Cosmic Funnies
Kiana Khansmith
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Not today Justin
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Noah Kahan
Product Placement
Monterey Bay Aquarium
š
One Nice Bug Per Day
occasionally subtle
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Show & Tell
$LAYYYTER
Misplaced Lens Cap
Cosimo Galluzzi
ā£ Chile in a Photography ā£
if i look back, i am lost
@theartofmadeline
KIROKAZE
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@daninicole-bscm
Vision Board
So I'm making a vision board...I'm mostly posting this because I need to be held accountable in regards to making it. I'll post some awesome pictures and talk about the process when I'm done with it. My goal is to have it finished before Thanksgiving.
The Implant
I said Iād touch back on this eventually and here it isā¦ A little over a week ago I decided to get the Nexplanon implant. For those of you unfamiliar with itā¦its a tiny subcutaneous (under the skin) implant that goes in the inner part of your non-dominant arm. Itās about the size of a matchstick. Itās over 99% effective in reducing the risk of pregnancy. Thereā¦logisticsā¦now the good stuffā¦ First off, I choose the implant because there is a much less likely chance that it will cause weight gain and because it lasts for 3 years. I suck at taking pills. I barely can choke a vitamin down once a year, so this seemed like a better alternative for me. Not to mention every friend of mine that had the Mirena has told me nothing but horror stories so that was a no. Like hard no. Anyway, so I went in, did a pregnancy testā¦negative (phew..but duh) and they did the procedure in a little treatment room at my regular doctor. They numbed up the area, and put in the implantā¦and it fucking hurt like a bitch for like 3 seconds and then it was over and I was on my way. Easy peasyā¦untilā¦I bled through my initial bandage at work. Yepā¦ya girlās a bleeder, itās always been that way. My mom was a dear though and brought me new bandages and I rewrapped myself and went on my way. Now Iām going to be honest, the first 3 daysā¦My fucking arm pretty much could have been severed off and it would have been better than the random shooting pains that happened. I was also exhaustedā¦like all the time. I assume both these things happened because my body was having a āwhat the fuck do you mean no more babies and why the fuck is there a foreign object in me!ā moment. Nevertheless, after those 3 days its been a cake walk. I also have noticed an improvement in my overall mood, less ups and downs even with all the stress going on in my life personally (thereās a lotā¦trust me). I havenāt really noticed any other side effects as of yet so I guess weāll see. Iāll post more about it once I get past 30 days with it..I love it thus far. Til thenā¦.
A little discouraged but...
So I went to the doctor this A.M and got the nexplanon implant...So far, all I can say about that is that it wasn't so bad going in but 1. Now it hurts like fucking hell , 2. I've bled through 2 bandages already and 3. I'm taking a pain med and going the eff to sleep. I'm sure you'll hear more about this experience later...Babies is a topic I'll come back to. Anyway, at the docs they took my stats...namely my weight...and I cried. I cried so hard they scheduled me with a weight loss consult. I am at the heaviest I've been in my entire life and I feel like I've been working so damn hard to be healthier. It's discouraging....but...I'm going to get my ass in gear. I'm going to get my ass in gear quicker than quick. So food prepping tomorrow for the week, and coming up with a starter exercise plan. I purchased an elliptical machine a while back (which has pretty much been collecting dust) so I'm going to start by using it at least 15 minutes a day and taking the dog for longer walks...which will be good for both of us. Watch for the obligatory before and after shots...Now...
The struggle...
is fucking real guys.
I often wake up wondering how the fuck am I going to get through all this shit. Money is the root of all evil and my financial status tends to prove that to me. Singlemomdom is not easy work and I'm fucking tired. Not of being a mom...I live for that shit...but of being dependent on others namely my parents and my friends to make it through to pay days. Now, I could just sit and mope and be an utterly craptastic person but I'm refusing to live that life. So, please bare with me over the next few months...I may bitch, I may complain but dammit I'm going to make this shit happen and ya'll are gonna follow me through it. 6 months... That is the time I'm giving myself to release the struggle. I have the goals...now lets go to work.
Goal 1: Lose the weight
Goal 2: All debt...gone
Goal 3: More income
I got this.
