Dani Tiare Poet-t

Dani T. Aspiring Poet. Optimist. DreamChaser. 808HIlivin. Blessed.

[danitpoet-t]

Everything I wasn’t I was With you Everything I wouldn’t I would With you Everything I couldn’t I could With you Where are you now I thought I was With you Where am I now Gues I did it all For you Now everything I am Will have to be Without you

[danitpoet-t]

Forgiving

I'm done forgiving You can't use the excuse of being a mother When you don't ever act like one And you can't use drunk as an excuse If you're just gonna drink another one And another one Do you not see it? That alcohol is your gun And you're drunken decisions are the bullets Shoot them at me everyday And wonder why I choose to stray Man I'm done forgiving I forgave you in 95 when you were always high I was only two, I had no clue But I forgave you mama And I forgave you in 97 when things got out of control and you both got locked up that night Cops can only do so much when it's a fight every night Spent the night in the bathroom at some random house So damn scare all I could do was puke my guts out But I still forgave you And I forgave you in 99 when you watched him hit me Never said a word and act like it didn't happen And I just wanted you to love me So I forgave you and acted like it didn't happen And I forgave you in 2002 when you lied to the cops about the bruises on my arms And I forgave you in 2007 when you showed up at my middle school graduation drunk You told each and every teacher how proud you were of me Cause you thought I was too stupid to ever get this far And I forgave you in 09 when you told me you didn't want me anymore Found a man and you helped him switch my birth control up so he could knock me up and you could kick me out Shit I was only 16 but I wanted to get out And I did And I forgave you after that And I forgave you in 2011 when I called you crying My son's father had just hit me And you responded so seriously "well what did you do" And again in 2012 when you called cps cause you suddenly decided that you would be a better mother than me. I lost my son that year, and you don't even have him I still forgave you And again in 2013 when you left me that voice mail It was just a butt dial but I heard it all You seriously told your husband you wish never had me and I was nothing more than a sin I swear I was done with you so many times But I made excuses for it cause you are the only mother that could be mines And so when you called me crying early 2014 Begging me to come home You promised to take a different path And that time I not only forgave you But I gave you a second chance But you took that second chance and stabbed me right in the back Misery loves company And somethings will never change You can't keep looking up to the bottle hoping to find change But you did so here is your change I'm done with you mom There's no more forgiving

[danitpoet-t]

Thanksgiving pt 2

You told me to write a poem about thanksgiving So here I am just putting it here We sympathize with the ones that have no family to go to But what about the broken homes Thanksgiving Boy I was so thankful last night It was another night without a fight There was laughter about a frozen turkey And sing alongs to oldies Yeah you guys were drunk as fuck But you weren't the least bit angry. I went to sleep last night thankful. I woke up even more grateful There was still laughter bout a frozen turkey I haven't been home for 5 years And times weren't good then but this morning just felt different Mama gave me 20$ for bud then I rolled us a nice blunt I swear there was nothing that was gonna go down I don't know what the hell just happened. MA and pa are yelling like a murders about to happen Left their drunk asses alone for a minute I didn't think something would happen And this isn't the first thanksgiving that ended this way From what I remember it's always ended this way. Why do holidays always have to end this way? Now he's coming at my sister I don't even know what's going on I am just trying to stay out of the way But then I saw her swollen lip and mama seriously had more to say Been telling mama since we were young that it didn't have to be this way And she could've choosen any path but she choose to go this way And here comes the sirens I have grown so used to holidays ending with sirens My hands clenched into to fist I swear I wanted to just punch Over and over and over And over and over and over And I swear I still wouldn't have let all my anger out God damn you are so damn lucky the cops came out Now pa is in the handcuffs And my sister is in the corner crying And ma just looked us right in the eyes and said I hate you I never want to see you Called us cunts and bitches cause your husband fucked up He's not even our dad but you let him be the reason our lives are fucked up This shit is all fucked up You didn't even flinch when he threatened to kill me when he was in the cop car Thanksgiving I swear I was thankful not to long ago But now I don't even have a place to go Bags are packed and I've never felt more alone And now I know I have no place to call a home Happy thanksgiving This is the confessions of a broken home

