SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this queer, millennial, sci-fi adventure where friendship and fandom save the world. New stories drop Friday, Saturday & Sunday.
Gender update, Elizabeth Chase is Elizabeth in hollywood and Chase at home. Once we were finally cool (honestly took a long time) we talked about gender. It was cool because the way they felt about themselves felt like an answer to a question that plenty of my friends had, but didn’t know how to explore. They said they liked doing girly things and being femme, and described it as “putting it on” almost like they were their brother dressing up as girl. Which is the exact feeling they liked. A part of their gender experience that they loved was being able to choose how people saw them. Elizabeth Chase made perfect sense to me.
Amber and Elizabeth Chase went to this island party retreat to gather intel, not to make moves. I told you, this was a long-con. They had no idea what to expect, but they assumed it would be terrifying, horrible, and graphic. For the first three days, things were actually extremely chill. It was like an office retreat where everyone would share deep feelings, do a ropes course, and go to a power point presentation on mindfulness. There was a party every night, they got increasingly weirder. A number of people left early, having understood that shit was getting weirder and not wanting to engage in whatever was coming on the last night.
Elizabeth Chase and Amber obvi stayed the whole time. Night 4 there is a party on a different part of the island taking place in a huge hotel. Hundreds of rooms, full of people who do not want to be in those rooms. Amber is talking to an extremely ordinary and boring fellow who asks her
“So, are you two interested in making a purchase?” speaking to Amber, motioning to Elizabeth, he speaks to Amber only and does not even look at Elizabeth the entire time.
“We are, just you know, new to the game and want to know what kind of options we have” Amber answers
“Well, I can take you through our categories or you can tell me if there is an age range that interests you” he says
Elizabeth tenses up, breathes deeply, and tries to look comfortable. Amber, having fake-dated her for over year, recognizes the discomfort.
“Babe,” Amber puts her arm around Elizabeth’s waist and speaks quietly, “why don’t you let me handle this” Amber nods
“Of course, yes,” trying not to let her discomfort show, “I get so bored with money talk anyway,” she laughs, “I’m gonna head back to the villa, sound good?”
“Sounds good.”
They kiss and Elizabeth walks away, quickly.
Elizabeth Chase was on the verge of a panic attack. Fucking mall walking her ass back to their room. At some point she has to stop and take a break. Their vision is getting blurry and they have to catch their breath. They sit on the ground next to a plant, thinking they’re out of sight.
“’is your first time?” A british accent asks. Elizabeth Chase looks up, it’s Harry Styles
“yea”
“Anyone with a blue stripe in their tie is involved in sales. Avoid them” he sat on the ground next to her
“Could have used that advice 10 minutes ago” she shakes her head
“Yea, you didn’t go back there did you?”
“No. I, uhm, my partner is handling it”
“that’s good. And it’s good that you’re here. They leave you alone if they’ve got footage of your involvement,” He pointed to a camera. Harry gave the middle finger and waved to the camera he referenced. There were cameras everywhere all over the island in every room. Elizabeth Chase and Amber figured that was the case which is why they weren’t talking very much. Everything they said was likely being recorded. When they did discuss their business they were super careful, very spy.
“That’s good to know” Elizabeth said
“Yea, I’m here for the more simple debauchery, myself, not the rest of it-”
“oh?”
“Yea, I mean hey I liked the presentation on nano-fibers. Cant think of a reason to use ‘em but ey-” He and Elizabeth laughed a bit and he continued, “mind if I ask you something?”
“uh, sure” She was still trying to catch her breath, but it was coming back
“When did you know?”
“about…?”
“About your, I dunno, way”
“My way?”
“Your uhm, who you, I guess, uh. Let’s see, I don’t want to be offensive-”
“Are you… asking me about gay stuff?” she asked, he laughed
“I uhm, not really sexuality as much as like pronouns and I um-”
“ah, gender”
“Yea, gender” he laughed, “I don’t know why that word makes me uncomfortable.”
“I can take a guess”
They both laughed.
“Your pronouns are both she and they, rgiht?”
“That’s right.”
“I’m- I guess, well,” He was searching, “why?”
“Why?” she laughed,
“yea I mean, why not jus look how you want and be who you want and let people call you whatever?”
“Well I like being acknowledged. And because… there’s more going on with me than just ‘she’ its- hard to explain, but it just feels better. More all encompassing. If people just use ‘she’ for me that’s whatever, but when people use both she and they I’m like.. yea.” her vibe chilled out,
“hmmm. I can understand that,” he gazed out at the ocean, “I guess ‘he’ doesn’t really define all of me, does it then?”
“Well, only you know the answer to that.” the two of them smiled at one another and took a moment to enjoy the ocean breeze
“I like these parties because I can be myself.” Harry said, “I can kiss whoever, dance however, wear whateva. No matter what I do there’s something more strange and distracting about.”
“You don’t feel you can be yourself anywhere else?”
“I dunno. I’ve never bEEn anywhere else. This has been my life since I was a child. I don’t really see a way out.” he said
“I get that, but ya know, there are better places to be yourself than here”
“you think?”
“I know.” Elizabeth took a second, “for a while I kept my identity to myself and my close friends, I felt like it was no one’s business, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the kids that look up to me. I just didn’t want to lie to them anymore.”
“mmm, that’s interesting”
“Kids are smart, they’re intuitive. I think they know what’s going on with us and when we lie to them we’re just teaching them to ignore their intuition”
“wow, good point with that one”
“Also, I did come out right after Demi tip toed back into the closet because I felt so judgmental. I was like oh explaining they/them is too hard for you? Imagine being 7...and then I realized I Was a hypocrite bc I was fully in closet so-”
Harry laughed. Elizabeth Chase realized they were no longer having a panic attack, they let out a sigh of relief
“thank you” she said, “for the conversation” she finished her sentence as Amber walked up
“eeyy found ya” Amber stuck their hand out to help Elizabeth up
“Oh hey, I was just-” she motioned to Harry, “chatting”
“Harry” he introduced himself
“Amber” she shook his hand, which he used to pull himself up
“Thank you,” Harry said to Elizabeth, “For the conversation.
When Amber and Elizabeth got back to their room, Amber turned on some very loud music and took Elizabeth in her arms. They started to slow dance and Amber whispered in her ear.
“Laugh at me like I’m saying some sexy shit”
Elizabeth obliged, Amber continued
“Theres cameras in our room. They asked outright how come we’re not fucking”
“oh my” Elizabeth said, as if Amber was being hot
“They were starting to get suspicious and asking me all these questions about us.”
“mmhmm”
“-I I think they have Naya Rivera’s kid. I overheard someone talking and they said they sold Naya for 6mil!”
“mmm” Elizabeth pulled Amber closer, “what the fuck?” she whispered
“yea, I told them we were very vanilla in bed.”
“oh, ok” they continued dancing, “spin me”
Amber did a slow spin and then the two of them kissed.
“I told them that I wanted to get into management and was hoping to find a kid to get into music-”
“I see-” Elizabeth pulled back and nodded
“So we bought a 14 year old”
“oh”
“Yea so I need $400,000 and we should fuck or at least fake fucking in the shower or something. They probably have cameras in there too shit-” Amber was starting to unravel
“Here, look at me” Elizabeth Chase took her face in their hands and said, “you did so great”
“yea?”
“yes.” Elizabeth kissed Amber's neck and whispered in her ear “We’ll get one of these kids home tomorrow and then we’ll come back for the rest.”
“ok” Amber nodded
“Now, let’s make out, you take off my dress, and we’ll go fuck in the shower.”
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Eight: August 11th, 2026
Okay, time to back track a bit. I don’t want anyone reading this to think that the entire world got better and everything was magic. There was some seriously rough shit going on and we had to do a lot of problem solving. THANK G0D ALL THE COOL PEOPLE ARE NEURODIVERGENT. Problem solving is one of our greatest skills. One of the first things we povvos did was come up with our own currency. This was a transition phase between the capitalist economy and the gifting economy. Toward the end of 2024 we started using a cryptocurrency called Shiba Inu (SHIB). It was available on all the big crypto platforms but it was also available via a small toy that looked like a Tamagotchi. This toy had a little digital puppy living in it. The people that made SHIB gave them out for free to anyone below the poverty line. So, you didn’t need a phone or computer to use their crypto you could be homeless, unemployed, with no I.D. and still own SHIB. SHIB compared to USD was practically worthless in terms of monetary value. It was worth like $0.00000078, less than a fraction of a penny per coin. This is what made us all so interested. If you sent someone $15USD they received like a million SHIB. We didn’t really assign value in the classic american way. It was more like, I have this thing you need, send me however much SHIB you want. And since we were all SHIB millionaires, these little tamagotchi puppy coins gave a lot of us a leg up in terms of getting our needs met, at least amongst ourselves. Plus they were cute AAAAAND having a tamagotchi hanging from your carabeener was an amazing povvo tell, so we didn’t accidentally engage with the elite.
You see, slowly but surely we realized it wasn’t about eating the rich, it was about starving them. Starving them of our attention, our labour, our ideas, our time, our money. It turns out when rich people don’t have us povvos, they actually don’t have anything at all. The elite realized something was up in 2024 when the number of people voting dramatically decreased. It had already been in a decline as more of us learned how the system actually works we were like oh so...i’m wasting my time?? I had always struggled with “political science” (not a science) in school, and as an adult realized that polisci and history were so hard for me to learn because they were completely false. I think my body knew the truth and refused to let me learn a lie. I knew the electoral college was a thing, but what it did? Shoulder shrug. So we all start to understand that we aren’t actually voting, we’re just going to a place and turning in a fucking comment card. Our opinions aren’t even considered. Delegates, Super Delegates, Congress, City Council, the School Board, literally all of it was people hand-picked to serve by people with a shit load of money who want to be serviced. And laws are just created in a room of like 5 old men trying to lower their own taxes. Obviously we didn’t all figure this out at once, so the decline was slow and over time.
For a little perspective:
in 2018 the population was 327million and there were 200mm registered voters in the states.
2020 there were 331mm people and 168mm registered voters
2022 there were 333mm people and 161mm registered.
2024 there were 345mm people and 114mm registered.
The reports they put out said there were 210mm registered. Luckily, like 40 people from different voting boards and non-profits released statements saying that the number was fabricated. The literal person who printed the report came forward with the truth. They got silenced pretty quickly, but word traveled fast once we started just talking to each other / gossiping instead of trying to make everything into good enough content for social media.
AThe problem with us not voting wasn’t about getting to the polls, it was that we weren’t paying attention to everything leading up to it, we were instead preparing ourselves for the inevitable and setting up new systems to be sure our communities were fed and sheltered. We weren’t watching the fucking news and listening to these old fuckers debate about something they already made a decisions on, like hello? Taking our attention off of these old creepies and focusing on ourselves was perhaps the single most revolutionary act of all.
The elite acted like nothing was wrong, they treated it like any other recession, ignoring the problem and hoarding resources. We weren’t hoarding because we couldn’t afford to, so instead we built. There was a lot of guerilla gardening, tent cities, and recycled water systems which was helpful for hygiene and kept us from getting so sick. The Elite made this weird mandatory no mask rule because they thought it would help them identify the leaders of our revolution, but babes, there were no leaders. That’s why it was a revolution.
We also started to do things in groups. Rather than one person going to the grocery store, ten of us would go. This kept us safer and made it easier to steal. The elite enlisted the military to keep us in line, but the thing about people in the military is.. POVVOS BRO. And most veterans are fucking pissed at the US military for hanging them out to dry the literal second they were able to. I have never really fd with the military so I did not know any of this, but apparently most people are getting fucked sideways by the US gov (shocking I know)
Turns out the govvie is like:
Disability from war? Go fuck yourself.
Deployed when yr mom died? Go fuck yourself.
Nowhere to live when your service is up? Go FUCK yourself.
PTSD totally our fault? Go fuck yourself
Experienced assault during your service? DIEINAHOLE
I thought there were like billions of services for veterans because I used to see the fucking billboards everywhere but bros it’s apparently worse than Social Services and the DMV combined. And like, most people join the military bc they and their families need the money. So when the money stops it’s like… uhmmmm??? The one great thing about being in the military is the dedication to your team. The camaraderie is meaningful, it’s something that sticks with people. And do you know who comrades protect? Their people... not their authority.
So the elite are asking the military to protect them and plenty of narcs are happy to do it. There were a boatload of people that believed the elite when they said we were just going through another recession rough patch. Which btw did you know there was a recession approximately every 8 years for over a century? And we just...dealt with it. Why were we so embarrassingngnggngn?!?! People kept making movies and music. They kept holding events and winning awards. There were sports...things. There were some people that saw the world on fire and simply looked the other way.
So Chase, in 2024, starts to focus on their stealth training. Stealth in the regular way, not the trans way. They decide to see if they can get into and out of the Sun Valley Billionaire Summer Camp without being detected. They did. And they also wished they hadn’t. It turns out that multi-millionaires and billionaires are so rich because they sell people. Children, celebrities, povvos, and what’s super weird is they sell our labour to other countries. You know how back in the 20teens you’d hear that we were in trillions of dollars worth of debt owed to another country? In order to have debt you have to have assets to lean on. Well, get a load of this bullshit…
The all caps name on our social security cards is registered when we’re born bc the USA automatically registers the birth event, but we become property when we are given a birth name. During this process, our parents actually sign a contract that passes over the ownership of us to the USA Govvie. Turns out the Govvie is actually a for profit company?????? So when they borrow money from other countries, what do they borrow against? Us. The list of all caps name citizens. They tell the countries how much labour we can achieve in the future based on how many of us will work, how many people they plan to imprison, and how big of a military we can build. And the other countries give them some billions because they’re like ‘yea you guys are really good at forcing people to work for pennies, we trust it.’
As we are putting together the fact that literally every person in the USA is being trafficked, we get a little lost on how the fuck to deal with that?? Before we can even have a conversation about it, Chase starts killing billionaires.
Every time Chase kills a billionaire, they discover multiple trafficking practices. Chase and Arrows start working together. Important note, Arrows has the ability to see the future. They can see the future as if it is a memory of the past. Super cool. Though, admittedly, confusing at first. Arrows has a future memory of this party on an island with hundreds of rooms full of people who do not want to be in those rooms. The place is borderline impenetrable. First of all, it’s an island. Coming in via plane, boat, helicopter, it’s all super obvi. Not very stealth. Second of all, there’s a shit load of people there and a shit load of security. Third of all, it’s kind of like a horrible-people-company-retreat?? There is a strict event schedule, weird games, and people are up at all hours gabbing and crying together. AND all of the staff live on-site. The only way they can see getting into this event is by getting an invite. Enter, Amber.
So Amber and Chase together is really interesting because of their shared love for Vanessa. Chase and Vanessa are still off and on (literally to this day). Amber and Vanessa are like friends with benefits whenever their romantic schedules align. There’s kind of a tension between Amber and Chase, mostly coming from Chase.
Thing about Amber is they get along with everyone and in a time where it’s literally the elite against the povvos it’s kinda like...PICK A SIDE BRO. But Amber didn’t. Which caused a rift in her relationship with Arrows. So they had tension too. But because Amber was half-narc, half-cool, she was perfect for this long-con.
Amber was big into poker. She’d go to these underground poker parties in LA that were...eh, a little...shady? She invited me once and tried to entice me by telling me about all the girls that would walk around and give massages. I made her stop talking before she gave me more info. So half-narc Amber has this IN – a ton of these people play poker and go to weird parties. It won’t be hard to get Amber an invite. Problem is, the only way to get Chase in is to have them invited as Amber’s guest. Solution: Amber and Elizabeth Chase start a totally fake public relationship. For over a year, they go to events together, build a fake social media love life, they even fake move in together at one point. I just love this so much because the whole time they’re fake dating, they’re both also real dating the same person. It’s like… just very gay. As they’re faking being in love, Amber is also faking being a horrible piece of shit in order to get in with the horrible pieces of shit that are throwing these island parties. Long story short it fucking works. December 2025, Amber receives an invite for an exclusive retreat on a private island taking place on New Years Eve.
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Eight: August 11th, 2026
For a few weeks Arrows and I took day trips around the Bay Area to see if there was anything available that appealed to our commune sensibilities. I kind of loved calling it a commune even though at first I thought it was super weird. When Steph explained the difference between cult and commune and community I was like oh ok that makes senes. And the they explained how multiple communes can make up a community and I was like that extra makes sense. And then they explained what Anarchy actually is and I was like oh oops I literally want that
I am embarrassed to admit that I fully thought the things we were taught in school were legitimate until my 30s. Woof. gen z truly knows so much more than any adults that came before them. OH TOTALLY FORGOT to tell y’all that by 2028 I was able to communicate with Dan’s from the future and I would go visit Steph in my dreams for what I called Smol.SpeckSkool. I love to have fun names for things.
“Okay so what does anarchy mean to you?” Steph asked
“uhm chaos, right?” I answered
“That’s what it means to you? or that’s what you’ve heard multiple 60 year olds say and you just sucked it into your brain and started repeating it like it was your own thought?”
“uhm…” again, embarrassed to admit but I mean, “The second one”
“right okay, so-”
Wu raised their hand. Wu was with Steph 100% of the time. Jordiana was off doing their own thing. After our Stardust Collective Meetup in 2021, Steph sent Wu and Jordiana in different directions, they traveled in opposite directions doing opposite things for a couple years and then made their way back. This was an important confirmation for Steph and then until 2026 they were focused on trying to detangle Wu and Jordiana. It was a success, which was awesome because the outcome of that experiment was supposed to be a key to us defeating 1400sAnneHathaway. So after the two of them are detangled Wu is still fully imprinted on Steph but Jordi is not. Because of the tiktok twilight discourse I know that some of you all think of imprinting as an extremely weird thing and I want to clarify it’s like a parent child type of deal. Imprinting is not romantic and idky someone would make it romantic unless they were extremely fucked up inside their mind-hole.
K so in skool, Wu raised their hand.
“yes dear?” Steph asked
“My human is extremely resistant to this lesson, why?”
“ooh! Lets find out!” Steph rolled a big cyberdeck looking thing. It was on a big tall metal cart and the monitor was like an early 2000s extra thick TV. The squeaking of the wheels and metal was an incredibly nostalgic noise that scratched a part of my brain I forgot existed. Steph plugged something into the back of Wu’s head which made me gasp because how had I not noticed the creepy robot hole in the back of their head?!?! Steph started doing what I call speck-typing where they were like moving their finger across the screen and the words would appear. It was super cool and there were still typos and stuff that would appear on screen, afer a few sentences the computer would fix what was written. That’s when I realized Steph had a learning disability, like me! And I was like damn if Steph can do all this shit with a learning disability then I, too, can probably do all this shit with a learning disability.
“ok so it looks like your human dated an anarchist for three years from 2014 – 2017 and it ended badly.”
“I’m sad”
“There you go!”
Wu smiled, proud of themselves for accessing a difficult emotion. They looked around and gave a thumbs up and then sank into themselves and sulked for the rest of the lesson. They were working specifically on understanding and processing emotions. Which took me like 10 years so Good job, Wu!
“Ok, Dan, Anarchists are people that believe the current system of hierarchy is coercive and immoral. And that punishment within this system is unethical and like suuuper fucked up.”
“oh, abolish the police type of stuff? I’m into that”
“for sure, the police, the prisons, the government, etc.,”
“Interesting. You know also when we used to be like “abolish the police” in 2016 people would be like ‘then what do we do about rapists and murderers’ and now I know the answer-” I said
“-call Bella Thorne?”
“I mean yea or Wonder or Chase or the group chat” I laughed
“You know what else is cool. Because there is no hierarchy of authority, communities make decisions on their own. So there will absolutely be groups of people that focus on rehabilitation and recovery.”
“hmm I guess that’s cool to think about...”
“So, like, where I’m from it’s all tiny little communities that make their own decisions. Some have a long ass list of rules, some have absolutely no rules, some are in the middle. There are communities that don’t welcome guests and there are communities that welcome any and all. Some rehabilitate people who do fucked up things and some kick those people out and some fuck those people up. It’s literally all up to the community as a whole. And if you grow into a different person, you can go off on an adventure and find somewhere that fits that new you.”
“That is pretty fucking sick” I was curious though, “how come my default thought process is to believe Anarchy is chaos”
“mm I can’t pretend to know everyone’s thoughts, I mean, even though I actually do but you see what I’m saying-”
“uuhm-”
“-but I’d like to turn this question answer sesh on you. If you wanted to keep people trapped and they kept thinking critically and using magic powers and escaping to create tiny small self-sustaining communities that didn’t need your useless material shit anymore, what would you do to remain in control and keep those people trapped?”
“hmmm” I pondered and then I decided to stop thinking so much and just say whatever words came out, “I would make them feel stupid. And incapable. I’d try to make self-sustaining communities look... I dunno, creepy and weird? and really hard. I’d just try to make people afraid of doing their own thing.”
“So, maybe that’s your answer”
I woke up sometime in the afternoon. The heat woke me up. Sleep was difficult because I was traveling so much. I felt like I needed a break from sleeping?? Arrows and I were about to head off for our day trip and they noticed how fucking exhausted I was
“Hey, you sure you’re good to hit the road again today?” they asked me
“I don’t know man I’m pretty wiped. I’ve been taking night classes with Steph”
“Oh, Steph-” Arrows sighed
“Aw, how are they” Aaliyah asked
“They seem really good but I can’t really say because we mostly talk about anarchy, quantum entanglement, and robots.”
“Robots?” Arrows asked
“yea I want to build robots”
“whoa that’s awesome” Aaliyah said “Hey babe, should we see if Steph wants to come out here?”
“wow. I mean, I haven’t seen them in like 4 years... It would. Uh,” arrows was smiling, looked like reminiscing “That would be cool”
“So you're cool with Arrows and Steph’s like…” I didn’t’ know what it was called
“Cool? I’m obsessed. What an incredible experience to have! I honestly feel lucky to have a partner that has had such a profound and galactic type of love. I have full on compersion for the two of them.”
“Compersion?” I’d never heard that word before
“Yea, the feeling of joy you get when seeing someone else experience joy like seeing your partner experience a great love with another” they said and reached for Arrows. The two of them hugged and I Was like they’re so cute
“hmmmm” it sounded cool, “like the opposite of jealousy?”
“uh. Sort of but also no, because you can have both at once, it’s kind of... it’s an empathetic type of joy.”
“I feel like I have that for my friends”
“I can totally see that”
“I love when my friends are in romantic situations with people who mesh well with them. It makes me all excited.”
“yea so there you go. You get it”
“Can Steph come here?” I wondered out loud
“Steph can do literally anything” Arrows answered
“right right right” I said as Steph poofed into existence right next to me, “JESUS FUC-”
“Hiiiiiii” Steph said, I clasped my chest concerned for my wellbeing!!!
“Steph” Arrows said, “I- it’s been”
“hi” Steph said
“Steph! Ohhh ok what if..” Aaliyah said, “Dan and I go seeking today and you two do your own thing?”
“Uhm” Arrows words fell short
“or” Steph said, “we all go together. Today is a special day”
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Eight: August 11th, 2026
2027 into 2028 was by far one of my favorite years.
So much happened!
To catch you up, after four years of Doja and the Kittenz destroying her career, Doja disappeared. Like, 2026 she completely vanished. No one could even figure out how it was possible because the state of security in the States had gotten out of control. If you wanted to do anything in private you had to live in the middle of the woods 5000m from the closest electric or phone line. It was so annoying! What made her disappearance even more confusing is that the surveillance of celebrities increased ten-fold. So many fame-ohs were standing up for themselves and the kids. And Elizabeth Chase was also relieving our reality of some extremely toxic executives. So the execs thought they could save themselves ahead of time by just constantly watching everyone’s moves. Hated it. Anyways Doja disappeared 2026 and after a year of people searching for her, they gave up. They declared her dead, death certificate and all.
Right around the time Doja disappeared in 2026, Justin Bieber got into a minor accident which caused him to lose his voice for about 4 months. His speaking voice came back, but he couldn’t sing anymore. Every time he tried, the sounds that came out of him were harsh and uncomfortable. There was a docu series that followed him around from September 2026 – May 2027 going on his little dude version of Eat Pray Love, trying anything and everything to find a solution. No one could figure it out. No expert, spiritual counselor, doctor, psychic, no one could figure out what the fuck was going on. In 2028, Justin announced his official retirement. His inability to sing and two years of trying to force it, he’d become so depressed and overwhelmed with the task that he needed to give up. He asked for privacy. He left hollywood and went radio silent.
‘27/’28 was also a time that was exceedingly difficult for the elite. Wells Fargo, Bank of America, JP Morgan Chase, and HSBC got hacked at the exact same time. And the access point came from hundreds of different places, it wasn’t one hacker with an IP address. It was hundreds of hackers with IP addresses bounced 4 and 5 times. There was no fucking way to figure out where it came from. And even if they wanted to, it’d be kind of hard considering that the outcome of the hack was that money no longer existed. Or at least for the four biggest financial institutions and over $11billionUSD no longer existed.
Lmfaoooooooooooooooooo
It’s really not funny, the amount of destruction and loss we had to experience, but most of us had been homeless and without money for years...so, when rich people were freaking out about not having money we were all like… wow that must be so hrad.
Now, obviously my bestie Vanessa is rich as fuck so it’s like ‘is she okay’ I mean, yes and no?? Like how is she as of today? She’s awesome. Did she like being one of the rich when the rich were being eaten? No… no she did not. Regardless of the fact that it was a lot better for her than all the other Elites. It was so goofy watching them continue to like make movies and go to work, streaming shitty TV for the conventionals clinging onto anything that would make them feel like everything was normal.
