Life Sucks

A random blog about how day to day events just fuck up your life.

[darkcelestial999]

Power of the Over Emotional

"And that is why. After all the consecutive emotions you feel trapped. Deep within screaming inside your mind. Twisting turning looking for a way out, they chill you and bombard your mind with dark, terrifying thoughts. This my child is why you are strong. Not only do live in hell, but in your every waking moment, every thought, is surrounded of what could be. You are thankful, and gracious. Believing heaven is smiling down upon you, and you keep climbing your mountain.You know of hell and of pain. Repeating the same cycle and still climbing the mountain. Your heart will stay strong, and you will survive. Even in death, you will feel alive." 

[thenewenlightenmentage]

The Harvest Moon

Image Credit: Adam Moncrieff

[darkcelestial999]

My family issues. . .

[scentana]

[domoro]

[darkcelestial999]

Yes . . I FUCKING REMEMBER -.-

[darkcelestial999]

I can't imagine

So tonight Carlos messages me, He's upset and I ask why, and his current boyfriends ex died in a car crash. Two weekends before I was a bitch to that guy, and now I find myself messaging him saying if he needs me I'll be there. 

It made me think, what would I do if anyone close to me died. Since I have not lost a person to death yet that greatly affects my life and I thank God for that because I don't know how I would deal. 

I would loose myself, that piece that that person holds would be taken and with each death my heart would be a void. Because I can always create new openings, but they will never fit the same. 

I can't forget the amazing lives that have touched me, and I have some pretty amazing people in my life. 

My ex for one, I love her with all that I am, and my several friends. My best friend Dana  and of course Carlos.  . .No I wouldn't survive. My family, I would go insane, because they have to put up with me. 

I realized that I don;t call them enough, and I don't know if the people around me would know I love them, I know a few people who wouldn't like LJ and Marian. 

I was once asked my greatest fear, and it's always been of loosing people close to me. It tears me open each and every time. But I'm not so sure, I know how it feels to be unwanted, and unloved. No one should feel that. No one should feel that worthless. 

So tomorrow I am so gonna call everyone, fuck the petty arguments. Tell them that I love them and I thank god they are in my life. 

Thank you Lord for blessing me with the people in my life, I don't know how much I can say that. Thank you for blessing me with this life and the person that I am. 

Thank you Dana, Carlos, Ashaki, and so many others. My family thank you for helping me in the most drastic times of need. Thank you Sabrina for showing me a deep unexplained love that I could never recieve from anyone else in this world. 

Thank you for everyone that has ever hugged me in person or virtually and held me saying it will be ok. And Christina, thank you for being there for two long years and saving me from myself. Thank you Rae for being my first best friend. The first person I could count on and lean on. You all saved me. 

I just hope you all know just how much ....

I'm crying as I write this trying to find words that will convey my emotions and for once in my life description is fading me. 

I love so many people and for so long I wanted to die. I hated myself, my life, and my situation. I lied about everything down to what food I liked because I tried to change everything about me. I made up people in my mind. Because they were a lot better than the people around me. Or so I thought.  . . . The people of my past are still so deeply engraved in my heart in my soul and the people in my life right now are so amazing I am terrified. 

Utterly terrified, I can't breathe due to hyperventilating because I know that I am not that angel that everyone sees. I lost my innocence a long time ago and these amazing and beautiful people are left with this scared over emotional  being that can not survive on her own. 

I want to be so much better . . for the people around me. I want to be that amazing person I always saw myself as. Until then, I try to hide it and I do it so so well sometimes. I am so thankful for that because they dont deserve this shell and I don't want them to have anything less than the best I can be. I want them to have a reason to be proud to call me theirs . . . 

So Lord, please let them stay . . please . . I have so many dreams . . and I don't want them to feel as if they are wasting  their time. 

When my dad left . .or when he didn't want anything to do with me . . It hurt so bad but it was ok because I have so many other people in my life. When my mom hurts me or my grandma . . . I close my eyes and imagine all the people that make me smile and I think that I am being punished . . because I'm not what they deserve . . but I know that that's not logical . . so please just stay a little while longer . . and I promise that I'll do my best to make it up to you. 

[darkcelestial999]

My Heart

This is my heat. . .and you are not allowed to touch it anymore. I just fixed from the last time you held it, and it's taken years for it to finally feel ok to smile again. So this is mine go play with someone else s,

[joel]

(via 500px / Moonset Flow over Kalapana by Tom Kualii)

[mornal]

[so-personal]

my blog will make you horny ;)

[darkcelestial999]

It's ok to cry

When someone you love dies you shed tears of pain and everyone around you comforts and holds you. When someone you love leaves, those tears of pain turn to tears of shame and everyone around you chastises you. 

When someone you love leaves, doesn't mean you can magically stop caring, stop loving, stop hurting, just like when someone dies, it takes time. And it's ok to feel pain, it's ok to hurt and cry, that person was a part of your life and it's ok to miss them. To say that you don't demeans the relationship you had.

