I just have so much to say that I really can’t say. Life has just become so tangled up and unhappy. How do you say that you’re living your life dishonestly? That effects every living being in your life. How do you explain that you’ve made so many mistakes? Now I have to lay in the bed of them that I’ve created for myself. I chose to do this to myself. How do you realize that you don’t want to be with someone this far in? When they start acting different then the person you met and they start becoming hurtful. Living together, a hundred bills together, financially dependent on each other, together. Yes, you care about the person, but it’s not making you happy anymore. I feel so trapped. In a perfect world, I would make enough more to move far away from this town that I’ve grown to hate and all of the people that have hurt me in it. I’d take my dog and we would move onto a better life. It’s so hard realizing that will most likely never happen. It’s so hard realizing all the mistakes that you made when you were younger will haunt you forever. I have terrible health, no education, no money, no independence, horrible credit. I’ve lost all the people that I should have kept around. Accountability really sucks. Sometimes you have to make your bed and lie in it. I don’t know if I’ll ever love myself or ever be truly happy again.