When people said “Eat the Rich” in the past I was like.. ew I don’t want to eat a person, but as I saw the decay of wealthy lifestyles happen before me I realized that the phrase means something different. We povvos had been taking care of each other since the beginning. I remember my friend Peter in Santa Barbara gave me some gas money once and he said
“You know who takes care of the homeless, right?”
“who?”
“The homeless” he said
And he was right. I’ve received way more resources from people “struggling” as much (or more than) me. Because it’s natural. We have a finite number of resources, but we’re not attached to them in the same way. If I have two cans of beans and one of my friends needs a can of beans, I’m not like OH NO I NEED TWO CANS BC I NEED A BEAN CAN FOR TOMORROW WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS. I’m like fuck yea take a bean can, we all gotta eat and tomorrows problems will be solved tomorrow.
Now, there were absolutely some rich people that were sharing resources. Vanessa was obviously one of them or we would not be friends anymore and tbh she’d probably be ded. In 2025 she stopped supporting the entertainment industry altogether. She must’ve said “no” 600 times before her team finally stopped bothering her. She sold her big ugly house after living in it for only a year and moved into something smaller in a better neighborhood. She did say
“This is probably going to sound bad but I feel safer around poor people?” to which I responded,
“you literally are safer around poor people.”
So the two apartment buildings across from her place went on rent strike in 2027 and then dudes in uniform showed up to be assholes and put an end to it. They were throwing everyone’s shit on the street and kicked everyone out of the building. But no one stopped striking!! Vanessa and Evan lived like three houses down from each other and both opened up their homes so their neighbors had somewhere to pee, eat, rest. People were scattered throughout their homes, tents in the backyard, vans parked on the sidewalk. Also there were old fucking fogies in that building that uniforms just put ON THE STREET?!?! What? Vanessa had basically 30 roommates at one point.
So around this time there is also a lot of impressive, profound, hilarious, and extremely discreet organizing happening within the Black and Brown communities of Los Angeles (and all over). Am I going to tell you what happened? NO because I know there’s white people reading this book an as descendants of colonizers it’s in our blood to ruin Black people’s plans, so you don’t get to know what happened because I’m not a fucking narc. But if Arrows ever writes a memoir you should read it because the shit that happened was SO GOOOD LMAOOOOOOOO omg also if Walela writes a memoir, read it twice.
And the entirety of Gen Z were like prankster-heist-eco-terrorits. It was so iconic, but I really can’t be one of those millennials that writes something about Gen Z and pretends I know how they talk. You guys know it doesn’t sound right when you write for these kids right? Like, we can all tell it was a 35 year old pretending to be 17 which is just weird. And if you think you’re the one millennial using genz slang correctly, I would like to present you with a phrase my biodad used to say
“That’s what you get for thinking.”
Let 17 year olds write their own shit. Jfc.
SO BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING. Lots going on, yea? And us povvos decide to only work for and with each other. There were very few exceptions because while Vanessa and Evan had earned their place as trusted elites, most millionaires stayed in their houses afraid and payed an absurd amount of paper money for easy access to resources. Like $10,000 for a case of water. Which was so silly because money wasn’t even useful anymore, but you know people will hang onto things for fucking ever. They were still making movies even though we couldn’t stream them...But okay here’s what made all this so fucking great.
Plumbers are povvos
Electricians are povvos
People who cook? Clean? Care take? Povvos.
Teachers? Povvos
Builders? Povvos
Producers, Musicians, Filmmakers. Povvos
Maintenance, Landscaping, Road building? Povvos.
The people who make your clothes? Povvos.
The people who take the trash away from your cute little lawn?
Povvos.
So all over the place people just stopped working for the elite. IT was like, should I travel 6 miles to go to a rich persons house and fix their 12 toilets in one house for money that probably won’t be useful anytime soon?? OR do I stay here and fix 12 toilets in 12 houses of people who are COOL and instead receive a thank you? We preferred the thank you. And usually got other gifts as well. It was fucking cool. Neighborhoods became communities. And if you’re like ‘a neighborhood is already a community’ then you have no fucking clue what community is actually like. And I hope, from the bottom of my heart, you get to learn because there is nothing on earth like knowing that you have the love and support of dozens of people, no questions asked. Nothing in the world feels safer than knowing that in the middle of the night you could run to any person within a 5k radius and you’d be welcomed inside with open arms.
And when all the plumbers decide to help out their neighbors instead of the wealthy…the rich neighborhoods become extremely undesirable.
I don’t know if you guys had this but there was once this disturbing cruise ship situation where shit started leaking out of the walls. That’s what it was like for rich people. And a lot of them had sequestered themselves in Beverly Hills and Calabassass. We could tell because when you drove through those areas the air was thick as fuck and horrible. It was like all the portapotties at Coachella got knocked over at the same time.
Blegh.
I was very happy to live in my car and do work trades with farmers and other povvos like myself. We did not have shit leaking out of our walls. Also they had no clue what to do with trash. We were like, food in the garden, paper and cardboard for the fire, glass gets reused, plastic gets cleaned and goes in the giant broiler that turns it into diesel fuel. Like, duh. Rich people can not for the life of them understand compost for some reason. They make it so much more complicated.
SO IN ADDITION to all this shit (lol). In 2028, the internet is basically over. Every social media platform got shut down, there was too much effective organizing and quick communication. They took down YouTube, TikTok, Vine, even Only Fans! The accessible internet was basically just google which everyone stopped using in 2025 because the search results were so bunk. In retaliation, povvos took out the cell towers. We can’t communicate via internet then you cant communicate via phone! We could like write letters, but there were no postal workers so we’d have to hand deliver them. Long distance became harder, but not impossible. Because, of course, we povvos had wide open energetic fields. As much of a disaster as the world had become, we were actually kind of chill about it?
Oh also, Vanessa became an electrician. One of the 70yr olds from the apartment building across from her lived in her house for a couple years and they just super got along? They taught Vanessa how to be an electrician which is so awesome, but if she’s ever fixing something for you I highly recommend letting her do her own thing and then come back when she’s done. Watching her is like really stressful. She says “oh fuck” a lot and she will get shocked at least twice. But I think she likes that? Or is at least okay with it?? I don’t know bro, my point is. She’s great, and it might stress you out to watch her be great. Just a heads up.
OKAY SO – we have to figure out a way to communicate with each other, right? Newspapers have a cute little comeback. People make little neighborhood focused zines and trade with other communities. I found out Justin Bieber retired from a neighborhood zine that was created in SoCal that I read while traveling through Utah. A part of what I did during this time was travel and do little deliveries for people. A lot of us had older vehicles, which we were able to flip into vehicles that could run off of anything: water, used kitchen oil, piss. Literally, if it was liquid the car would run. I liked doing delieveries for people, they were always so excited to receive.
We built these walkie talkies that reached up to 500km (which btw if ‘they’ tell you something is not possible they’re lying in hopes that you will never try). We distributed them strategically throughout the states. It’s kind of like having a dorm phone but for the whole community. Honestly it works out great.
K so then one night people are talking around their little fires. And they’re discussing these open energetic fields we must have because of the decrease in stress. Someone brings up Remote Viewing and telepathy. And then we had free communication for the rest of our lives. The only real complication with this method is that to send and receive messages both people have to be open to sending and receiving at the same time. Being open to receiving was one of the hardest things to learn how to do, but my goodness was it worth it. You’d be surprised how often you and your long distance bestie are thinking of each other at the exact same time.
Here is where 2028 surpasses 2027 as the best year ever for me, personally. I was delivering a letter to someone in the bay area. I hadn’t been to the Bay Area in years and had no idea what to expect. It was beautiful. Nature took over. A place that I once considered to be covered in cement was green as fuck. The whole damn place was a community garden. And a lot of people lived in boats! There was a different free market in a different part of the city everyday. The day I drove through to drop off my delivery there was an Art and Fruit market right down the road. I decided to stop by bc why not. I saw an artist that I recognized.
“Ashe?” I asked
“Hello I’m Ashe” they said
“Is this your art?” I asked
“Well this is,” They pointed, “This booth belongs to one of my partners, they’re here every week. I’m just visiting. So, this is all my partner’s work and these are mine” they referenced a painting that was so beautiful I wished I had a wall to put it on.
“I love this”
“Thanks it’s about being autistic”
“I’m Autistic!”
“cool me too” Ashe smiled
“How is it about being autistic?” I asked, I know the whole thing with art is like interpret it on your own, but I don’t like to do that. There’s nothing for me to interpret.
“Well, this is how it sounds and this is how it feels”
“Whoa” I was so glad I asked, “That’s beautiful.” it made perfect sense to me which is why I don’t like to interpret art!! The artist interpretation is better!! They made it!! “You can visually interpret sounds and feelings?”
“yea” they smiled
“that is such a cool ability”
“thanks! I think so too, when it first happened I was like, why does that smell like shapes? But then I started to really love and appreciate it and now I’m like oooh that smells like circles let’s check it out.”
“so fucking cool-” I said, they laughed and someone walked up with a big ass basket of fruits and veggies
“How’s this look?” they asked Ashe
“Oh wow it’s beautiful!” Ashe responded. They picked up two small paintings and handed them to the person who had the basket. An Art & Fruit trade.
“Thank you!” The person said, “We’re going to put each one on either side of this mirror we have, it’s omg I wish I could show you, it’s going to be so cute.”
“I would love to see it! This basket looks so awesome. I actually am going to have some grapes right now, do you want?” they asked me.
“sure” I said and ate some grapes. The two of them said a few more things to each other and then the basket person left.
“So you’re still standing here” Ashe said
“yes”
“Do you want to say something, it seems like you want to say something?” Talking to other Autistic people is amazing.
“Yea you’re my fairy godbrother”
They gasped, “I’ve never heard of that but I love it. I absolutely identify as Fairy Godbrother.”
“yea” I laughed, “it’s cool”
“What do I do?”
“uhm, you show up in my dreams or talk in the back of my head and tell me things. You told me I’m autistic”
“Ohhhh I’m good at that, I can spot an autty from a mile away.”
“yea you were right, obviously” we both laughed “this is cute did you do this one too?”
“Yea!”
“Is it a beaver?”
“It’s a platypus, a marsupial.”
“I like how cute it is”
“Yea me too, I like chubby little creatures with funny mouths.” Ashe said
“Me too, have you ever seen a Tardigrade?”
“No what’s that?”
“Its like this microscopic creature with rolls and six tiny chubby little arms, it’s translucent and it has a butthole mouth and it can’t be destroyed.”
“WHAT?”
“Yea it’s super cute.”
We talked for like an hour about anything and everything. Neurodivergent people are so easy to talk to. At some point we mentioned “the commune” which by 2028 “the commune” was something everyone referred to without a real destination. We’d just be like “I’m ready for the commune” as a blanket statement and everyone agreed. So we start talking about the commune and Ashe gives me the channel and subchannel for their community walkie talkie along with their personal code, but they said I probably wouldn’t need to code because they were the only Ashe in their vicinity.
“Seriously,” they said, handing me the paper, “If the commune gets started, call me.”
“ok” I said, and left very pleased with the interaction.
THE NEXT DAY I’m not shitting you.
There was a message waiting on my van window.
“What’s up with the commune? - Arrows”
They left coordinates for me to meet them.
So I did.
Arrows gave me coordinates as a prank because I was literally parked outside of the place they were living. Lmao.
“This is Aaliyah, this is Sheldon” Arrows introduced me – Aaliyah was one of their partners and Sheldon was a housemate. I loved Sheldon immediately. They reminded me of me if I liked math.
“So what’s up with the commune?” Arrows asked
“I mean, what do you WANT to be up with the commune?” I answered the question with a question
We talked for hours, made a few plans, cancelled those plans, remade plans, decided not to plan, it was a lot of back and forth. We all agreed about everything and the vision kept getting bigger and bigger. At some point I realized Arrows and Aaliyah were both Aquarius’ and me and Sheldon were both Libras. I was like lmao how many air signs does it take to decide on and follow through with one plan. The answer is more than four.
“-and then Gabi got into her single rich auntie era which was perfect for her” Arrows was catching me up on our stardust collective. BTW we stopped saying Star Family because literally everyone has been traumatized by their family smh
“That sounds perfect for her”
“She was the BestMxn at our wedding by the way” Arrows pulled a picture off of their wall, it was printed on a tiny paper and laminated.
So cute.
“This is so cute, these looks are iconic”
“Right? We obviously had to prioritize aesthetic-”
“well of course”
“-Jazz married their partner, who you would love by the way. And you know Marriage is so fun without paperwork. Like a huge party to celebrate how much I love someone I’ve been loving for six years? Yes please”
“aw Jazz got married, that’s so fucking cute”
“I know, they talked a big talk about never wanting to deal with a relationship again, then strolls in this absolute fire they/them with a high moral compass and big romantic energy”
“oooh romantic”
“like, so cute. We were all sharing a spot in downtown LA when that shit happened in 2026-”
“woof 2026”
“Exactly, oh also check this out” Arrows walked me into a different room in their home.
It’s probably worth explaining that people lived whereever and however. So many buildings and homes were already empty before shit hit the fan (shtf) and so many more opened up after shtf. Arrows was living in an extremely cute 4 bedroom / 2bath with an additional dwelling unit out back. I think an Oakland four bedroom would be considered way out of their budget back in the day when people had budgets to give a fuck about. But it was cool to see them so comfortable and calm. A lot of us fully didn’t have anxiety anymore because we didn’t have bosses and coworkers bullying us. There was no corporate gaslighting. And no one was going “home for the holidays” which btw did you know that self-merk sky rockets during the holidays? I totally attribute that to being forced to hang with family of origin. But ya know, we don’t have to do that anymore. So things are way better.
A number of people came through the home while I Was there. I tried to analyze the dynamic. It seemed like the living area, kitchen, bathroom, and laundry were shared with kind of whoever?? Also no one really knocked! Which I was like HOW IS THAT OKAY?! But it was totally fine. I mean Arrows had their own private space. Which was the brought me into next
“Is.. that ...Basquiat??” I was floored. There was a 6ft tall piece of art on their wall that I was PRETTY SURE-
“yup. This is Venus, 1983. I got it when [REDACTED BLACK PEOPLE’S BUSINESS REDACTED] the museums. This one was at the MOMA,” they motioned with their head and I looked over, out their window, across the bay.
“This is amazing”
“What a concept right, Black people in possession of Black artwork and history”
“Is this yours?” I got distracted by a beautiful mixed medium piece of art, it was a painting/sculpture type thing
“yea, pretty good right?”
“This is incredible.”
“Thank you, it’s for one of our elders. Her 87th birthday is next week.”
“EIGHTY SEVEN?!”
“Old ass bitty, stories are wild too.”
“I’m sure”
“So, look, I think we should seriously start looking for a place. I want to be close to the Bay Area, but since horses are making such a comeback, we could go out at least 50km from here and we’re looking at only a two day trip.”
“That could be cool. Also I flipped my engine. So my van runs on basically any liquid now”
“No shit”
“Yes shit.”
“Wait for real, shit?”
“No, that was a joke but I did get from philly to brooklyn on pee once.”
“That’s so fucking weird”
“Yea, I feel like it’s a great story for the grandkids tho-”
We both laughed.
When I tell you it was so fucking good to see a friend.
DING – I hear what sounds like our old cyberdeck.
“Oh, something just came in let’s see what it is-” Arrows pushed their bookshelf which opened up a portion of the wall. We went into their wall, walked up the stairs, down another hall, and into this huge fucking computer room. It was floor to ceiling monitors. Wires all around, little half made robots, old school kitchen appliances and audio equipment turned into idk other shit??
“Whoooooooa” I, autistically speaking, had absolutely no ability to take all of this in at once, “this is…”
“awesome?”
“a lot.”
“oh yea, and it keeps going to.” They pointed down another long hallway
“Who-”
“This is mostly Sheldon. They were building quantum computers before shtf which they obviously couldn’t continue doing. They actually acquired this space in 2025. It was some rich person’s airbnb and just sat here empty most of the time. Sheldon moved in and started collecting what other’s might call TRASH, three years later we have this,” They held out both arms, proud of what their friend had built. I was proud too and I just met the pal!
“I’m obsesseD”
“we all are-” Arrows looked at a few different monitors, “hmmm, where did that message come- no.”
“What”
“No fuckin’ way”
“what!!” I had to know
“hold on-” They sat in a rolly office chair type thing and did some tip-typing, “oh fuck. This is” they seemed excited not freaked out, but jfc SHARE WHAT’S GOING ON
“bro what is it” I begged AND PLEADED
“just give me a second I have to be sure-” they click clicked and then music started playing in surround sound, “oh my god. Be fucking for real right now” they whispered
Whatever was playing was certainly a banger. Arrows and I were involuntarily bouncing our heads in the same way while they continued to click.
“Ok so that’s the music, this I guess would be the vocals, backgrounds, and that’s ad lip track, ok” The music stopped. Arrows dragged the files into a program, lined them up, “Dan, if this is what I think it is, you may or may not lose your shit, in the good way”
Arrows clicked a few more buttons.
The music started again. Our heads started bouncing again. And the intro almost made me pass out
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Eight: August 4th, 2026
So 2025 was like the soft launch and 2026 was like the official catastrophe blast off. Catastrophff. Bella Thorne’s tweet was super inspiring to a lot of people. Imagine it, every group chat just kills one piece of shit? I mean...who is terrorizing your girls? Would they all be safer if that person was gone? Something to think about!
December 2026 marked the Great Massacre of Men in Lubbock, TX. This was when everyone shitty realized they were out numbered. To tell the story I have to reintroduce my good friend, Chrissy Chambers.
Chrissy Chambers and I came up together in LA. They were starting their YouTube channel in 2012 and I was starting ya know all my shit. We met because...we’re both gay? IDK what to tell you all gays know each other. We’re both Libras and our friendship is very special because we think and react very similarly. Chrissy’s – ok pause I know it’s confusing to have two chrissys, in general, I don’t like for people to have the same name so I’m going to call Chrissy Chambers “Wonder” because I don’t know anyone else with that name and we saw Wonderwoman together on opening night.
Wonder made youtube videos about being gay, living in LA, working out, and polyamory. The gays and theys loved it. They had a couple vids go viral in 2013 and they also were a guest on The Real L Word: WeHo multiple times because they just kept accidentally sleeping with girls on the show. Smh. People were like, oh Wonder, the biggest lesbian youtuber, yea we know her! And then some piece of shit from her past did something exceedingly, objectively, shitty. For the purposes of this story I’m going to refer to “revenge porn” but I’m not getting into any details, that’s her business. So, Wonder tried to get a lawyer, but no one wanted to represent her because the USA didn’t have revenge porn laws at the time. Even though the bullshit was in the UK where there WERE revenge porn laws. AND THEN lawyers in the UK wouldn’t represent her because they were like it wont pan out bc the USA doesn’t have revenge porn laws. It’s like. WHAT?! It was so annoying. So Wonder decided to represent herself.
Her content changed completely. She started to teach the bb gays what she was learning. And not like, what the laws are, she started teaching people how to read between the lines of the law. Like literally pointing to sections and words that you could just skip to make shit easier to read and understand. So many words were unnecessary. Her videos helped multiple people fight wrongful evictions, file restraining orders, and get their kids back from CPS. And it inspired others to help, people were like translating legal documents into ipad kid lingo. They would help each other fill out forms and people started showing up to court in groups rather than by themselves, without a pen, and no clue where to go. In a system that was created specifically to confuse us so much that we stop trying to fight, Wonder made that fight seem easier.
So 2018 she wins the case against shitty mcshit stain. She moves to Washington, starts building a little farm, living a totally different life, making totally different content. I personally hadn’t seen or talking to Wonder since she left LA in 2018. Years pass and Bella Thorne is making a name for herself as like idk copkillerbanksy? Wonder loves this, she sends me an email for the first time in years. Just one line:
“thinking about starting a weapons training camp for young adults, wanna help?”
and I responded with one line:
“yes.”
Bella tweets from that refrigerator in August of 2026.
Wonder emails me about a week later.
I go to visit her in September.
I drive up to Washington and spend a couple of weeks on the farm with her and her partners. They’re all so wonderful by the way. Also, doubtful that they’re the same people by the time you’re reading this so I’m just gonna scoot past that part. I didn’t know this at the time, but turns out Wonder had literal years of professional weapons and stunt training???????????
Did anyone else know this?!?!?!?!??!
I think she wanted me there to help process and put a strategy in place, but she didn’t need me. By the time we sat down to draw out a map of the plan she already knew exactly what she wanted. We decided to run a small weekend workshop to get some feedback and allow for Wonder to practice their syllabus. During the portion of the workshop where everyone is sharing why they want to learn to fight, Wonder hears a story that is way too similar to her own. I clock her slow deep breath and watch her eyes change. She looks over at the person when they finsih their story and says
“Thank you for sharing, and you’re saying this person is still working in your dorm?”
“Yea, they said I can’t prove anything so they can’t do anything”
“hmm” Wonder got up, “I’m really sorry to hear that, they should be doing more to protect you. I’ll be right back”
She did not actually come right back.
She was gone for three days.
We were like UUUUHMMMMM??!?!?! BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I CAN’T TRAIN THESE KIDS IN WEAPONS. But I’m there, alone on Wonder’s farm, with a bunch of kids who want to learn to fight. I just tell them like, “look, I don’t know how to do any of this shit, but I feel like all of you getting together is powerful no matter what you do!” they all totally buy it so we just party for three days until Wonder gets back. Well, they party, I mostly supervise because something about being 40 makes me feel like I must protect everyone who is 19 and I have to be sure they know that mixing drugs isn’t a good idea but also if you’re going to do drugs I’d rather you do them in the house!@!!!
Three days pass and finally Wonder arrives back on the farm disheveled, bloody, very happy, and she goes
“Well, he won’t be botherin y’all anymore”
She details the story of her brief disappearance in the most magnificant and empowering way a person can tell a story. It was beautiful. I’m not going to do it justice, but I am going to tell you what happened, obviously. Forgot to mention this and it’s extremely important: Wonder is a horse girl. In the classic sense, grew up with horses, rode competitively, had a horse best friend, is gay. Idk all the horse girl shit, copy and paste it onto Wonder.
When she heard this person’s story, she saw the solution, it played out in her head exactly as it was meant to be. She took it a sign. Got up, went to the barn, saddled up her beloved horse, Cheyenne, grabbed a lasso, switched the spurs on her boots for these fucking spike things that like shoot out the side? And bolted. She got to the dorm that was mentioned, asked if the person working at the door was named REDACTED and when he said yes, she asked him to follow her outside. He did because idk Wonder is hot and dudes are fucking stupid?
The two of them get outside and Wonder immediately hops on Cheyenne’s back. REDACTED thinks its cool. And Wonder is like
“You wanna see something really cool?”
to which REDACTED says, “yea” all drooly and stupid.
Wonder has Cheyenne run super far out, REDACTED is following what their doing with their head. Wonder swings their lasso huge style and *boop* lassos this guy on the wrist. A very difficult thing to do by the way, that’s like a tiny thing to lasso. He’s like HUHUHUHUHU thinks it’s so funny..for about two seconds because then Wonder makes two tiny little noises that, to Cheyenne, mean “Fucking Run.”
Cheynne runs, fast. Like fast horse running fast.
REDACTED is being dragged by the wrist for a long fucking time, until his arm gets ripped from the rest of his body. Wonder is like ‘oopsie’ and has to turn Cheyenne around to go back to get his already disturbingly mutilated human meat sack. She drags it over and has to like retie it so it’s more sturdy. Over the three days she has to retie the chunks-of-predator multiple times, which is why she was covered in blood. It took three days for her to get back to us because she and Cheyenne rode through the mountains until she looked back at the lasso and there was nothing left.
It turns out REDACTED was a serial predator and a lot of people wanted him dealt with. Wonder was celebrated and protected. At least 12 people claim they saw Wonder riding through town with this body being dragged behind them, but there were 30 people that said she was teaching a workshop...so...ya know?
After a couple of weeks together, Wonder asked if I would be willing to take care of their chickens while they took care of business. I was like, yup that’s my exact purpose on earth, y’all fight I’ll be over here collecting eggs. Wonder went off on their adventure. October and November it was just her and Cheyenne traveling through the country, taking care of things, making it a safer (albeit slightly grosser) place to live.
16 December 2026 Wonder and Cheyenne found themselves in Lubbock, TX. Wonder found a little dive bar right outside of town and decided to stop for some food, maybe do some camping in the area for the night. As she was tying Cheyenne to a post she noticed a familiar looking vehicle. She checked what was dangling from the back of it and because it was an actual literal bloody human nutsac covered in pubes she knew for a fact that she was looking at Bella Thorne’s 85 Ford Bronco. This made her chuckle. She walks into the bar, there are maybe 14 people in this bar, MAXIMUM. They’re all gay though, Wonder happened upon the only little gay bar just outside of Lubbock. She immediately gets recognized by two kids who used to watch her videos on YouTube. They have also heard about her recent debauchery and they’re so inspired. Wonder says,
“Thank you, actually the person who inspired me is here too” she says as she spots Bella, sitting at the bar alone, smoking and being asked to stop smoking over and over. Every time they ask her to stop she puts the cigarette out and then when they walk away she lights up another one. So ridiculous.
“Bella?” Wonder approaches
Bella looks up at her,
“Depends, who’s asking?”