When someone dies, you believe you will see them again someday. 

The only difference is if you love that person and they are still breathing then there is still hope for them to come back a lot sooner, but people act as if you never will see that person again. 

[darkcelestial999]

Friends

So, college is a huge ass step in life. When your finally there, your still struggling even more to find yourself then you were in high school. Fitting in is a lot easier, but there are so many fake ass bitches in the world. 

Then your old friends, they aren't half as close as they used to be. That bothers me like on an indescribable level. The people, I've cried over, bled over, lost sleep and worried over. They are distant shadows in the past some times. They are in my mind but I don't think about them like I used to. 

And if you haven't realized by now. . . I have a shit ton of issues. So these are the people from back home right? Well some of your friends follow you to college. My friend Lj, yeah we roomed our freshman year together. You know when they say don't live with your friends. That shit is true yall. 

Lj and I weren't the closest in our group. But we both knew that we cared for each other, or at least thats what I always though. Turns out I was dead ass wrong. SO much SHIT was talked about me and this bitch didn't even have the nerve to tell me to my damn face. I'm sitting here like. . . what the fuck. . and it hurt yall. I went inside my self, prayed over it, and almost gave up. Until she got in trouble, she was hurt, someone disrespected her on so deep of a level that I cried for her. And just like that all the bullshit that was said, I instantly forgave. This person has been in my life since the 4th grade, I'll be damned if I let her carry that on her conscious. So we brought out the darkness and covered it with light so the people who needed to could help. 

A summer passes and here we are now, broken, our relationship.. . a poor memory. Another person that I loose, that doesn't want me. And I know that's weird as fuck to think about it like that but I told yall I have issues. 

And I'm sitting here being haunted by her sight, my friends our mutual friends that I befriended first, now don't even look at me. . . and that . . .that hurts. All the self worth I had in those few moments, came crashing down onto the floor splattering and then spreading so I could not reassemble the pieces. I look down and there are a few drops left, those few tears that I refused to cry because admitting that when you loose someone it hurts, is a sign of weakness.  

[darkcelestial999]

Absent

Sorry guys, or whoever, if anyone reads my blog. I've been MIA for awhile, 

I would like to say it's because I have a life ya know, college student and what not . . but I only have like 26 followers and yeah . . I suck lol. 

How is everyone?

I'm ok, *assuming that you ask how are you* I've went through a lot of unnecessary drama/breakdowns in the past few weeks. I feel as if I should be stressed out but I'm not . . . I'm also coming to realize that my "friends" suck some times. And they hurt me so easily, I'm a fragile ass-bitch like that . .. and I'm wondering if the little shit I do, hurts them as much as the little stuff they do hurts me. 

[fabiolashowafrica]

[ailleurs-dans-les-nuages]

[scentana]

[gifmovie]

[supaslim]

Guys, let me tell you about orcas.

Orca whales are mean motherfuckers. They cruise the oceans with only two things in mind: one, having sex, and two, eating every poor fuck they find out there that’s smaller than them. They are such badass motherfuckers that even great white motherfucking sharks don’t dare fuck with them, which in my books, places them above the sperm whale as Biggest Badass of the Ocean. And why don’t sharks bother them, you may wonder? Because orcas fucking learned that if you flip a shark over they go into a sort of coma, so now they do it intentionally so they can eat the motherfucking sharks. Not only that, but orcas have also learned how to hunt sperm whales and motherfucking sea birds.

The orca whale lives in a matriarchal pod. Every pod has unique hunting methods and whatnot, which is passed down from parent to offspring- these scary fuckers have formed civilizations. And what do they do for fun, apart from hopping around on the water’s surface and grinning like crazy mofos? They hunt for fun, going so far as to tip over ice floes and beach themselves just for the thrill of killing.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Orca whales are too damn cute and smiley looking to be heartless predators of the sea. Well, let me counter-argue with this photo:

THOSE ARE NOT THE TEETH OF A CREATURE THAT WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND.

[christophool]

Reblogging for excellent commentary.

[secretelaborateplan-deactivated]

Why has nobody mentioned what’s happening in the original gif?

This is how orcas hunt - or, it’s one of the ways they do. They have a ton of tricks and techniques they use to fuck up everything below them on the food chain, and that gif portrays my personal favorite.

Orcas will literally BEACH THEMSELVES to grab unsuspecting seals (or whatever else happens to be splashing around in the surf) and snarf them down like hot dogs. Yeah, that’s right. This is a 6-ton apex predator, crashing right out of the fucking water to snatch their prey right off the beach. Any other animal that size would get stuck there and die, but do you see that fucker? He fucking wriggles right back into the surf. An orca can get all the way up onto dry land and still manage to wiggle their way back into the water to fuck up more shit on another day. There is literally no other sea-dwelling creature of comparative size with that ability - most sea animals lack the muscular strength to move without enough water supporting their weight.

Orcas have also been known to eat moose. Yeah, that’s right. Fucking MOOSE.

You don’t fuck with orcas.

[cdlafere]

!!!