DarkLightness Blog

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When Everything Feels Heavy

I’m struggling right now. My autoimmune condition flared up again, and even the simplest tasks feel impossible. I feel so alone, I don’t know anyone else who understands what this kind of exhaustion feels like. I’m trying to keep moving forward, but everything looks darker lately. It’s hard to find light when you’re running on empty and there’s no one to lean on. Somewhere in the middle of all…

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The Irony of Corporate Mental Health Initiatives: When Early Sunrises Mask Deep-Seated Workplace Issues

Mental health in the workplace has become a hot topic, with corporations rushing to implement wellness initiatives that signal their commitment to employee well-being. One such initiative, the Sunrise Challenge, urges employees to wake up at the crack of dawn in the name of mindfulness, productivity, and self-care. On the surface, it appears to be a thoughtful way to encourage healthier habits.…

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Reflections on Loss: The Truth About Work, Loyalty, and Life’s Priorities

Margie’s passing has touched me in ways I never expected. The weight of her absence lingers, making even the simplest moments at work feel heavier. Once, I poured myself into my role at a multinational company, believing in the significance of my work and the impact I had on those around me. But her loss has forced a difficult realization—work is fleeting. Beyond a paycheck, the people you share…

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Seeing Myself Through the Eyes of Others

There’s a strange kind of heartbreak that comes with realizing how people perceive you—not as a whole person with needs and emotions, but as a piece in their puzzle, a resource when they need guidance, a steady presence when they need to unload their worries. But when the roles reverse, when I find myself needing, who is there? I’ve always been the one looking out for others, showing up,…

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See You Later, Marguerite

The last time we saw each other in person was nine years ago. I remember the day vividly—you had made the decision to retire early, and while I was happy for you, the reality of your departure hit me hard. I cried on your last day, and you reassured me that we would see each other again, that we’d do lunch. But deep down, I think I knew there was a possibility that life would get in the way. I…

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Growth

If I had to pick one word to encapsulate 2024, it would be growth. This year has transformed me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. When the year began, I was wearing rose-colored glasses, always aware of the negatives but choosing to focus on the positives in every scenario, often at my own expense. It was mentally and physically exhausting. Why was no one caring about me? It’s because I didn’t…

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Inner Peace

Rocks shattering. Tsunami-like waves. Glass formed by lightning. That’s the best way to describe the thoughts swirling in my mind. Turning thirty-nine was an incredibly tough year, yet the highs are what stand out the most. I’ve surrendered all control to a higher power, and for the first time, I feel confident in the direction my life is taking. I’ve found an inner strength to understand that…

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Self-inflicted Sadness

There is no deeper sadness than one that is self-inflicted. Growing up, I was taught to pay attention to what people said and how they acted. Yet, the naïve part of me always defaulted to seeing the good in people. I created a false persona of who people were because I chose to see a skewed perception of reality. I chose the ‘easier’ path because seeing the world as it truly was much…

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And so starts the endless loop....

Working in the corporate world can be really challenging. Especially when you work with someone who repeatedly choose not to do their work, but rather focuses on sabotaging the work of others. IT becomes even more challenging when her manager supports her irrespective of this behavior and chooses to turn a blind eye to the impact his inability to act has on the mental health of those working with…

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Breathe In, Breathe Out.

Breathe in, breathe outWhy can’t I feel the air filling my lungs.I thought I was breathingBut instead, I’m gasping for air.Why are my lungs being deprived of airI’m going through the motionsWhy is my body giving up on me?Is it the weight of everything going on in my mind?Is it causing me to forget how to perform this simple act for survival? Breathe in, breathe out.Why aren’t my lungs…

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International Women's Day

Daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend, breadwinner, homemaker – the list of titles we assume as women are infinite. What is often missed within the parameters of these titles is the impact we make on the world we live in and the impact it has on us. As women, we schedule our family’s lives, prepare meals, or ensure that groceries are purchased. We’re in a constant state of making sure that…

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Finding Solace

Recently, I have been searching for clarity through the whirlwind of emotions swirling around my mind. Perhaps this comes with the territory of approaching 40 years old, but my mind has been a battleground, particularly concerning my interactions with Jane at work. I’ve spoken about her in this blog before, and the emotional rollercoaster she put me through led me to repeatedly assert that I…

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January 9th

Some people claim that time heals all wounds, but I find this statement completely false. First of all, who are these people and what authority do they have to make such a sweeping claim? Second of all, it’s not time that heals wounds, but rather, actively working on healing yourself. Grade 7, January 9th has forever been etched in my mind. It changed me as a person. Toronto had a massive…

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Mirrorball

For as long as I can remember, I have been using the term disco ball to refer to a Mirrorball. I only found out today that I have been mistaken all this time. Maybe that explains why I never got the results I wanted when I searched for items like a chandelier with ‘disco balls’. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love them. They have always fascinated me, but I never knew why. They are shiny,…

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Dear Avee,

I hope you are enjoying your time in heaven.  I hope you are proud of us and smiling at everything we have accomplished. We didn’t know the last time we saw each other would be the final goodbye. I am grateful for the joy you brought to my life and I want to thank you for the happy memories.It took me a long time to accept that your death didn’t mean I had to stop living, But I still think about…

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Wabi Sabi

I have lost touch with who I am. I always expect the worst, and I don’t know how to enjoy the present. Last night, I watched the movie Buzz Lightyear with my kids. I got annoyed with Buzz as I watched him. ‘Why do you think you can do everything by yourself, when you have friends who can help you?’ As the movie went on, I realized that I am like Buzz. I always try to plan, organize and fix…

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The Grand Finale

As we go through life, it teaches us that some of our lives will be cut short, while others will live for what feels like eternity. But it’s not the length of one’s life that matters, but how we lived.Yesterday, we said our final goodbyes to a loved one. And while the funeral was challenging, today I find myself smiling at all the things that annoyed me when he was alive. You see, its your…

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