“I’m Wonder, I’ve been killing shitty guys because of you-”
“oh cool!! How’d you do it?!”
The two of them hit it off, because of course, neuro-divergent Libras with a shared special interest.
They basically just detail every single kill they’ve done and laugh their asses off. Neither of them drinks so they’re fucking mainlining Roy Rogers’ which is just a Shirley temple with coke instead of sprite. But anyway the caffeine has them jazzed. They’re both smoking, drinking soda pop, and for about two hours the entire bar of gaysntheys is sitting around laughing and listening to these stories. And then, at the exact same time, Bella and Wonder stop talking, turn their head toward the door, and stand up.
“Get behind the bar” Bella says. The gays are like frozen.
“NOW” Wonder yells
All the gays get behind the bar as instructed.
Apparently everyone inside could FEEELL the energy surrounding the bar.
There were approximately 30 dudes with weapons, surrounding the place. Someone recognized Bella’s truck and Wonder’s horse, spread the word in their shitty-dudes-r-us forum? IDK how but they got there.
The dudes are surrounding the bar and just tapping their weapons in sync. It sounds so creepy.
“Cheyenne” Wonder whispers and start to advance toward the door. Bella grabs her arm, “don’t” she points in a direction and the two of them take up separate posts on either side of the door. Bella slams a bar stool against a table, the sound makes the dudes outside stir. She takes the jagged legs from the bar stool in her hands like fucking nunchucks. Wonder pulls the little spike spur things out of her boot, puts one between each finger, and one in her mouth.
The door to the bar flies open.
No one is there.
They wait, patiently.
One dude enters slowly, gun first, hands only.
The second his nose crosses the threshold, boom, spur spike in the eye. Wonder spit a fucking spur spike in the man’s EYE and the spike is so long it pierced his BRAIN. He falls to the floor. Silence again. They can tell the dudes don’t want to go in the bar, they want Wonder and Bella to come outside. More silence. Bella makes some motions to Wonder which they understand exactly for some reason. Wonder makes their way to the side of the building and looks out a window. Dudes start unloading rounds on that side of the building. Bella and Wonder hit the floor.
“There must be 20 or 30 guys out there” Wonder tells Bella
“hey-” someone whispers from behind the bar, “can you stall them?”
“stall them?” Wonder asks
“What do you got?” Bella asks
“We all texted the group chat” they whisper
Bella and Wonder look at each other. Wonder smiles and Bella starts laughing.
“You all- like all of you?”
“All of us”
Within minutes, the dudes surrounding the bar were surrounded.
Just to breakdown the math and give you guys a visual. Say there were 14 homosexuals in the bar and they all texted their individual group chats which, on average, is around 6 people per gc. Not even exaggerating, over 80 gays showed up. And I have to say, 30 dudes with guns are nothing compared to 80 gays with years of unprocessed trauma. So yea, those 30 dudes are ded.
Thus the Great Massacre of Men in 2026, which lead to the Great Mass Exodus of Men in 2027. Guys who super wanted to assualt ppl were like ‘oh no we’re not safe’ I guesS? So they all joined together and made little communes and cults all over the states. We were all kind of nervous about them getting together because hello a giant group of dudes who think it’s their primal right to ruin people’s lives?? no thank you. But it actually made things so much better. The dudes just fucked each other a ton and hung out talking about their deepest darkest feelings. They cried together and sucked each other off and went hunting. Not every terrible person ran off obviously, but it was cool. A lot of previously shitty people stopped bothering everyone and did their own thing.
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Eight: August 4th, 2026
October 2025 we stepped into our nail gun Bella Thorne reality. But it was...different. There was no POWGRITS cover album, unfortch. Apparently the three-part harmonies on “if You’re going Thru Hell” were astounding. But for us it was just Bella Thorne living out of her ‘85 Ford Bronco. Have you guys ever heard of truck nuts? I’m from the south so I grew up painfully aware of this concept. Basically it’s a fake ballsac people hang off the back of their truck, so it dangles down, as if the truck itself has nuts...smh. Bella’s Ford Bronco had truck nuts, but they were real ballsac and she’d switch it out each time she murdered someone… so the cops would get to the cops house and find that the cops ballsac was missing and there was another cops ballsac at the scene. Her whole thing was killing murders and domestically violent dudes which was like...so many cops.
We never really crossed paths with Bella Thorne, she was doing her own thing and we naturally kept hopping the timelines that went the same direction. I mean we were trying to live in a nail gun Bella Thorne reality and she was being a nail gun Bella Thorne so it just like...happened. Here is what I know:
Sometime in 2025 Bella Thorne was doing her thing in her giant fucking house with her big group of “friends” who weren’t really her friends, as much as party buddies and people who wanted to know her well enough to ask her to start a business with them. A breaking news type thing on TV, shitty cop, body cam footage, obvi his fault. And something within her just switched. She sat up straight, looked at the TV. She knew the cop. It was this dude who was about to marry a senator. Their house/mansion was like four doors down from Bella’s.
“Hmm” she said looking toward the TV, then she turned around to her friends and said “you guys are leechey pieces of shit” and left.
The Senator was out of town so only the murderer was home. Bella opened up their garage door. It was like a four car garage, half the place was a workshop. This is where she got her first tool, a chainsaw. I imagine when she saw this chainsaw it was like in a movie when a superhero meets it’s companion weapon and you’re like, wow those two are meant to be. A weapon-hero meet-cute. The murderer came into the garage to figure out what the noise was and she chainsawed the shit out of that man. Collected her first pair of truck nuts and then just… hung out?
She was covered in blood head to toe, bro, and just walked around his house, took a shower, hung out in someone’s robe, made some food, watched Adventure Time, and then found some of the Senator’s nail polish and painted “Bitch I’m Bella Thorne” on the wall above the pile of cop meat.
So everyone KNEW IT WAS BELLA THORNE. Smh.
But that was actually the key to what made it work. There were a LOT of people who hated that cop and there were a LOT of people who loved Bella Thorne. The two audiences didn’t really overlap??? Bella Thorne is kind of, niche, if you will. So simply the act of killing a cop that people wanted dead doubled the number of people who wanted Bella alive. When she left murderer #1s house she drove...and drove...and kept driving.
While she was driving, the internet was creating her alibi. Someone scrubbed all the footage from the senators house. Someone else replaced all the streetcam footage that followed her Bronco. Someone else created a fake event that Bella was attending during the exact hours of her honorable homicide. And then a shit load of people pulled out their photoshop, AI, and deepfake skills. There was suddenly LOADS of proof that Bella Thorne was no where near the senators house. They even rearranged the metadata on the fake photos, so if you were to trace it back it would say the literal imprint of the photo was taken at the time she was supposedly murdering someone. It didn’t even matter that her DNA was literally EVERYWHERE.
She stopped at a diner in a town where people could still smoke inside. By this time the only cigarettes available were Native-owned brands so I have to assume she took a puff of her Signal brand ciggy and made little o rings in the diner as the News Channel playing in the diner goes berzerk about this shit that just happened probably involving Bella Thorne. Her pic is on the TV and she’s staring at it smiling. The guy behind the counter is looking at her like ‘omfg is she about to murder me’ and just smiles and waves at him. She throws some cash on the counter and leaves the diner. As she is leaving this diner, she sees a cop being a piece of shit to the person who is obviously his domestic partner, no chainsaw on hand, it’s in the Broco. She looks around, there’s an empty beer bottle on the ground and a whole recycling bin full of them just nearby.
“Excuse me” She asks the man who has, at this point, become physically violent
He turns around and she smashes his face in with a beer bottle.
“Hmm” she says, head tilted, standing over him. Glass and blood mixing in a way she admires. She goes over to the recycling bin and slams a few of the bottles on the ground until their jagged. She stabs them into different places on the violent asshole’s body and again says, “Hmm” She does the same thing over and over until he is covered entirely by bottles. And it looks like...art.
It’s literally, the coolest, goriest, weirdest, most interesting spectacle. A gruesome mosaic of a man.
“Hmm” she says to herself
She then collects her truck nuts and walks back in the diner, blood all over her, and asks to use the bathroom. She bird baths it, borrows a sharpie, and writes on the ground next to the art piece “Bitch I’m Bella Thorne”
She gets in her Bronco, changes into a shirt with like a heavy metal jesus on it, and starts driving. She chucks her phone and laptop out the window because she doesn’t want to be tracked and she doesn’t want to talk to anyone...ever again. Shortly after she chucks them out the window she donuts the Bronco a couple times (for the drama) and goes back to get the phone and laptop.
“ugh e-waste” she says to herself. Then drives to a STAPLES and drops both things in their little ewaste recycley bucket.
“Are you actually going to recycle this or does it just go in the landfill,” she asked someone in a red shirt.
Mind you, she still has blood in her hair. They tell her it goes to a special e-waste recycling plant that partners with a non-profit to refurbish computers for local unhoused youth.
“aw” she says. She then purchases a notebook, a box of pens, two bags of peanut m&ms, and a red bull. The security footage in that STAPLES was the last real video of Bella Thorne to appear on social media. Everything else is AI.
Genius.
Oh, Except her twitter which was left untouched, out of respect.
After killing about 19 shitty cops, she’s at some convenient store in some town buying cigarettes and snacks. As she’s leaving the store she over hears a group of people talking
“no I don’t like it-”
“it’ll be so cute and we can match”
Bella watched the group interact with one another. Leaning against her Bronco eating vienna sausages out of the can with her teeth (idky?? also wouldn't they break apart?! Whatever). One person was trying to convince the other one to wear a matching flannel, Bella found the interaction to be so endearing. The subject of their conversation changed, it got dark. They started to talk about a cop that was targeting sex workers in the area.
“Who?” Bella asked and started to walk over
“Is that bella thorne?” one of them whispered
“oh my god it is” another whispered
“It’s uhm this guy who has been terrorizing us and our friends” the third person said
“What’s your name” Bella asked
“Luca” they said
Bella looked at the other two
“Shan”
“Just J”
“I’m Bella, I’m going to take care of this problem for you okay?” she said, her demeanor was described as calm, stoic, and slightly detached.
“ok” J said
“That’s cute,” Bella motioned to the flannel Shan was wearing
“Thanks” Shan held out the matching flannel, “wanna match?”
“Fuuuuck yea” Bella said and put it on
“Twiiiiins” Shan said and the two of them did a little dance together. Bella steadied her cigarette in her mouth. She put one hand on J’s shoulder and one on Luca’s, “I’m sorry for fucking up Only Fans. I’m gonna make it up to you”
She made a cop mosaic out of the guy they were talking about and switched her focus entirely to cops that target sex workers which was like...so many cops.
After doing her thing for a while, halfway through 2026 Bella sent out a final tweet that was the single largest catalyst for change I can confidently point to. This tweet was sent from the house of a cop she just turned into art. She signed into their smart house shit and tweeted:
@bellathorne
ANything I can do the group chat can do better
maybe yr bella thorne, bitch
7:17pm – 19 August 2026 – LG Smart Refrigerator
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Eight: August 4th, 2026
In 2025 Catastrophe came, just like we knew it would. It came in all forms, seemed to balance itself out. A million small businesses closed and corporations took over even more. Aaand it got a lot easier to steal from chain grocery stores which was nice because I was able to eat a lot better. A lot of us were living on the streets and the government made it harder to get food stamps. AND anarchist rich kids would steal for fun. So in every major chain there were like 10-15 people stealing at any given time. One time I put a bunch of stuff in a reusable bag and then went to the register to buy some stuff. I was packing my own bag and the employee took my bag and rearranged my stolen items so that my purchased items would fit and I was like...thanks? Lmfaoooo the people working hated the corporations more than anyone. And the number of people willing to labour decreased so dramatically that no one was ever worried about losing their job. Like, who else are you going to hire everyone hates you bro!
A lot of people left the city at the first sight of drama. Vanessa stayed. I’d fallen out of touch with everyone else. The whole star family had gone our separate ways, which was the plan, but still made me sad sometimes. Vanessa got this weird satelitte encrypted something phone so that we had a way to communicate. I also checked my email every couple of weeks so I wasn’t completely unreachable. It’s just no one but Vanessa was reaching out. She emailed asking me to call her to help with a decision and I was like cool so I found a pay phone and called her ass.
“Ok I feel like I already know what you’re going to say but just let me process this outloud in a safe space” she said
“oookay?” I questioned
“I got this...opportunity.”
“hmm!” I heard Chase Elizabeth Olsen in the background
“Elizabeth is here by the way, you’re on speaker”
“ooookay?” I questioned again.
“There’s this new show out that people are obsessed with, there are two leads and they’re planning to introduce a third lead midway through the season-”
“It’s- it would be. Okay look, I’m just processing here okay?!”
“ok, processs” I said, unconvinced
“It would be guaranteed work for at least three seasons-”
“NOTHING in hollywood is guaranteed, what?! Are the leads all women? That shit will get cancelled in two seasons flat. Watch”
“Ok yes but- we’re headed into catastrophe I want to make sure I can provide for my-”
“Please don’t let anxiety make decisions for you”
“I- just want to be prepared-”
“You’re gonna say All Cops Are Bastards on twitter and then play one on TV?!”
“See-” Elizabeth said
“Like what do you even mean by that?” I asked, “All cops are bastardds except me, the millionaire who needs to make more millions for the future of my two children? TWO CHILDREN DON’T NEED MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. Bro, kids are going to look at you and be like ‘I wanna be a cop like her’ bro-”
“okay okay okay” Vanessa needed me to slow down, “obviously I want to be talked out of this or I wouldn’t have called you so if you could just-”
“-right right.” I agreed to slow it down
“I gotta head out-” Elizabeth said
“Dan hold on one sec,” Vanessa clicked a button which I heard beep twice as if she hit two random numbers on the keypad. I figured she meant mute me and failed, so I could hear them talking.
“He’s right, I’m glad you called him” Elizabeth said
“Yea. certainly not afraid to tell me the truth or share his real feelings. You two would really get along you know. You have similar ways of thinking about things.”
“oh I like how he thinks, I just don’t like how he IS”
I could hear them getting farther away, I assume walking toward the door.
“I know but ya know we figured it out.” Vanessa said
“He ghosted you for over a year-”
“He was prioritizing his mental and physical health. We are pro-healing in this family”
“Sure, or he was using Autism as an excuse to be a bad friend”
“what the fuck?”
“Maybe I’ll get over it one day-”
“Don’t say shit like that in my house.” Vanessa was serious
“I mean-”
“No, I’m serious. Don’t say shit like that in my house.”
“okay, yea, understood”
“That’s...such a fucked up thought process. Have you not like, googled the term ableism?”
“-Vanessa”
“Go home. D Y O R. Don’t say shit like that in my house, and don’t THINK shit like that around my kids, okay”
“I got it. Okay. I got it”
“You’re coming over tomorrow at 4?”
“of course, yea”
“Bring 500 words on why what you just said was fucked up or you’re not allowed in the house okay? Byyyye”
I heard the door close. I was like LMFAO WHAT.
“oh shit,” Vanessa said
“That was awesome”
“I thought I muted you”
“I think you just took me off speaker and pushed the number 5”
“oh yea,” Vanessa pulled the phone away from her face, “that’s exactly what I did, it was 4 though”
“That was awesome.” I repeated
“What the fuck was that? Using Autism as an excuse? How does one USE AUTISM?!” she was still pissed which I loved
“Yea that was tough to hear-”
“And I’m so sorry you had to hear it”
“You fixed it, immediately. I appreciated your reaction it was like ..exactly what I needed to hear someone say, you know?”
“Yea well, you should hear me down at Kyla’s little charter school. They think they know every fucking thing over there. OH did I tell you Ky got a diagnosis?”
“NO WAY!”
“Yes, I told you they’d figure the shit out on their own. I mean obviously I would encourage but they asked to get the assessment done after doing like 8 months of their own assessments. So we did, they’re like thousands of dollars by the way whats up with that?”
“Yea, that was my issue for a while too”
“Right, well I was thinking of you. And Also I’m like statistically speaking Autistic people are more likely to be Unemployed, so shouldn’t access to an assessment be like default free?”
“BRO I’m over here homeless and unemployed and everyone I called was like well you could get a job or a home like it’s so stupid”
“so ridiclous. Obvioulsy I’ll pay for your assessment if you wanted to get one-”
“I got one”
“WHAT” she was shocked
“Yea, I got a diagnosis late last year”
“How what what happened”
“It’s honestly such a long story but I went back to school-”
“YOU WERE IN SCHOOL??!!”
“No I know it’s a whole thing. But anyway. I went to the Disability office and I was like, help I have learning disabliity and I don’t know what it is”
“oooooh smart”
“Yea, so they did a bunch of tests and hooked me up with a specialist and I kept not fitting the criteria for the tests they gave me because colleges don’t test for autism-”
“wooooww”
“yea, but they still gave me accomodations because they were like yea obviously your weird enough or whatever”
“stop they did not say that”
“no of course not lmao but they gave me accomodations and one of the accomodations was access to a specialist who was neurodivergent herself and works specifically with neurodivergent students. I was meeting with her weekly. It was such a godsend. I would not have been able to get through my classes without her.”
“That is so cool,”
“It was amazing. So she sent me an email about submitting art to an art show at the other college where she works, and I’m like art show? Do I do art? So I decide..why the fuck not I’m gonna make some art.”
“Oh my god.”
“I make some art, I get accepted into the art show, I made everything pay-what-you-please and I sold FOUR PIECES AND did an art trade with another trans artist!”
“WHAT? That’s amazing”
“it was the best. And I’m like an official artist now. It was so fun. The event itself was overwhelming but it was all neurodivergent artists so no one gave a flying fuck that I stood in one spot against the wall wearing my headphones, and sunglasses inside. And it’s Santa Barbara so of course everyone was wearing a mask so I didn’t have to smile at anyone”
“incredible”
“it was so awesome. So THEN, I go to pick up my art and there’s this weird mercury Rx timing where I end up just standing around and chatting with the person at the front desk for like an hour. They are also autistic”
“What’d you talk about for an hour?”
“Headphones, Cats, Earthen building, Environmental Justice, The Bay Area, Autism Research, and Zelda”
“so you covered all the autistic hot topics”
“Exactly” I confirmed, “So I tell them I want to get diagnosed, they tell me that I am standing inside a center that does Autism research and they do assessments for free.”
“WHAT? NO FUCKING WAY”
“Not even kidding. I was like, WHAT. And then they tell me the list is super long and I’d probably have to wait 9 months but if I’m interested and I can get approved in time, they had an upcoming potential cancellation. And if those people called to confirm their cancellation, I could get assessed in two weeks.”
“You are. Fucking. Kidding. me.”
“Nope.”
“We paid like 4 grand and waited 4 months.”
“Yea and I Got an assessment for free and waited two weeks.”
“wow”
“It was the coolest thing ever”
“Well congrats, I can’t wait to tell Kyla, they’re going to love this-”
“I would love to see you guys soon” I said
“Yea, where are you at these days?”
“Well, I’ve actually been living on a farm in the mountains for the last few months”
“really!?”
“Yea, I’m doing work trade. And learning a lot. I’m a caretaker for the animals-”
“what animals?!?”
“So many. They all just had babies too. Ducks, Geese, Chickens, Goats, Pigs, Bunnies”
“Do you have baby bunnies right now”
“No but we have piglets”
“PIGLETS” Vanessa yelped
“Piglets. And I had to rehabilitate a baby goose”
“oh my gooodddd that’s so cute”
“It was super cute. I had to just keep it warm and cozy for an entire day, so we watched Princess Switch 1,2 AND 3”
“shut up” she laughed
“I was like, what can I do for 6 hours where I don’t have to move an inch…”
“that’s so funny”
“halfway through Switched Again he was taking his first steps”
“oh my god that’s so cute. Are you happy where you are?” she asked
“I’m extremely happy” I answered, “and I’ll be ready for the commune whenever you are! I’ll be able to run the farm in no time”
“Look, I’m on board, find the place and I’ll buy it.”
“I know you will, but I don’t want to build it alone”
“Really? This is new.” Vanessa was right, it was new. I had been in this headspace that she could buy a spot and I Would start building everything, but I realized that wasn’t actually what I wanted. Now that I knew what it was like to live in community on a farm, I wanted community more than I wanted the farm. Which, maybe that’s what I had always wanted? I just thought if I build a place for community they will show up. But now I think I want community to show up first and then we build together.
“It is new, I have a lot of time to think out here. I want to build homes with my friends. Eat food, have fun, I want to expereince life first and think about survival last.”
“That’s a beautiful way to put it.”
“Yea, I’m comfortable with the patience it’ll take for community to find me, I think it’ll be worth it.”
“I wish I was ready to move to the commune”
“I mean, it is possible you might never be” I suggested
“That would be sad”
“It doesn’t have to be. You want me to be happy and I want you to be happy and if those two things happen in different places, we’ll figure it out. You and the kids could come visit me at the farm right now”
“That’s true, I Guess”
“There might be something out there for you that feels even better than the commune, you could do anything you know?”
“hmmm”
“Like you could move to the philippines or ireland or brazil I mean-”
“That’s true”
“hey - if you don’t do it, another Vanessa will.”
“I like that thought”
“We know Community is key, we just have to trust it’ll work out. And if we can make a friendship work with a payphone and your satelite walkie talkie, we can do anything.”
“Now THAT’S true,” she laughed, “I feel that right now I really want to stay here and fight for my city.”
“Trust your intuition. If we’re headed toward a nail gun Bella Thorne reality then all the people that make the city intolerable won’t be around for much longer.”
“such a good point!”
“Have you ever heard of solarpunk?” I asked her
“Noooo sounds my speed though”
“It totally is, look up solar punk city art, that could be the future.”
“ok I will”
“can I say one thing though?”
“What’s that?” She asked
“If you play a cop on TV you’re not fighting for your city, you’re fighting for your wealth.”
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Seven: July 28th, 2026
In 2024 I got this urge to go North. I’d been in Santa Barbara for over a year, living in my car, and had fallen into a very comfortable rhythm. I knew where to poop at 6am, I had multiple opportunities for a shower, I had the food pantry schedule DOWN, and I was so good at budgeting I was convinced I could be a full on accountant. I loved my beach walks and the weather was immaculate. IT was like 75degrees the whole year. Which was confusing in February, but whatever. I was very happy with where I was! But I had this feeling that I couldn’t ignore. This feeling that if I left where I was comfortable, I would find something amazing. To give up comfort at a time in my life when it was kind of all I had? That was difficult. But...it felt right.
I decided to drive down to LA to see Vanessa once more before heading north. I was glad we had figured out a friendship that worked with our differing circumstances. We didn’t talk nearly as much, but I also didn’t have the desire to talk nearly as much. We both preferred hanging out in person vs. talking on the phone and if that meant we’d be talking once a year then that was cool. Quality over Quantity. I arrived at her new house and made my way through the GATE and up the long ass walkway (annoying). This place was big, bro, and it was not as cute as her old place. I really didn’t like having to visit a new house. The door was open when I arrived and there was some stuff going on. I walked in
“heeyyyyy” I said to whoever was listening, poking my head around through the doorway
“Hey! Dan come in” Vanessa said.
She was standing with Elizabeth Olsen
“oh hey-” I started and Elizabeth Olsen said
“-don’t” held up her hand , “If I am in the room, don’t speak.”
I closed my mouth and nodded emphatically. I was pretty sure that was a reasonable request considering my 2021 behaviour. There was no way they could know that I’m different now! I KNOW WHY I WAS SO WEIRD IF ONLY I COULD EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, I scream thought to myself as I stared extra hard because I wasn’t allowed to talk
“-and it’s why I asked you to lay low” Elizabeth Olsen said
“but what if I don’t know HOW to lay low” Vanessa smiled
“you don’t tweet “I, too, think all rapists should die” you just kill the rapists in secret”
Vanessa put her palms together “thats what YOUUU do” pointing to Elizabeth Olsen with her palm hands. Elizabeth Olsen laughed a little and shook her head. Watching them was so interesting because their energy actually fit quite well together and they really seemed to like each other. They were clearly arguing about something very intense but it seemed so...chill??
“you’re putting the kids in danger”
“you’re keeping them sooo safe” Vanessa said, which made Elizabeth Olsen laugh again. Was she like, extremely buff? I started to notice. There was something different about Elizabeth Olsen that I really wanted to figure out. So I stared harder.
“Thanks guys!” Vanessa yelled to some people behind me, I looked back and saw some people carrying out what was obviously a body bag as a cleaning crew entered, “it’s right back there” Vanessa pointed, “Look” She said, back to Elizabeth Olsen, “I think this could work for us. I piss off rapists, they try to kill me, you kill them first, another rapist down and no one has any questions.”
Elizabeth Olsen sighed and smiled, “it is hard to argue with that logic”
“Then maybe we don’t need to argue” Vanessa said and put her hand on Elizabeth Olsen’s arm.
I was like…where the fuck am I rn that vanessa-fire-sign-hudgens doesn’t want to have an argument she will defintely win???
Maybe we’re all different now.
“I’m still new, Vanessa, my timing won’t always be perfect.”
“III believe it will be. You’re literal ability is sensing danger, like-”
“Hey Dan” Kyla walked in, “Hey Chase” and kept walking
“Hey Ky” I said at the same time as Chase...I turned around slowly and looked at them. it all made sense.
“They’re still not talking to you?” Chase asked Vanessa
“nope”
“Maybe they can come stay with me a few days, give you guys some space?”
