I’m just going to come out and say it:
The journey of discovering yourself is a never ending one, isn’t it? And thank god for that.
Up until now in my life as submissive I have identified as a boy. And at the beginning, that label felt correct to me. But as time went on, I began to wonder if it accurately described the way I felt inside. The amount of control I wanted to give up. The depths to which I wanted to sink.
The first time I visited Sir Bill, at some point during the trip I started to call Him Master. I had never refereed to anyone that way before. The first time that word came out of me I felt a jolt of electricity throughout my entire body. It felt true and right. At the end of the visit, we reverted back to me calling Him Sir. Neither of us were ready yet to pursue a relationship with the kind of commitment that Master/slave entails, but it was something we both felt. The memory of it stayed with me even as I pursued another relationship as a boy to a Sir.
As I have gotten to know more boys, I have come to realize that I am different than many of them. My desire for service runs incredibly deep and extends far beyond the bedroom. I long for stict rules, discipline, structure. I have a deep hunger for degradation and to be pushed ever lower in my subjugation. My heart cries out for total surrender.
I could spend a lot of time writing about my own thoughts on the differences between a boy and a slave, and perhaps one day I will. But it is an incredibly subjective thing, as ultimately all such labels are. What’s important is how I identify myself, how the Dom I wish to serve identifies Himself, and how we both view the relationship W/we want to have.
And this is how I have come to identify myself: as a slave seeking a Master. A Master to give myself over to completely. A Master who will take me to the depths I so desperately wish to go to. A Master who will mold me into what He wishes me to be, and what I should be.
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