[danitpoet-t]

Thanksgiving

Happy fucking thanksgiving Every fucking year Same old stupid shit It's just another year And I haven't been home in 5 But I swear this shit was happening back when I was 5 Don't you ever get sick of smelling your shit? It don't smell better than the turkey in the oven But you wouldn't fucking know you guys are to busy yelling Over stupid shit, it is nothing but a bunch of bullshit I think your drunk asses needs to just sit the fuck down and take a bong rip What the hell we arguing about? What in the world could there be to argue about? I thought you got it all out last year Or the one before that Do you not remember that? I was 5000 miles away missing yall it drove me insane I got a call from my baby sister It felt good to hear her voice I surely missed her Too bad she was crying bout the bags she had to pack Talking bout having to get a hotel cause she was afraid that one or the other would attack Man its just the same old shit Just a different year Happy fucking thanksgiving I'm so fucking glad I came here

[danitpoet-t]

Me and My Hoodie

Always just me and my hoodie Tryna cover up the bruises Layers of shirts to soak up the bleeding So it so it never reached the surface It's 95 degrees out And I can't even feel it But the stares all around me I swear I can feel it Raised in the projects 10 by 10 studio and they thought I was a project Worried about my behavior But never once even questioned the hoodie It's seems always just been me and my hoodie Throw it over my head and pretend like yall can't see me Never speaking cause they would knock me down if they heard me My circle is so small We can all fit inside my hoodie Voices in my head And I've given up trying to ignore it I made friends with them instead And yall just think I'm crazy But it doesn't even phase me What they don't see is a brand new me Transforming under this hoodie Maybe I'll grow out of it Or maybe it's already grown onto me A lonely place of satisfaction When it's just me and my hoodie

[danitpoet-t]

The Booty Call

Call you up every month or so to do our thing Then you drop me off whenever I want and let me do my thing I miss you and I know you know that Cause every few days I'll text back With a little winky face You're never in my space And when I'm at your place You know how to treat me Always putting the extra effort in to please me It's only for a night And we both know that But we also keep on coming back Around and around. You always know when I want you around You tell me 8 but you're waiting at 7:45 And you don't every rush me You just know how to read me And even outside the bed There's still the right chemistry It is what it is, the pieces just go together like that I might be on the road, but he knows he still got it like that Cause every time I'm home I call him right back And never mind the time, he'll answer I already know I got it like that

[danitpoet-t]

Feening

It’s weird to admit but for that short while, I felt complete with you. Lonely nights had been made a lil warmer. I woke up hopeful Hopes to talk to you And hopes that if I wanted to, I could see you I had something to smile about when I saw your name on my phone. It was like a charming reminder that I didn’t have to be alone. My life had been filled with laughter and kisses. And I could feel human for a minute. A little vulernable but that was alright Something about it just felt so right But I guess it wasn’t right Cause you left me feening for one more night.

[danitpoet-t]

Saturday Double Days

Saturday double days, Oh how I miss the way my hair sways In natural winds And my natural grin Faking it all for lousy tips feels like a sin Would say I'm wasting time, But I'm making dimes So I guess it's still a win. I'm just counting down the hours till I can sit the fuck down and write some rhymes.