“I bet Ky would love that”
“Chase?” I whispered, seeing them in a whole new light. And then slamming my hand over my mouth at top speed because I rememebred I wasn’t supposed to talk. Suddenly there was a pink and blue glittery trans flag aura about the room. I looked at Chase’s arms and I was like that’s not just toned, that’s like 10 months on T toned. Not to make any medical assumptions about anyone, I’m just saying how I saw things differently. Their whole energy was much more confident and calm. Their hair was in a braid and the energy coming off the brain was long-hair-masc. I also realized they were wearing a binder and I was like omg is it okay that I clocked their binder, I can see the little seam above their bellybutton. Omg is it ok that I am thinking about their belly button. Omfg. Chase was buff, their sideburns were cute, they told me not to speak, and I was officially in love with this new non-binary assassin situated before me.
“I’ll go talk to them” Chase walked off to get Kyla and I followed them with my whole head.
Once they were gone I looked at Vanessa
“Chase, They/Them” she said
“hot” I said
“right?”
“When, what-”
“They’re bigender so Chase they/them, Elizabeth she/her, Elizabeth Chase she/they”
“bigender” I whispered, “I love that”
“ah a nuanced identity you’re not judgemental about. Thats cool!”
“I’m a different person now”
“We all are”
“Is it ok that I’m in love with your boyfriend?” I asked
“Well, we’re not together so do your thing but I’m going to be upfront with you. I don’t think you have a snowball’s chance in hell”
“you’re not together?!?! You know, for being so queer you do a lot of queer baiting-”
“please,” she rolled her eyes, “We’re like...off and on...maybe perpetually, I don’t know”
“Why off?! why not just on?!” if I couldn’t be with Chase SOMEONE NEEDED TO BE
“Neither one of us wants to be in a relationship but we just..can’t figure out how to not be?”
“You can’t figure it out?”
“NO! I don’t know why! it’s like we’re really good friends, then we are like fuck it let’s fool around, then we have a blast for three months and suddenly realize we’re in a relationship so we end it. Mutually. Because neither of us wants that. Then it’s like oh I’m just Chase your hot bodyguard whos always around saving your life and I’m like.. obviously I wanna fuck you!”
“mmhmmm I get that”
“So then we fool around and suddently it’s been three months and we’re in a realtionship and we’re like whoa whoa whoa hold on so we go back to being just friends and now it’s been two years”
“I- wow”
“yea”
“When did they come out?”
“Ya know, I think it’s up to Chase if they ever want to disclose the details of their gender journey with you.”
“fuuuuuuck” I said, “ok fine.”
Chase and Kyla entered the space. Chase paused, Ky kept walking
“See ya Dan” Ky said, out the door.
“Bye Ky” I squeak whispered because I no longer had any access to my own composure with Chase around. Do I want to be with you or be you Chase WHICH IS IT?!
“LOVE YOU” Vanessa tried to yell after her child that would not acknowledge her existence
“They’ll come around, I’ll talk to ‘em” Chase said
AND THEN they hugged and Chase kissed Vanessa on the forehead and they like lingered for a second IT TOTALLY SEEMED LIKE THEY WERE TOGETHER.
“see you tomorrow?” Vanessa asked
“Yup,” Chase said and looked at me, “Dan” they nodded at me and left
I was, like, jaw dropped dead atp.
“you good?” Vanessa asked
“If only I could explain to them why I was so weird last time we saw each other”
“They don’t care”
“WHAT?! Isnt’ that why they’re mad at me??”
“Nope.”
“WHAT?!”
“Look, stuff that’s between you two is between you two-”
“But I’m not allowed to-”
“-nope, it’s between y’all” Vanessa refused to indulge me.
I sat for a second and wondered if I could get over this or if I needed more time to hyperfixate. I pondered. I decided I wanted to move on because I only had a couple of hours to spend with Vanessa anyway
“ok well I’m moving up north”
“Where to?”
“I dunno”
“You’re moving to you don’t know where?”
“Yea, I’m just going to drive and follow my intuition.”
“Ok, that sounds cool.”
“It does doesn’t it, I’m kind of scared.” I admitted
“Scared of what?”
“Well like.. what if I can’t find a place to poop in the morning? Or like a shower or like what if I run out of gas money?”
“Well, there’s coffee shops all over the place, and if you’re in the middle of nowhere you can just shit in the woods. Do you need a shovel?”
“hmm, maybe I do need a shovel”
“oh you should always keep a little hand shovel nearby, what about a poop emergency?!”
“That’s a valid point”
“Remember Dora and The Lost City of Gold?”
“god I love that movie”
“right, so aware of itself.” Vanessa said before she started singing “and don’t forget it’s a natural fertalizer” while handing me a small shovel from a bucket near her back door
“I really need to get that movie on DVD”
“Do you have a DVD Player in your car?” she asked
“Oh yea I stole a portable DVD player from a goodwill”
“Good for you, fuck goodwill”
“My thoughts exactly”
“Kyla used to love that movie so much, ugh I miss 9 year old struggles, so simple”
“yea, what’s going on there” I asked,
“It’s honestly just a huge misunderstanding. I was putting something down in Ky’s room and there was a little notebook opened on the floor, I picked it up LITERALLY just to pick it up off the floor and put it on top of their desk, but they walked into the room at this exactly perfect moment where it just looked like I was reading whatever it was, which I wasn’t and I wouldn’t EVER”
“ooooof”
“So Ky flipped out on me and I tried to explain but it just did not matter-”
“wow, that’s tough”
“I know right, I’m totally on their side, too, because if I saw one of my parents looking in my shit I would be pissed. I wish I could just prove to them that I Wasnt’ looking in their shit!”
“yea I’m on their side, but I don’t think you did anything wrong”
“isn’t it complicated?”
“yea.”
“I just have to live with the fact that they’re mad for a very valid reason, regardless of the fact that they’re wrong about the circumstances but the circumstances don’t matter because the priciple of the whole thing is like my kids deserve privacy, which I agree with, so like-” Vanessa weighed out the complexity with her hands as little libra scales
“mmmmmhhmmm” I agreed with my internal libra scales
“-it could be so much worse.”
“it really could be” I agreed, “how many people has Chase killed?” honestly they were the only thing I cared about in the entire world and I needed to keep talking about them oh maybe I was hyperfixating
“like 8?” Vanessa said
“wow. 8.”
“and they’re like, the best kills too. No one’s figured it out yet!”
“really?”
“yea well they started training almost immediately after our hang in 2021 and never really made a plan to like..start assassinating, we’re all thinking shit wasn’t going to get wild until 2025, but then we had Evan over-”
“Evan of the Rachel Wood variety?”
“That’s right, they/them by the way”
“wow. Is everyone non-binary now?”
“I mean, no, but a lot more people are kind of... anti-binary? which I think, as a concept, tends to attract non-binary individuals who then surround themselves with people who don’t fuck with the binary and then they’re like oh well if no one cares then yea I’m non-binary”
“interesting way of putting it”
“So anyway Evan is over and we’re all talking.”
“So Evan and Chase are like non-binary besties-” I want nonbinary besties
“Uh, not really. I mean, they’re both non-binary and Chase killed Evan’s ex which I think they’re super grateful for but they don’t really hang that much”
“Chase killed Evan’s Ex??”
“Ya, at a party. It was so sick.” Vanessa was doing something so she stopped talking and didn’t DETAIL THE EVENTS
“Hello? What happened?!” I said after a few seconds
“Oh sorry, can you read this? am I’m supposed to wait one hour or two” she handed me a bottle of some sort of crafting shit I have no idea, it said 75-90 minutes so I told her that smh
“BRO WHAT HAPPENED”
“So, we’re at this party over at Davie and Allison’s and dude shows up. First of all he’s like 60 which is so weird, why are you at this party? Second of all, he wasn’t fucking invited. NO BODY LIKES YOU BRO.”
“Right?! Like what the fuck”
“So Davie is like, hey man you need to leave, which makes dude MAD and of course that scary because he’s a full on piece of shit. I’m with Evan who starts having a panic attack. So I take them out back to chill by the pool where Chase happens to be standing, talking to someone else. Chase is all, what’s going on here, but as they’re asking they fully clock who is in the building-”
I gasp and keep watching Vanessa do whatever-in-the-flying-fuck she is doing.
“-their energy shifts” she said very seriously, “At this point Davie is like putting his hands on the guy to keep him from advancing into this party. Dave is also significantly shorter than this asshole by the way so it looks super intimidating.”
“ooh”
“Chase just walks up to Dave and says, hey I got this, with a smile,” she smiles, “oh also it’s Elizabeth Olsen at the party, so she’s smiling like I got this all sweet, while putting a glove on her right hand. She reaches down with the gloved hand and pulls an extremely thin, very fancy looking knife out of her boot and stabs asshole in the temple”
I gasped, she continued
“everyone gasped, me and Evan are out back watching through the windows and Evan just starts laughing.”
I smiled, she contined
“Then Chase takes assholes hand and wraps it around the knife that’s in his temple and goes, what an insane thing to do, to come here and stab himself in the head during your party. And we’re all like..yea what a psycho”
“oh my god.”
“yea, everyone just...agreed. I mean we all fucking hated the guy”
“yea, that makes sense”
“It was so cool too- Evan was laughing, right, and then this like...breath was taken from them. I don’t know how to explain it but we were standing by Dave’s pool and they’re laughing and then they like inhale deeper than a human should be able to inhale and their exhale is ….I Dont even know, ripped from them, it was like the sky removed something from inside of them and they just settled”
“whoa”
“Yea, if I were to psychoanalyse the situation, which I’ve done a million times obviously. It seemed like they were comfortable for the first time since they were a teenager.”
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Seven: July 28th, 2026
Vanessa and Vivek had a few songs go viral on TikTok. By the time 2023 rolled around they were a pretty big deal and everyone was like ‘oh yea that one band with two Vs in the band name like it’s fucking 2012’ ...that’s probably not what other people said but that’s what I thought because I found their band name impossible to say like why are their Vs in the band name when there literally isn’t a letter V to be pronounced, but whatever it was their thing because their names start with V so it makes a lot more sense than the losers that were doing it in 2012 for actually-no-fucking-reason, but either way I hated it.
Vanessa was doing music and movies and sponcon and got into investing?? like she was doing way extremely too much, but her thought process was like...if I’m literally everywhere then I can protect literally every single kid. She swung a little left, got burnt out, and then went off on the paparazzi in a way that was DEEPLY respected by gen z. That was an impressive feat because in 2023 genz fucking hated celebrities. It was a good TikTok year for Vanessa.
OK SO BECAUSE all this shit blew up it drew attention to a memoir that came out earlier in that year. This memoir had a limited release in Canada only. It was also available online as a .pdf to download for free. It was released by a small-town canadian farmer named Avril Lavigne. To the average conventional, this memoir was bizarre and likely written by someone completely delusional. To us, this thing was the key.
The title was “The Many Disappearances of Avril Lavigne,” and it detailed their experience of celebrity in multiple realities. After reading the whole thing, I posted the link to the free .pdf on 2buttsm0gees subreddit with the caption “confirmed circus, please enter data”
The memoir starts by talking about their life; growing up in Canada, running away from home, going to LA, writing and recording an album, blowing up on the internet in 2001, and then we get to the part of the memoir where they give explicit detail of an important acid trip. They talk about melting in the tummy of a gummy bear, they refer to their puddled self as alex mack with a tie. The trip they describe is an exact repeat of the dream Torrell had in 2021. Only difference is Avril Lavigne’s trip didn’t end after the gold room that said ‘celebrity will ruin me.’ Avril then traveled to multiple realities and saw her whole life play out. Like ghost of a christmas past style. So you’re reading this memoir and you’re like, oh yea this is super normal for about 76 pages and then the last 300 pages are so fucked up. It’s like 16 different realities and they’re all BATSHIT.
I knew it was real because three of the realities were the realities I’d seen when Vivek was originally telling us about this urban legend. Replaced with a stand in, fake death in a plane crash, and lobotomy. The lobotomy reality is WILD YOU GUYS. The girl is just living life rn, like in her 50s with a permanent smile glued to her face like nothing is ever wrong. It’s so creepy.
I have a weird fondness for the stand-in reality.
Basically she was like ‘celebrity will ruin me’ and tried to back away from the industry and LA Reid was like
“hey why don’t we get a stand in to do some of your public appearances” which she loved.
So they hire this girl Melissa.
Avril and Melissa become SUPER close, like besties, which is fun because they look the same so it’s a cute twinning moment but of course they can’t really hang out in public. So it’s this weird fucking flowers-in-the-attic relationship where they can only be best friends inside secret rooms? Like, what?! So these girls are becoming besties. And they are completely opposite. Melissa LOVES the spotlight, Avril hates it. Melissa LOVES performing, Avril hates it. Melissa is not good at singing or writing songs, Avril is exceptional. The fact that they’re so opposite is great and it’s a part of why they get along so well. AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT AVRIL THOUGHT. Fuck.
So, Melissa at some point gets tired of Avril complaining about the life that Melissa literally wants. And she’s all
“just fucking leave then”
and avril is all, “fine maybe I will”
They get into a huge best friend fight. And then Melissa goes to Avrils team. Bro. And is like
“Hey we need to fire Melissa she’s starting to act so weird”
And LA Reid is like
“Wow really? But then you have to do public appearances more” and Melissa, pretending to be Avril, is like
“I know, I’m ready now, I just needed to get used to this lifestyle”
And LA Reid is like
“okey doke, whatever you want”
So they go and fire Melissa, which is actually Avril and when she’s like ‘no wait hold up I’m the real Avril’ Melissa is like ‘see she’s crazy’ and they all get annoyed and just pay off some nobody at immigration to have her DEPORTED - WHAT THE FUCK!? So then Avril is shipped back to Canada and starts living an extremely simple life (which she actually wanted anyway) while Melissa pretends to be her, becomes a popstar, and gets married to nickleback?!?! bro. I love this because it’s kind of a win-win?
So anyway, then we get to the faked-death-in-a-plane-crash-reality and pieces of the puzzle just fall into place so beautifully. In this reality, Avril doesn’t work with LA Reid, she works with Clive Davis (you should get the heebie-jeebies when I say that name). This dude is SO fucked up. I am 98% sure he is the reason Whitney Houston is no longer in this reality.
Oh interesting sidebar, in one of the realities Avril Lavigne is huge in the 90s and is a part of this group of underground celebrity anarchists in their early 20s. Which includes Avril Lavigne, Basquiat, Willow Smith, Whitney Houston, and Kurt Cobain...what a fucking group of friends. ANYWAY MOVING ON
So back to the reality where Clive Davis is evil. So when Avril Lavigne is like ‘I did acid and saw my future and I don’t wanna be famous anymore’ Clive Davis is like ‘okey doke’ and stages a fake death. He’s thinking they’ll make a shit load of money post-humously aaaaand he has another idea for a way to make money off of her. They capture Avril and take her to this creepy fucking underground-prison-lab-warehouse type of thing. She wakes up with some sort of brain machine on her head and who does she see? Fucking. Anne. Hathaway.
So, this is major for us and meaningless for everyone else.
But y’all, I haven’t even told you how this memoir made it’s way into our awareness.
In our reality, Avril left the studio in like 2002, went back to Canada, and their musical shit got swept under the rug. Exactly like Vivek said. And then, just over a decade later, in 2013, she hears a song that she wrote on the radio. Her second album, Under My Skin, had been released in full by another artist. Fucking. Vanessa. Hudgens. Avril had images of their journal with the lyrics scribbled out and re-written. People said they could have made it up, but there were all these little things that confirmed the dates in her journal, like movie ticket stubs and concert tickets and shit.
“BROOOOOOO-” I hadn’t talked to Vanessa in a long fucking time. She was busy being famous and I was busy being homeless. Our lives didn’t fit together the way they used to.
“I know,” Vanessa said, “Did you read the whole thing?”
“Yea, it was riveting”
“Okay so you saw the Anne Hathaway shit?”
“YES! And dude, I just have this feeling…” I started
“oh my god say it”
“I think if we can get to Avril, we’ll find Naya” I finished
“EXACTLY. I was thinking the same thing. I heard some crazy shit about Naya too. Can you come to LA?” she asked
I hesitated. I really didn’t want to go to LA, but maybe-
“I can’t,” I said before convincing myself otherwise, “I don’t want to go back.”
“ok” Vanessa said as some kerfluffle distracted her in the background, “I really want to see you, Dan”
“I want to see you too”
“shit” the kerfluffel kerfluffed more, “hey can you call me back tomorrow after like 11am?”
“uhm, maybe, I can try” I found it hard to make plans in this new lifestyle and talking to Vanessa on the phone wasn’t that great. I had to use the phone at a day center for the unhoused and I didn’t love going to the day center because there was always a ton of people inside all watching different stuff on their phones and multiple TVs on. I did like getting a hot meal and doing laundry. But overall, it was overstimulating and hard to have a real conversation.
“Tell me where you are, I’ll book a flight” she said. I didn’t have faith that it would happen, but I appreciated the effort, so I conceded, “I’m in Santa Barbara”
“what?! That’s so close,” more kerfluff, “Dan, I have to go but I’m going to figure this out, ok?”
“ok”
We got off the phone.
I wondered if we were still best friends.
I found out me and Vanessa were still best friends because I asked her and she said yes. She came to visit me in Santa Barbara. She drove up for a day trip, we planned to spend a few hours together and she’d drive home that night. It was awesome! She explained to me that sometimes friends go long stretches of time without talking but then you hang out and it feels like no time passed at all. That is how it was for us. There was like 15 minutes of being awkward and me asking questions about how friendship works LMFAO and then it was chill.
“So, What was the name of your album?” I asked
“Freak Out, it was just the title track” Vanessa said, “they asked me if I wanted to write and I was like...that sounds hard I just want to rock out, so they gave me like 4 or 5 albums and told me to pick.”
“Avril Lavigne is fully hooked up to a brain machine in 2030”
“I was thinking we should go.” Vanessa smiled at me
“Go?”
“Yea, we should go,” she nodded emphatically, “to 2030”
“BRO-”
“LOOK, you still have the pink sauce-”
“naauuurrr pink sauce?!!?” I said in a displeased Australian accent
“It’s what we’ve been calling it because my favorite joke right now is to pretend a trend is coming back, like it’s vintage, but its actually just from a year ago so really I sound super late. It’s so funny and Kyla hates it.”
“Ok I love that actually.”
“Right? Also, pink sauce lady totally did her due diligence and it’s fully FDA approved now”
“oh!” I said, “good for her!”
“I know right, we love an opportunity to learn from our mistakes” she said, “Let’s go to 2030”
“Bro, I don’t even have a room for us to sit in-”
“No I know, I know, theres this resort I used to stay at with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named,” she was referencing Kyla’s bioDad, “I’ll get us a room or a couple rooms! Maybe you want privacy! But I can come back on Tuesday and stay for two days.”
I honestly didn’t love the idea of going to 1400s-Evil-Anne-Hathaway-FanFic reality, but I also didn’t NOT love it. Suddenly, I understand Elizabeth Olsen’s ability to hold multiple truths, totally forgot about her. As I pondered, Vanessa’s phone lit up and I saw the name “Elizabeth” on her phone. I looked at her like oh really?
“one sec-” she said and walked away to take the call and I watched how she stood, how she held her head, and what small gestures she was using. I was hoping to use her body language as a guage for what the fuck was going on. She finished the call and walked back over to me.
“She’s just helping me with the kids this afternoon” Vanessa said, “super helpful. Good. Good friend.”
“so.. you’re dating Elizabeth Olsen right now?”
“Uhhhhhhm?”
“Oh my god.”
“Ok look-”
“whoa”
“-I’m not supposed to talk to you about it because you’re so weird about Elizabeth that-”
“EEE LIZ A BETHHH?!” I repeated
“What?! That’s her name”
“Brooo I know you don’t feel words in your mouth like me, but that name is too sharp. I’m telling you right now.”
“Ok, look. we became good friends after you left and more than friends sometime last year. We’re not exclusive, it’s not a big deal, and that’s all you’re allowed to know” She put an end to the conversation.
“Who made the move that took it from friends to more-than-friends?”
“I said that’s all you’re allowed to know” She put up her hands
“I-” did I even want to know? Whyyy do I give a shit? “...am actually fine with not knowing, let’s move on”
“oh” She relaxed, I think she was expecting me to fight back and try to get a bunch of info because I love gossip and girls so it makes sense I’d pry, but honestly, I didn’t give a fuck about gossip and girls the way I used to.
“Alright, let’s do pink sauce and go to 2030. I have a bunch of meetings this week-”
“Meetings?” She asked and kind of laughed
“Yea I have to go down to social services on Tuesday to fill out a form I’ve already filled out twice, and when that’s approved I will get my updated paperwork, which hopefully will be the same day but you never know. Then I have to visit my case manager at the non-profit downtown and give her the paperwork so she can submit my referral for the food pantry that actually has food for people without a kitchen, and I have to make sure my referral gets through before the end of the week or I have to do it twice because the timing right now is weird where it’s like between two quarters so if I Don’t do it by friday then I have to wait another week to literally do everything all over again for the new quarter.”
“Jesus-”
“It’s so fucking annoying. I can almost guarantee I’ll have to do one or all of those steps at least twice.”
“I really want to buy you something to solve this” She said
“Your money is no good here” I whispered
“Okay, I won’t force it but will you please let me know if you need anything?”
“mmmmm,” I thought, “breakfast sandwich?” I said, pointing to the food truck 20 feet from where we were sitting.
We got some food and kept chatting.
“Let me ask you this, why do you need to go home tonight?” I asked
“what do you mean?”
“I mean like, why not just go to 2030 now?”
“Because…” She thought for a second, “hmm” and kept thinking
“That’s a lot of thinking for a Sagittarius” I said, she laughed
“I just, I’m supposed to co-host an awards show tomorrow night and I’m like.. I could skip it?” she said
“WHAT?! Youuuu?? skip an event?!”
“I know. Shocker.”
“But you made a commitment-”
“You’re not talking to 20teens Vanessa, okay? this is 2023. I specifically and outrageously don’t give a shit about my commitments to the entertainment industry. Haven’t you heard about me?!”
“I have not.”
“Oh wooooow. Yea I’m like a loose cannon at this point-” She pulled a joint out of her pocket, “do you want to smoke”
“Yea, let’s walk back to my car though I want to get my spliff makings”
We walked along the beach, down the trail, back toward my car and kept gabbing.
“This is where the resort is by the way,” She pointed toward a resort that I walked next to every morning, “the Bacara”
“No way, the resort you’re talking about is on the beach that I go to every single day to watch the sunrise and sunset?”
“you do? That’s so cool”
“Yea, I come to Haskell’s every day and walk on the beach. I’m almost always completely alone. It’s like the coolest thing ever”
“That’s beautiful”
“It is, it’s peaceful and calm and I haven’t had joint pain in over a year because I can sleep a ton and go on walks every day. I really thought it would be harder to manage but-”
“Dan, are you serious?” She asked
“Yea”
“That’s, like, incredible.”
“I know oh also I have knee braces now, that helps a lot”
“Wow, I Guess the bullshit really has been worth it huh?”
“far and beyond.”
“I’m happy for you” She said
“Thank you, I’m happy for me too,” I really was, “I used to believe that I could work hard enough and make enough money to live a lifestyle where I’d be able to afford to walk on the beach every day, but this was way easier and faster” I laughed. Vanessa laughed with me. We got to my car and I pulled out my spliff makings. We sat on the front of my car and watched some kids playing tennis.
“Sooo how do you like, buy weed?” Vanessa asked
“I don’t buy it, it’s gifted to me.”
“From who?”
“A few people. There’s a dude that lives in his truck who can’t get food stamps because he doesn’t have an ID, so sometimes we go shopping together. I get him groceries, he gives me weed.”
“I love that”
“Me too, there’s also a kid who is putting themselves through college right now by selling and they learn best by teaching? So sometimes before they have a big test we’ll go on a walk and they’ll teach me everythng that’s going to be on the test. Which I find fascinating because they’re studying to be an engineer. And they’ll give me weed as a thank you.”
“So you get to learn stuff you want to learn and then you get weed too?!”
“Ya-” I said, “and you’re paying a 25% mark up for a boutique cannabis brand’s marketing budget”
“wow, so true”
“I like my way better” I smiled
“Me too” She smiled back at me, “Let’s walk over to the Bacara, if they have a spot for us I’ll skip the awards” I loved this new Vanessa that didn’t give a shit about authority.
She booked two rooms right next to each other.
“I booked me for two days and you for four”
“What why?”
“It’s a gift, I present you with,” she presented me with an imaginary present box “a break from being perceived.”
We didn’t end up traveling to 2030, we just hung out, chatted until the wee hours of the morning, she walked on the beach with me at sunrise and sunset. I got to share with her the parts of my new life that no one else had seen. It was cool to see someone else appreciate the things that I loved so much. Later that night, she got an angry email from someone about skipping the awards show. She posted the screenshot on IG as a carousel and said “weird you think it’s okay to talk to people like this. I Don’t give a fuck about your awards show, it’s meaningless and I choose a life of meaning” the second photo in the carousel was the prettiest pic of the sunset EVER. She really was still my best friend.
We did a lot of our industry talk by the ocean because it’s loud as fuck and we were sure no one could hear us,
“and then there is this video that a lot of us saw and was shared all over reddit like a hundred times, but now every single reddit comment that included the video has been deleted-”
“what was in the video?” I asked
“It’s a little rough, but I will adjust my language, k?”
“appreciate the content warning”
“So, Naya gets to the harbor, right? Parks all weird. Gets the kid out of the car, goes to the trunk and pulls out what looks like a garbage bag full of cash.”
