Hey Tumblr, It’s been a while. You’re probably wondering what I’ve been doing for the past year. 2015 has been amazing so far. I’ve made new friends, picked up new hobbies, and had a ton of fun experiences. In terms of dating and romantic encounters, 2015 beats almost every prior year combined.
Most of my dates this year have come from socializing (read: drinking) or through hanging out with mutual friends. Usually I only date one girl at a time but it seems most people play the field before settling down. I decided to give it a shot and put some real effort into online dating. This effort culminated to four dates this weekend (two from CoffeeMeetsBagel and two from OkCupid).
Of all the dates I had setup, one girl in particular was by far my favorite. She was the prettiest, the smartest, and seemed to like me the most. We were constantly texting, like all day, everyday. We even sent each other drunken selfies. I was tempted to cancel my other dates for her before our first date. Our plan was to meet up at the pier on Saturday at noon, grab lunch, and spend the day at the Exploratorium (a science and engineering museum with lots of fun and interactive exhibits). I was ecstatic.
We go to lunch and our conversation topic is somewhat deep for a first date—personal motivations, society, and the meaning of life. As we walk to the Exploratorium she mentions that she saw a farmer’s market on the way over. So we go. She was like a bumble bee, walking from stand to stand, briefly before moving on. It was really difficult to hold a conversation when she would keep walking away to the next stand. She seemed to be enjoying herself at the very least. We finally sat down to eat some ice cream. She mentioned how she thought online dating was ruining the serendipity of dating—the spontaneous, random chance encounters.
“Online dating is the illusion of choice.”
I didn’t quite understand or agree with what she was saying. I should have just nodded my head and said, “That’s an interesting viewpoint.” but instead I tried to argue the benefits of online dating. After all, that is how we met. The date had gone from “good” to “okay” and finally to “poor.” We spent another 30 minutes perusing through an artisan’s market before she went home. She gave me a weak hug, a forced smile, and a “It was nice meeting you.” We didn’t even go to the Exploratorium. That was it. Game over.
I spent the next few minutes walking around, feeling lost and dejected. I went home, took a nap, and reflected over all the things that went wrong or could have been better. I felt so terribly emotional.
After some effort, my brother convinced me to go out for dinner and drinks. I ate in a gloomy silence. At the bar I just sat there like a dead man. But like a miracle, a CoffeeMeetsBagel match messaged me saying that she wanted to meet me for drinks, like right now. That was enough to revive me. Once more I became the energetic, cheeky, and confident me. She came out to the bar and we had a fun night.
While I’m still feeling bummed out about the Exploratorium girl, I’ve learned two important lessons here.
1. I had three good dates and one very bad date this weekend. But I probably won’t continue seeing any of them, because my favorite girl is the only one I want and I refuse to settle for anyone less. Like she said, online dating is the illusion of choice, where I will perpetually search for a better match but never actually choosing. Too many choices makes it so difficult to choose at all.
2. I always screw it up with girls I really like. I fall too deep too quickly. In my heart I raise them onto a pedestal like a goddess. I become so afraid of messing up that I act like a bomb technician clumsily trying to diffuse a bomb with a long pole. I become a super serious, and super boring straight-edge guy. The bomb always explodes and I end up in pieces. I need to realize that they’re human, just like me, and that I can flirt or charm them like I normally do.
"Hey Daniel, do you have any interest in Fantasy NBA?"
"Not really."
"Alright, good. You're in."
"Uh... okay?"
"There's a $100 buy-in by the way."
After auto-drafting and losing horribly the first week, I found myself pouring more and more time staring at numbers and picking players for my lineup. By week 4 I was in first place of 12 and have held that spot ever since (currently week 12).
After picking up Danny Green (fantasy gold btw) and Gerald Green, I thought, "Hey, my company is rebranding so why don't I?" (Koreanizers -> The Green Team) I traded a really good player for Jeff Green, who was simultaneously traded in real life (he will have less play time, and therefore less fantasy value). I've also got a trade in the works for Draymond Green.
I'm having enormous amounts of fun creating a gimmick team, but at the same time I'm severely hurting my chances at the prize pool. Maybe I'm stupid and immature but at least I'm having fun.
In case anyone is wondering how good this game is…
I woke up at 9 AM and did random shit until I saw a video review of Shadow of Mordor. I bought the game on Steam and played two games of DotA 2 while it downloaded. Starting from about 1 PM until 7:30 PM I played without a single break. Since I didn’t eat anything up until that point, I was hungry enough to stop playing and get some food. After dinner I continued to play. “Hmm I’ll play until 10 and then I should go out to a club or something. Just one more battle,” that’s what I thought. And then it’s 5 AM. I didn’t go out. I played all day and all night.
I built my computer v1.0 in Nov 2009. Excluding displays and peripherals, v1.0 cost me about $1,000. I upgraded a few parts here and there but 5 years is a long time for a mid-tier build. I put together a list of parts for v2.0 in April 2014, but I never got around to buying.
I was playing a game on Saturday morning when my computer suddenly lost power. I thought it was a brief power outage but when I powered my system back on, I found that my GPU was dead. Ironically, the graphics card part of my most recent upgrade. I figured this breakage would be a good time pull the trigger on v2.0. I used my list from April as a basis for the build below
I was walking around town today and caught my reflection in a window. I thought, "Wow. Muscles!" In the month since I started working out I went from 134 lbs -> 132 lbs -> 136-> 138 lbs. Water content varies widely but the general trend pleases me. I can work out and eat seriously for the first time in years all thanks to my medication.