Panromantic Demisexual
I was totally the person that started out hating all the labels..."Why does it matter?", "Who cares what you do in your bedroom?" blah blah blah...but fuck was I wrong. After researching and learning more, I realized so much about myself. I highly recommend that if you feel alone romantically or sexually...Research that shit! Learn your identity and stop faking "relationships".
For me, personally, growing up I was always the "weird girl"...People thought I slept around but I didn't really...I had to be in a relationship with someone in order to want to have sex with them. I was never the girl that went to the bar and hooked up with randos. My friends always did...but I couldn't. I felt out of place. Even relationships were a struggle for me...once trust, or mental connection or emotional attraction was broken for any reason, I would no longer be interested in sex, and maybe we would still have sex but it would be empty and feel more like a chore (at least for me). I spent years thinking something was wrong with me. Like, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I JUST HAVE AN ORGASM AGAIN" !!!! Do you know how disappointing it is to think you're really into someone and then quickly realize you have no connection or attachment to them because you legitimately think about doing laundry instead of the things they're doing to you (or at least attempting to do with no avail)? It fucking sucks.
I was 31 before I realized that there were other people just like me. People that need the connection with someone before they engage sexually even if, like me, they can be romantically attracted to people of all genders and orientations. And once I realized that I identified most as a panromantic demisexual, my life changed. I met my current boyfriend (who is a cisgendered male---meaning he was born male and is still male and presents as a male) and instead of jumping head first into sleeping together...we waited. We built a foundation over the phone and then a connection on our first date. While I don't typically kiss and tell, we ended up kissing on our first date and it was like fireworks went off. I relive that moment often for hours at a time. And now, we communicate... well and often. I feel the connection between us all the time, it never feels forced, or broken. And well let's just say I'm not asking myself that bolded question from above that I was asking before.
3am Reflection
I realized, just recently, that I say a lot of horrible things about my ex and I just wanted to clarify that I mean every single word of it full heartedly. I mean just in case there was any confusion. LOL
Worst blogger ever
Shit...I'll probably say that like 100 more times...I'm the worst. But I have updates.... Ballet- Honestly its been on the backburner. I'm going to start back up in the fall when my son goes back to school. Until then, I've been hardcore on the struggle bus when it comes to weight loss and getting healthy....BUT....I did purchase an elliptical machine which I have been using pretty regularly in short spurts....So I'm hoping that it will help me build my stamina up so ballet will be a breeze. Now for the good stuff... Dating- So I met a boy...I know I know...It was so unexpected yet welcome. And guys he's fucking AMAZING! We dated (exclusively) for a few months before making our relationship official on the 29th last month. I promise to post about all the things this relationship is teaching me soon. Well holy run on sentence batman. Forgive me guys. I have strep but I missed you all and needed to touch base. Promise I'll post more soon.
My body, My Rules
I recently, very recently had a run in with sexual assault. It happened in my home and was done by someone I trusted enough to call a very close friend. This post is not to harp on that, it's not to throw a pity party. It is to inform people exactly what sexual assault is (since clearly some people need a reminder) and exactly why the fuck you should never put your hands on someone's body without their consent... By definition...."Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape."(1) But I'm going to dumb that down for you...If your sexual advances toward someone are met with "Stop" "No" "I'm not interested" "Quit" or any form of those words or they are asleep or they are intoxicated to the point where they can not make a rational decision... it's sexual assault if you continue. If your advances are welcome and then midway through they are no longer welcome and you keep going...that's sexual assault. It is not just limited to the act of penetration but includes, kissing and touching as well. Got it? Good. Sexual assault makes someone's world uncomfortable. It makes normal every day things scary. It makes you feel like you're just an object and no longer a person. Do not fucking touch anyone without their consent. You are not entitled to anyone's body except your own! You do not have a right to anyone. I just bought new bedding, I had just made my room my comfortable space...and now its somewhere I feel the most uncomfortable in. The good memories I made literally the night before with the man I love were shattered by some fucking jealous asshole that felt entitled in having his needs met and wanted to ruin my current relationship...an asshole I stood by through many things when everyone else turned their backs. I blamed myself...I told people that I shouldn't have put myself in that situation. I cried for 2 days. When confronted it was met with contempt from the person that did it. And in that moment, I said enough is fucking enough. I do not have to stand by and take this shit from anyone...not some random asshole at a gas station, not someone I've known my entire life, not the fucking idiot President we have, not some champion swimmer, not a spouse, not someone I considered a friend. Not ANY man. Not ANY woman. No one. NEVER. And God dammit, neither do you. No one deserves to feel violated, by anyone, ever. And I promise you this...I'm not going to stop fighting to make sure this stops happening to women and men and children. This is my body, These are my rules. 1 https://www.justice.gov/ovw/sexual-assault#sa