“oh?”
“That’s what it looks like to me!” Vanessa continued, “Naya’s walking to the pier and the kid is following behind, kind of far. When they get to the pier there are two people with her near the boat. One person dressed in all black, standing on the boat and one person dressed in all white, standing on the pier with Naya next to the boat,”
“mmhmm”
“Okay here is where it gets weird….er. First of all, the kid is standing with the person in all white. Like, very comfortably. So it seems, to me, that the kid knows this person. Second, Naya is arguing, you can tell. She’s going off on these two dudes. And in the background you can see someone on jetski just circling. Like literally, riding around, watching and waiting.”
“ew”
“right? Then the person dressed in all black does a violent, drags Naya onto the boat, and the video cuts off-”
“Shut your fucking mouth”
“I will not”
“Well do you think she’s-”
“I don’t know what to think!”
“Quen, I mean.. The Masked Personality said FIND NAYA. Why would they say that if-”
“This is what I’m saying”
“I wonder where they got the info…” I started to ponder
“The people with the video?”
“No no The Masked Personality, like who told them to give us the message?”
“I don’t know, but I find it very weird they were the one that delivered the message. Like, why send a teen?”
“hmmm. I mean, teens these days are way more open to the crazy shit going on-”
“True, you don’t have to convince the teens that time travel and extraterrestrials are real-” Vanessa laughed
“exactly.”
“I think if we Find Naya, we’re going to find a lot more than just that…”
“I agree, I guess the question is, are we prepared to see whatever the fuck is going on when we do find her?” I asked
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Seven: July 28th, 2026
After the first batch of comments came in, I decided I was pretty happy with the response. I deactivated my new email address, left the library, and drove to another town.
Being homeless and unemployed fucking blew ass. It was so hard and sad and weird. It was the hardest most full time job I’d ever had. I barely heard from my friends, which sucked because I was so lonely. But even at it’s absolute worst, there were moments of such beauty that I couldn’t help but be confident in my decision. I lost everything and then when I had nothing left to lose, I had nothing left to worry about. After about 8 months of living in my car on the streets of different towns in Southern California, things started to feel more chill. I leaned into my lifestyle and decided to take each intuitive nudge as it came to me. That changed everything. One night, laying down in my car, looking out my passenger window at the full moon in Virgo, I asked for a sign. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, but I wanted something. I asked the moon to help me dream. I didn’t know what I meant, but luckily the moon did.
********THE DREAM*******
It was the night we met ‘44.
“Everyone brace yourselves,” 2044 looked me in the eye “This is going to hurt like a motherfucker” she said and inserted Kylas erector set key into the side of the necklace, “now” she said and turned the key. “Bottom Bitch” started playing.
As Doja sang her third “OOOH” a huge blob of light slammed into me at a million miles an hour, everyone worked to hold me still but the force was so strong it pushed the entire group of us and slammed us back far enough that the table nearly went through the wall. As dust from Vanessa’s dry wall swirled around us, we all blinked and looked around.
“Welp, gotta love a built in” Chrissy said to Vanessa, in reference to the 3 inch deep table shaped dent in her wall.
“chic” Vanessa joked back
“OWW FUCK” I managed to get out, “Fuck fuck fuck.” I looked up, made eye contact with 2044, and let out a sigh, “Third times a charm,” I smiled..for about two seconds. Then the overwhelming feeling of nausea took over
“Kitchen Sink” 2044 pointed, I ran with her direction and did a super space barf in Vanessa’s sink. Everyone made a displeased noise and kept watching me. 2044 met me in the kitchen.
“Hi” She said, smiling
“Hi” I said, smiling back
“I fucking missed you” She said through her teeth and took my hand
I got closer to her and we both leaned in to kiss
“WHOA” “NOOO” “HOLD ON” were yelled by different people all at once
“You guys really need to brush your teeth” Vanessa said and grabbed our hands, “Come on” she dragged us both to one of her bathrooms, “toothbrushes here, toothpaste here, oh if you guys wanna shower towels are there and this soap is actually sooooo nice I got at this farmer’s market it’s like a lemon and-”
“can we..have some privacy” ‘44 asked
“right right right, you kids have fun” Vanessa backed out of the bathroom slowly and strangely
‘44 and I brushed our teeth at Vanessa’s They and Them sinks, laughing with each other in the mirror.
We left the bathroom to find that the rest of the crew was sound asleep on their travels.
“Alrighty Tighty Aphrodite” I said
“Here you go” ‘44 took her big wristband off and gave it to me. I put it on my wrist and clicked a few “buttons” (there were no buttons), a keyboard projected out of the front of the wristband onto the table. I clicked another couple buttons (again, no buttons) and Vanessa’s giant fucking TV turned into a monitor. There was a weird version of the internet.
“Ok, looks like we can go two years ahead, two years back?”
“Not much, but enough” ‘44 confirmed
“Yea, I think that’s fine.”
“IF you think about it, it’s actually a very good sign. If we could see further ahead that means they’d be making smaller jumps. The fact that we can only get two years ahead...”
“so true, looks like they’re about to swing pretty far in one direction or the other-”
“-check on Doja”
“Got it” I typed in the seach bar and it brought up a collection of information and put it togehr like a very comprehensive collage, “hmmm. I’m not seeing it”
“yea, me either, oh but look, Planet Her JUST came out-”
“Ahhh so let’s move ahead a little…”
“THERE!” ‘44 found it before I did
“Oh nice, ok so, looks like….hmmm” We both tilted our heads as we scrolled through the top and bottom sections of whatever the fuck, “I mean, whether we go good or go bad it looks like Doja will be acting out-”
“-does she say anything specific” ‘44 asked
“OH HERE- look ok so timelines squiggling upward, she says she wants to leave the industry, going down she just starts acting weird.”
“then that’s the perfect touchstone.” she said
“Agree, so make a note-”
“-if Doja wants to ruin her career… help her?”
“yea perfect.” I said, watching her make the note. ‘44 had this paper and pen that was like interacting with the monitor. There was a section of the monitor that looked like a notepad. If I typed in the notepad, it showed up handwritten on ‘44s actual literal notepad and then she could take notes as well. When she wrote on the notepad it showed up on the monitor, typed.
It was so cool.
“See what’s up with Kobe while I finish these notes-”
“okey doke-” I started to search and scroll around, “ok Kobe was here but left this reality last year.”
“that’s weird timing”
“yea… plane crash too, so probably not, ya know-”
“legitimate?” she asked
“yea.”
“You think he’s with the girls?”
“It’s pretty likely. I’d make a note to check for him in 2030.”
“on it-” ‘44 added to her list
“This is such an interesting reality, they’re very like...on the edge”
“they could truly go either way-”
“I feel for em”
“OH see if they have a Lady Gaga” ‘44 motioned to the monitor. I typed, scrolled, typed scrolled.
“Nothin” I said
“I’m starting to think she only exists in one reality.”
“and what a reality to exist in, yikes” I said
“hey now, all realities have their purpose”
“well yea but.. I mean…” I looked at her like areyoufuckingkiddingme
“her shitty little reality might be our next project”
“fiar enough” I put my hands up in surrender
“Next up, Demi” ‘44 got me back on track. I type-typed away and scrolled around
“uh… I dunno” I said, unable to label, “looks like a they/them she/her off over the next couple years”
“back in the closet or just literally using She and They pronouns and you’re acting like that’s confusing?” ‘44 asked with a tone that suggested it was the second one...
“you know how I feel when we’re in realities that don’t have boydemilovato”
“right, but we’re not looking for boydemi, we’re looking for transdemi”
“Well, then maybe this counts, I mean they’re notNOTnon-binary”
“You’re taking this too personally.”
“of course I am, I’m like,” I shook my fists toward the sky “my trans brethren!”
“You are literally non-binary, how are you being weird about Demi being non-binary?”
“Because I know what Demi looks like as a chunky little motorcycle bear and I love him!”
“We’re all different in different realities! You love HippieCommuneVanessa but that doesn’t make you love me any less…” ‘44 was actually being very nice about this I probably should have been scolded a little more
“That’s true,” I pondered, “I guess I still struggle with the nuance of identity”
“because you struggle with nuance,” she motioned to the universe “in general”
“At the end of the day, nonbinarydemi is honestly only like two steps away from boydemi”
“yup”
“and where there’s boydemi”
“heerrre comes beelllaaaa” we said at the same time in a weird voice,
“I just wish this were like, SLIGHTLY more confirmed because looking at these lines it’s too close to tell. And we don’t have enough here that’s definitive-”
“OH see if Common is Vegan. If Common is Vegan we’re staying.”
“ok ok. And if Common is not vegan, we’re outta here”
“oh yea, abort the mission for sure” ‘44 confirmed.
I typed on my transluscent green table keyboard and, success, Common was Vegan. Documentary and evertyhing.
“Fuck yes” I said
“nice,” ‘44 said and we low-fived
****************
In 2022, Doja Cat said she wanted to leave the entertainment industry and everything she did after that moment was ridiculous. I’m talking full tilt. Weird and Corny. I liked it. I was ready to welcome any form of chaos. I was patiently awaiting 2025 when I knew shit was truly going to hit the fan. Any semblance of breakdown was comforting to me. Everything Doja did I was like...this girl is lucid. She knew exactly what the fuck she was doing. And I was right. Summer of 2023, the most popular Doja Cat fan account, @DailyDoseofDoja tweeted two screenshots of long ass text.
1:
Kittenz - your mission, should you choose to accept it, begins now. I have made this account private and will delete this tweet ten minutes after posting. Please screenshot and share with true friends only.
Doja Cat approached me after her show last week, I had a VIP ticket so I was backstage (so cool btw) and I told her this was my account (she knew about my acct btw so cool).
She needs our help. She wasn’t playing around saying she wants to leave the industry. The girl is trapped and being forced to make music she doesn’t even like which is like so sad. We need to help her ruin her career. I know it sounds insane, but this is what Mother Cat wants.
2:
First, stop streaming! Do not listen to Doja on Spotify, YouTube, Apple, any of it. PLEASE switch to illegally downloading via torrent or ripping from youtube. We do not want the entertainment industry to make money off her any longer. They need to believe she is no longer valuable.
Second, don’t watch! There is a documentary coming out in 2024, they’re going to say Doja made it. She does not want to do this. She has no approvals. DO NOT WATCH THIS PIECE OF HOT GARBAGE.
Third, block her. She’s going to talk shit about us, and we need to respond accordingly. When she next goes off she will specifically address the Kittenz. When this happens, block her. On everything.
Fourth, I know this is hard, we must call her corny. We need to make her team think that we think that she is insignificant and below mid.
And finally, be patient. IF we succeed in our mission, she will be able to escape the industry unharmed. Once Doja is safe, she will resurface on SoundCloud under a psuedeonym. Which honeslty sounds so fun and exclusive. Bring back Doja Cat the soundcloud rapper.
Ten minutes later, the tweets were gone.
I posted the screenshots on reddit with the message,
“heard from ‘44, they want us to help”
One week later, Doja Cat went off on the Kittenz.
Thus began The Completely Intentional Downfall of Doja.
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Seven: July 28th, 2026
“Our attention is just as valuable as our time or money or labor”
“Even more valuable in some cases-”
“because ads-”
“mmmmhmmm”
“Everything has an equal amount of impact on the universe. Which can be considered insignificant, if you want it to be…”
“or..”
“or…” I looked at them and smiled, questions flooded my brainhole, “how many people have abilities and don’t know it?”
“like..1000%?”
“Are we all psychic?”
“Uhm it depends on what you mean by that word because it’s changed a lot over the trillions but I can tell you that everyone and everything is connected so if your mind is connected to her mind,” Steph said, motioning to Vanessa, “then doesn’t it make sense you’d be able to do things like.. communicate with each other without talking?”
“yea it does” I said, looking at Vanessa and thinking about all the times I telepathically told her I wanted to leave an event and she just knew.
“Steph, epiphany with me” I said and took her slightly further away from the group. Vivek, Vanessa, and Elizabeth Olsen watched us move away and tried to listen by squinting their eyes and pointing their chins in our direction. “I’m figuring something out here but it’s not coming out coherently”
“It’s not really supposed to-”
“What do you mean”
“Just keep unloading everything, ya know? It’s kind of a lot.” she motioned for me to unload
“I’m thinking over everything that I love, my job, my friends, events, producing, living in LA, and I’m realizing as much as I love it..it all stresses me out?”
“right?”
“I feel like I’m running toward the things that make me anxious instead of away from them”
“most people are-”
“Why?”
“hmmm. Let’s see.” Steph looked at me, it seemed like they were trying to figure out how I would best take in the information they were about to give me, “If you wanted to control a group of people, and they kept thinking critically and using magic powers and creating small but mighty teams of people that could easily overpower you and escape...what tactics would you use to remain in control of that group of people?”
“interesting question” I thought
“one we should all ask ourselves, in my opinion” Steph said
“I would try to make them really like the place they were trapped. And probably convince them that anything outside of that space was too scary or dangerous. Then they’d kind of decide to stay on their own”
“hmmm”
“I’m convinced I like basic babes, and going to huge events, and being stressed out for 6-8weeks at a time over dumb shit like which parking lot to rent for a music festival that’s inside a mansion but the people who own the mansion don’t like to see people walking in through the gate so there needs to be a special shuttle service but the shuttle service wants us to pay for three instead of two because of the distance up the hill to the- why am i-”
“now we’re cooking”
“And my attention is on this … bullshit. All day. Like all day every day.”
“all day. Every. Day.”
“Even the parts of my life that I love are stressful”
“isn’t that so weird?”
“Everything matters.”
“Yes. And-”
“and?”
“And – do you mind if i-?”
“Please” I motioned for Steph to continue, I was honestly in need of someone else to figure out what I was figuring out so I could have it figured out
“Everything matters. The easier something feels to you, the stronger the Energetic Difference.”
“The Energetic Difference” I repeated to myself in a whisper
“Yes, why don’t we rejoin-” Steph pointed to Vanessa, Vivek, and Elizabeth Olsen who were all still staring and trying to hear. We rejoined them. I sat down for the FIRST TIME EVER?!? Like wtf. Anyways. Steph Continued
“The energetic difference is the measurement between two thoughts or actions.” We didn’t have the white board so Steph just fake drew in the sky. I would forget Steph had all these wild powers bc they barely used them. I guess when you can do anything in the universe for trillions of years, you kind of end up just not??” IDK. Steph drew in the air with their imaginary glitter pen or something.
“This is a wavelength” Steph drew a wavelength, aka squiggle. They drew a straight line through the middle of the squiggle, “Now the distance from here to here” they drew a line, connecting the peak of one of the waves to the straight line that ran through the middle, “That’s called amplitude yea?”
“mmmhmmm” We said in unison, nodding our heads.
“Now, this is for something like a sound wave, which we’re all familiar with-” they looked at us
“mmmhmmm” we said in unison, nodding our heads.
“As you all know, it’s not-”
“actually like this” Vanessa and Vivek repeated along with Steph in their exact tone. Our deeply millennial cloney-ness was starting to become something for which I felt a deep fondness.
“right” Steph continued, “but if we say that an action is a wave, like this” they drew a wave, “and a different action is a wave, like this” they drew a wave the same length with much higher peaks, “this would be the amplitude of this wave,” they drew a line from the peak of the smaller wave, “that’s one unit of measurement,” they drew a line from the peak of the larger wave, “this would be the second unit of measurement and this-” they circled the area between the peaks of both waves, “would be the energetic difference”
I raised my hand
“Yes, Dan” Steph pointed and took their teacher listening stance
“How do we know which actions are which?”
“It’s a feeling, the more effort you have to put into something, the less energy is being released.”
“That seems backwards”
“I know right, but it’s not! Because of how math and science works” Steph drew a stick figure, “this is you” they drew a square around the stick figure, “this is your consciousness, which is a quantum field,” they drew another stick figure with a smaller square, “this is someone else and someone else's quantum field,”
“why aren’t they the same size if everything matters the same amount?”
“because, this person is holding theirs” Steph clenched her fists and squeezed their arms next to their body, “so tight, trying to keep their quantum field to themselves,” they pointed to the small square stick figure, “this field is the same size as this one,” pointing to the big square, “but the difference is this person wants to share their energy and this person doesn’t”
“whoa” I whispered to myself as Steph’s lesson settled into the part of my brain that connects shit together, “the energetic difference”
“If I am trying to hold on to all of my true feelings, desires, and instincts, then my actions and words can only energetically reach so far,” Steph drew another stick figure with a teeeeeny tiny square, “and, if I really want to, I can work hard enough to keep myself so hidden and so confined, that I may never even know my own energy.”
Vanessa let out a big sigh. I think we all understood the lesson in the same way at the same time.
“This is what we want” Steph drew three stick figures with big sqaures around them to represent big and open energetic fields, the squares overlapped, “right here” steph pointed to the overlap of the field squares, “that’s where the real power is”
“Sharing energy?”
“Friendship-”
“huh- of course” I said as it all fit together like a 10 piece puzzle made for a baby, “Focus on romance, not friends. Focus on success, not inspiration. Focus on family, not community. Consuming, not creating. Paying attention, rather than Giving attention.” I looked at Steph, “this is going to be easier than I thought,”
“For you” Steph whispered
“All we have to do is switch our focus” I was looking around at the ground for more answers, “every action, every word, switch the focus. Figure out what we really want, go for it. Figure out what we really want to say, say it-” I looked at Elizabeth Olsen
“Elizabeth Olsen”
“yy..ess?”
“Your presences here is overwhelming to me because I associate you with something very emotional and difficult to deal with-”
“oh, I’m sorry to hear that”
“It’s cool, it- it’s a ...good thing?”
“ohh-”
“My mom died and she kind of sucked ass so, emotionally, it was a complicated journey. And you did this show on Facebook about grieving.”
“yea” she nodded, she was a very active listener
“Your performance had a great impact on me and it was very helpful at a time when nothing else was... It meant a lot, Thank you for that.”
“oh. You’re very welcome.”
“Okay. Dudettes, I’ve seen it play out in multiple realities. I feel ready to share the blueprint for destroying the entertainment industry-” I announced and Vanessa shouted
“Dan! The fucking phones-”
*****************
PHASE ONE: COMING OUT
2022 - 2025
“Ooop, ahead of the trend” Vanessa said, looking around proud of herself
“So good.” Vivek encouraged “Everyone, round of applause for Vanessa Hudgens,” she started clapping, “the first person on earth to come out of the closet, revolutionary” lmfao we all clapped and Vanessa still looked proud
“thank you, thank you” she bowed
“Okey doke,” I continued, “we’re on the right track. This does go beyond gay and trans coming out, but Would love to see the ‘I could fall in love regardless of gender’ community ACTUALLY fall in love regardless of gender-”
“oooooooh” Vivek and Steph looked at Elizabeth Olsen
“I mean- can I have more than one half of day or-”
“Wait are you-?” Vanessa started to ask, this made me and Vivek look at Elizabeth Olsen extremely fast
“let’s… not.. right now” She nodded emphatically at us
“MOVING ON-” I shouted to try and save her from whatever was about to happen which seemed like it was going to be at least a little embarrassing “yes, we will encourage straighties to get with ladies but another important part of this phase is alllll the other shit that’s going to come out. I’m talking memoirs, podcasts, essays, 2022 – 2025 we need to be talking. Our. Shit.”
“I like this-” Vanessa was on board
“Good, because you need to be talking a lot more-”
“ME?! Wait, I came out already can I do the next phase? What’s the next phase?”
“Phase two is Catastrophe-”
“ok, go back, what do I need to do for the first phase?” Vanessa asked
“uh. Make your own decisions? Like, I can give us the blueprint as I’ve seen it play out, but at the end of the day we all have to want to do these things individually..”
“Right, but what’s my job?” Vanessa wanted something more clear, which I respect
“Tell your story, bro. Share your opinions. Talk, like a lot more-”
“Ugh.”
“You know how you don’t want people to know your business and all the bullshit you went through?”
“yessss”
“Get over it.”
“oh my god”
“No I’m serious, get over it. This little ability of yours where you can see your timelines and then literally pick one?!”
“Wait what?” Elizabeth Olsen wasn’t exactly… caught up
“what about it?” Vanessa asked me
“You don’t say stupid shit, Vanessa,” I said to her, “You’re honest and curious and you say the kind of shit that starts conversations we NEED to be having. Do it more-”
“People don’t like it when I talk-”
“Narcs don’t like it when you talk-”
“Sometimes I say shit that is so stupid-”
“I KNOW BRO, we’ve been friends for a decade. I’m telling you, The stupid shit you say is not actually fucking stupid. You’re open and vulnerable with your critical questioning. Which we need. You process things through conversation which is so key-”
“-can’t Demi do it? They have like three documentaries, their stories are WAY more intense than mine-”
“-nothing is more intense than anything else. Because everything matters, everything has significance. Every little word you say will and has already had a major impact on our society. This isn’t my plan, this is just … how it goes. Whether or not you go along with it, that’s up to you and those little timelines in your minds eye.”
We both paused
“As a whole, all of us, we need the truth. Keeping things in, lying to protect ourselves, it doesn’t protect us. It protects abusers and it keeps us trapped” I took a breath, “the truth will set us free.”
“Fuck it, fine. I’ll talk my shit”
“nice-”
“And..I could come out” Elizabeth Olsen added, “you’re very convincing”
“Thank you” I said, “I’m a Libra and my mercury is in Scorpio”
“That is...so meaningless to me,” said Elizabeth Olsen, the aquarius (iykyk)
“Phase two is catastrophe?” Vivek asked
“Yes.”
PHASE TWO: CATASTROPHE
2025 – 2028
“This is when all the shit that came out has had time to fester.
This is when financial institutions collapse.
This is when we start leaning into organized retail theft and intentional assassinations.” I said
“organized retail theft and intentional assassinations? You mean...Stealing shit and killing people?” Vivek clarified
“yes”
“Who’s getting killed in this scenario?” Elizabeth Olsen asked
“Like rapists, people who traffick children, DV Dudes…”
“oooooh I see-”
“Yea, time for those harmed by our current system to extract retribution, if you will-” I said
“I’ll do it” Elizabeth Olsen said, we all looked at her, “kill the worst people on earth? Hell yea.”
“oh, well good!” Vanessa said
“I could probably find a guy to make me a really good assassin within like two years. Give me three years, I’ll be GREAT,” Elizabeth Olsen found the role of a lifetime
“Awesome. Thanks” I said to her
“Yea thank” and “thank you” and “neat” were said as we all tried to be grateful for the future murderer in our midst
“Oh yea, no problem,” she waved, “I’m honestly surprised I’m the only one on board,”
“I don’t like doing gross stuff,” I said
“Me either, I’m a thinker more than a doer” Vivek said
“I love to do but I’m busy” Steph said
“...I have kids?” Vanessa actually didn’t have an answer because she kind of lives on the edge of maybe I would...which is to say, she did not yet know if she would or would not kill someone who she totally believed needed to evaporate from this reality.
“I get it,” Elizabeth Olsen said, “these types of people cause so much harm though, and focusing on rehabilitation has gotten us nowhere. We don’t protect survivors, we don’t help these kids. Shit, we barely believe people when they tell us stories. I’m honestly. I might text the guy I’m thinking of-- if he can do trainings on Tuesday evening and-” she reached for her phone which wasn’t there “OOH! Right, you put my phone in the..table” Elizabeth Olsen was literally a new person now.
“So-” I continued, “on top of stealing shit and killing people, there’s going to be natural disasters, war, famine, a lot of what is already going on basically. And unfortunately,” I looked at Vanessa “hat tip to the originator, people are gonna die, it’s inevitable-”
“oop!” Vivek looked at Vanessa well okay everyone did
“-resources will get scare, people will be shoved out of their homes for no fucking reason-”
“yikes.” Vanessa said
“-and now is probably a good time to tell you that I’m being evicted” I finally said
“WHAT?!” Everyone was in shock
“Yes. Our apartment building got bought by a real estate company and we all have to be out by Friday.”
“FRIDAY, DAN!?” Vanessa was flabbergasted,
“I’m about to be fully homeless-”
“The fuck you are, you’re staying with me-”
“-no” I stopped her, “I don’t...want to stay with you”
ugh. I knew that at some point I would have to say that phrase, but I’d been avoiding it.
“Why not?” She asked me
“I need to take care of myself and I need to get the fuck out of the entertainment industry. And Catastrophe also invovles a lot of us leaving.”
“you can’t be homeless, that’s...unnecessary,” Vanessa said
“homelessness in general is unnecessary, we have three empty homes for every one homeless person in LA.”
“that’s… insane to think about-” Elizabeth Olsen said
“Yea, and now the building I’ve lived in for 4 years and my neighbor has lived in for 40 years, it’s about to be empty. For god knows how long.”
“This makes no sense-”
“I know, but I think the sooner I embrace catastrophe, the sooner I Will find community and that’s really what I need. I don’t need all this,” I said motioning around me
“Why didn’t you tell me-”
“I- maybe I was embarrassed or I don’t know. Afraid? or...I didn’t want you to purchase the solution to my problem”
“We need to fight this-”
“There’s nothing to fight,” I sighed, “it’s all above board. They’ve been working with courts, inspectors, the city. We’re kicked out of that building not because one company is fucking us over, but because Los Angeles wants us to be homeless. They benefit, monetarily, from having more people on the streets.”
