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Guest Post by Sue C. Smith: 6 Ways to Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others (Vita. Consilio. 05.28.17)
We are wired to compare. We compare every day. Will this pair of shoes match my outfit today or go with my outfit tomorrow? Which is the better phone? Will I get to work faster if I take the car or the train? Which restaurant offers the best tasting steak? All these questions involve comparison.
But comparing ourselves to others is a whole different story. Comparing ourselves to other people is unfair because we can only know so much about another person. Constantly comparing ourselves to others can rob us of our joy. This is a game you can never win.
Think about it. If you are in a worse situation than others, you tend to feel sorry for yourself. Self-pity will not bring you anywhere near your own vision of success. If you think you are doing far better than others, you will have the tendency to inflate your ego. When you reach a point where you’re no longer doing better, the fall is much harder and you can develop resentful feelings against other people. See, no winner here.
Now, remember those times when you compared yourself to other people. Did it bring any added value to your life? Did it bring you happiness? Did it help you reach your goals? I doubt that it did. If you are doing better than someone else, so what? Self-comparison most likely won’t have much effect in your life.
However, comparing oneself to others is not easy to avoid. But being aware of the tendency to compare is a better way for you to grow as a person. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Avoiding self-comparison can help you reach greater heights in your life. Here are some ways:
1. Increase self-awareness
Instead of referring to others about becoming successful or doing better in life, assess yourself. Most likely, you and any other person will have varying perceptions of success. Therefore, there is no better way to achieve success than by being aware of yourself first. What is your perception of success? Is it a comfortable life? Having financial freedom? Being an entrepreneur, a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, or a Nobel Prize winner?
Once you set your perception of success, it is much easier to work your way towards achieving it. To do that, you must become aware of your strengths and weaknesses, your capabilities and limitations, and your thoughts and feelings.
Peeking at what other people are doing will not help you achieve your dreams and aspirations in life.
2. Be the master of your own thoughts
Like I noted, to stop comparing yourself to other people is not easy, but you can be aware that you are doing it. If you reach a point where you are starting to compare again, be in control of your thoughts. Remember that this comparison will not do you any good. It’s just a waste of precious time. Divert your attention to more productive thoughts.
3. Compare yourself to yourself
If you are going to do any comparing, compare yourself to yourself. Doing so can help you change your own thoughts and behaviors for the better. Yes, change is possible if you choose it. Compare yourself now to how you were ten years ago. What progress have you made? Did you just become older or did you become wiser? This comparison helps you become the best version of yourself.
4. Be aware of your success
Think of your own achievements and reflect on how you were able to reach them. Even the slightest winning moment deserves a few moments of discernment. If you are a writer, a published news article is worth celebrating. If you are an entrepreneur, being able to solve a problem in your business is a winning moment.
These wins help you to become motivated and make you a better person. It also helps to build self-confidence. With this, you can be inspired to take more shots towards success.
5. Give thanks
Being grateful for the things we have, the successes we achieved, and the knowledge we acquired keeps us grounded. It reminds us of our priorities and what matters most in life such as family, friends, relationships, and happiness.
Also, we should thank other people who have helped us, directly or indirectly. This strengthens our relational bonds and human connectivity.
6. Accept that nobody is perfect
Especially in moments of failure, you have to accept that nobody is perfect, and that failure is temporary unless you don’t do something about it. No need to compare yourself to others to know this.
Situations are not permanent for you to do a fair comparison of yourself to others. Beyond that, the only life you can control is yours. Appreciate yourself more. Understanding yourself paves the way for understanding other people. With this, you can be kinder and more empathetic. These are traits that can help you become happier and more successful.
Do agree with this? Share your stories of comparing yourself to others. What resulted from your comparison?
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Sue C. Smith is a fitness coach and mompreneur. She established essaycrest.com to share her passion for writing that sprung from blogging about her fitness regimen and healthy lifestyle. She then explored the world of writing even more and gradually fell in love with it. Sue wants to share her knowledge with readers. She has two lovely daughters who she teaches everything she knows about health, fitness, writing, and business. She aspires that one day, everyone will pay attention to their well-being through living a healthy lifestyle.