So I'm at this party, being all social and shit. I knew some of the guests, but most were new to me. I notice this hot Chinese girl and we start flirting. After making a few sexual comments she tells me that she’s not into Asian guys.
Yeah and that’s why you’re sitting on my lap, right?
I'm almost insulted by her discrimination but I take it as a challenge. It was time to pull the Koreanizer out of retirement. I started with some of the classic 'mil-dang' (밀당). It's short for a sort of push-pull that Koreans always do.
I guess it worked. Not 10 minutes later did she bite my arm. A number of girls have bitten me in the past, but it’s always meant one thing— sexual tension. It doesn't look bad in the blurry picture, but she actually broke skin with three of her canine teeth. I should have taken that as a sign of her cray-cray, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
She leads me outside. We begin making out and she runs her hand under my shirt to feel my chest. She scratches, hard. What the fuck? I tell her that's not cool. I forgive her, perhaps too easily. We continue kissing and she does it again on the other side.
“Fuck. I’m not doing this. I’m done.”
“What, you can’t handle a little pain?”
“It’s not the pain. This is going to scar. What the fuck!?”
“Wuss. This is why I don’t like Asian guys. You guys can never take it.”
Honestly, the last comment really pissed me off. It’s like I've let all of my Asian brothers down and served as another piece of evidence in her book of why Asian guys are not good enough. Fuck you! I don't need to prove my 'manliness' by taking your abuse. You don't know me. You don't know about my abusive past. If you’re into S&M, that’s fine, but don’t force it onto unwilling partners. Goddamned cunt.
If the roles were reversed, the guy would be going to jail for sexual assault, maybe attempted rape. But in reality, when a woman hurts a man, nobody bats an eye. They just say, "Ha! Better luck next time!" All I can do is walk away and rant about it online.
And not 12 hours later, somebody fucked up my bumper trying to parallel park. How do you manage to do so much damage? Were you drunk? Is there any reason you hit the gas that hard? Jesus. This is the last thing I need to deal with right now.
If you grew up in America, your childhood was probably full of media that either implicitly or explicitly stated the message:
Beauty is only skin deep.
It's what's on the inside that counts.
Yet nearly every aspect of our culture oozes this impossible beauty standard and the importance of material goods. A closer look at Disney's Beauty and the Beast reveals many shallow characters and themes. Gaston is an 18th century 'bro' who loves hunting, being manly, and being handsome. The townsfolk love him— men want to be him and women want to be with him. He loves Belle but only because she is beautiful. I’m not even sure if Beast would love Belle if she weren’t. Belle is the only one who isn't superbly shallow in this story. Sure, the overall message is "Don't be shallow like Gaston," but the concept of vanity and shallowness is omnipresent.
Today's social media provides the perfect platform for one to share their life's best moments so everyone can praise and admire their beauty, accomplishments, and material possessions. I am guilty of this. We, as a society, are guilty of this. We preach modesty but practice vanity. We are shallow. We are The Shallow Society.
What Is Shallow?
Shallow is defined in the dictionary as, "of little depth." In our context it means that we only observe what's visible on the surface. An astute observer might see a person evaluate their personality, intelligence, confidence level, occupation, socio-economic status, upbringing, political views, and what they ate for breakfast. We, however, are not Sherlock and what we can glean from afar is merely their physical form in that particular moment and perhaps hints to their socio-economic status. We would draw huge blanks when asked about their personality, intelligence, sense of humor, or anything else we might value in a person.
It takes time and energy to learn these things about a person. But we simply do not have the time, energy, nor opportunity to learn enough about every person we encounter. So many of us filter out potential mates based on what we immediately see—wealth and looks.
Is Shallow Bad?
Part of me says, "I want a skinny girl with fair skin and a pretty face." Another part of me says, "I want a smart girl who can expand my horizons and encourage discourse."
Is it wrong to enjoy a person's aesthetics? No. Is it wrong to enjoy a person's mind? No. Is it wrong to enjoy a person's wealth or skill set? No.
You should be free to value whatever you want. If those values happen to be 'shallow', so be it. Seek out what you value.
I've always wanted to make some bread with a pretty girl. Like literally making bread from scratch. Maybe we would mark each other's faces with flour and giggle away. Maybe I would give her a back hug and help her knead the dough— it would be like that pottery scene in Ghost. Then we could look into each other's eyes while we feed each other the freshly baked bread.
Ever time I've baked anything it has been either 1. by myself or 2. with guys. I am failing.
Things weren't going so great in my last relationship so I broke it off. I created a dating site profile and almost immediately, my inbox exploded with emails and calls from matchmakers and potential SOs. The attention was too much so I deleted my profile after just two hours but they wouldn't stop calling. I went on a few dates and they all went exceptionally well! after spending entire days intensely discussing intellectual conquests and challenges. They began to fall in love with me, and I with them. But this love must ultimately settle into a monogamous relationship. There will be a winner and many losers. Hearts will be broken. One lover took me out for Korean BBQ and wine. They knew me. That night on the way home they promised to give me the most sexually satisfying relationship I would ever know, but only if I stop seeing the other suitors right now. I agreed and we kissed on it. The next morning I had to make a lot of calls and tell them that we are no longer able to see each other. I am in a relationship with this great match, and I excitedly look forward to our time together!