“fuuuuck” Vivek said
PHASE THREE: COMMUNITY
2028 – 2031
“When hollywood has folded, money doesn’t matter, and resources are scarce, We have to find each other.” I said
“The commune!” Vivek said
“Exactly,” I smiled, “That has been the running theme in so many realities. Every time I see something that is genuinely working, it’s a group of people living in chill community.”
“HippieCommuneVanessa was the coolest one for sure.” Vanessa said
“I loved our little seahorse commune-” Vivek said
“We’re like all communes back home,” Steph said “it’s super fun, and if you’re antsy or bored you just like go to another commune. Everyone is so chill and no one ever has to worry about having a place to sleep or food to eat.”
“exactly-” I said, “which is why it’s important for us to go on our own journeys. We all have desires that are directly linked to community and because those haven’t been encouraged within us, we have skills that we want and NEED to be building.”
“like gardening and stuff?” Elizabeth Olsen asked
“Uh, sure yea, gardening, building, cooking, sewing, raising animals, caring for kids, computer shit, robots, making music, you know, fucking, all the stuff you need to be a happy human-”
“If I’m already practicing to be an assassin do I also need to get into gardening or can I skip it?” she asked
“Uhm you can...skip it, I mean the whole point is do what you want like genuinely”
“I genuinely want to be an assassin” Elizabeth Olsen said
“ok.. well… focus on that.”
“cool”
“Shouldn’t we be building community in advance? Like what if I’m too tired for Catastrophe and I want to skip ahead.” Vivek asked
“Then.. make decisions that lead you to community faster?”
“hmm”
“That’s kind of what I’m doing. I’m being evicted. I could go home and live with my parents-”
“ugh” people made noises
“-right? A lot of people will. A lot of people when faced with hardship will go right back to the things that traumatized them in the first place, because that’s what we’re taught is the best move.”
“that’s so true, I have a few friends that moved back in with their parents, they’re so depressed.” Vivek said
“Exactly, and For me, personally,” I said, “I’d rather be homeless than live with my parents.”
“mmmhmmm” the people agreed
“I know it’s a big statement. But I just need to take myself seriously? Like, I learned the hard way that having family members who misgender me is a real trigger for my PTSD. So what, I just...go get some more PTSD?? Like, no!! I have to stay away from that place. And as much as I’ve loved my life here, I have to be honest about the fact that my standards were ingrained within me...so fucking low. Below the floor, under the demons, You know what I mean?”
“mmhmmm”
“I can’t stay here and keep doing what I’ve been doing. I want to start getting good at supporting myself and my community for the long run. Like, if it’s going to take me 5-10 years to learn to build a house out of natural materials, why wait around here? Why not..get started? Then by the time you nerds are ready to leave, I’ll be able to build you a house.”
“that’s a nice thought” Vanessa said
“Hmmm” Vivek pondered
“Can we be a part of all this,” Vanessa motioned “and still build skills for the commune?”
“Probably, I dunno” I said, “I’m doing what’s best for me y’all do what’s best for you.”
“mmhmmm”
“Oh also, I’m boycotting the entertainment industry and the government”
“what the fuck-” Vanessa said
“what? How?” Vivek asked
Steph laughed.
“Instead of working in exchange for money, I’m going to work on things I like for free and let the universe bring me gifts however it sees fit. I’ll stop using banks and deal in cash, I’ll stop paying taxes because I won’t have anything to pay taxes on obvi, and then stop receiving govt benefits and no longer voting.”
“jesus h-”
“For entertainment, I will not give or receive money from the industry-”
“How will you watch movies?” Vivek asked
“Probably torrent, download em, or get used DVDs. I love my DVD player. Or watch streaming services with ads but in a browser that blocks the ads. So I watch for free with no ads and they get no money from me.”
“How the fuck are you going to eat without money??” vanessa said
“I don’t know. And also, I’m not starting all at once, I’m just putting in motion what I want for myself. I truly believe that eventually I can live in a gifting economy with a community of like-minded individuals”
“Gifting economy?” Vivek asked
“Yea it’s like there’s no money and no trade and nothing is valued, Everyone just makes stuff for each other because they like to and does stuff for each other because they like to-”
“Oh I like that” Vivek said
“me too” I nodded, “It’s how most indigenous communities operate literally to this day-”
“I can’t handle this, I really don’t want you to be homeless” Vanessa said
“I’ll be living in my car, apparently nearly 70% of the unhoused population is living in their car”
“oh, I had no idea” Vivek said
“Coming out. Catastrophe. Community.” Vanessa repeated to herself, “So...this is your catastrophe”
“Yea, I think so-” I said
“Then out of respect for your catastrophe, I will not tell you over and over you should move in with me, but can I PLEASE make you a care package?!”
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Six: July 21th, 2026
“-so anyway” Vanessa was answering question number 5,000. I resolved to stay with her until all my questions were answered. I wanted to just follow her around all day and keep pestering. I’d been wondering so many things and this was the perfect opportunity to get it all squared away. Only problem was I didn’t bring my list so I had to come up with my questions from memory. Ugh. “I come out of the room and she has coffee and a smoothie ready for me WHILE cooking breakfast and tells me to turn on the TV if I want-”
“Whoa. Triple whammy”
“Exactly. So I’m like, oh no let’s just talk, I drink my coffee, sip the smoothie, have a couple bites of breakfast. Really good by the way. Amber is a great cook”
“she really is, she’s good at a lot of things. Virgo”
“ahhh! so I eat like half the breakfast and then I said Kyla texted me and just like ran out top speed.”
“wonderful work.”
“thank you, wonderful advice.”
“mmhmm”
“Also she put my coffee in a to-go mug which I gave to Arrows to return this morning.”
“you.. Gave the mug to Arrows to give back to Amber?”
“yes...what?”
“wow. That’s so great.”
“What? Did I do something wrong?”
“No no!” I said, “You did perfect, trust your instincts. I just would also LOVE to be a fly on the wall when Arrows returns that mug to Amber.”
“Do you think she was doing a thing, like giving me a mug so I would come back?”
“A thousand percent, Vanessa, a thousand squared”
“hmm.” she seemed proud of herself, “that was..very fun,” she pointed at me, “you’re a good friend”
“well, you really need to thank Jazzmyne for that one”
“What do you mean?”
“I was admittedly not very respectful of your identity at first. Jazz showed me the err in my ways and encouraged me to be a more supportive wingmxn”
“wingmxn I like that.”
“rolls off the tongue.”
“so… YOU weren’t respecting my identity?”
“I was not and I am ashamed to admit it, I apologize for my folly”
“You apologize for your folly?”
“yes”
“Ok. Well. Apology accepted but also really interested in why you, of all people, weren’t immediately supportive.”
“I am interested as well. I don’t really know why, but I think it had to do with my programming.”
“Your programming?”
“Yes, I realized I’m programmed.”
“Wanna elaborate on that?” she asked me as we walked out her front door. I was, of course, still following her around while she did random things.
“Yes, I do, so glad you asked” I started my speech as I saw someone walking up to us out of the corner of my eye, but decided to ignore it, “I realized I’m in love with Elizabeth Olsen BECAUSE she is so basic”
“ohh I didn’t like any of that” Elizabeth Olsen said, which is why I should have paid attention to who was walking up to us.
“Lizziiiee, Hi!!” Vanessa hugged her, “He doesn’t mean that,” she looked at me, “You’re not in love with her,” She looped her arm in Elizabeth Olsen’s arm crevice and explained me to her, “he sometimes gives big words to small feelings. He thinks he’s “obsessed” with Doja Cat but he only knows four songs and doesn’t even follow her on social media”
“ah- okay, doesn’t everyone know more than four Doja Cat songs?” Elizabeth Olsen said, kind of like sorta laugh-smiling idk
“and it’s not even the hits-” Vanessa continued, “Dan” She let go of Elizabeth Olsen, came toward me, and ushered me toward the door, “Lizzie is going to hang out with us for a little bit-”
“I need you to stop calling her Lizzie.” I stopped in my tracks
“Why?”
“Because the name Lizzie has already been claimed in my mind, and I can not re-assign! it’s too ingrained.”
“What other Lizzie do you know?”
“Lizzie McGuire”
“oh my god. Okay. Are you going to be chill or-”
“-probably not but maybe this is my opportunity to talk to Elizabeth Olsen about the way I’m brainwashed to love her”
“oh goodness” Elizabeth Olsen said
“the word love-” Vanessa started to say
“Excuse me Elizabeth Olsen-” I walked over to her, “Do you have any good qualities”
“uhmmm…” she laughed, “I certainly hope so”
“Dan-” Vanessa wanted me to stop but also couldn’t stop me
“is... this a part of the autistic thing? Should I give it a pass?” Elizabeth Olsen said
“uh… yea. That’d be cool. Give it a pass” Vanessa waved my autistic oddities away with her hand, “Come on inside” she waved Elizabeth Olsens non-autistic normalties inside with her hand. We all walked inside and I pondered which question I wanted to ask first. Vivek joined us from the other room.
“Morning!” she said and went to get coffee
“oh, I forgot I made coffee!” Vanessa was excited for a change of subject, “you want?” she asked Elizabeth Olsen who was standing normal in a normal way which I Couldn’t stop appreciating for some reason.
“You have good posture” I said
“Then I guess I have one good quality” She tried to joke with me, but I wasn’t ready to let her be funny yet so I just looked at her.
“Hiii LizziieeE” Vivek said and hugged her
“You know Elizabeth Olsen too?”
“Yea, well I mean we just met but she’s a total prepper so-”
“You guys know that someone being a prepper doesn’t give us a good gauge for where their headspace is at, right?” I asked
“I mean, she’s an olsen-” Vivek pointed
“Oh thank you” Elizabeth Olsen said as Vanessa handed her some coffee. We all walked out back and I Was like wow we’re doing a lot of walking. Then my fairy godbrother, Stevie said, you need knee braces, in the under-back of my mind. And I said
“Knee braces?” out loud, which may have been weird but I’d already been acting so weird that I Could officially be as weird as I watned and no one would care. It was like the more I believed I was Autistic the more Autistic I was able to be.. and no one seemed terribly pressed about it? Which made me wonder why I had been trying so hard to NOT be weird? Being weird kind of ended up being my whole thing.
“oh, Dan has asked that we don’t call her Lizzie” Vanessa whispered to Vivek
“why?”
“Makes him think of Lizzie McGuire?” Vanessa said
“hmm”
“I don't really love being called Lizzie anyway-”
“really?!” Vanessa was shocked
“Yea, kind of makes me feel like a kid. I mean, I don’t hate it, I don’t really care but ya know, since it came up!” Elizabeth Olsen said. There’s something about the straight girl capacity to hold multiple truths that I find so fascinating.
Which is it?
Do you not love it?
Or do you not hate it?
Or do you not care?!
WHICH. IS IT. ELIZABETH OLSEN.
And why are all of your emotions phrased in the opposite of what they might be?! How am I supposed to keep up. You don’t not what?!?!!!?
“Why is she here?” I asked, kind of judgmentally
“oh ok” Elizabeth Olsen FELT my asking
“Dan! BE cool,” Vanessa gave me her warning eyeballs which meant if I didn’t be cool I’d have to leave soon, “Liz is here because everyone I love is leaving me and I need new friends” She said very slowly looking at me very seriously. I was quiet for a second.
“You’re replacing me and Torrell with Elizabeth Olsen?”
“I’m not replacing anyone- I ammm…” she searched for the words with her forehead, “expanding my network”
“with.. Elizabeth Olsen?!”
“I’m not offended YET, but we are getting close..” Elizabeth Olsen said. I wished she would just accept the circumstances and let us talk about her however we wanted, but then I realized I was objectifying her and then another realization hit me out of nowhere. I gasped.
“oh...my...god.” I said, I looked over at Vanessa
“what?”
“I’m really gonna miss you” I said to her
“Oh. I’m gonna miss you too”
“Vivek,” I looked at her and pointed, “What do you think about a man with a five o'clock shadow and a good pair of jeans?”
“I mean, that’s all I need, to be honest” she laughed and the other gals were like ‘teehee we agree’ and then I said
“Those are your standards? Unshaven and wearing pants?”
We sat for a second looking around at each other.
“And kind” Vivek added
“Unshaven, Wearing Pants, and Kind? That describes every serial killer.”
“wow-” Vanessa put her fingertips on her temples like she didn’t know what to do with me.
“Our bodies, the nervous system, it’s programmed. Steph said ‘44 was full of shit. They want us to want what we want. Which means control group, base level, across the board, we don’t know what we want!”
“So...I don’t want a guy with a five o'clock shadow and pair of jeans?”
“No no, you do. Your nervous system and mind are programmed with wants that most greatly benefit the system that is currently in place.” The realization was flowing faster than I could keep up with-
“Elizabeth Olsen will you please stand up?” I asked
and she said “no thank you”
So I said “that’s fine, stay seated” and switched my plan, “Vanessa”
“what?” She asked, skeptically, “What do you think about her look” I pointed to Elizabeth Olsen’s outfit
“ooooh super cute. I love it!”
“You love it?” I asked
“Yea, it fits her vibe perfectly”
“What are some things you love about it” I asked
“It’s very timeless you know? Simple, Modest, Casual…”
“Look at me” I said and she did, “If I were to create a label to categorize the way you think about fashion and design, I would call you a Sentimental Maximalist-”
“oh. I love that”
“When have you ever loved anything simple?”
She gasped quietly. And I followed up
“When have you ever loved anything...casual?”
She gasped louder, hand over mouth, “Am I fashion brainwashed?”
“Yes.”
Vanessa and Vivek gasped at the same time.
Through all of Vanessas glass doors and windows (A lot), I saw Steph waving and running down the stairs. I held my thoughts and followed their running with my head. They joined us outside, slightly out of breath.
“I told you to wake me up if he was going to epiphany” they said
“Oh sorry I thought it was a meltdown” Vanessa said
lmfao
“Steph,” I needed them to pay attention to me, “I loved your movie it’s the best movie I’ve ever seen and after careful consideration I’ve decided it will replace my previous number one favorite movie”
“Aw, thanks, what was number one before?”
“Cat Woman starring Halle Berry”
“oh I love that movie, deeply under appreciated”
“I thought princess switch was your favorite movie?” Vanessa asked
“No, Princess Switch is my COMFORT movie, totally different.”
“ah, got it.”
“That’s your technology?” I asked Steph, referencing the ability to connect the mind to skills and talents from other realities
“Yes! Do you see what I was saying about-”
“-yea, the body and the mind.”
“Exactly, oh, did you find your intrigue?”
“Alpha Gong Gong’s robot chair”
“ooooh that’s a good one, follow that” Steph told me and then noticed Elizabeth Olsen, “What is she doing here?”
Elizabeth Olsen laughed.
“I am SO sorry” Vanessa did not want to make her guest uncomfortable but it was way too late
“It’s fine. I mean, I’m the one that’s still sitting here” she shrugged
“She’s an Olsen!” Steph said, as if that was a threat
“THANK YOU!” I said,
“She not like THE OLSEN'S though, ok she’s a different olsen!”
“The Olsen's are billionaires” Steph looked at Vanessa like are you out of your fucking mind and Vanessa looked at Elizabeth Olsen who said
“Oh no, that’s my family’s money, not mine”
“You are literally a member of your family” Steph said, “Can we talk?” Steph and Vanessa walked off and whisper argued with a lot of hand gestures.
I stayed standing in my spot, looking at Vivek and Elizabeth Olsen.
“So, what movie are you guys talking about?” Elizabeth Olsen asked
“It’s not out yet” Vivek and I said at the same time
“Why..are you here, like technically, not rude style” I asked
“uh, Vanessa asked me?”
“Asked you?” I questioned
“Asked you what?” Vivek questioned with a head tilt
“To...come over? I don’t know. I may have misinterpreted the situation but I haven’t had a chance to clarify because we haven’t been alone...like, at all.”
Vivek and I let the understanding of the misinterpretation sink in.
“Vanessa asked you..out?” Vivek asked
“I...think so? I couldn’t really tell so I just went with it and I am still...going with it, I guess.”
“ohh, cool!” Vivek
I looked at Elizabeth Olsen, looked at Vanessa, looked back at Elizabeth Olsen, looked at Vanessa, shook my head.
“Weird.” I said
“Is it?” Elizabeth Olsen said, “you think I misread the signals?”
“Signals.” I repeated
“Well, what did she say, like how did she ask you out?” Vivek asked, ready to get to the bottom of it.
“We chatted at her party on Friday-”
“You were at the party?” Vivek asked
“Yea! I was-”
“What did you wear?” I asked
“Something Forgettable” she didn’t say, but whatever she said I forgot so.
“hmm” I said, unable to place her existence into my memory of the party
“So, you chatted at the party and she asked you out?”
“Well not exactly, she kept saying she wanted do something gay and I was like, very cool go you.” she made a thumbs up, “Then she asked if I wanted to do something gay and I Was like with you? And she was like nonono in general, and I was like oh ya know yea probably, why not, all people are beautiful and she was like hmmm maybe yes with me then? And I Was like, well you’re very drunk why don’t we talk about it later and she said she was going to text me-”
“and then she texted you?” Vivek asked
“The next morning”
“Wow.” I said. Vivek looked at me and we both kind of shrugged, I honestly didn’t know what to do with this information, “you’re gay?”
“no. I mean, well? No. But.. I guess, well? no? I feel-”
“oh my” Vivek breathed and got ready for the phrase
“like I could love anyone..regardless of gender?” Elizabeth Olsen said
“rrrright. But you’re not like out?” I asked
“no. do I need to come out?” she asked
That’s when it clicked.
The programming
Steph’s experiment.
44s bullshit
Gabi and Arrows.
The universe
The memories I had access to, they turned themselves into words finally.
Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.
Pattern Recognition is one of my great strengths.
The ability to put things together like a puzzle.
It’s one of my great strengths.
Autism isn’t a disability.
It’s a collection of abilities that I’m not able to properly care for in my current circumstances.
People say “none of this” is real, but I think it’s the opposite.
I need to talk to Steph. The second I thought it, Steph and Vanessa joined us back outside.
“Steph, your technology connects consciousness to the body.”
“yes”
“And ‘44s technology connects consciousness to the mind.”
“pretty much, yea”
“you said you had to communicate the technology in a way that would inspire-”
“mmhmmm”
“And of course, media is the easiest way to do that.”
“for a lot of realities yea,”
“-but you had to inspire in a way that is specific to us.”
“yes. We did. Since you’re already being programmed through the media we can just tap in a pick up the hot topics-”
“You and ‘44 manipulated the shit out of us”
“that’s true, yes, ethically”
“ethical manipulation?” Vanessa skepti-questioned
“mmhmmm, like placebo effect? Yes, you’re being manipulated but it’s for your own good” Steph clarified
“thats not- people are usually aware up front that they might receive a placebo and-” Vanessa was TOO CONCERNED WITH THE ETHICS
“I have a question but maybe... I know the answer.”
“What is it?”
“Is it true, what you said in the movie...that nothing matters?” I asked, kind of hesitant
“What do you believe” Steph encouraged
“I think-”
they paused me, “Believe”
“I believe… it’s the opposite? Everything matters.”
Steph smiled and nodded at me, “Every tiny little thing.”
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Six: July 21th, 2026
The next morning I was in Vanessa’s kitchen about to finish eating all her blueberries. I could not believe it had only been one week since we all met up at the park. ONE WEEK.
“-and I forgot to mention this, you need to do some research on privacy and security, you can’t be saying shit like that when we all have our phones in the room!” She pointed to the table in the middle of her living room, “see that”
“That’s new”
“Yea it is. I’m not trying to get on a government list. When you want to talk about some crazy shit, press the button on the side of the table. The top will open up, put your phone and laptop inside, close it, it blocks all the signals and tracking and what not.” she motioned to the signals and tracking in the air
“Still want a Ring?” I asked. Vanessa looked at me.
“No, I don’t. You were right, I concede.”
Loved that feeling!
“Hey. We’re alone!” I said. I love hanging out one-on-one but we had the whole time-travel-star-family thing going on so those moments were harder to come by.
“Yea! We are!” Vanessa would always kind of match my energy which I Think as an Autistic person was helpful to me feeling regular. Like being randomly excited in the middle of a serious conversation can sometimes be weird to people but it wasn’t to her. She was like “don’t get me on a government list BRO” all serious and then like “yay friendship” the next second. IT’s nice.
“So. Why are you so cool about all this?” I asked
“I mean, it makes sense. Hollywood is trash, you’re right, I dunno…”
I kind of felt like she was leaving something out..
“But also, you don’t want to like defend your work? Or any of your friends? I mean, you work really hard and have such a great support system. IT’s like…”
“Wow. That feels really good to hear you say without having to force it-”
“huh?”
“So okay at first I Was like. Fuck you. I wasn’t trafficked? That’s a ridiculous thing to project onto someone. Then I defended the entertainment industry.” she rolled her eyes, “Then I made everyone say that I work really hard and my parents are cool. Then I had to relive all of my traumatic experiences and the experiences of my friends and that was god awful. Then I started to psychoanalyze myself and my friends and that was god awful. Then I had to grieve the life I Thought I had and allow the true understanding of my past to sit in my chest which was god awful. Then I came to the conclusion on my own that you were right which was annoying. So I decided to skip all the god awful and annoying parts and just say you’re right. For Bella. Let’s move on.”
“oh.”
“Yea, so.” she shrugged
“What’s the dynamic between you and Torrell and Vivek?”
“You’re really jumping around here-”
“I have a lot I want to talk to you about but we haven’t been a lone in a week. That never happens”
“hmm. True.”
“Also, it’s not my business and you don’t have to explain-”
“no no no, I want to, it’s cool. I- let’s see,” she paused to collect her thoughts. This was a new thing she was doing. It was cute, “Torrell and Vivek have been together for 500 years.”
“wow.”
“Right? I’m like, am I the other woman” she whispered. We both laughed, “Torrell and I split up because he’s leaving. Like, long term. And I don’t really want to do a long distance thing. He also doesn’t really want to come back to LA to visit. IT just makes the most sense.”
“I see”
“We still really love each other and I’m so lucky to co-parent with someone so chill. We’ll see how it goes, obviously-”
“mmhmm”
“-but for now. Things are cool” she put her hands out in a cool way
“And you and Vivek-”
“She’s moving in. We’re just friends. We made out but it wasn’t a big deal and we decided not to explore anything further, for the band.”
“For the band,” I repeated, “And you’re emotional feelings about all this are...?”
“I don’t know” she thought about it, “Torrell and I are .. We’re not splitting up because we don’t love each other. We’re going separate ways because that’s what is best for us both. IT’s not like a regular breakup? I don’t know. I want to just enjoy him while he’s here. So we’re still together until he leaves.”
“oh. That makes perfect sense.”
“And Vivek is staying in LA too so they are also together until Torrell leaves.”
“wow”
“Kind of beautiful right?”
“It really is” I told her, “I was kind of hoping for a queer, poly, power throuple, but this is cute to-”
“ugh, so cute right, Imagine the red carpet looks-”
“this is what I’m saying-” I was saying
“HippieCommuneVanessa is in a little power throuple with them.”
“what?!”
“Yea, and it’s beyond cute- oh! Did they tell you that there are three Atlantis’ ?” she asked
“Whhatt??”
“Yea apparently there are three of them that are inside of each other? Almost like.. A polly pocket inside a barbie dream house inside a persons home.”
“So descriptive and specific-”
“Thank you” she smiled. She finished whatever she was doing. She was always doing something and in most of my memories she’s just walking around back and forth picking things up and putting them down. I’m sure she is actually doing something though, I just can’t keep up with all her activities. But anyway she finished whatever-the-fuck and asked me to follow her outside.
“-so I guess Torrell and Vivek are the king and queen seahorses of the polly pocket atlantis-”
“oh?”
“-and, again, all of us delusional, so we start absolutely LOSING IT like..imagine having a king-”
that made me laugh
“-we’re making fun of the concept of royalty actually still existing and Steph tells us..” she paused for effect
“What?” I asked
“The field right below us? STILL HAS KINGS AND FUCKING QUEENS”
“WHAT?! You have GOT to be kidding me?!”
“All over the fucking place! Like so many countries. They have full on Duchesses and Ladies” she shook her head, “we’re all dead, on the floor, scream-laughing at the idea that someone’s like, ooh sorry I can’t, kings rules like what the fuck-” we were both laughing so hard at this point, “-everyone is just making the best jokes, it’s top tier comedy, and Torrell brings up the very good point that a president is not different from a king-”
“oooh”
“right? So we’re all like, TRUUUE and start talking about.. Dictator, President, King? it’s literally all the same shit and then...Vivek tells us, I am not even shitting you. Canada was Common Wealth until the sixties.”
“COMMON. Wealth?!?!” my voice pitch had reached a height I did not recognize
“common. WEALTH”
“wwwwhhhhat” I was like laughing through my throat. I Can’t explain it.
“Imagine? Common wealth. And Vivek says,” Vanessa had to pause to laugh into her hand and regain her composure, “oh my god she’s so funny. She says “Imagine having a King AND a president-”
“wow”
“I lost it”
I kept following her around her outdoor space while she was doing whatever she was doing. We were just laughing and gabbing and one upping each others jokes and then I said
“Imagine the princess switch is real-” I was laughing.
“oh my god, Dan” Vanessa said to me very slowly, “The Princess Switch is real.”
I had to take a second, “what?”
“Ideas,” Vanessa was looking so deep into my eyes that I think I was successfully making eye contact, “are stories from other worlds.”
“what.” I don’t think I have a face anymore?