"All you women are the same, I just want a healthy relationship...btw here's a picture of my dick"
Yep...we're going to let the cat or ermmm molerat out of the bag... I wanna yell this from rafters but I figured this is as good a source as any... If you want a girl to see you as more than a sex object. If you want her to like you for, I dunno, your personality....DO NOT SEND HER A DICK PIC unless it is requested. I honestly feel like I shouldn't have to say this but jjeeeessssuuusssss you fuckers just don't get it. Your dick legit looks like a naked molerat. Stop. It's not cute. Repeat it with me: Solicited = Awesome Unsolicited = Not Awesome Like dude, whip that shit out all day if I actually wanna see it. But if that's your opener or I don't wanna see it...be prepared that the reponse you're going to get, you aren't going to like. I mean really guys, how many times do you do that and a woman is like "Oh, what a lovely dick you have there"...I won't say never but I'm betting it's super limited. Also, if you want a "healthy relationship" maybe build a foundation on things other than sex first?! Maybe having an actual connection with someone will actually lead you where you wanna go... I mean, just sayin... Okay rant over
Taking it slow...
And Iām loving every minute of it. Donāt get me wrong, my heart wants to faceplant into a relationship with this man. Itās begging for it but I want to do this one right. We agreed from the start that we would remain logical about how our status progresses and thus far we have. I could gush for hours about him but Iāll save it for girl talk amongst my friends. Remember those rules I made when I started this thingā¦I havenāt compromised a single one! ANDā¦. his values and morals align with mine! Iām smitten but Iām still slowly building this foundation and Iām loving every single second of getting to know him.
Friendly advice to all you singlesā¦Stop diving in head first! Stop. Memes are dumb, rushing is dumb. If someone is meant to be forever then what they hell are you rushing for? Now, does that mean that you are waiting around for some dumbass that wants to screw around with everyone and keep you in their back pocket? Hell fucking no! Does it mean you play them like a dummy and let them nurture you, thinking they can turn what you have into something beautiful, while youāre out doing your dirt? Also, Hell fucking no! Take it slow, build the foundation, understand that once titles are popped onto what you have expectations will change. Date. If you decide to exclusively date, make that decision together. If you decide to date multiple people, also make that decision together. My rules state Iām not having sex with anyone Iām not in a commited relationship withā¦we decided to stick to that togetherā¦in fact, I wasnāt even the one that brought it up initially, he was. Iām not saying that you shouldnāt have sex or whateverā¦do your thingā¦Iām saying that you and your partner or partners need to be on the same page about that as well. Donāt compromise your values and morals for anyone. Itās not worth it and youāll soon find that youāre not in the right relationship. Hold out for the right relationship. And donāt put on rose colored glasses for the wrong one. Youāll thank yourself
Shittiest Blogger Ever
Sorry guys, I swear I will get my shit together one of these days...Here's a brief update because I'm tired as fuck...so.... I'm dating someone; we are just dating currently but I envision ruling the world with him someday. Be jealous, no really, be so damn jealous your head explodes, he's beyond amazing. I hope he reads this and blushes so hard I feel it in my soul. LOL. In ballet news, I start back next Monday...YAY! As some of you know, I had a wonderful case of bronchitis/pnuemonia in February and it knocked me right on my fanny. But my lung capacity is back up now, so we're back in business hopefully. I'll be the nerd with all the damn inhalers in the studio.
We've all been here
Sex isn't everything
In fact, for me, it isnāt even a dating priority at this time. I know, itās mind blowingā¦but itās just not. I fully intend for my next real relationship to be my last relationship. Knowing myself, I know that sex turns on the rose colored glasses. Rose colored glasses mean you canāt see the red flags and fuck that. Everything else has to be on point before sex even comes into the equationā¦Iām not sayin it will never happen, I just want the other connections to be strong before that connection is made. I think when itās the right person, all of those connections will happen naturally and weāll both be on the same wave length.
Never forget this