[danitpoet-t]

Bad

I can do bad all by myself. I do not need to be fixed And I do not need to change my ways. I am independent and happy, And I'm not sorry if it intimidates you that a man wont make my days. I do bad all by myself. Working my way to the top with no one but myself. I don't think the realize, I'm a whole person lighter when it's just myself. The keep asking if I get lonely, the answer is nah. I hear they taking bets on if I'm gonna get stuck at the top by myself. But I think they are just jealous cause I don't need anyone else. You see I like it this way, I do bad all by myself. Wake up with the covers on no one but myself. Roll out of bed, roll one up, spark it up, and I aint gotta share with anyone but myself. And when I get dressed in the morning, I am not doing it to impress anyone except myself. Then I go out and get this paper all by myself. And I don't need to share with anyone except myself. And don't even worry about that, I get off all by myself. I do bad all by myself. Keep callin me a bad bitch like it's a compliment. But I am a woman and I am confident, and I don't need your compliments. I do bad all by myself.

[danitpoet-t]

Lines

The distance you put between us wont change the distance between those lines Trying to read between the lines, Redefine the lines, but I'm so emotionally conflicted. These lines could make you stay, but I'm angry cause you already have my whole heart in your hands and I'm still just counting down the days. Cause even though you haven't said it, I know you're planning to walk away. But yet here I stay. You've got good intentions, although your habits are sometimes unjustified I just remember it was you who took the time to adjust my mind Our love never had to be justified Cause in the end we had each other to confide. I never knew the time, but all that time we were making love I was trying to make you mine. But I guess there couldn't have been enough time. A whole year slipped by and I haven't even noticed it. But now these lines got me trying to redirect my focus and I think it may be too late. 7 days to departure and I start to feel it. Back is aching, tired all the time, and I swear I'm getting mad for nothing. I know you see it, but I'm scared as hell so I let you take this reality and alter it anyway you wanna perceive it. Day 6 comes around and I start to see it. Haven't made love in a week I know it's for a reason. Day 5 you tell me that you're mine and I just wanna press rewind cause I look in your eyes and I know that you're lying. I just know it aint the same, I know I'm not being honest either, it's driving me insane. But I don't want to be the reason you miss your plane. Day 4 you tell me I'm a good woman But I don't understand why you're running Day 3 I'm trying to make you love me Trying to make it easy But I guess it is harder than it seems Day 2 and I think I've lost hope My last chance to tell you But fear has me choking on my words. Words will never explain how sorry I am for the silence I choose. But I strategically crafted a message in the stars, hoping that maybe you'll hear it when you are far. And now the day has come. You promising to come back, but I just know it isn't like that. I just want you happy, even if it isn't with me. But I had all week to get ready And driving you to the airport, I'm struggling to keep my knees steady. Kissing me goodbye as you tell me it isn't like that But you cant give me any explanation for why you act like that. I watched you walk away with every piece of me. And now you'll never know you left a life in me. I wish we never crossed those lines, Cause two minutes later, I saw those two lines.

[danitpoet-t]

Messy Endings

We were like two storms that collided. Strong, destructive, and had to make its presense in everyones life. Put us together we were unstoppable, people would stare in denial that this storm could even exist. But just like every storm eventually fades away, so did our love. And now I am left wondering who's gonna clean up the mess.

[danitpoet-t]

11/20/14

I'm going to the studio tomorrow to record some of my stuff. THC and Liquor [0.48] Hold Me Close [3.39] [unrealeased] Mysteries [1.46] [unreleased] stay tuned

[danitpoet-t]

Mine

I think I know who I am although I cant always make sense of it. Just riding through the currents trying to make some cents from it. But the current sometimes drowns my morals and I feel how dense it is. They always claimed whats mine, but now it's my turn to claim whats mine but I'm always losing my grip of time so I try to pick the pen up to find the time to make something mines but all I got come up with is silly rhymes but I still take pride cause these words are mine. And I wish I had more words so I can say whats really on my mind I'm trying so hard to let it out so I hope you don't mind. Maybe im an animal not meant for a cage. Or maybe im just a human tryin to figure out what to do with my rage. Transforming punches into words and my screams into messages maybe this nonsense was meant to fill this page. Sometimes out of things to write but I still feen for the pen in my hand. And with nothing to say I feen for the mic on the stand. I dont know if this is what im meant for, but I fear even more not having a plan.

