate relief – she wasn’t being pushed away like with Dempster and though she knew it was a bad idea in the back of her mind, that the likelihood Zamira was in the apartment somewhere was high, her drunk brain didn’t care and she moved closer, arms winding around him.

Damien’s brain didn’t even register that Zamira was still in the apartment. He was focused now on Lucy and the desire to make her feel better. He couldn’t help but think about Timothy, and how Lucy was his girl. He not only had to make Lucy feel better for her sake, but also for Timmy’s sake. He had to take care of Timmy’s girl.

He found himself deepening the kiss, lifting her up onto the counter in order to reach her better. He buried one hand into her hair, while the other pressed against the small of her back to hold her close to him, as he nestled himself between her legs.

karoondas:

She knew he didn’t actually love her – anything past platonically, anyways – and she also knew that she didn’t have those feelings for him but the alcohol currently in her system combined from the bits still left from earlier made bad, awful ideas sound great and so she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, tense, waiting to be pushed away.

Damien was surprised by the kiss, not having expected it. He remembered the last time he’d comforted Lucy in the alleyway. How she’d kissed him then, and he’d told her it was okay because it was just for comfort and not anything else. He guessed she needed that again, now. So he gently kissed her back, setting his free hand on her waist, pulling her closer.

karoondas:

Lucy watched him refill his glass, knowing she should say something but also knowing it’s hypocritical of her to even open her mouth about drinking at this point. When he reaches out to tug at her hair she laughs, going to push his hand away and instead holding his hand, finding comfort in at least some form of contact.

She considered his words for a few moment and smiles sadly, looking into her glass. “I don’t know. My track record has kind of told me pretty much the opposite of that.”

Damien allowed Lucy to take his hand, holding it gently and hoping it was comforting to her. He took a drink of his straight vodka, no longer sensitive to the harsh taste after drinking so much lately. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze after she spoke.

“I love you,” he said simply, wondering if that would help her to know.

karoondas:

She follows him quietly into the kitchen, watching him reach into the cabinet to find the vodka. She’s quiet though she knows she should say something, should voice her disapproval, shouldn’t encourage it, should say something but instead she keeps her mouth closed. She takes her glass, muttering her thanks before downing as much as she can in a few gulps and then setting the glass back down onto the table. She chews on her bottom lip some, still feeling embarrassed hours and drinks later, but she knows she should talk about it with someone.

“I … I was seeing someone.” She says simply. “And I knew it wasn’t exclusive. Which was fine. I mean, I said it was fine but I think I got too attached. And then I found out he was also seeing Sturgis … by walking in on them.” She winces some, taking another drink before continuing. “And so I got drunk and wound up at Dempster’s house, tried to kiss him and got rejected, of course, because he replaced me with Rudy. So here I am. Unlovable and drunk and sad.” She laughs then, but it’s bitter and hollow.

Damien continued to drink, as he listened to Lucy’s story. It definitely didn’t sound like an ideal situation. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t like it if the person he was seeing was also seeing his brother, even if it wasn’t exclusive. Of course that thought just made him remember Timothy, so he took a longer drink, finishing the glass, before refilling it. This time with just vodka.

When she got to the end, his lips quirked slightly. “You’re pretty drunk and sad,” he agreed. “But you’re not unlovable.” He reached out to tug gently on the ends of her hair. “Definitely not unloveable.” He shook his head.

karoondas:

As soon as she’s pulled into the apartment and into the hug, she sobs and wraps her arms around him. She can’t speak for a few minutes, unable to even think of what to say or even say it. After she’s cried she pulls back some, wiping at her face, embarrassed that she’d allowed herself to break down like that. She knows he needs an explanation, though, but she doesn’t want to say it – to admit what had happened. “I … I’m just sick of being everyone’s second choice. Of – of never being enough. It’s stupid. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not stupid,” Damien said softly, reaching up to brush away a stray tear from her eyelashes that she’d missed. He gave her a sympathetic smile before gesturing for her to follow him into the kitchen. “I was about to get a drink,” he said, bending to rummage through the lower cabinets. “Z doesn’t let me, but I usually hide some back . . . ah, here.” He straightened, a bottle of vodka in his hand. He set it on the counter and got down two small glasses, getting some juice from the fridge. He poured the juice into the glasses, topping them off with vodka so it was about 20% juice and 80% vodka. He passed one of the glasses to Lucy, before taking a long drink of his own.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked, then, watching her face.

