I know I've said it before, but I changed my mind and decided to try to stay here. But this time I mean it... this is my last post on this blog. I'm making a new one. Where I'm safe, where I'm ignored because I am chosing to isolate myself and not because apparently I'm not good enough to be followed and talked to even though people do both with my brother. My self esteem plummets a lot here. I'm on guard a lot. A lot of things happen that make me second guess even the closest relationships in my life.
But, on the brighter side of my life, I have this boy. A boy I worked very hard to actually get to be with the way I am now. He and I have been through hell and back in our lives and we've finally gotten to where we can be together. A few months ago, he was in very bad depression. And we weren't really speaking but I still thought of him every day. I wanted to just grab him and pull him out of the situation that was depressing him and make him better. But I couldn't. I knew I had to let him find his way out on his own. At that point in life, it wasn't my job to protect him and save him, no matter how much I wanted to. All I could do was watch and hope that he'd be okay one day.
And one day did come. And in the process, he found his way to me and I promised him that I'd never let him get depressed again. That I'd protect him from the things that trigger him. And since he's my boyfriend now, I can have a more active role. The light in his eyes... it's dulling a little. And it's killing me. So I'm going to take him and go to a private spot. Where no one can touch us. Where no one can do and say things to try to damage us. This boy is someone I am never willing to let go of. He knows almost all my damage and he still thinks I'm beautiful. And when he's with me, I feel it. Nothing that comes out of his mouth is just words. He means them. Just like what I say to him is never just words. I mean them.
And I said I'd protect him. And us. And myself. So this is me doing that. See ya, Tumblr.