We’ve heard it so many times. We even say it and think it ourselves. Blue Monday. Hump Wednesday. Thank God it’s Friday. The universal feel is that work is a curse (it is) and that time could be better spent doing other things. Really though, we would eventually get to a point where we begin looking for something constructive to do, something more fulfilling and more meaningful. Pool tables, beach fun, or happy hour all the time simply doesn’t cut it for our minds and hearts. Working is good for our health, wellbeing, self-esteem, confidence, security, and even, happiness. This is why vacation time is limited. No matter what kind of work you do, please appreciate it. Like most everything in life, work has its downsides, but if we let it, it bears more blessings than curses. Production [work, creativity, service] is where we obtain the most value, feel the most fulfilled, and receive the greatest return on our investment.
You’ve Been Given This Mountain…but You’re Not Expected to Move It (Soul. Musings. 05/21/17)
So, you’re struggling to carry on. You’ve gone over everything again and again. You’ve checked in with God throughout the day and asked him to show you where you need to make a 360 or why your faith is being tried.
You’re in desperate need of someone to talk to, so you bring it up to your pastor or small group. In an attempt to encourage you, someone grabs your hand and tells you, “God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.”
Someone else puts their hand on your shoulder and says, “God never gives us more than we can bear.” Then, someone else slips up and boldly quotes 1 Corinthians 10:13 which says in part, “When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure” (NLT).
God’s Word is true and at the right time, it is just what we need to hear. We assume at times that when we’re going through a difficult time or struggling with a decision that we don’t already have checked off in our minds what is true. We do. What we’re really wrestling with is the crossroads we inevitably come to and how best to apply that truth at this point and time to our situation.
And you know what? God is totally cool with that.
Those cliched statements we often hear bear limited truth. Here is what I’m sure of:
God gives us more than we can bear sometimes because he wants us to remember that we’re not the ones doing the bearing. He is.
Our world screams independence and autonomy, and in its proper time and place, there is nothing wrong with that. But the bible tells us to trust in God, rely on him, and give him our cares — not circumstances, not careers, not family ties. Our strength compared to God’s strength is weakness. If we desire to win any battles, we’re urged to lean on him.
God gives us tough battles not because we’re strong but because he is faithful.
Every trial, every test of your faith and patience, every frustration is an opportunity in disguise to learn about the faithfulness of God. No one loves you and cares for you more than God. You may have others in your life who can help you through — and I hope you do — but whether you do or not, God has promised that he will be with you always. He doesn’t care how big the test or difficult the decision or how long the trial lasts, he is staying from beginning to end.
God gives us more than we can bear because he knows we are works in progress who will only be refined by fire until his grace is our reflection.
When we begin with God, it’s pretty easy. We learn the fundamentals. We take baby steps. We’re on training wheels. We work through our weaknesses and gradually mature by trial and error. After a while though, the training wheels fall off and we’re put into an arena of sorts where God wants us to remember everything we’ve been taught. He’s always right there, but every situation is transforming us into becoming more like him. Fire burns, remember? But we come out of the fire more merciful, more grateful, more humble, more grace-filled. We don’t know it while we’re in the fire, but He does.
God gives us tough battles for our long-term good and for his immediate glory.
We can’t always see it, but every battle we fight and every burden we bear is for a reason. God could just show us the reason right up front but we would never learn the lesson that way. Eventually, people will know why you went through what you went through and they will be better because of your experience. When they see you come through, you serve as a living witness that they can too. And God gets the glory.
If ‘God never gave us more than we can bear,’ I think it’s safe to say we wouldn’t need him. But every single day proves we can’t do it on our own. We need his help.
Next time, you’re experiencing a difficult period, need to make a tough decision, or are looking to do God’s will when no one else seems to understand, remember God does give us very tough battles at times. But if we trust him, the battle is his to fight for us.