karoondas:

“Damien.” She’s relieved when he opens the door and her resolve crumbles, the emotions she’d been holding back since she saw Tristan and Sturgis together coming to a head. The floodgates open and the tears finally leave her eyes and she reaches up to wipe at them. “I just – I’m sorry. I don’t have anywhere else to go. I fucked everything up, I – I’m – I can’t go back home.” She reaches out towards his hand. “Can I come in? I – I’ll be quiet and you can go back to bed.”

Damien blinked, still confused, but he took her hand when she reached for it. The sight of her tears made his chest ache, and he pulled her gently into the apartment, shutting the door quietly behind her. “Hey,” he said softly, pulling her into a hug, then. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.” He didn’t know what else to say, just stroked her hair gently. He wondered what had happened, and what she was talking about, but he knew sometimes you just needed to cry and not talk.

karoondas:

She pauses at the door, knowing she wouldn’t be home to write him an owl – she figures he’ll fall asleep or be busy with Rudy, though, so she hesitates for a moment before replying. “Sure.” She says. “Sleep tight, Demp.”

She leaves then, stuffing her hands into her pockets and walking down the street. It’s easier to remember where she’s going now that she’s sobered up some and she remembers the way to Damien and Zamira’s place easily. She knocks on the door quietly, hoping she wasn’t waking them – it was pretty late but she knew sometimes they were up.

Damien wasn’t expecting any late-night visitors either. He and Zamira had gone to bed early (his depression often making him tired early in the evening), but he slept restlessly, unable to fall asleep with the dark thoughts and memories in his head. He’d gotten up to find some vodka or whiskey to try and drink himself into a stupor, when he heard a knock on the door. Frowning in confusion, he stepped over to it and opened it, blinking in surprise down at Lucy.

“Lucy?” he said softly, not wanting to wake Zamira. “Is that . . . what are you doing?” He wondered if he was hallucinating or dreaming or something. It didn’t make sense to him that she’d be there.

gulchs:

No! [ Laughs, shoving his shoulder some. ] I’m just saying that you might’ve charmed me earlier on than my cool and casual demeanor might’ve suggested.

And here I was so worried that I wasn’t charming to you at all.

gulchs:

Well, yeah. Had we been just friends I probably would have. But by then I was thinking that I had feelings for you that went deeper than they should have and I knew it’d complicate things. But, hey. At least now you have me whenever you want.

Wait, are you seriously saying it was love at first sight for you? [grins slowly]

gulchs:

[ Looks at him for a few moments, smiling softly, her smile only growing before she speaks up again. ] You know, when I first met you I had no idea we’d end up here. But I’m so lucky to have you.

I remember those days. You refused to sleep with me. I was so offended.

gulchs:

Okay, fine. But I’m doing a thorough bodily inspection when we get back. For medical purposes, of course. [ She leans into him some, noticing after a moment that he’s getting wet. She pushes his hand over some, laughing a little. ] This umbrella can fit two without you getting wet, you know, you big softie.

[gives her a faint grin] Well, now we’re even, at least.

gulchs:

Hmm. One secret per kiss. [ She grins until she feels him tense under her hands again. She frowns, pulling back to look at him, her hand ghosting over his side. She’d never known him to be that clumsy and the injury seemed to be more severe than he was letting on; for a moment, her heart fell to her stomach as she was reminded of all the awful things people had endured in Hogwarts, of fearing each day, of her friends and even herself in the wing from attacks. They weren’t in Hogwarts anymore, but still … ] Are you sure you’re okay?

[smiles faintly, brushing her hair back behind her ear gently] I’m sure. [leans down to kiss her again briefly before wrapping his arm around her waist, holding the umbrella over both of them, but more over her so his shoulder gets a bit wet] Let’s go home, yeah?

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