I met Vanessa Hudgens in February, 2011. We slowly became friends while working together on various projects. In 2017, we went on tour together. I was tour managing for a popstar named Lady Kathryn and Vanessa was our opener.
Wait, go back. The reason I met Vanessa was because she wanted to turn my fanfic into a film. I wrote a fanfic, about her, in 2010 and it blew the fuck up on Tumblr. It was one of the first-ever famous Tumblrs. My first interview was with AOL News and their first question was “What is Tumblr?” LMAO. A ton of people told me they created an account on Tumblr just so they could follow “Thick Vanessa.” I identify as a generational icon. It was a fanfic inspired by a photo of her taken while she was pregnant with her first kid in 2010. She looked devastatingly fine. It actually sent me on a long journey of realizing I’m only attracted to people with curves. I’d thought I was asexual for a couple of years and then I saw that photo of Vanessa and I was like.. welp I’m definitely not asexual. I realized I had never been shown fat babes in hot scenarios before that moment. She was wearing this sheer number with her belly button ring on display. So good. I was so relieved to actually feel an attraction to someone that I sat down to write an essay about the harmful effects thin white media has had on me as a thin white person...and it just...ended up being a fanfic. I couldn’t help what words were flying out of my fingers!!
A part of why it blew the fuck up was because it was so unbelievably PG. I would call this fanfic a “forehead touch romance” Like.. the most romantic scenes are when they are seeing each other from far away. Then it blew the fuck up because the main character, me, was trans and the anthro of my affection, Vanessa, was fat and filipino… the conventionals and conformists lost their ever loving shits. Which is how the fanfic went mainstream. As all this was happening Vanessa and I both found ourselves defending entire communities of people. There was a coming together of sorts for those of us who don’t usually get to see ourselves as romantic leads. We were both talking about the story, but we weren’t talking to each other. I was doing interviews and Vanessa was doing tweet threads about body positivity. This was also epic because thin babes weren’t really standing up for fat babes back then. It was kind of a big deal that she was, it was appreciated by all the right people. I do consider this period of time our first collab, regardless of the fact that we did not speak to one another directly at any point.
The final post on my Thick Vanessa Tumblr account was in respose to the media attention and all it’s differig view points. I sat down at my computer to start a response only to end up writing that essay about thin white media that led to my fanfic in the first place. It was published first on my blog and then in a digital magazine called The Cut and then in a queer anthology about entertainment and brainwashing. This experience garnered me a mildly successful career in journalism. Which I loved as much as I hated so I guess my full review is as follows...
Career in Journalism: mid.
I started writing “Thick Vanessa” on Tumblr in March of 2010 and the story ended in September of 2010. Kyla was born sometime in there. I’m bad with birthdays but their an Aries. Kyla becomes extremely important to the story later on so I’m dropping little seeds of information early in my telling. So, Kyla is born Aries season, the fanfic ends September 2010, I hear from Vanessa in February of 2011. She came to Chicago to meet up with me, I suggested my favorite coffeshop, Dollop. It was my favorite because the coffee was great, the vibe was chill, I lived in upstairs from the shop in the same building, and I worked there 4 mornings a week so my coffee was free. Vanessa and I got along immediately. She presented the idea of collaborating to turn my fanfic into a film. For whatever reason, I was hesitant. Vanessa convinced me that we were the right people to make it and she made a good point that if we didn’t do it someone else would and the result would be subpar. It was also in this very first meeting of ours where she said one of my favorite things she has ever said
“Besides, I’m rich. If we fuck something up I will simply PURCHASE the solution.”
The process of filming was easy, fun, and affirming. I realized I was actually... really skilled. I was doing plenty of freelance journalism on the side where my work was constantly being edited, reworked, moved around, cut to pieces. But on set, as a producer, everything I did was perfect exactly as it was...no edits needed. Vanessa and I worked extremely well together and managed to cultivate an onset experience that was genuinely chill. Twice people walked up to me to say it was the only time they felt completely safe and comfortable enough to be themselves while working. The onset expereince was SO safe and comfortable that Vanessa decided to stop working in film. After the release of Thick Vanessa in March of 2012, she made a smooth transition into music. This was her pop-punk, post-grunge era, big fan. I loved production so I kept doing it. We worked together all year in 2012, mostly for the film, but we wrote some things together as well. And as the years went on we worked together on a few music festivals, ran into each other at conferences, I went to the parties she threw, she came to the events I produced. Our friendship was a slow burn which is the only true way to make friends, imo.