“There is no fantasy, it’s all happening somewhere”
“holy shit” I started laughing
“right?” we both laughed
“wait- so Get Out really IS-”
“Get Out is a full on documentary-” Vanessa said
“I fucking knew it-” I said
“We all knew it-” Vanessa said
“holy shit-”
“Every idea, can you believe it?” she pointed to her head and then the sky, “from there!”
“I mean, Atlantis is real,” I pondered “like, of course, where would you get the idea from?”
“Seriously, what did we think was happening? Like we created the concept of Atlantis out of thin air? There are so many stories from so many different parts of the world at totally different times.. Like of course it’s real!” Vanessa said
“Is Princess Switch 2 & 3 an accurate representation of-”
“No. Sequels are never real stories. That’s why they’re so bad”
“mmm ok”
“oh. Alien Vs. Predator is real though,”
“is that really considered a sequel though, I kind of feel like it was it’s own thing-”
“RIGHT, that’s what I was saying. And we were correct. But yea, Apparently humans aren’t that inventive? Also a lot of our stuff is written by A.I. Who knew?!”
“Wait- Princess switch 2 is not bad-” I didn’t like how we left that
“oh totally. I mean good and bad are subjective, of course. And clearly, I agree” she motioned to herself as the princess who did in fact switch
“mmhmm”
“But I guess we’re just not as genius as we think we are, everything we think we’ve come up with is fully from another part of the universe. And pretty much everyone is doing experiments on us-”
“I’M SORRY WHAT?!”
“They’ll come over and be like here’s some technology and just like..see what we do with it?”
“damn” that was kind of wild to think about
“Or they’ll just appear. Like hello we’re in a UFO or I’m a mermaid or whatever and just WATCH how we react.”
“wow.”
“Apparently they’ve stopped us from destroying our own world like dozens of times.”
“oh, I mean...I get that”
“Hearing stories from different perspectives in the universe really makes me look at humanity differently. We’re kind of…” she sipped her coffee, “embarrassing and weird”
“mmhmmm” I could see it
“We do...a lot of dumb shit...all the time”
“yea we kind of do.” I got it
“Steph and ‘44s experiment is cute though, I kind of love where they’re going with it-” Vanessa started to explain
“What is it”
“they want to teach us how to feel desire. To see if we can access the ability to want a better life.”
“hmm”
“They first have to teach us how to know what we want. And IF they are able to do THAT, they think we will find ourselves aligned with what we truly desire.”
“oh,” that was pretty cool, “that is pretty cool”
“They figure that if we stop focusing on trying to make it a better world and instead focus on living a better life, we will naturally find ourselves living a better life in a better world.”
“I like that”
“Right?” She said and then took her energy down a notch, “We are like, low-tier mid though... so it’s gonna be a journey,” she started to walk off, “I’m gonna make some more coffee” she said and I followed her inside.
Vanessa started making coffee and then showed me her new table. I continued to ask her every question I’d thought about asking her over the past 7 days.
“Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome? Why would I know about that?” she asked me a question back
“because you know a little bit about everything” I said, duh.
“I guess I do, huh, let me think,” She took literally one second, “oh you know what!” she pushed the button on the side of the signal-blocky-table, “no industry talk” she pointed at me, I nodded and she kept chatting, “one of Kyla’s youtubers, AnnieElainey-”
“No way”
“what?”
“Annie?”
“yea, AnnieElainey, or that’s their handle anyway. Last year Ky got into this phase where they really wanted to watch people explain how they handle situations.” She pulled out her laptop and starting typing, “I was like, that’s niche, but also very intriguing! Anyway we down a rabbit hole and that’s how we found KatBlaque and AnnieElainey and that’s how Torrell got into Arrows’ videos. It was SO fun. And Annie,” she pulled up their youtube channel and started scrolling through their videos, “Has talked about EDS, I know it’s a cognitive tissue thing, joints, hyper-mobility, I know like, keywords but I bet we can find a video-”
“That’s my fairy godbrother”
“is it?”
“Yea I have four of them. I saw Walela on tiktok. This is Annie. Then Stevie and Ashe.”
“Cool, what do they do?”
“Tell me stuff?” I shrugged
“What kind of stuff?”
“They told me I’m Autistic and I have EDS”
“oooh. So, Annie told you you have EDS?” she pointed to her screen which did not have annie on it because when she pointed she also scrolled so she was pointing at a random comment.
“Exactly, yea it was Annie.” I said
“I mean… I’d listen to that, personally. You can go to the doctor or whatever, but they would know. And the doctor literally might not. Annie lived through the experience of figuring it out like, kind of over and over? I gotta find the video where…” Vanessa trailed off, scrolling and clicking
“Who are Stevie and Ashe?”
“I dunno,” she sat up, “wait let me think” she paused, “ok no I don’t know” she kept scrolling through videos and clicking them and then muting them and then closing the tab and then going back to the youtube channel, etc., “Ok you know what, maybe I will just text you the link to their channel,” she opened up imessage. Copy and pasted the youtube link into a text message that was about to send to Kyla.
“wait” I said, put my hand on her arm. I pointed at the name KYLA at the top of the text message
“oops!” she closed imessage. She reopened imessage and clicked on my name. She pasted the youtube link twice and hit enter.
“Oh it didn’t make the little bubble” she copied the link again, pasted the link again, and sent it again, “there you go!”
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Six: July 21th, 2026
I went to Vanessa’s house Saturday afternoon and when I arrived I heard an unfamiliar voice. At first I was like...I can just walk backwards out of the door and pretend I was never here. But then I was like...ya know what I’m brave and decided to walk all the way inside and join Vanessa and her stranger friend. The reason that decision was so stupid is because I was not strong enough to withstand the energetic pull of what was sitting in the other room: a basic blonde straight girl.
“Heeeey!” Vanessa was so happy to see me, “come sit” She hugged me and pulled me toward the spot where her and this friend were sitting. I stood awkwardly, my preference. I was top half frozen and I could feel my eyebrows up on my head so high they almost met my hairline
“This is Lizzie” Vanessa introduced me. I involuntarily stuck out my hand and we shook. I was being weird, this made “Lizzie” laugh. Why do straight girls think I’m so funny
“We’ve met actually,” she said, “you produced that music festival with the women and nonbinary fronted bands-” she was blinking normally.
“I did, I did, well co-produced, but yea, yes I did” I nodded and kept nodding and hoped I would disappear if I nodded enough
“How have you been” she asked, with a smile, so genuinely!
“Uhm” do I be honest? “I’ve been. Weird.” I said, She laughed and put her hand on my arm,
“so funny.”
My eyes managed to get bigger. Vanessa laughed to. But then she clocked how fucking weird I felt and kind of paused everyone,
“I need to- uh, Dan can you help me in here real quick”
I followed her.
“What’s up – are you?” Vanessa started to ask and kind of pointed at me and in the direction of “Lizzie”
“I Think so, can you explain why she’s so pretty?” I needed clarification
“Well I mean she’s ya know,” We both looked at her, “like, classically pretty? You know, conventional, ooh that’s not a great word, um-” We paused, “I feel weird talking about her like this-”
“I need to know, I’m looking at her and I’m like...oh my god” I paused, “But I don’t know why and I can’t come up with a reason”
“Do you have to have a reason, what is being attracted to someone normally like for you?”
“Well like with Jazzmyne I’m like, HOT, you know? Like, great head shape, body goes, lots of good circles, soft, chewy, I like how her eyes reflect the light, ass for days -”
“ok great, I get it and then, Lizzie?”
“Uhm…” nothing was really coming to me, “she. Exists?”
“Nooooo that’s not- are you for real?”
“Why does she make me so nervous?” I asked
“I don’t know, she’s like extremely chill. Oh and she’s a total prepper which is why I was like...come over buddy let’s chat”
“What if she’s dangerous”
“She’s harmless, she’s an olsen!” we both looked over at her doing nothing. She kind of like itched the side of her nose and looked out a window.
“wow” I whispered
I could feel Vanessa looking at me and back at “Lizzie” and wondering what the fuck was going on.
“I mean, right now she’s giving absolutely nothing are you really like-?”
“I don’t know bro. And I also just feel like I HAVE to compliment her and I NEED to hang around in case she starts to feel bad about something so I Can make her feel better”
“okay so this is mommy issues for sure-”
“oooh I gotta make her feel better. I bet she’s so insecure about something she’s very good at, it’ll be so easy!”
“wow” Vanessa whispered and grabbed me by both arms, turned me around and walked me into her guest room (one of them). Luckily, Steph and Vivek were in there! I let out a sigh of relief
“oh thank god” and sat on the floor with them
“Yay!” Steph and Vivek said at the same time in the same tone.
Vanessa dropped me off for my playdate and left the room lol.
“So Arrows and I stayed here and hooked up, Vivek and Torrell stayed here and hooked up, you went home with Jazzmyne and hooked up, Vanessa went home with Amber and hooked up, Chrissy and Josh kind of looked like they were leaving with someone but I don’t know for sure and I don’t really like to gossip. However, if they did go home with the person they left with...hot.” Steph had to catch me up
“Agree” Vivek agreed, “Also I think you DO like to gossip-”
“And Gabi started to figure out her ability, which was so fun”
“Yea! She was like dimming the lights for people making out, I like her ability, it’s super cute.”
“Very cute” Steph added, “oohh also FembotHathaway fell in the pool and we had to get 2044Dan to come fix it. Which was a whole thing because we didn’t have the little necklace so we had to like hologram him in from the cyberdeck and then Josh had to like put his hands over hologram dans hands and it was just so-”
“It was kind of like a bro-mantic version of that pottery wheel scene in Ghost. But ya know, with boys and robots” Vivek added
“hmm” I tried to take it in, “wait-”
“Oh my god also-”
“2044Dan?”
“-it, yea, 2044Dan, but a hologram” Steph clarified
“He’s..I thought he was dead”
“oooooooh” Vivek and Steph said at the same time
“No no no,” Vivek said, “Everything ‘44 said, assume it was lie. She’s like 100% full of shit-”
“Not the science though!” Steph clarified
“Oh yea, the science: good, anything else: bullshit”
“mmhmm And Dan and Vanessa were not ever together”
“They’re not?”
“No they’re like besties-”
“-Science bros” Vivek added, “Dan builds robots and computers”
“oh, ok” I felt like every time I learned something I had to learn something else. Like everything and everyone was full of shit?
“OOKAY” Vanessa joined us, “Elizabeth Olsen has left the building”
“Thank fuck” I said
“You were like REALLY effected by that-” Vanessa motioned at my and my effected-ness
“What happened?” Vivek asked
“He was like drooling over Lizzie Olsen but also like kind of calling her a basic bitch at the same time, it was so weird”
“I can’t help it-”
“uuuhmmm?” She wasn’t convinced, “iiii think you can-”
“how?”
“I mean, didn’t you literally go home with Jazzmyne last night why is Lizzie even on your radar?” Vanessa asked
“Jazzmyne is objectively hotter-” Steph said
“Whoa whoa whoa, we don’t need to compare the two of them okay? They’re both hot-”
“Thank you, Vivek”
“-in their own way,” I Feel like she took back what she said
“I think, personally,” Vanessa started, “Lizzie is cute, right? But if we – you know what, this feels wrong. Everyone is beautiful, you would be so lucky, etcetera, AND there’s something going on here that’s deeper than wanting to bang someone and deeper than mommy issues, I Feel like if we follow this thread we’re going to find something…”
“mmmmmhhmmmm” Steph was into it, and suddenly they were all staring at me.
“Am I supposed to know the answer” I asked
“I think we’re looking for the answer” Vivek said as they continued staring at me.
“What was that thing you were supposed to tell me?” Vanessa asked, “The dark shit”
“Oh god,” I wasn’t ready, but I was never going to be ready
“oh yea we need to move that along” Steph was on Vanessa’s side
“Ooooh I wanna know” Vivek was too
“Uhm” I started
“Come on” Vanessa encouraged
“What is it?” Steph asked
“Come on Dan, For Bella” Vivek said
“For Bella?” I asked
“Yea, it’s shorthand. Saying “Make the decision that will hop the timeline headed in the right direction to get to a nail gun Bella Thorne Field of Reality” was just getting to be WAY too much, so we had to boop” she made some thing tiny with the air, “make it tiny”
“okay, I am going to tell you. But before I dedicate my performance piece to Bella Thorne, who exactly is she?”
“She’s a disney kid who does corny movies” Steph said
“Uhm. She’s an Entrepreneur” Vanessa corrected
“Oh, I just know her from the Only Fans thing” Vivek said
“That was her??” I asked
“Yea.”
“The SWAN from the Masked Singer?” I was baffled
“Uhm?” Steph and Vivek didn’t have an answer
“I was watching it with Jazz sometime last year and they unmasked the swan. I was like I don’t know who that is and Jazz told me the Only Fans story, WOW”
“Right?” Vivek agreed with my baffle
“Wait so Bella Thorne aka SWAN from the masked singer aka the influencer who fucked up only fans is A... DISNEY KID?! THAT MAKES CORNY MOVIES?”
“And an Entrepreneur!” Vanessa added
“What business did she-” I stopped myself, “Ya know what, never mind, this is- Okay actually... This works-”
They all looked at me, I cleared my throat.
“For Bella – I’d like to present a problem with a solution.”
They all nodded in unison. I took a breath. I continued.
“The entertainment industry is trafficking children in front of our faces,” I looked at Vanessa, “I think you were one of those kids and your continued work in the entertainment industry, though unintentionally, is contributing to the trafficking of children.”
“woof” Vanessa said, I continued
“Solution: Protect these kids. Destroy the entertainment industry.”
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Five: July 14th, 2026
“heyyyy giiiiirrrl” Vanessa hesitated but walked up to Villain-Anne-Hathaway for a hug. We’d decided we were going to pretend like we didn’t know about the future and just try to be friendly with Anne Hathaway in an effort to gain INTEL. Gabi hated the idea and wanted to “vanquish her” but we had to disagree because no one wanted to actually do a vanquish? Yet? Idk.
“that’s not even her” Steph walked up behind me and whispered
“huh?”
“That’s the good one”
“huh?”
“Oh that’s right you left early. There’s two Anne Hathaways. The original one from the 1400s and then the cloneycyborgy one from the 90s. Half-robot is chill, 1400s is weird. They are like perpetually stuck in this certain zone of realities because they made this deal with one of- ya know what it doesn’t matter. They can’t be in the same field of reality at once so as long as we have the mixed Anne Hathaway we’re good.”
“oh”
“Also you can’t make that joke, you call her robot anne okay?”
“got it,” I wondered, “how do you know which one’s the robot?”
“Look” they pointed, “about every 14 seconds that little spot between her neck and her head has to reset. It kind of looks like she’s emotionally looking around the room for the drama. It’s a glitch. She can’t look in any one direction for too long or her head will fall off-”
“oh! my.”
“Yea, it was the 90s ya know?” Steph gasped, I looked in the direction of their gasp air. Arrows walked in with their friend Amber, both looking EXTREMELY FINE. “beautifully handsome little flamer” Steph whispered before walking off to meet them
“flamer” I wondered aloud. That seems… homophobic?no?
“Okay, we’re good, it’s cyborgannie” Vanessa came back
“Theres a lot of names for her-”
“oh yea, we got to that part of the story in the middle of day two, after like the sixth wind and way too many 5 hour energies, we were delusional and sick and there are 400 names for the half-robot-clone-version-of-anne-hathaway”
“wow. I’m so glad I missed everything because getting caught up is so much fun-”
“It’s literally so fun to catch you up, and you honestly would have hated it. We were being sooooo loud. And you got to miss all the uncomfortable parts where we felt sick, and got mad at each other, and all the dark and creepy shit. Which I obviously loved.”
“yea, I like missing that!!”
“what was the dark shit you were supposed to tell me” She held my arm and looked at me seriously
“oh, now is not the ti-”
“No, now is the ti-”
“Dudes.” someone interrupted us, “LOVE the glitter in the pool, such a vibe” they walked off
“I didn’t put glitter in the pool” Vanessa said to me, still holding my arm, “hmm”
“Should we go check out the pool?” I was hoping for the change of subject
“I want to know the dark shit you’re supposed to tell me”
“This isn’t the environment in which I would feel comfortable sharing such a... complicated… thought process” we both paused. Looking at each other. Her holding my arm.
“..but I want to know” she said
“I do not consent to sharing” I said.
She took a breath, “okay, well, let’s check out the pool” she looped her arm in mine and we went toward the outdoor space
“oh I love your nails” I told her
“ah thank you!! Isn’t it so good, look at this one-”
Just as we opened the door to walk out, Gabi and Chrissy were about to walk in - A chorus of “oh” “oh” “oop” and “uhoh”
“Steph is flirting with Arrows through pool water, it’s soooo beautiful” Chrissy said
“Lich-rally gorge” Gabi affirmed
“aaaahh” we said at the same time
We all walked out back together and sat around one of Vanessa’s little like..fire things. IDK it’s not a fire pit but it’s like square of rocks? That get blue hot?
“Talk about love at first sight,” I said motioning to steph and arrows
“Twin flames” Vanessa said
“wait, for real?”
“Yea, it’s so sad” Gabi said
“How is that sad, it’s like soul mates right?”
“Nooooo” they all said in unison sounding SO SAD.
***flashback moment for context***
At some point during the 3 day Universal Intensive, Arrows and Steph were sleepy flirting on Vanessa’s couch. The conversation moves into the consent check in portion prior to one’s hook up.
“How old are you” Arrows asks
“2.6 Trillion” Steph says
“oh”
“How old are you?”
“32” Arrows says.
The look at each other. Steph tilts her head. Arrows tilts his head
“I’m not human” Steph whispers
“oh,” arrows says, INTO IT, “where in the universe are you from”
“planet her.”
“Doja Cat’s planet?”
Steph laughed, “no no, Doja Cat’s album is named after OUR planet. Planet Her. She literally visited like twice and then made it her whole thing.”
“oh”
“We do love her though. And feel she represented us pretty accurately. There’s a froyo shop that is only open from 2am to 5am and just plays “Love to Dream” on repeat. It’s like the perfect song to eat froyo to post-party, pre-passout, and it’s great for the shoppes turnaround because once you hear the song twice you’re like...okay I’m good”
“So that’s the planet you live on?”
“Well no, we were created in the core of Planet Her but we live where ever our experience takes us.”
“wow”
“yea”
“smol.specks are meant to experience everything in this universe. Right now I am experiencing being human.”
“wwoooooww”
“yea.”
“How do you – like..experience?”
“I’m very small like a speck of dust”
“whoa”
“And I have the strength of 10 million men”
“cool” arrows had no access to breathing at this point
“Because I experience everything, I can also do anything.” Steph made a tiny light ball with the tip of their fingertips and placed it at Arrows’ temple.
“I’m going to buy that yellow jacket first thing tomorrow,” Arrows said to themselves, “uh. What was that?”
“I dunno, I just gave you an answer you had been looking for.”
“whoa.”
“cool, huh?”
“yeaaa” arrows
“I don’t have genitals.”
“that’s so hot.”
****back to the party****
“So Arrows is like ‘heyeyey chririssssyy’ like all voice cracking and nervous” Chrissy was telling this story so well I was like riveted and my stomach hurt from laughing, “and they want me to weigh in on consent rules. I”m like...welp this is different! I mean, it’s like-”
“Universalll??” Gabi said
“Right, like, galaxy consent?” Vanessa said
“The name I came up with by the end was Intergalactic Species Fornication Consent Code of Conduct” We all fucking died lmao that’s so ridiculous, but also exactly spot on, “So then I learn that smol.specks were all created at one time in a spontaneous event that happened at the core of Planet Her”
“wow.” it’s all I could say
“-literally wow. I was like .OKAYYYYYYY” she shrugged, “But basically they’re all the same age because they were all created at the same moment and they will live forever. Like full on infinity.”
“Jeez-” That sounded so long
“right?” Gabi agreed
“So I’m like, okay well. According to speck rules of aging, you two are the same age? And in human aging, you...two are the same age” she shrugged, “Steph is obviously a lot older and wiser in their own way?? But there are ways in which Arrows understands human society and implications that Steph doesn’t. So like, is it complicated, yes. Is it consensual, also yes?”
“I think I agree” I said
“Like, at the very least it’s consensual enough to not be my business?”
“Yea, I mean, that makes a lot of sense. It’s like, who are we to make rules for the people that other worlds want to-” Gabi started, “I lost it but I agree and they’re cute”
“They’re so cute” Vanessa said, “so- one of Steph's experiences like miiiiiillions of years ago was as the host for a twin flame. There’s two flames and Steph was one of them and there is this line of polar magnetic energy that exists between two galaxies-”
“POLAR MAGNETIC?!” I asked
“Yea, like total opposite magnetic pulls,” she pulled the air apart, “on top of each other” she put one hand atop the other
“wild”
“right?”
“So, the two flames are on the opposite sides of this line, they exist within different galaxies and they are slowly drawn to each other over this super long period of time.”
“It’s like hundreds of years” Chrissy clarified
Vanessa held up two imaginary flames in her hands and motioned each step with emphasis. Great visual storytelling.
“the only reason the flame doesn’t keep traveling into the next galaxy is because at this line with this polar magnetic energy, they come togeher. And their opposite energies are exhilarating together, the flames swirl all around each other and get bigger and hotter and create one huge flame that gets so hot it bursts into a billion pieces and scatters all over the place-”
“woowwww”
“and then over the next hundreds of years all the little parts of the flames find each other, slowly creating a full flame again, and traveling toward that line. Eventually the flames meet, swirl, explode, and do it all over agin.”
“amazing”
“Isn’t it so beautiful” Gabi said, “uuugh”
“The flames could do their thing for eternity but sometimes…” she paused for effect, “okay?”
“mmhmm”
“So, speck meant to experience this twin flame thing, hops into a piece of exploded flame, spends hundreds of years floating through space on this slow magnetic pull to their other pieces of flame and eventually create one half of a twin flame. They meet with the other half of this twin flame, swirl, explode, and begin the experience of coming together again.” Vanessa takes a breath, “...A few hundred years pass. And speck is one half of a twin flame, getting closer and closer to the place where the twin flames meet. They float and float and float at some point realize, they are no longer in their previous galaxy. They realize, they’ve passed the polar magnetic strip and they’re fully in the Milky Way.”
“What?” I was confused.
Gabi sighed and shook her head
“I can’t” Chrissy said
Vanessa continued, “because speck is sooo strong, when they exploded with their twin it blasted the flame bits so far into the galaxy that the pieces can no longer attract one another.”
I gasped
“but speck’s flame is fully in tact, so it’s still trying to reconnect with the other half of its twin, which is now scattered throughout the galaxy”
“no” I barely said
“And speck will be the host of that flame until it finds it’s other half which-”
“-that’s not gonna happen” chrissy finished, “it’s impossible”
“Arrows has a tiny bit of that flame” Gabi motioned to the two of them
I saw them so differently now
“Does Arrows know?” I asked
“yea” Gabi said, “he was like ‘makes sense’” Gabi did an impression of Arrows that was spot on.
“That is...literally so sad”
“Isn’t it?”
“But I mean, at least they can be together, here, right? I mean they can get like married and stuff!” I tried to make everyone feel better but
“mmm not really, I mean, the whole thing about twin flames is they’re meant to come together for short and exciting moments in time. They don’t want to like.. get married” Vanessa bobbled around with a fake bouquet
“dang,” I said
Later that evening I was with Josh talking about the similarity between motorcycles and robots. Jazzmyne walked up to me and said
“You need to warn your girl about drinking rosѐ around butches with wives” and pointed in the direction of Vanessa who was..engaging in said behavior
I saved her emotional life.
“I was about to do something gay” She whisper yelled
“Just don’t talk to anything wearing a vest when you’re drunk” I strongly suggested
“I’m not drunk”
“I know, you’re kind of never drunk”
“right?”
“You don’t really GET drunk”
“I don’t”
“But you do have a silly human brain that is a little drunk”
“yea maybe just the brain”
“Ok for real though,” I made her look at me, “don’t force it bro.”
“ok bro”
“bro?”
“brooo?”
“what?”
“Torrell and I split up”
“WHAT”
“It’s so weird I love him so much and we act the same”
“Wait when?!”
“It was Sunday morning! He said he wanted to leave LA, he made sense, I love him so much, he loves me, we are best friends, lets do that! Then we went to the park and met the star family.”
“Duuude, are you okay?”
“I’m okay. Torrell is leaving, you’re leaving, I say more stupid shit than I thought, I’m living in the moment. When everyone is gone and I am alone and sad, then I will cry. But right now? I’m experiencing life. I just saw the universe. And I’m going to do something gay.”
“I see.”
“You see?”
We sat silent for a moment. I looked around the room. I took stock of everything queer in our immediate surrounding area. I spotted Arrows best friend, Amber.
“You see her” I pointed
“hot” Vanessa said
“That’s Amber, very chill, interesting, funny, easy to hang out with, stoner, the bedroom reputation is 10/10.”
“I like where this is going-”
“Go to her place, leave after coffee the morning. She’s gonna try to cook you stuff, make you a smoothie, turn on the TV, just leave after coffee. If you stay longer than coffee you’re going to fall into a vortex that will ruin being gay-”
“What’s the vortex”
“It’s when you hook up with someone who is supposed to be a one night stand and then you accidentally spend the whole day together and then the next day and then the next day and suddenly it’s been two weeks and you’re having the most traumatizing break up with someone you literally just met – it’s really not worth the drama.”
“Leave after coffee. Got it.”