THE GREATEST RESPONSIBILITY (Live. Pray. Hustle. 05/21/17)
The two greatest responsibilities and privileges in life are: loving and serving. Many problems exist in our lives and in the world not because of a lack of money, food, shelter, compatibility, time, or meaning. It’s because we fail to love and refuse to serve. Loving and serving are very elementary and it makes total sense for having a fuller life. But many of us don’t do it because we have ’self’ first and foremost. We cannot truly love ‘on our terms’ or serve only when we’re certain of an applause. We love unconditionally and serve wholeheartedly because it’s right and it’s the only thing in the long run that really matters. Loving and serving are our highest responsibilities and we can do that in any role we play, any job we work, any community we enter, and any person we encounter.
Why ‘Wonderful’ and ‘Perfect’ Leaves So Many People Unsatisfied (Vita. Consilio. 05.19.17)
How is it that some people can seemingly have it all in life but still end up unsatisfied and unhappy?
Let me tell you a story about Rebbie.
When Rebbie was a child, she envisioned her life. She dreamed of going to college, working an executive level job in the corporate world, becoming a public speaker, buying a two-story house in Boston, and essentially living the life.
When she was 16, she graduated at the top of her high school class, received a full scholarship to an Ivy League school, majored in business and public policy, and graduated by the age of 19. She had reached her goal one year earlier than planned and thought that after completing college she would be satisfied and happy.
Well, she wasn’t. The celebration and ecstasy of her graduating from college lasted less than 24 hours. She quickly looked for the next big thing.
Three weeks after graduation, she got her dream job. She thought as soon as she got her first check, she would be happy.
She got her first check, and then her second, and then her third. Still wasn’t happy. After six months, she got a pay raise. She still wasn’t satisfied. She thought she needed more.
She had very little needs but many wants. She became a public speaker, represented her company well, and was very knowledgeable about topics she spoke about. But she rewrote every speech three times because it “wasn’t perfect enough.”
She even wrote a book that became a bestseller. And when people told her how much they loved it, she doubted their words. Later, she married, bought her dream house, and even had a child. She took on a second job to fill that need for more money. But she was not satisfied.
Still, she felt she needed more. One day, she looked around and felt like she hadn’t done anything of significance with her life. She felt empty, lost, broken, unhappy, and unsatisfied.
If you asked her to describe her life, she would say it’s “wonderful” and “perfect”. Ask her why she felt she needed more — to do more, to have more, to be more — she couldn’t really give an answer.
Rebbie isn’t just one person in Boston. Rebbie represents hundreds, probably thousands, of people in every country of the world who have accomplished much and who have obtained much but who still want more.
I’ve had my share of such experiences. Setting goals. Accomplishing something worth noting. And then feeling like it is not enough. Not really happy with the achievement.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
It is normal human nature to want more. If we didn’t want more, it’s likely that amazing things in this world would not be done. Setting goals, achieving goals, and aiming to build upon previous success is a brilliant process through which we come to discover life’s meaning and fulfill our purpose.
However, we cannot look to our achievements to define us. What we do on the surface will never be enough. It will never be perfect because we are not perfect. If you look for success, material things, and people to be enough, you will always be unhappy and unsatisfied.
Third, what you do is not as important as who you do it for. The happiest, most satisfied people live lives of service. It’s never about the job you have or the money you make. It’s about how you serve and give.
Your ability to enjoy the journey and the process it takes to get there is what makes the effort worth it. There is really no end to the journey, only a continuous filling of joy and satisfaction from learning to enjoy what you get to do, whether it’s perfect or not.
Until next time, Vita. Consilio.
(Life. Intentionally.)
Unwritten: 10 Organizational Apps That Will Help Get Your Life Together (with Allie Braun)
It is not easy keeping everything we have to do, remember, get, purchase, take, or file in one place. In fact, it can be downright stressful to keep it all straight sometimes.
The good news is that we live in an amazingly digital age. With mini-supercomputers in our hands all day, every day, we already turn to our phones for literally everything else in our life. So why not organization too?
You can. It’s the second piece of good news about organization: there’s an app for that.
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