[danitpoet-t]

Home

No home to sleep at night which ever way I choose, always walking on eggshells in fear that these nuts will go loose. No home to call my own even though my pockets are empty. And I cant even choose a home cause im used to moving swiftly. Never knew of a home to comfort tears, or nourish dreams before them. Just wishful hopes and empty thinkin that it will be peaceful in the morning. I'm just a girl that never knew a home until she wrote a poem. Put my thoughts to rest these pages never judge me. And when im feeling low I have these scribbles to remind me. Home is not just a place to grow but somethin to but your mind at ease. Open up these pages and home is whatever I please. Home is a castle, with prince charming and silly cats.. Or home is by the dumpsters, on the corner selling crack. my home can be a treehouse, or maybe in the woods theres no need for a house. Or my home could be an igloo, made of money, or I could live in a bee hive, live like the bees to make some honey. My home is what I make it, I just make it with these pages.

[danitpoet-t]

Lost

I just hope that as the sun sets you think of me. I hope you think of our journey into space, gravity played no factor when we fell in love. I hope you remember the way my hair floated around as we danced on every star. I hope you remember every lullibye I sang as the moon craters cradled us to sleep. I hope you remember the promises we made as we sailed the milky way. You promised to come back, so I promised to let you go. I found my way, but often wonder where did you go?

[danitpoet-t]

Cycles

Trying to steer away from my past, But I just keep finding variations of my past And I thought I was doing shit right, But I should've figured with me it never last. I'm just trying to grasp my sense of direction But I have no hear mind coordination And the truth is, I don't know who I am, I'm just getting started on the creation. 15 years old, looking in the eyes of my mama. Drunk all the time, it started disgusting me to call her mama. Then lookin in the eyes of my reflection, Its starting to scare me cause I swear its her that I'm reflecting Running from her, but I'm really running from myself Cause she's just as lost as me. Never loved herself, so I don't know why its so surprising that she never learned to love me. And I guess how I can see, that that itself is its own misery. Watching her drink away her miseries, Promises to myself that I will never let that be me. But urges come and I try to fight it, but she made it look so easy. And every time I thought I was strong enough I'm somehow reminded that she is half of me. Watched her beaten my whole life, I guess thats why I let him beat me. And when I tried to get away from that, I just let men beat me while they fucked me. Never look then in the eyes, cause eyes don't tell lies And I just wanna feel love, even if its lies So I just close my eyes, and feel comfort in those lies. Hit it then I quit it, gypsy soul is what I call it. But these are real issues even if I don't wanna own it. I just hoped I could postpone it, for as long as I wanted with addictions not so common. Never gave myself a worth, cause love was all I wanted. But every time it came around, it wasn't what I wanted. So now here I am, 2 years sober testing boundaries, Aint that what I'm suppose to do. On this road to recovery, Road to rediscovering Who I really am and who it is I wanna be. And I'm quickly learning it isn't as easy as it seems. Cause these days it seems that I am my own worse enemy. Somedays it gets hard as I struggled to find the energy to put up with this fight. But I know I have a purpose if I survived the sharp blade of the knife. I'm discovering my worth although sometimes I am unsure. But I'm only 21 years old and cycles can still be broken. So I'm just gonna take this world on, even if I'm uncertain. Cause this is a new me, and my road has yet to be chosen. -performed at Fresh Cafe on November 6th, 2014

[danitpoet-t]

War

My heart is so over it. My mind is now the enemy. And as much as I wish I never met you, if I hadnt it wouldve been the end of me. You inspired me to be better, simply because I hoped one day I finally believe i deserved better. But when you walked out, I realized it was all an illusion. It was never love and that is my hearts conclusion. But my mind has these memories, and as much as I hate to admit it, these moments were good to me, although you never were. My mind is twisted, Conflicted, My heart doesn't even want you anymore but I cant seem to stop thinking about this pain you've inflicted.