Our bestie-ship was solidified in 2017 when we spent July, August, and September together on a European tour with Lady Kathryn. I was Lady K’s tour manager, Vanessa was our opener. Vanessa’s tour manager was one of the best in the biz, Mary Broadbent. I’d worked with Mary on a few festivals in 2015 and when I heard she was coming on tour with us an enormous weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Mary is organized, chill, and a techie. I love working with techies. I’ve had so many backline issues on tour because an opening band’s tour manager only skills are using excel and being charming. Stories for another memoir. ANYWAY. I bring up Mary because Mary is the one who initially told me & Vanessa about 2buttsm0gee on reddit. 2butts is a a 2010 shitposter turned 2014 conspiracy theorist who received their phD in Quantum Science and Engineering from Princeton in 2019. Their dissertation was a research study on alternate realities. The subjects of their study? Me & Vanessa.
On 18 August 2017 three very significant things happened
The Carnival
Torrell
2Butts proves the existance of at least one Alternate Reality
In order to do these stories justice I have to first tell you, at the very least, a synopsis of Thick Vanessa.
The story opens on Vanessa in the year 2030, she wakes up with this unmistakably familiar feeling. Her hand is placed gently on her heart as we meet her eldest kid, Kyla. Kyla is 18 years old and has a younger sibling trotting behind thim, Sunshine who is 12. Kyla questions their mother’s demeanor, asking if she is alright. Vanessa explains that she is fine she just has had an intense feeling rush over her. “What kind of a feeling” Kyla asks. Vanessa pauses, takes in a deep breath, a tear wells up in her eye and gets blinked away. “Just missing an old friend.” She explains The story switches back and forth between Vanessa’s POV and my POV. I am telling the story from the beginning. Vanessa is in 2030 the whole time and her kids are asking a bunch of questions. Through my retelling of the story we learn that I am a farmhand and Vanessa is a plus size supermodel. Our lives don’t exactly fit together. City gal, Coutry boy type of thing. On our first meeting we spend 36 hours together. She shows up at the farm where I work for a meeting with her friend. Her friend is getting married and checking out the barn as a wedding venue. Vanessa is three hours early and decides that I am her concierge for the day. So I rope her into doing farm chores. She rides on the back of my four wheeler down to the creek, we collect rocks for a fence repair project I’m working on. While gathering rocks we here a loud baby goat scream from far away. We have to rush back to help the baby goat whose leg is stuck in the fence that is in need of repair. We have to work together to bandage the baby goats tiny leg. I dare you to not fall in love with someone while bandaging a baby goats leg. Obviously we are flirty the whole day and at some point she realizes she’s not three hours early, she’s actually an entire day and three hours early. So, we spend the evening and next morning together as well. One of the super hot elements in this story is that while it’s obvious that we’re totally enamoured of one another, neither of us makes a move. We just resolve that if we see each other again it’s clearly meant to be. She rides off into the sunset and I assume that I’ll never see her again. Vanessa 2030 shares the story with her kids and answers their dozens of questions. Through these conversations we learn that over their 20 year love story, the two have only seen each other 7 times. And the last time they saw each other was 9 years ago. The kids are obviously up in arms about this whole story. Was Dan (that’s me btw) their mom’s true love?! Why couldn’t she just move to a farm?! They ask every question the audience would be asking, because I am a genius. The finale of the first blog post is when we come to understand that the feeling Vanessa had early in the morning is the feeling she gets before she and Dan are reunited, every single time. The thing is, there is no guarantee she will see him. Sometiems she gets the feeling, they end up at the same place, and decide to run off together for a couple of days, but sometimes she gets the feeling and they don’t even see each other. She’ll be somewhere and find out that Dan had left just minutes before her arrival. So, as much as we all want to belive that she’s having this feeling because shes going to see Dan again, we have to be realisitc about the fact that she simply..might not.
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this queer, scifi, millennial adventure where friendship and fandom save the world.
Written by Dan Owens-Reid, one of your favorite 2010s gays, creator of Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber and co-author of This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids.
Stories drop Friday, Saturday & Sunday at 6pm PT
Episode One airs Tuesday, June 9 on Mixcloud