“Go ask about her Humanitarian of the Year award.”
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Five: July 14th, 2026
I went to Jazzmyne’s that night. We hadn’t hung out one-on-one in over a year so I was kind of nervous, but once we were hanging out it felt like no time had really passed, it was easy.
The next morning we were smoking on her back porch gabbing away.
“-so then I told them. That’s cute and all, but I don’t WANT to sign your contract. And THEN they offered me another $10k and I was like IT’S NOT THE MONEY. IT’S THE CONTRACT” Jazzmyne said
“Whyyyy do we have to spell things out for these people-”
“Riiiight? Liiike?”
“I hate contracts”
“Everyone hates contracts”
“Did anyone mention to you that ‘44 called us scared of paperwork and being late?” I asked, this made Jazzmyne choke-laugh
“ooh my god, that’s so true” her laugh made me laugh and soon we were both giggling so much. I love to have fun!! “Did anyone mention TO YOU that ‘44s nickname is Manic Science Barbie?” THAT REALLY made me laugh
“Who came up with that?” I was still laughing
“A hippiecommuneVanessa in some other world-”
“THERE’S A HIPPIECOMMUNEVANESSA?!”
“oh there’s like a trillion Vanessa’s. She visited a bunch of them on her little acid trip yall did. apparently the more famous she gets the darker the world is. There’s a Billionaire Vanessa-”
“NOO”
“-that was hilarious too they started to warn us about BillionaireVanessa and then Steph could tell Vanessa was thinking about being a billionaire and then everyone was up in arms like DON’T TRY TO BE A BILLIONAIRE and she was having to defend herself for thinking about something that THEY brought up. It was so much drama for no reason-”
“that’s hilarious”
“-and then,” she paused to laugh, “Vanessa goes I don’t WANT to be a billionaire I just wanna know what my billionaire house would look like, AND ‘44 SAYS…” Jazzmyne paused for effect, “it’s even uglier than this one-”
“NOOOO?! WHAT?!” I was flabbergasted, Jazzmyne was laughing so hard, “What the fuck did they put in gogurts in the 2000s bro”
“so funny” Jazzmyne was shaking her head, “also her house is cute?!”
“Right, so cute!” We both paused for a second
“it’s very her” Jazzmyne added
“Yea iiiii wouldn’t necessarily have that house but I’m glad she has that house”
“For sure-”
“One time she told me we should go on trading spaces because our aesthetics are so different that I would probably hate how she decorated my house and she would hate how I decorated hers and our reactions would be so HORRIBLE that it would be iconic and probably make a great meme.”
“that’s a lot of work for a meme” Jazzmyne laughed
“I know right” I laughed too, “not for her though, she thinks redecorating is genuinely fun. I don’t want to move things-”
“same”
“or make decisions”
“big same” lmaoooo
We took a pause and I realized I was hanging out with my queer friend and we were just TALKING ABOUT MY STRAIGHT FRIEND.
“I realized recently that I spend almost all my time with one straight girl”
“Vanessa?”
“yea”
“She’s not straight”
“Right, sorry, with respect to her much more fluid and nuanced identity-”
“I get what you’re saying though.”
“Also, I mostly fuck straight girls?” I admitted
“I get that one too” Jazzmyne tilted her head. This was a destructive behaviour we had in common. “Whattaya gonna do?!” she shrugged
“Like...why?” I asked...nothing?
“I dunno. I mean you hang out with one straight girl all time and I hang out with three straight girls all the time.”
“True.”
“Straight girls are just so…. Understanding”
“yeessss, validating!”
“Oh yea. I mean, I’ve got straight girls that are holding a grudge against people I forgot I was mad at-” Jazzmyne said
“Ugh, that’s so real” I paused, “But...I do think I have to stop fucking straight girls”
“I get you. I was thinking the same thing recently. I was acutally like actively seeking queer and trans people to fuck the other night while I was out, then Gabi texted, I came over, I saw you, I was like oh yea that’s fine-”
“And you had to wait but it was probably better than super drunk straight girl sex”
“literally a thousand times better” Jazzmyne exhaled and her face looked like she had a realization, “I think I like having sex with straight girls because I’m good at fucking straight girls-”
“yeesssss oh my god. That’s totally it”
“I LIKE doing a good job”
“I LOVE doing a good job.” I said
“they also smell really good”
“They do smell REALLY good, and they’re soft.”
“They’re so soft.”
“And I’m just gonna say it, it’s so easy to get them off-”
“No because it’s the truth, though. Like, the bar was set for us by….men..”
we both laughed.
“thanks guys” I shrugged
“Right,” Jazzmyne was doing this thing where she like rolls her eyes and half laughs at the same time. I like her head shape.
“Okay but here me out, what if...fucking straight girls is holding us back from really good queer and trans sex.” I said
“I think you’re right. It is!”
We sat with the realization.
“Do you think…” I didn’t really want to say what I was going to say but I also wanted to know the answer, “having a straight best friend is holding me back from having really cool queer and trans friends?”
Jazzmyne took a second.
“Well...I mean...We’re both Libras, okay, we like balance.”
“yes”
“I think you and Vanessa balance each other out. Seems like she’s all up here and you’re all down here. She takes care of you and you show up for her, but I dunno really. I have just heard stories from you over the years. We don’t really hang out LIKE THAT,” Jazzmyne waved her hands around, “but maybe it’s not about this one friendship you HAVE, maybe it’s about these other friendships that you WANT to have.”
“hmmm” I pondered, “that’s a good point”
“Things aren’t so...binary, you know?” she said, looking me up and down
“I...do know. Like, really extra know”
“yea, that’s why I said that” she whispered “Also, Vanessa is not straight. You need to be respectful. And you need to be a good friend to her as she is figuring this shit out. It’s giving bi erasure.”
“No you’re totally right,” I shook my head “And thank you for correcting me.”
Jazzmyne and I spent the day together, went shopping, and showed up to Vanessa’s party looking EXTREMELY FINE. Because I was with Jazz, we arrived fashionably late instead of my normal party timing: two hours early. We decided as a group to “bring back mask fashion” which worked like a charm. Everyone at the party was masked up and it was SUCH a look. Like an opposite masquerade? People started to associate mask wearing with looking cool and eventually the whole vibe around masks shifted. In 2021 people were like “why are you the only one in this grocery store wearing a mask, what’s wrong, are you sick?!” and by 2023 people were like “why are you the only one in this grocery store not wearing a mask, what’s wrong, are you a loser?!” So...that was cool!
There was a giant beautiful sign that read “Film Noir in Space” except it actually said something very fancy. I Can’t remember what it was.. Vanessa knows a lot of old timey words that I don’t understand so I can’t-for-the-life-of-me make something up.
Those of you with imagination, use it.
Those of us without imagination, move on.
**~pretty sign~**
Jazzmyne leaned over to me as we entered the party.
“I’m gonna get shitfaced and hang out with a bunch of people I don’t normally wish to spend time with recreationally-”
“okay-”
“You would hate it, so, I’m going give my pre-substance consent, would love to bang later, let’s do our own thing and hook up after?”
“Uhm. Yes. Also pre-substance clear-headed consent to bang later.”
“Awesome”
“oh- I’m going to be overstimulated so I’ll probably leave while you’re asleep”
“ugh love that I really didn’t want you to stay over” She grabbed my neck and like petted the back of it? Idk what it was but it made my butthole clench in the good way. She walked off and Vanessa walked up to me
“well well well” she followed Jazzmyne with her eyes, “you guys look good together”
“we went shopping” I smiled
“I’m sure you did… what else did ya do?”
“lots”
“mmhmm” she leaned over and whispered, “everyone thinks this is my coming out party”
That made me laugh, “I mean...it kind of is?”
“I feel like a fraud-” she was suddenly so serious
“You’re not a fraud”
“I’ve never like- ya know” she sort of said
“That’s because you’re a pansy, not a fraud”
She gasped and held her hand to her heart like there was a fainting couch nearby. She also acted old timey sometimes.
“how dare you-”
“Bonnaroo 2014, you had a thing for that bassist”
“oh my god she was so hot”
“you literally wouldn’t talk to her”
Vanessa gasped
“Also who was that they/them in 2016 we did mushrooms with you were lik-”
“Oh my god Forest. Please-” she was still smitten I guess, “it’s he/they now btw and I know this because I still stalk their instagram”
“Well he was fine and they was into you.”
“I know, I fucked that up”
“pansy.”
“Shit. Am I a pansy?” she allowed the realization, “I have to do something gay tonight” she whispered to herself
“Stop-no. Well. I mean. Look, you don’t HAVE to do something gay to validate your identity. But if you WANT to do something gay, don’t pansy-it this time.”
“It’s my coming out party” She said to me very seriously, “I have to do something gay.”
“Vanessa” someone in a mask approached us
“Yes?”
“Whatever you’re doing with the universe, I’m not interested.”
“Oh. Okay!” Vanessa respected? Their voice sounded so familiar. I ran their voice through my internal voice recognition software, aka, tried to remember how I knew them.
“I have a message and when I give you that message I’m gonna leave and you’re never going to think about me again, okay?”
“Oh! Quenlin!” I shouted as I was able to match the voices
“Quen Blackwell, god I loved you on Vine” Vanessa said
“Don't- Don't” Quen paused us, “Don’t recognize me by the corner of my eyes and start talking, look-” we paused, respectfully, “you don’t know me. I don’t know you. I don’t WANT to know you.”
“Oh, okay, sure” Vanessa agreed to the terms
“I’m going to give you this message. Then I’m going to turn around and walk out of your party.” They motioned around, “THIS is not my thing. Okay?”
“Okay”
“Don’t ask a question. Okay? Don’t walk after me, Don’t text me, don’t nothing. Like I’m going to leave here, and then I’m gonna block you on everything. Both of you. Do you understand?”
“Sure”
I didn’t really want to quenlin to block me but-
“okay” they took a deep breath. They took another deep breath, they looked at Vanessa very seriously, “Don’t say anything. Don’t follow me”
“got it”
Quen took another deep breath, “Find Naya”
“Nay-”
Quen put there hand up, turned around, and walked out shaking their head and mumbling something. Vanessa started to follow them and stopped herself. She started to call after them and stopped herself. I could tell she was like… having a very hard time.
Then Anne Hathaway walked in.
She announced herself, very dramatically. Took off her coat and threw it into the arms of someone who was not at all collecting the coats.
“Your villain has arrived” she said, as the person she threw her coat at laid it softly on the ground.
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Four: July 14th, 2026
I slept for four days. When I regained my energy, guess where I went? Back to Vanessa’s! My bestiE! Don’t worry I learn about codependency at some point.
On the night with 2044, Vivek drove all the way to Vanessa’s house from Canada. It was like 26 hours which means they started driving before we even met ‘44...wild. They were supposed to go to a huge career-altering meeting the next day. When I got to Vanessa’s after my hibernation period, Vivek was still there!
“I was like, well I could call in to the meeting or I could just...skip it” she said
“wow, so that was it you’re just...done”
“I don’t know if I’m DONE. I’ve been writing so long it’s hard to imagine not writing, but I miss making music. And that’s what I want to do”
“Vivek is staying with us” Vanessa added
“Like… long term?” I asked
“Yea!”
“Oh my god that is so exciting”
“We’re gonna start a band.” Vanessa said
“Shut the fuck up!” I loved this idea
“Listen to this-”
The two of them harmonized which was so pretty.
“Wow, your voices sound amazing together.”
“Right?!”
“also something about you harmonizing so close to me makes me uncomfortable. I don’t think I want you to sing at me again.
“That’s fair” Vivek said
“Makes sense” Vanessa said, “so good though right?”
“So good” it really was so good, “and you already talked to Jordi and Demi?”
They both looked at me like wtf are you talking about and it made me wonder wtf I was talking about
“What...am I talking about?” I asked
“You tell me, what’s going on in that noggin of yours” Vanessa pointed at me and swirled her pen
“I’m having a memory? Of you two and Jordiana and boydemilovato in a band together”
“We don’t have boydemilovato we have ..non-binarydemilovato”
“right. Why is it a memory?”
“OH – get the paper” Vanessa motioned to Vivek. Vivek opened the drawer right next to her.
“Did you know she has a drawer of 12 airpod cases but it’s all cases with one airpod?”
“I did know that. she was going to take them to STAPLES to put in the little ewaste recycley box but I told her to keep them because I want to make a sculpture”
Vivek gasped, “can we collab?”
“Fun. A THOUSAND percent. She has so much shit in this house that we could use and she wouldn’t even know it was gone.”
“That’s true and I would looove to see the sculpture.” Vanessa said, “ok so you can… access memories from alternate realities” she read from the paper
“oh” I looked at her for a second, “ok”
“I can see timelines as we pass them,” She continued
“WHAT?!”
“Cool, right?”
“Wait how. What happens?”
“Like right before I say something embarrassing I fully shut down and see it play out like embarrassing-shit timeline then not-embarassing-shit timeline and then I come back and I pick. I either say the embarassing shit or I don’t”
“whoa. Cool”
“She has a That’s So Raven moment, it’s super short but you’ll notice it.” Vivek painted the picture for me
“Do I really say embarrassing shit that often? I feel like this new ability is giving me a complex.”
“Ya know we just met so-”
“Morning,” Torrell came in and kissed Vivek on the head
“Hey” she looked at him and put her hand on his chest, “I heard you had trouble sleeping”
“Yea, you doing okay babe?” Vanessa asked
“I hope I didn’t keep you up,” Torrell walked over to her and kissed her on the head,
“Oh you’re fine, what’s going on?” she put her arm around him
“It’s that dream”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I want to know what IT MEANS.”
“What dream?” I asked
“Okay so boom - it starts out I’m this skater kid wearing a tie. Long hair, and I’m cool - then I get ZAPPED, BOOM in the sky. It’s cold as shit. There nothing, NOTHING around. My limbs get sucked off my body into space. My head gets sucked off my body into space. I’m just a head now. I float into a gummy bear.”
“okay”
“I float into a gummy bear. I’m in side a translucent pink gummy bear belly. That melts.”
“wow”
“I’m a puddle. Somehow still wearing a tie. My little alex mack puddle is being pulled by its tie under neath a door into a big golden room.”
Torrell stops and just looks at me for a second.
“The golden room speaks. It says Celebrity Will Ruin Me.”
Pause for effect.
“BOOM”
I jump
“Fast as fifty thousand lightyears speed back down to earth. I’m in a recording studio, same tie. I stand up and I say “Celebrity Will Ruin Me” and then I leave. I walk out the studio and I walk for hundreds of thousands of miles. I’m about to die. I’m literally I’m about to die. Like in this moment I am going to die and I feel, quite frankly, dead. And then theres a jump cut to me being happy in a hippie commune.”
“That is… fascinating” I was truly so fascinated, “I wonder what the tie represents?”
“ME TOO!”
“Freud would call that daddy issues” Vanessa said and we all laughed bc LMFAO,
“They were still legitimately teaching freud when I Was in high school.” I told them
“No fucking way.”
“Fucking way. They would be like ooooh and everything he did was unethical but here’s his research it’s the foundation of our entire class LMAO”
We all laughed
“I don’t think I had heard the end of the dream yet” Vivek said,
“we have a story like that in Canada”
We all looked at her...WHAT
“WHAT?!” Vanessa said
“Yea like twenty years ago there was this kid who started to come up in their small town music scene. They came out to LA, did a whole album, and put some songs on the internet. Apparently blew the fuck up, like 200k downloads which was of course a lot for 2000.”
“like just downloading them on limewire or something?”
“literally.”
“cool”
“right? So apparently they were about to be so huge. Filmed a music video, wrote an entire second album, And then the rumor is they did acid in the studio one night and then just got up, said “Celebrity Will Ruin Me” and walked out. Completely disappeared. No one ever heard from them again.”
“WHAT. Who was this”
“Dunno their name. Apparently the kid had run away from home before going to LA so there’s no real link between this rumored kid and this rumored disappearance. It’s urban legend at this point”
I started to remember like five hundred things at once.
“whoa” I said out loud
“What’s happening there” Vanessa pointed at me and swirled her pen again, I must’ve been making a very weird face
“Just give me a second to process, keep talking. What happened after they left?”
“They scrubbed the kid from everything. It was before they had a chance to really go mainstream. Like I said, They had one music video and recorded an album but it was easy to just kind of sweep it under the rug.”
“That’s so wild” Vanessa said
“Apparently the second album was written and it’s just like out there somewhere” Vivek sprinkled air into the air
“Replaced with a lookalike, faked death in a plane crash, and lobotomy are three memories I can make out”
“Those must be their other realities?” Vanessa suggested
“I guess so”
“Lobotomy is rough-” Vivek said
“I wonder...why I have these memories when I have them. Like is the timing significant?”
“Maybe so, I mean let’s assume that it is, what does this mean?” Vanessa asked, motioning to “this”
“Hmmm,” I pondered “if this is all connected, if it’s all the same thing. That means. Vivek’s canadian singer story is true, and Torrell is likely dreaming the singer’s acid experience?”
“oooooh yes. That is, That’s what it feels like” Torrell said
“And I can see their realities- I mean, there’s gotta be a reason we all have this link. Also why are you here?” I asked Vanessa
“It’s my house”
“no but I mean!” I started to defend myself but she was making a sarcastic joke so she calmed me by patting my wrist.
“Do you know anything about the second album?” Vanessa asked
“Not the lyrics or music, but the title was supposedly Under My Skin”
“hmm” I pondered
“ooh you know what, pull out the other paper” Vanessa motioned to Vivek who pulled a more tattered piece of paper out of the AirPod drawer and handed it to Vanessa
“Ha! Dream Big! So this is probably your ability. Something to do with this dream. Or one of your abilities-” she said to Torrell but I cut her off
“We have multiple abilities?”
“Well, apparently every person on earth has abilities and disabilities.”
“WHAT?!”
“Ya-”
“Does everyone have godbrothers?” I asked and they all looked at me, “No I guess?”
“nooooo” Vivek said, “but it’s supposed to be a part of our individual personal journey to discover our disabilities and once we figure that out it becomes really easy to prioritize our individual special necessities. And prioritizing our special necessities is what helps us to develop our abilities.”
“wow” I loved this whole concept even though it sounded like..hard? I guess, “I think I’m autistic”
“uh...yea” Vivek, Torrell, and Vanessa all said at the same time
“Babe you might want to just drop the “I think” off that sentence” Vanessa said to me
“I’m Autistic”
“There you go!” she encouraged,
“We all have multiple disabilities and multiple abilities, apparently each time you figure one out one the other happens.” Vivek explained, “So scientifically speaking, for you. IF you figured out you’re autistic THEN you’d be able to see the memories from alternate realities. And it could also go the other way, ability first then disability. But they’re always linked. The human body I guess has to remain in homeostasis at all times or it’ll like fully die? Balance, etcetera.”
I liked how Vivek’s Canadian accent made everything sound like a song-question.
“oooh that makes sense” I said
“You also prioritized your self care which helps.” Vanessa said, “Better for your disabilities, better for your abilities.” Vivek clarified
“I slept for four days”
“Yea, you did.”
“Wait so, did you figure out your disabilities before you started to see the timelines?” I asked
“Eh, sorta. I said ‘I’m probably ADHD as fuck’ and immediately saw what I was ABOUT to say and stopped myself,”
“Did you figure out a disability before you had that dream,” I asked Torrell. He took a second. He looked at Vanessa and Vivek.
“I think I have trouble with vulnerability and expressing my emotions.”
“ooooooh” we all said
“But- BUT- I’m working on it.”
“oooOOOoooh” we all said
“And you?” I asked Vivek
“I don’t know, I have back pain? But also I’m on the woowoo paper so it’s a little harder”
“What does that mean?” I asked
“2044 and Steph split up to write out everyone’s abilities so we could be on the lookout for them,” Vanessa explained “and 44’s paper just says very directly like “access to memories from an alternate timeline” whereas Steph’s list is written out less obvious and more like cryptic advice?”
“Yea, mine said DREAM BIG!” Torrell Said
“Mine says Prioritize Human Connection.” Vivek said
“hmm” I said
“Oh also I’m EmbarassingBisexualVanessa now.”
“oh?” I looked at Vivek
“Uh not me-” Vivek said
“Everyone basically forced me to come out-”
“NOT-
“NO ONE FORCED-”
“OK OK OK I’m just saying. IIII FELT-”
“You literally couldn’t wait to say you’re capable of falling in love with anyone regardless of gender” Vivek’s California energy plus Canadian accent made that really funny for some reason
“ooh no” I said under my breath, “Not like publicly right?”
Torrell laughed
“There may have been a tweet.” Vanessa admitted
“oh my god.”
“LOOK I was just living my life. I had no plans to do anything besides be myself! And then Steph was all like-”
“-no it was so funny though you should have seen her-” Vivek had to interject. Which was nice because I kind of couldn’t tell if we were laughing together or making fun of her and I Didn’t really want to be making fun of her for coming out, if that’s what was happening? but also I kind of already knew what we were in for bc we had for sure talked about it a million times and it was a little silly. so ofc I wanted to laugh. And when Vivek interjected I was like okay it’s okay to laugh. So I changed my face to a smile.
“So Steph- ugh omg they were being so annoying. Ok-” Vanessa continued, “they kept doing this thing where they would talk to each other and-”
“oh my god they were like whispering so loud, but thinking we couldn’t hear them??”
“I think it was on purpose.” Torrell said, “I think we were being played the SECOND 2044 let out that space barf.”
“Josh had it figured out” I Said
“So did Gabi-” Vanessa reminded me, “So Steph is like fake—voice-whispering at 2044 and they’re like ‘well are we close enough to GayVanessa’ and 44 is like ‘nah, she’s not that cool’ which I was like EXCCUUUUSE ME?!”
“I’ve never seen someone so offended with the fact that they themselves are not gay” Vivek laughed
“I could be GayVanessa.”
“it was this whole thing because apparently GayVanessa is definitely in a nail gun Bella Thorne field of reality, so it would have been a huge jump for us-”
“And straight Vanessa never will be….NEVER” Vanessa couldn’t stand for this
“So she’s like ‘I could be bisexual’” Vivek did an impression lmao
“Please” Vanessa said, “That is literally what I said. So everyone is just looking at me and then Steph says-”
“Maybe bisexual, definitely embarrassing” they all said together and started laughing.
“And obviously I get defensive so I’m all hot and squeaky talking about “all people are people and I love people and love is love”- is omg whatever”
“people are people and love is love!” Vivek made fun of her
“THEN no one BELIEVED ME,” Vanessa really couldn’t stand for that. Torrell was laughing so hard that no noises were coming out just his shoulders were bouncing and there was a slight knocking in the back of his throat. “so they made me go around the room and say who I would fuck. I literally had to be like Would, Would, Might, Don’t want to ruin the friendship, would- like???” She made a giagantic shrug with her whole body.
“She wants to fuck everybody” Torrell said
“Wooowww”
“LOOK-” She was about to get defensive and paused, she took a breath, “you’re right”
“oop- saved by that’s so raven” Vivek said and we laughed
“I mean,” Vanessa took a breath, “y’all were there. EVERYONE was so hot. Any human being on planet earth, regardless of reality, would become bisexual in that room.”
“True” Torrell said
“I concur” I said
“Yea good point” Vivek said
“SEE” Vanessa gestured to us, “then I told everyone that maybe I was CoolBisexualVanessa which turned into a whole fucking thing-” lmaoooooo
I have to say that moment was the queerest I’d ever felt while sitting in Vanessa’s kitchen. I took a moment to myself and heard you need more queer friends in the under-back of my head. I thought about being at Vanessa’s earlier that week with everyone who is a part of our ...time-travel-multiverse-star-family-team? Idk. but my point is. That was the most queer and trans interaction I’ve had in a long time. Like...a REALLY LONG TIME. Also, you have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, BYE! It was my fairy godbrother Annie, I guess they LEFT THOUGH!?
“what?” I squeak whispered to myself
“they were trying to coach me through this tweet-” Vanessa continued her story
“Everyone’s advice was so bad” Vivek said
“Also You, Chrissy, Josh and Jazzmyne had left by this point, Arrows was asleep, and Gabi entered like a silent period. So it was mostly us talking with Jordiana and Wu. Who are both super cool by the way. But they’re also extraterrestrials living in harmony with their human body hosts?? so they weren’t getting like the nuance of social media.”
“They also couldn’t really capture your VOICE” Vivek added
“Anyway here’s the tweet” she handed me her phone, “so then the cyberdeck is like DING and everyone is so excited that I’m EmbarrassingBisexualVanessa and I decided to embrace it. Like, fuck it. EBV baby!”
“not EBV” Vivek was laughing so hard
The tweet was perfect. Honest, thoughtful, a little funny.
“This is so nice” I said
“I felt pretty good about it,” she shrugged
“cute right?” Vivek said.
I handed Vanessa’s phone back to her
“This is...actually really cool,” I started to slowly unravel the impact of this tweet, “that’s going to mean a lot to so many people.”
“I think so too”
I looked around at my friends smiling and laughing and thought back to how much fun I had the other night. I really love being around queer and trans people. It makes me feel like I belong somewhere. And I want to feel like that a lot more.
DING – I heard the cyberdeck go off in the other room.
True Stories From An Alternate Reality is a sci-fi millennial adventure part radio-drama, part mixtape. SPICE WORLD meets EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE in this tale where friendship and fandom save the world. Expect Millennial Oldies, 20teens nostalgia, and the best of TikTok.
Tuesdays at 12pm PT on Mixcloud — Episode Five: July 14th, 2026
